Single moms

[CFERD]

The first thought that comes to mind is yuck! But seeing as I've hit my late thirties, I'm starting to think single moms make up a large number of the women in my age group. I've read on here that they should be avoid for LTRs, what about for what could be some fun dates, good times.

There's a particular SM that lives where I happen to be working for the next few months. Started saying hi and smiling over the past few weeks, I was on my break the other day when she was walking by, she stopped to chat with me for a fews minutes, decent eye contact, huge smile on her face the whole time, overall good conversation until her phone rang. Figured she'd just take the call and start walking to her apt, instead she waited to answer it and when she did she just stood there until I turned away.

After spending the last few months cleaning up the mess my cluster B left me, I figure it may be a good start to ask this woman out. I occasionally have to see the ex at work, it's not bothering me as much as it had. Anyhow, I could use some advice, should I just keep chatting/flirting with this woman some more, or ask her out sooner than later. I don't want to be the guy that's showing interest for too long, but at the same time I don't want to appear desperate by asking her too soon. One thing I learned thanks to the bpd wack job is to trust the gut a little more, and my gut is saying I should make an effort. If nothing else, just to start replacing the self esteem that had been stolen by exy......i figure the worst thing that could happen is she says no. But I'd rather gets some advice on how to procced to improve the odds of getting a yes.....

 

[Colossus]

No one here is going to advocate dating a single mother. It's not that they are bad people, but it's what you are getting into.

She already has priorities that will ALWAYS trump you---her kids. You are going to play a role in her kid's lives whether you like it or not. Maybe it will be a positive role, but you have to ask yourself if you really want to date a woman with another man's children. I'm all set on that.

I understand your options are different as you approach 40, but dude...you are asking this question on SoSuave.

 

[Warrior74]

No one here is going to advocate dating a single mother. It's not that they are bad people, but it's what you are getting into.

She already has priorities that will ALWAYS trump you---her kids. You are going to play a role in her kid's lives whether you like it or not. Maybe it will be a positive role, but you have to ask yourself if you really want to date a woman with another man's children. I'm all set on that.

I understand your options are different as you approach 40, but dude...you are asking this question on SoSuave.

Amen.

Your not going to find a lot of love for single mothers here.

Now I will say this when it comes to single mothers. Class matters. The and by class I mean a womans personal class (not social class). How she treats you in regards to her child is how you judge her. If she is throwing the children in your face from day one. Run.

If you tells you that she doesn't want to expose her children to strange men, until she knows its a serious relationship...stick around for a bit. She might be worth something.

If she can't respect her children's mind by bringing man after man around them, how can she respect a man? She can't even respect the person she is suppose to love most...her child.

Be a man, don't be afraid to use judgement. And be aware.

 

[insidious]

Hmmm, don't know your marital history, parental history, etc...but if you're a single guy, no kids, never been married, in your 20's or 30's even, I see no way in hell you would need to get involved with a single mother. No way at all.

I'm a single father and my son is my #1 priority. I make that clear to any woman I'm with (as if it shouldn't be a given anyways). If you meet a woman who ditches her own kids to have a good time with you...beware

Due to my situation, I feel I have no right to dump on single mothers, many of them are fine quality women (many aren't) but why burden yourself with someone else's kid when you have so many other options? If you can truly trust that she is a only a "good time" and a good "going out" or "f#ck buddy", go for it...otherwise, forget the LTR.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I 2nd warrior's post.

Know what you're getting into. You state that you see no harm in going on dates with single moms, but the fact is that that's how LTR's start. Even if you tell us and yourself, "I don't want an LTR with a single mom," you're gonna get into one anyway if you like 'er. Dating and LTR's are of the same ilk.

I'll never advocate writing off ALL single moms, particularly as you get to the age where single moms comprise the majority of the dating pool, but you need to be realistic and play out some worst case scenarios in your head. This is not going to be a normal relationship with a childless woman, which would be an ideal situation for you. You are never going to experience a time where you're the top priority in her life.

That said, since you work with your EX (*bangs head against wall*), you might be better off to just get out there and date some other girls just to get over it. Really, it's your call.

 

[lookyoung]

I personally am 32 and would never date a single mom seriously. If I had kids of my own or if I was 45 I would. I have banged a few however. If your looking for sex I would say go for it. If your looking for a LTR than I would say if she has young kids that need constant care than thats going to be tough. The older her kids are the better.

I would say if you can stick with childless woman. Your always second to the kids and you will at times have to deal with there father. Its just not worth it in almost every situation in my opinion.

 

[CFERD]

I appreciate the advice. I agree with everyone, any healthy woman would always put her kid(s) as her priority. Single mom's do make up the majority of the dating pool in my age group, but like most, I'd find myself most attracted to a girl younger than myself.

I'm more or less seeing it as an option as far as just getting back out there after some pretty tough minfvcking, which resulted from a total lack of options. I reaped what I sowed, ouch!

I didn't work with the ex at the time, I took the job after the fact. Which I now regret, just the chance of running into her blows. It's only a temp job, thank god!

A childless woman would be ideal, but I think in my situation I shouldn't be limiting my options right now. Been there already, and it's not a pretty place.

 

[RecoveringAFC]

As I told friends of mine recently, the only way I'd consider dating a single mom is if the father was dead. Sounds harsh but there is always going to be a triangle there. The ex husband will not treat the kid right, will jerk the mother around, pick your drama.

 

[PRMoon]

I support single mothers! They tend to end up as strippers around the greater Las Vegas metro area. And since we're in some what of a recession, there have been more hot strippers to date then in the past. The money's always there and the girls are ceasing the moment!

It's a good time to be a player