Single Mom Lets It Be Known "Her Kids Come First"

[BackInTheGame78]

Wow dude do you even read anything?

Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that a woman's kids always comes first... I know that.. you know that.. She knows that.. It's common fukin sense.

I don't care if she priorities her kids (She absolutely better do)

My issue is, when she verbalises it to me, when my plans get in her way, or vice versa!!

How does this not make sense to you?

I take all the risks.. I make all the sacrifices.. I commit to her, and never have children of my own.. And every few months she reminds me, that I am not her priority?

What part of this are you not getting lol

She is telling you what you already know.

And the fact that she does so tells you she has no respect for you because you put up with it and don't go find a woman who will make you her priority.

You are almost 50 years old. Grow the fvck up and stop acting like you are 16.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well she messaged me tonight, and asked if I wanted to see her on the 2nd of January.

I politely told her that I cannot as I will be spending some time with my family, but could meet another day.

She replied back with "that's fine" and now I haven't got the usual "Goodnight" text from her lol

By the way, this is the first time in ages I have said NO to her, when she has asked to meet.

The thing is, she had already decided weeks ago, that she wanted to spend New Years with her kids and not me... I didn't make an issue about it, and just accepted her choice.

Now that I have made alternative plans for New year's with my family, she seems to be getting upset about it.

But... It was perfectly ok for her to choose New years with her kids.. lol

This is why dating single moms is a bad idea!!

This is called she is in this relationship more of it being comfortable than her being really into you.

Maybe she was at some point but by everything you have said she sure as hell ain't anymore.

This is headed for some sort of slow fade out or her basically monkey Branching and pulling away until she randomly hits you with a break up out of nowhere...except it really won't be out of nowhere.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I totally understand a woman prioritising her kids, but when it's blatantly thrown in my face like that, I can't help but let it bother me.

Yeah, you do... Like all of us, you have near complete power over your thoughts and beliefs about external events

 

[Barrister]

OP,

First off, being upset because a parent (regardless of sex) put their children above a love interest is silly. What were you expecting? You’ve advised us she is NOT even a GF and you expected her to cancel her kids’ concert for you as a what? Dude she hooks up with here and there? Come on now.

Second, there is no “downgrading” her. She will simply move on because even single moms if they are decent looking have endless options. So think about what you really want before you decide to (in your mind) “downgrade” her because it effectively is the end of the relationship.

Lastly, and more generally speaking, if you become serious with single moms, you have to expect the children come as a package deal. And I fault no man who wants nothing to do with this. It’s a huge commitment, even an unfair one to the man, because he inevitably shoulders more load than he should. That said, you’ve elected to see this woman in a semi serious capacity it seems. If you don’t like it, leave. It’s that simple. Or stay, but understand this dynamic is the reality. You will never be this woman’s number 1. That’s her kids. Again, if you can’t live with that within the relationship then exit.

 

[SW15]

This is headed for some sort of slow fade out or her basically monkey Branching and pulling away until she randomly hits you with a break up out of nowhere...except it really won't be out of nowhere.

Unless he drops her first, which he can do.

Second, there is no “downgrading” her. She will simply move on because even single moms if they are decent looking have endless options. So think about what you really want before you decide to (in your mind) “downgrade” her because it effectively is the end of the relationship.

The dump is the right move here. She is not girlfriend material anyway.

if you become serious with single moms, you have to expect the children come as a package deal. And I fault no man who wants nothing to do with this. It’s a huge commitment, even an unfair one to the man, because he inevitably shoulders more load than he should.

This is why I have avoided single moms, even as an early 40s man. I've done well avoiding single moms for as long as I have.

 

[Bokanovsky]

By the way, this is the first time in ages I have said NO to her, when she has asked to meet

 

[DJVision]

OP,

First off, being upset because a parent (regardless of sex) put their children above a love interest is silly. What were you expecting? You’ve advised us she is NOT even a GF and you expected her to cancel her kids’ concert for you as a what? Dude she hooks up with here and there? Come on now.

Second, there is no “downgrading” her. She will simply move on because even single moms if they are decent looking have endless options. So think about what you really want before you decide to (in your mind) “downgrade” her because it effectively is the end of the relationship.

Lastly, and more generally speaking, if you become serious with single moms, you have to expect the children come as a package deal. And I fault no man who wants nothing to do with this. It’s a huge commitment, even an unfair one to the man, because he inevitably shoulders more load than he should. That said, you’ve elected to see this woman in a semi serious capacity it seems. If you don’t like it, leave. It’s that simple. Or stay, but understand this dynamic is the reality. You will never be this woman’s number 1. That’s her kids. Again, if you can’t live with that within the relationship then exit.

Bro lengthy post. But just like several others you have completely missed the point.

Do I care that her kids come before me? NO

Should I care? NO a woman should always choose her child first.

My concern isn't her choosing her child, my concern is, HER VERBALISING TO ME (WHAT I ALREADY KNOW) whenever something comes up.

But do you see the difference?

 

[DJVision]

I'm pointing this out because I know many men like you specifically. Women have discarded you in the past, you've done everyhting for them and they all have discarded you. The moment you start accepting this was your fault and leave the ego aside, will be moment you start getting what you want in relationships. Good luck man



Agree, but everything has to be done with pure heart, and not with the hidden agenda that "If I do this, she will love me forever"


I agree with you, the woman should be able to find a better man. Cause tell me what have you read that this woman did to him to end it? His whole post is just a giant rant on how

- He has good job, financially stable and no kids, and she doesn't react how his entitlement wants
- She didn't want to spend New Years with him
- She has a life outside of him
- Getting so butthurt he's not her first priority

The only "sin" this woman has is that she is a single mother

Dude are you stoopid? I never said she did anything very wrong.

I simply said that I don't like it when she verbalises that I am not her priority, because it makes me realise the TRUTH.. No matter what I do, or how much I do, she will always (Verbally) remind me, that her kids come first... Which is fine, they should come first.

However from my perspective, I thought I would be ok with dealing with this, but I am not.. I don't like feeling like the person, who has to bend over backwards, to meet her schedule.. I have to change my holidays for her.. rearrange my working hours for her.. just to be a third priority.

Are you that slow in the head, that you cannot understand these basics?

It's alot of sacrifice, for little in return.

 

[Barrister]

Bro lengthy post. But just like several others you have completely missed the point.

Do I care that her kids come before me? NO

Should I care? NO a woman should always choose her child first.

My concern isn't her choosing her child, my concern is, HER VERBALISING TO ME (WHAT I ALREADY KNOW) whenever something comes up.

But do you see the difference?

I understand you didn’t like that she felt the need to sort of put it in your face that the kids came first. From reading the post I don’t think you should be very shocked by her reaction. As a woman she clearly was bothered by your request and (maybe unjustifiably) reacted in a somewhat emotional way when she told you what she did. By the same token, I can see why your request elicited that type of response given what I said before.

 

[Solomon]

Nothing much to add here as most members already addressed this thread perfectly, had OP had other or better options this would be a nothing-burger
what is the old saying?

"Treat a girl like a star and she will treat you like a fan"

This is a perfect example to for the LMS crowd that I have been breaking down all year that having money is not enough if you don't have access/game etc to the women that you want

You sound like a typical beta nice guy who imagines he's doing all kinds of things for a lady than imagines he should get some kind of reward and when it doesn't come he gets hurt and feels personally offended.

All the lady did was to re-explain her boundaries (kids come first).

If you keep coming back for more and expecting something based on what you think you did that's on you.

No lady owes you anything.

As soon as you expect anything based on whatever reason your setting yourself for disappointment.

This woman is the best option OP has, he should have kept it casual with her and looked to upgrade but like most men he got complacent. Espeically if she gives him the box.

The guy knows demanding respect from her she's been treating him as a sucker the whole time and now he's getting a harsh wake up call that he's not important to her as he thinks he is or should be

 

[Gamisch]

Dude are you stoopid? I never said she did anything very wrong.

I simply said that I don't like it when she verbalises that I am not her priority, because it makes me realise the TRUTH.. No matter what I do, or how much I do, she will always (Verbally) remind me, that her kids come first... Which is fine, they should come first.

However from my perspective, I thought I would be ok with dealing with this, but I am not.. I don't like feeling like the person, who has to bend over backwards, to meet her schedule.. I have to change my holidays for her.. rearrange my working hours for her.. just to be a third priority.

Are you that slow in the head, that you cannot understand these basics?

It's alot of sacrifice, for little in return.

Damn I hate that passive aggressive and demeaning attitude...I can't phantom how that works well when dealing with the ladies. But oke..

Let me help you out( and showing your unappreciative attitude maybe I can help a lurker )

YOU: "Hey how ya doing any plans WITH THE KIDS this week"?
HER:" yeah Riley plays soccer at Thursday, Jessica has something at school and we go to a concert"
Y; "ah sounds great! I wanted to see you ( but we HAVE to schedule around YOUR kids because...kids. That is something I completely understand as a 50 y.o man who chosen to be with you)"
Her:" how about 2nd of January?"
You: "sounds great! By the way I got Riley a Messi Miami shirt size yxz"

That's how you do that.

You KNOW the kids come first but you can't HEAR that coming from her mouth? Makes zero sense. How can you accept a truth but are unable to hear it verbalised? It's the same outcome!

I stand my my first statement. It's not just about her but also about learning from it so you can navigate through these interactions better in the future.

Sounds like you running out of chances in life and you already said she is GOOD to you. Think twice before dropping a good woman.

Best of luck

 

[SW15]

This is a perfect example to for the LMS crowd that I have been breaking down all year that having money is not enough if you don't have access/game etc to the women that you want

In general, I think this is a reality for many older men.

There are older men with some money (they live comfortably) but not nearly enough money to make up for access/game type issues. You might see something like a 40-55 year old man mainly dating mediocre to subpar women near his own age. They have kids under 18 in a lot of cases.

Sometimes this is a function of the 40-55 year old only searching for women via tech methods (an access issue).

The OP in this case got a great age gap (48 vs. 33) but didn't get the right 33 year old for him. There are plenty of 33 year olds now without children.

 

[Tilex]

Let me tell you something after experiencing this more than a dozen times.
Your LMS is meaningless when you're dating a single mom with 2+ kids.
Her investment is divided by 3. That means you're only getting 1/3 effort from her. That's only 33%
Does she have any dogs? If so, then you're already on a path of failure.
Dogs count as kids because they require a lot of time and investment.
Now her investment is divided by 4. You are only getting 25% of the pie, which is extremely lousy and a total waste of time.

Low investment = Low effort
Sometimes you need to give yourself a reality check and realize the odds aren't in your favor.
Find someone else that's willing to invest more time with you.

 

[SW15]

Does she have any dogs? If so, then you're already on a path of failure.
Dogs count as kids because they require a lot of time and investment.

Very good point about dogs. She is 33 and that's in the Millennial generation. I don't think OP is in USA but Millennial women in the USA are obsessed with dogs.

The Millennial generation changed pet ownership. They have been the most pet obsessed generation ever. Prior to Millennials reaching adulthood in the 2000s, people didn't get pets as commonly until after they were coupled up. Millennial women decided they wanted their pets now and got their pets before having a man in their lives.

Millennial women have been very dog obsessed in the USA. That's the most common pet but there are plenty of Millennial cat women too.

Her investment is divided by 3. That means you're only getting 1/3 effort from her. That's only 33%

Now her investment is divided by 4. You are only getting 25% of the pie, which is extremely lousy and a total waste of time.

Single moms cannot give a man the effort that a single, childless man needs.

Husband often feel overlooked and the kids are his own with a longer shared history with that woman. Imagine how a random childless man feels in the interactions with a woman whose kids aren't his own.

Sometimes you need to give yourself a reality check and realize the odds aren't in your favor.
Find someone else that's willing to invest more time with you.

This is what he needs now.

 

[DJVision]

Nothing much to add here as most members already addressed this thread perfectly, had OP had other or better options this would be a nothing-burger
what is the old saying?

"Treat a girl like a star and she will treat you like a fan"

This is a perfect example to for the LMS crowd that I have been breaking down all year that having money is not enough if you don't have access/game etc to the women that you want



This woman is the best option OP has, he should have kept it casual with her and looked to upgrade but like most men he got complacent. Espeically if she gives him the box.

The guy knows demanding respect from her she's been treating him as a sucker the whole time and now he's getting a harsh wake up call that he's not important to her as he thinks he is or should be

Fair point. but let me let you into the deeper dynamics of my relationship with her?

Let me tell you something after experiencing this more than a dozen times.
Your LMS is meaningless when you're dating a single mom with 2+ kids.
Her investment is divided by 3. That means you're only getting 1/3 effort from her. That's only 33%
Does she have any dogs? If so, then you're already on a path of failure.
Dogs count as kids because they require a lot of time and investment.
Now her investment is divided by 4. You are only getting 25% of the pie, which is extremely lousy and a total waste of time.

Low investment = Low effort
Sometimes you need to give yourself a reality check and realize the odds aren't in your favor.
Find someone else that's willing to invest more time with you.

To give her some credit, she does try to make the effort to come see me, however it's usually once a fortnight.

However that being said, it's not really a genuine girlfriend experience.

We are unlikely to have holidays together, unless I fund, pay for the holiday, as her money will be prioritised for the holidays with her kids.

It's highly unlikely I will ever live with her.

Definitely will not be having children with her.

Christmas/New year's/Easter etc will be something we will celebrate separately.

Then.. Her kids will always take priority etc.

It really isn't worth my while. THANKS FOR THE WAKE UP CALL, I GENUINELY NEEDED IT.

 

[DJVision]

Very good point about dogs. She is 33 and that's in the Millennial generation. I don't think OP is in USA but Millennial women in the USA are obsessed with dogs.

The Millennial generation changed pet ownership. They have been the most pet obsessed generation ever. Prior to Millennials reaching adulthood in the 2000s, people didn't get pets as commonly until after they were coupled up. Millennial women decided they wanted their pets now and got their pets before having a man in their lives.

Millennial women have been very dog obsessed in the USA. That's the most common pet but there are plenty of Millennial cat women too.



Single moms cannot give a man the effort that a single, childless man needs.

Husband often feel overlooked and the kids are his own with a longer shared history with that woman. Imagine how a random childless man feels in the interactions with a woman whose kids aren't his own.



This is what he needs now.

Yes I she has a dog and a cat? It's very common for single moms to have cats and dogs, as generally that's what they end up with.

 

[SW15]

Yes I she has a dog and a cat? It's very common for single moms to have cats and dogs, as generally that's what they end up with.

If you are competing with 2 children, 2 pets, her friends, and her work (if she's a careerist Boss Girl type), then you're not in a good position.

Most men in general are finding that they have to compete with more things for any woman's attention now.

 

[DJVision]

Something recently was another reality check for me regarding my current dating situation.

Around 5 months ago, I developed some symptoms.

• Quite a significant pain in my abdomen,

• Severe constipation to the point, where I didn't take a chit for 6-7 days straight.

• Feeling extremely fatigued and dizzy

• Sudden Weight loss

I had to drop out of fitness/gym for a few months, as I literally couldn't do a 10 minutes workout.

I was struggling to do the basics, such as cook for myself and maintain my property.

Based on my symptoms, I was convinced I had Colon Cancer. My Doctors where also concerned it could be something sinister.

I went through a series of tests over a period of 10 weeks.

MRI Scan of the abdomen and pelvis
CT Scan with contrast
Stool (FIT) test (They look for blood in your poo)
Blood tests (They look for signs of Anemia)
Colonoscopy (This is where they insert a camera all the way up your azz, and search your bowel/intestine for mass/growth/ or polyps that could eventually turn into cancer.

Luckily the Colonoscopy came back normal, so did all the other tests.. Obviously something is going on with me health wise, which is still under investigation.

Throughout this period, I was fukin scared. It really dawned on me, that if I do end up very ill, I literally do not have anyone to help look after me.

When faced a serious health issue, that could be potentially be life threatening, you begin to really take an assessment of your life.

The entire experience really did make me question the types of woman or potential relationships I am currently engaged in.

A single mom with young kids, pets, family, is not likely the kinda female to depend or rely on in the face of a health crisis.

 

[DJVision]

If you are competing with 2 children, 2 pets, her friends, and her work (if she's a careerist Boss Girl type), then you're not in a good position.

Most men in general are finding that they have to compete with more things for any woman's attention now.

You speak facts. I also have had a recent terrifying health scare, that really did make me think long and hard about the type of woman I want to commit to

 

[SW15]

You speak facts. I also have had a recent terrifying health scare, that really did make me think long and hard about the type of woman I want to commit to

She's not that type. It could be good to dump her now or as soon as you can and start 2025 off on the right path.

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