Single Mothers (I learnt the hard way)

[Frank2017]

I came across this forum when I was googling if other people had similar experiences with single mothers.

I'm 34 (no children) and she is 33 (with four children to two different men - the oldest one is eleven), which that alone should have me running for the hills but I stupidly fell for her and as the script goes. Everything was great at first and the first month and a half I was really happy then it all changed for the worse, which I tried to ignore it at first but the princess "me me me" attitude and expecting me to adapt my life to accommodate her was ridiculous and she would start arguments over the most silliest things.

Id rather be single than to ever put up with that nonsense ever again and she believes some guy will marry her. These women are deluded but I take some of the blame for not listening to people who warned me and thankfully I never took her to see my family as Id be so ashamed and embarrassed.

Please avoid women with children and once you experience it. You know when men say avoid women with children.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

38 here no kids and thanks to SS I quit single moms about 3/4yrs ago. Not only that but I typically avoid woman my age or older. I'll plate/date but typically they expire once the red flags become obvious.

Plenty more to learn man, dig into the bible!

 

[El Payaso]

If you're going to date old women, only date the ones without kids.

 

[cola]

Some single moms are ok. People on this site love talking in absolutes.

The red flag you want to look for is does she have a cordial relationship with the coparent?
If no, run.

Despite what media says, most men don't just abandon their kids for no reason. She made the man that miserable that he just gave up most times.

So if she has nothing but negative things to say about baby daddy every 5 minutes, run.

Furthermore id date a chick with a kid. 2 if she is perfect in every other way.
But 4 is just too much baggage.

 

[pancakepalace]

Cola is right.

What's happening here is that Frank2017 was not able to read the red flags, and so he takes only part of the blame. Take all the blame. Then, he says the problem is that she is a single mom. It's not. There are all kinds of single moms. That in itself is not a red flag. Dismissing a whole category of women like that is not being alpha. Alpha would look case by case, and he would run as soon as he sees real red flags. It's not only single moms that act like princesses.

 

[AJ84]

When I was dating as a single mom I assumed that I would be like the plague to most men. Because I assumed that guys thought all single moms were baby daddy drama welfare cases looking for a wallet/new father for their kids.

There were a few guys who were honest with me and said they didn't want to date someone with a child and I respected and appreciated their honesty, rather than them trying to use me for secs.

I think men have a right to exclude single moms from their dating prospects but having a generalized negative assumption of single moms based on some red pill bs is kind of crappy.

Fortunately for me it wasn't that much of an issue and I did meet a great guy. Having a career, my own home, and an amicable relationship with my ex helped.

OP I know you had a bad experience and will likely avoid dating single moms and that's your right, but don't paint us all with the same brush.

 

[MatureDJ]

I'm 34 (no children) and she is 33 (with four children to two different men - the oldest one is eleven).

I once picked up on a chick whose mother was single with 4 kids, and it turned out that her EX-stepfather was this crippled (he could walk, but with a very strong limp), but cool, guy (a fellow engineer) that worked at my office (she asked where I worked, and after I had told her, she asked if I knew ...) So of course that Monday I went straight to him to ask him about her. He said the mommy was hot just like the daughter, and then proceeded to tell me that although she would sex him like a pro, he couldn't take getting dishes thrown at him on a regular basis. I somewhat lost my interest after that, and nothing happened after a quite uninteresting date.

 

[Frank2017]

OP I know you had a bad experience and will likely avoid dating single moms and that's your right, but don't paint us all with the same brush.

I don't but the drama and nonsense is something that I do not want in my life and I should have known better but I went all in blind as a bat but then everything eventually becomes clearer like those two fathers are (alleged) dead beats on child support, however she chose to have not one but two children to each of them. Ridiculous.

I will do a better job in future by looking for red flags early on before walking on a tightrope again.

 

[Desdinova]

If you're going to date old women, only date the ones without kids.

I would say that the ones with kids that are all grown up (or close to it) are a better option because they're already fairly independent.

Cola is right.

What's happening here is that Frank2017 was not able to read the red flags, and so he takes only part of the blame. Take all the blame. Then, he says the problem is that she is a single mom. It's not. There are all kinds of single moms. That in itself is not a red flag. Dismissing a whole category of women like that is not being alpha. Alpha would look case by case, and he would run as soon as he sees real red flags. It's not only single moms that act like princesses.

I generally have no problem dating SMs who have one kid. However, it's not the kid that's the problem.

Women who are SMs have become SMs for a reason. Usually they'll tell you that the father was a piece of 5hit or whatever. However, you need to look at how things were before she got pregnant. If the father was a piece of 5hit, then why did she procreate with him? Did she use birth control? Did she try to trap him?

Women have a LOT of options when it comes to birth control, so there should be NO EXCUSE to procreate with a man who's a piece of 5hit. If she gets pregnant by a man (especially if she's been pregnant multiple times with the same man), she should stay with that man. She chose to start a family with him, so she owes her kids her dedication to their father. Women are so empowered nowadays that they have no problems ditching a man they chose to procreate with, believing that they can find a "better" man and drag their kids through their messy dating life as well.

Another problem with SMs is they have many of the same defects that older women without children have. They're riddled with orbiters, they've been alpha-widowed, they've been on the c0ck carousel (or still are), they feel entitled to whatever they want, and they're usually jaded.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Single mom with young children, Maybe as a plate. Relationship, no way.

Single woman with children who are grown, if she meets all other criteria you have, then maybe relationship material.

Single mom with kids from more than one man? Run away as fast as you can...

-Augustus-

 

[AJ84]

I would say that the ones with kids that are all grown up (or close to it) are a better option because they're already fairly independent.



I generally have no problem dating SMs who have one kid. However, it's not the kid that's the problem.

Women who are SMs have become SMs for a reason. Usually they'll tell you that the father was a piece of 5hit or whatever. However, you need to look at how things were before she got pregnant. If the father was a piece of 5hit, then why did she procreate with him? Did she use birth control? Did she try to trap him?

Women have a LOT of options when it comes to birth control, so there should be NO EXCUSE to procreate with a man who's a piece of 5hit. If she gets pregnant by a man (especially if she's been pregnant multiple times with the same man), she should stay with that man. She chose to start a family with him, so she owes her kids her dedication to their father. Women are so empowered nowadays that they have no problems ditching a man they chose to procreate with, believing that they can find a "better" man and drag their kids through their messy dating life as well.

Another problem with SMs is they have many of the same defects that older women without children have. They're riddled with orbiters, they've been alpha-widowed, they've been on the c0ck carousel (or still are), they feel entitled to whatever they want, and they're usually jaded.

You're generalizing quite a bit there, I'm assuming based on past experiences dating single mothers? Yes women with different children from different fathers is definitely a red flag but, not all single mothers have multiple children with other men, or rode the co*k carousel, or feel entitled. There are many reasons why someone becomes a single mother ( just like there are many reasons someone becomes a single father), the father being piece of sh*t is one of them, but some women became widows, or the woman herself was a piece of sh*t, or the guy was nice at first then something happened in his life and he turned into a monster, or both parents decided they were better off as friends and had a friendly split. The list goes on and on. But for sure if a woman is complaining to you about her ex that's a red flag.

When I was dating as a single mom I met a lot of single dads, and the ones who complained about their ex's were a turn off and a red flag for me. Personally I think if a single parent is expressing bitterness over the ex to someone they are dating, then that parent is probably not ready to be dating.

 

[Red Legg]

As long as you don't have any emotional investment their is nothing wrong with dating single moms at all,I have been with many young single mothers who love to call me daddy,but I'm no father...get my drift??

 

[Bayne05]

I once dated a single mother, never again. It takes dating a single mother to see that it's a bad idea. However, if you do consider dating her first thing you should always do is take it slow and see if she has her sh!t together first. Guys always go face first and then few months down the line they realise she's got too much baggage.

 

[Red Legg]

see if she has her sh!t together first

I probably would not date a single mother on welfare,all of the ones I go out with are gainfully employed.

 

[Solomon]

If you're single man what is the benefit of dating a single mother?

Personally there are to many con's than pro's in my book, if you're a single dad I understand because than you have something relatable but for me a single man and from my
experience it's a waste of time and not worth it

 

[Solomon]

Cola is right.

What's happening here is that Frank2017 was not able to read the red flags, and so he takes only part of the blame. Take all the blame. Then, he says the problem is that she is a single mom. It's not. There are all kinds of single moms. That in itself is not a red flag. Dismissing a whole category of women like that is not being alpha. Alpha would look case by case, and he would run as soon as he sees real red flags. It's not only single moms that act like princesses.

lol at this

a real "alpha" wouldn't need to date a single mother, It would be by choice newsflash high value men have options.

Men who are high value or have options get the top of the crop women, single mothers for the most part are bottom of the barrell

 

[SmooveMooves]

but I stupidly fell for her and as the script goes.

Bullshít. You fell for her because you didn't have any other options. If there was another woman exactly the same as her, without kids, would you still choose the one with kids? Doubt it.

There's a no reason a man without children should be dating a single mother. There are too many childless women for a man to willingly choose to care for another man's children. If you had women to choose from you would have not settled.

I see people are trying to defend generalizations of single moms. Sorry here are some things about them that are irrefutable.

-These women will always have strong ties to another man.

-There will always be a power struggle at play.

- Majority of these women are looking for a provider.

As a general rule you should never date a woman with children unless you have children yourself.

You saw for yourself. Don't make this mistake again.

 

[GT40]

She is single for a reason. Low quality overall. Even you said it she's looking for a wallet right ?
Forget her. Four kids with two men? Really man.
Run like hell. There is better options than that. You're just settling for what's in front of you

 

[AJ84]

Bullshít. You fell for her because you didn't have any other options. If there was another woman exactly the same as her, without kids, would you still choose the one with kids? Doubt it.

There's a no reason a man without children should be dating a single mother. There are too many childless women for a man to willingly choose to care for another man's children. If you had women to choose from you would have not settled.

I see people are trying to defend generalizations of single moms. Sorry here are some things about them that are irrefutable.

-These women will always have strong ties to another man.

-There will always be a power struggle at play.

- Majority of these women are looking for a provider.

As a general rule you should never date a woman with children unless you have children yourself.

You saw for yourself. Don't make this mistake again.

Just going to bust some of those generalizations as a single mom.

I'm not advocating dating a single mom, guys have a right to their preferences and I respect that. But I'm tired of this negative stereotype of single mothers so here goes:

Not all single mothers are looking for a provider - I have a career that pays well and bought my own home after my divorce (we were renting a place when I was married). My fiancée has his own career and money and we have separate accounts, and don't pay each other's bills. I can afford to do that on my own and prefer to rely on my own resources rather than rely on someone else's.
I suggested a lower custody payment from my ex so he could pay for the gas to travel to Montreal to take our child to visit his parents (her grandparents) on a regular basis. The custody payments I save up to pay for summer camp for her every year.

I know other single mothers who have careers and provide quite well for themselves and their children. They are not looking for a provider. In fact they go out of their way not to come across as looking for that because they know it can scare men away.

Not all single mothers have strong ties to another man. Ties, yes if the father is involved, but not that doesn't mean that they are connected to the father on an emotional level in any way.

Power struggle? Half of the posts here about about some power struggle, keeping frame, not going into hers etc etc so this concept of a power struggle isn't limited to single mothers from what I have read here.

Again, nothing wrong with not wanting to date single mothers, but unless you have met and dated every single mother on the face of the earth, you don't really have any irrefutable facts.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Just going to bust some of those generalizations as a single mom.

I'm not advocating dating a single mom, guys have a right to their preferences and I respect that. But I'm tired of this negative stereotype of single mothers so here goes:

Not all single mothers are looking for a provider - I have a career that pays well and bought my own home after my divorce (we were renting a place when I was married). My fiancée has his own career and money and we have separate accounts, and don't pay each other's bills. I can afford to do that on my own and prefer to rely on my own resources rather than rely on someone else's.
I suggested a lower custody payment from my ex so he could pay for the gas to travel to Montreal to take our child to visit his parents (her grandparents) on a regular basis. The custody payments I save up to pay for summer camp for her every year.

I know other single mothers who have careers and provide quite well for themselves and their children. They are not looking for a provider. In fact they go out of their way not to come across as looking for that because they know it can scare men away.

Not all single mothers have strong ties to another man. Ties, yes if the father is involved, but not that doesn't mean that they are connected to the father on an emotional level in any way.

Power struggle? Half of the posts here about about some power struggle, keeping frame, not going into hers etc etc so this concept of a power struggle isn't limited to single mothers from what I have read here.

Again, nothing wrong with not wanting to date single mothers, but unless you have met and dated every single mother on the face of the earth, you don't really have any irrefutable facts.

Typical example of female solipsism. "Let me tell you about how I am as a single mom and my experience".

"Again, nothing wrong with not wanting to date single mothers..." . I'm so glad and personally relieved that a representative of the sisterhood has given all of us men the permission to not want to date single moms. I feel so much better now.

-Augustus-