Situation Changes

[Mid3Way]

I've noticed a persistent and recurring problem. What typically happens is that I begin talking to some girl in a situation where time is limited and a transition is coming (at bus stop - bus is coming, in laundry area - one of our machines is done, in a food/drink shop - one of our orders is done, etc.).

I've noticed that no matter how the conversation was going - she could have been responding with lots of information, orienting herself in my direction, lots of EC, laughing, asking me questions, and even approached me first - once the transition happens and I'm not just obviously killing time anymore, I suddenly feel very uncomfortable standing there talking to a strange woman and want to get out of it badly.

But, of course, in combination with this, I still want to talk to her and get around to somehow arranging a future meetup.

I not only am not sure how to proceed once the situation changes, but I start to feel like not doing what I'm "supposed" to do at that point would be hounding her, not leaving her alone, or something. And so, I just clumsily excuse myself and leave or put as much distance between myself and her if that's not possible (if getting on the same bus).

How do you guys fight back this irrational feeling of "social inappropriateness" when talking to strange women during the day w/o a valid killing time excuse? Later, when I play back the interactions in my mind and compare with the IL and IOI lists on this site, I realize quite often the girls weren't bothered and would probably be deemed "interested" in continuing the interaction by an external observer.

Also, how do you guys manage the situation changes? Do you just ask her what she's up to and then right there suggest getting a coffee,drink or going for a walk to check something out? Do you just sit or stand next to her on the bus after the stop? Honestly, this feeling of discomfort and awkwardness in me during situation changes is so bad that I feel that saying a sentence like that would make my voice crack and stop sounding like it did earlier.

I know I'm going to get a lot of "just do it" and "don't be a wuss", but do what exactly and has anyone who has had this particular retardation and gotten through it remember what they did to ease it away?

 

[War Against Betaism]

You feel uncomfortable because you feel like you don't know what to do or say next. Once you get over the hurdle of getting the balls to approach her and open her, you're at a loss and it's weird because you're finally there in that position but don't know what to do. I've felt like this plenty of times too. Easiest way to get over it is to create conversation. Find any reason to get her talking. Don't worry if it's stupid at first, you'll get better at it the more you do it.

 

[LinkinParkROX]

I remember how I got over this hurdle. Make mistakes. Try to get a rejection. A cold one even. You can only make progress once you make mistakes and know what not to do. So next time you're in a situation, just try to get a rejection. Seriously, I'd suggest trying to get like 10 rejections this week! That would, 100% get you over your problems in this rough patch.

 

[Mid3Way]

Did this again 3 times since posting...

Three more times with decently nice looking, cheerful, happy, responsive girls in one situation each of supermarket, pool game ending in a bar, and walking down the street! I just can't seem to utter a simple freaking sentence like this when I have the chance: "this may strange sound strange, but I want to talk to you again sometime and drink coffee".

The ones that started out smiling at me before I started talking to them probably all think I found them boring and rejected them. I've noticed I always back off and turn first - usually while they're still talking about something. This is really bugging me.

Almost constantly being in a good mood with funny/exciting stuff happening and on my mind, being genuinely curious about these girls, and at least some indications of approachability got me talking in the first place without anything feeling weird. Something else has to subdue this strange social programming that makes me eject and just do nothing about trying to see these girls again.

Just like the curiosity and spontaneous smile that comes over my face when I see an interesting, happy girl, something else needs to come up during one of these situation changes to jar me a bit and remind me that: "If you don't make your intentions of continuing the interaction some other time known now, you will never see this girl again". Or: "this girl in front of me, even if she is strongly, deliberately, and desperately thinking about getting sex/a date/whatever out of this one-time encounter or in general, is almost totally incapable of and strongly socially programmed not to directly and obviously ask for it herself".

I am the man - I tell her or show her what I want to give her a chance.

Just as I can slowly and steadily get a girl on a first date comfortable with me touching her and thinking about a kiss or ask a girl back to my place with a line that gives her plausible deniability about what ends up happening later, I can manage to speak one freaking sentence to a strange girl to tell her that I want to see her again.

I'm just thinking out loud here and spending a few minutes typing this out to cement it for myself in the hopes that I will do something different the next time.

If anyone wants to throw their personal experiences in with this particular problem or solving it, please do so.