Single Mom Lets It Be Known "Her Kids Come First"

[BackInTheGame78]

Why would anyone think they would come before someone's kids?

Are you seriously delusional? She had probably already told her kids about going to the concert and you expect her to then tell them no because she has to go on a date? C'mon man. If I was dating a woman and she did that to me I would honestly probably just dump her for being that clueless.

If she DID put you before her kids that would be a major red flag and would render her undateable, IMO.

You have no understanding of kids because you don't have them. Which means you probably shouldn't be dating someone that has them because you have no concept of how to approach that or what that entails and as such will have expectations that are not based in reality.

Same reason I strongly prefer to date someone with kids, because I have them and we both understand what that entails.

 

[DJVision]

Why are you focusing on her kids that much? You should focus on having an interesting life outside of her, dating other women, and fvcking this one like no man has ever done before. Everything else you're posting in here makes no sense.

What part are you not getting bro.. I don't care about her kids lol.. I just hate the arrogance of this chick, trying to make me feel like I will always be second best,. especially when I went out of my way for her.

Yes, lesson learned.. I should not have given her any special treatment.

I already fuk this one like crazy, that's why she is trying to meet up with me.

I simply wanted to know if I should downgrade her to FB only, considering this probably will not be the last time she, points out to me how her kids are priority.

Thanks for the advice though.

 

[Alvafe]

BRO I am totally ignoring his advice.

I made this chick very aware from DAY 1 that I do not want anything to do with her kids.

I explained to her, that I will never be the father, they have a daddy, and it's not me.

I gave her the option, and she kept wanting me, and she accepted I will not be playing substitute father.

I'm not in the game of raising another mans DNA.. All that being said, I was hoping she would atleast appreciate the little sacrifices I have made to accommodate her.

I was also hoping that she would atleast acknowledge that by being with her, I give up all possibility of starting my own family.

But her Reminding me that I am not her priority, really doesn't make me feel like making any serious commitment to her.

I feel like I should just demote her to FB.

How about I just let her know how I feel about her actions, and make her aware that I don't want an LTR with her?

then don't, but also you can't have her as a GF, woman with children is for fun only, never take one serious, you know waht you should do but for some reason youa re afraid of be shamed, go figures

 

[Gamisch]

Why would anyone think they would come before someone's kids?

Are you seriously delusional?

If she DID put you before her kids that would be a major red flag and would render her undateable, IMO.

You have no understanding of kids because you don't have them. Which means you probably shouldn't be dating someone that has them because you have no concept of how to approach that or what that entails and as such will have expectations that are not based in reality.

Same reason I strongly prefer to date someone with kids, because I have them and we both understand what that entails.

Because that's the state of the modern male.

This forum shows it . They can't seem to outgrow their teenage phase. If anything, I start to sympathise with women more and more. Zero comprehension, me me me and thinking with their little worm all the time.

But ssst, don't upset him!! He will get mad and throw a tantrum like a toddler!

 

[New_Journey]

I don't care about her kids lol

Your post is whining why you're not 1st priority on her life cause of the kid. And you're 48 years old and that lost in life? Lord have mercy

 

[DJVision]

Why would anyone think they would come before someone's kids?

Are you seriously delusional?

If she DID put you before her kids that would be a major red flag and would render her undateable, IMO.

You have no understanding of kids because you don't have them. Which means you probably shouldn't be dating someone that has them because you have no concept of how to approach that or what that entails and as such will have expectations that are not based in reality.

Same reason I strongly prefer to date someone with kids, because I have them and we both understand what that entails.

Wow dude do you even read anything?

Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that a woman's kids always comes first... I know that.. you know that.. She knows that.. It's common fukin sense.

I don't care if she priorities her kids (She absolutely better do)

My issue is, when she verbalises it to me, when my plans get in her way, or vice versa!!

How does this not make sense to you?

I take all the risks.. I make all the sacrifices.. I commit to her, and never have children of my own.. And every few months she reminds me, that I am not her priority?

What part of this are you not getting lol

 

[DJVision]

Your post is whining why you're not 1st priority on her life cause of the kid. And you're 48 years old and that lost in life? Lord have mercy

At this point it's clear to me, your too damn low IQ to comprehend simple situations.

Let me repeat myself, so you're brain finally comprehends what I am saying.

01. I totally do not care about not being her first priority.. Why? Because a mother should always make her child her priority.

"Now please read carefully, as this is the part you're brain is unable to comprehend"

What us men don't like is, to be verbally reminded by her, that we are below her children.. Do you get it?

Yes her kids come first.. But whenever plans/schedules clash, and she makes it a thing to verbalise this to me..

"hey DJVision, your not my priority, my children are" it gets fukin tired.

I hope this makes a little more sense, or would you like me to draw you some pictures?

 

[Gamisch]

At this point it's clear to me, your too damn low IQ to comprehend simple situations.

Let me repeat myself, so you're brain finally comprehends what I am saying.

01. I totally do not care about not being her first priority.. Why? Because a mother should always make her child her priority.

"Now please read carefully, as this is the part you're brain is unable to comprehend"

What us men don't like is, to be verbally reminded by her, that we are below her children.. Do you get it?

Yes her kids come first.. But whenever plans/schedules clash, and she makes it a thing to verbalise this to me..

"hey DJVision, your not my priority, my children are" it gets fukin tired.

I hope this makes a little more sense, or would you like me to draw you some pictures?

I see why you and @bhp agree, cut from the same cloth. The passivio aggressivio tree where the losers gather.

You wanted advice, you got it. You are almost 50 and need a 31 y.o manchild who lives at home to decide what to do and throwing tantrums at everyone calling you out.. you can't even comprehend that a CONCERT with her kids is more important than your sorry azz. At almost 50!!!! You're beyond saving.

You leaving that woman would be a blessing to her. Good thing you didn't reproduced.

Now go mess up your only option in life because strangers on the internet told you so..LOL

 

[SW15]

You have no understanding of kids because you don't have them. Which means you probably shouldn't be dating someone that has them because you have no concept of how to approach that or what that entails and as such will have expectations that are not based in reality.

I agree that childless men and single moms are a poor lifestyle fit in extended relationships. The issues that arise are too difficult to deal with for both sides. Both sides end up unsatisfied in most cases.

I do not believe a "real man" raises somebody else's kids. You will never replace their father, and you will never be a priority over them.

I agree with this. A man that raises another man's children is a cuckold. That's the dictionary definition of a cuckold. I will not be a cuckold. I will also not be a lower priority to someone else's children.

I have some thoughts on this from the ladies' locker room. My second husband is 48, no children of his own and this is his first marriage.

One important thing is the age of her children. How old are they? I expect that if she is 33 that her kids may be quite young. I had my children in my 30s, and my older 2 are adults now but the youngest is a 16 year old daughter who lives with us. There are a few things I cannot compromise on regarding my daughter. We live where we do for the best school district in our area in a nice house. I am not moving house until my daughter finishes high school. My husband was aware this was non-negotiable before we married. Other than that I generally put him first but at times I cannot.

It is difficult for a childless man to relate to this. Younger children (infants, toddlers, and tweens) are far worse. You met your husband when your kids were teens and the oldest might have even been 18. Your husband has had to deal with a teen but he didn't come in when your kids were younger.

Another tough situation that isn't discussed much on this forum is a situation where a childless man dates women with children who are all 18+. Dating a woman with adult children isn't a pleasant situation either. Gen Z and Millennial adult children aren't easy and are needier as younger adults than previous generations.

This is a topic mainly for older people (50s-60s).

 

[Divorced w 3]

Did you ask her nicely if there was a way to reschedule or were you aggressive and upset about it? The latter would explain why you got a stern message on the priority of the kids. You haven’t made her your girlfriend and should not expect being put in a position of importance in her life either. She continues to see you and spend time with you in spite of your having made it known to her. It sounds like she likes you, and to be honest your behaviors convey that you seem to put more interest into her than perhaps your mind and words want to convey to you and to us.

 

[DJVision]

Did you ask her nicely if there was a way to reschedule or were you aggressive and upset about it? The latter would explain why you got a stern message on the priority of the kids. You haven’t made her your girlfriend and should not expect being put in a position of importance in her life either. She continues to see you and spend time with you in spite of your having made it known to her. It sounds like she likes you, and to be honest your behaviors convey that you seem to put more interest into her than perhaps your mind and words want to convey to you and to us.
[/QUOTE]

Dude I generally tend to accommodate her and her schedule, due to the fact she works and has children.

Often I have gone out of my way for her.. This is the first time I ever asked her to change something over for me.. I wasn't aggressive or rude about it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Did you ask her nicely if there was a way to reschedule or were you aggressive and upset about it? The latter would explain why you got a stern message on the priority of the kids. You haven’t made her your girlfriend and should not expect being put in a position of importance in her life either. She continues to see you and spend time with you in spite of your having made it known to her. It sounds like she likes you, and to be honest your behaviors convey that you seem to put more interest into her than perhaps your mind and words want to convey to you and to us.


Dude I generally tend to accommodate her and her schedule, due to the fact she works and has children.

Often I have gone out of my way for her.. This is the first time I ever asked her to change something over for me.. I wasn't aggressive or rude about it.

I feel like you are pretty worked up on this. I don’t mean that judgmentally, but you’re 3 pages into this, actively, in a span of a few hours. Getting into the weeds in this may not be helping. It may help to just take a step back, breathe and come back to this topic in a calmer spot. You and her have a pretty long history, and for whatever reason, you think she’s worth that amount of time. Just hang out with it, is my two cents.

 

[DJVision]

I feel like you are pretty worked up on this. I don’t mean that judgmentally, but you’re 3 pages into this, actively, in a span of a few hours. Getting into the weeds in this may not be helping. It may help to just take a step back, breathe and come back to this topic in a calmer spot. You and her have a pretty long history, and for whatever reason, you think she’s worth that amount of time. Just hang out with it, is my two cents.

To be fair man, I think I should just step back with her and not take her seriously for now.

Put on the brakes, so I can consider my future with her.

Thanks for your input

 

[Gamisch]

I agree that childless men and single moms are a poor lifestyle fit in extended relationships. The issues that arise are too difficult to deal with for both sides. Both sides end up unsatisfied in most cases.



I agree with this. A man that raises another man's children is a cuckold. That's the dictionary definition of a cuckold. I will not be a cuckold. I will also not be a lower priority to someone else's children.



It is difficult for a childless man to relate to this. Younger children (infants, toddlers, and tweens) are far worse. You met your husband when your kids were teens and the oldest might have even been 18. Your husband has had to deal with a teen but he didn't come in when your kids were younger.

Another tough situation that isn't discussed much on this forum is a situation where a childless man dates women with children who are all 18+. Dating a woman with adult children isn't a pleasant situation either. Gen Z and Millennial adult children aren't easy and are needier as younger adults than previous generations.

This is a topic mainly for older people (50s-60s).

Let me make one thing clear: I NEVER said OP should RAISE her kids. I just said that her kids are a part of her, and it might actually feel better if you "tolerate " them or even adore them. And yes, that might mean you think about them now and then ,Christmas, birthday ect.


I believe I told you specifically something similar. That after a certain age its becomes more and more challenging to demand a childless woman. You could even argue that there will be something seriously off about a woman in her 40,s without kids, while a woman with kids is more feminine and better at being subservient.


It seems to be about honor and pride for most men and yes I get that to some extent. But to say a man is a cuck because he happens to vibe with a woman with kids is also a tad much imo. ESPECIALLY when you are nearing 50. That's young men talk.

I still think that it can be an enrichment to a lonely man's life to deal with kids. It's all about approaching it with the right mindset

 

[Divorced w 3]

To be fair man, I think I should just step back with her and not take her seriously for now.

Put on the brakes, so I can consider my future with her.

Thanks for your input

I think taking a second to breathe and hang out with it are a good move. Do your best to see the situation with your partner out of a connection you have with her. Be decent and warm, act out of wisdom not emotion and judgement.

 

[DJVision]

I think taking a second to breathe and hang out with it are a good move. Do your best to see the situation with your partner out of a connection you have with her. Be decent and warm, act out of wisdom not emotion and judgement.

Well she messaged me tonight, and asked if I wanted to see her on the 2nd of January.

I politely told her that I cannot as I will be spending some time with my family, but could meet another day.

She replied back with "that's fine" and now I haven't got the usual "Goodnight" text from her lol

By the way, this is the first time in ages I have said NO to her, when she has asked to meet.

The thing is, she had already decided weeks ago, that she wanted to spend New Years with her kids and not me... I didn't make an issue about it, and just accepted her choice.

Now that I have made alternative plans for New year's with my family, she seems to be getting upset about it.

But... It was perfectly ok for her to choose New years with her kids.. lol

This is why dating single moms is a bad idea!!

 

[New_Journey]

What us men don't like is, to be verbally reminded by her, that we are below her children

There fixed it for you

 

[Divorced w 3]

Well she messaged me tonight, and asked if I wanted to see her on the 2nd of January.

I politely told her that I cannot as I will be spending some time with my family, but could meet another day.

She replied back with "that's fine" and now I haven't got the usual "Goodnight" text from her lol

By the way, this is the first time in ages I have said NO to her, when she has asked to meet.

The thing is, she had already decided weeks ago, that she wanted to spend New Years with her kids and not me... I didn't make an issue about it, and just accepted her choice.

Now that I have made alternative plans for New year's with my family, she seems to be getting upset about it.

But... It was perfectly ok for her to choose New years with her kids.. lol

This is why dating single moms is a bad idea!!

As long as you are speaking from a place of sincerity it’s all good. You can also wish her the goodnight you wish she had given you.

 

[Hal9000]

To me this comes across as her making it clear that she doesn't care if you stay or go and that she thinks you're lucky to have her. I would bet almost anything that if she considered you a real catch, whether that's defined by money, looks, social status, or whatever, she wouldn't be playing the "my kids come first" card any time you step out of line. So you can either prove to her that she's correct and continue sticking around to be told that your presence isn't particularly valued or you can move on. You can rest assured the status quo won't be changing so the balls in your court.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I take all the risks.. I make all the sacrifices.. I commit to her, and never have children of my own.. And every few months she reminds me, that I am not her priority?

You sound like a typical beta nice guy who imagines he's doing all kinds of things for a lady than imagines he should get some kind of reward and when it doesn't come he gets hurt and feels personally offended.

All the lady did was to re-explain her boundaries (kids come first).

If you keep coming back for more and expecting something based on what you think you did that's on you.

No lady owes you anything.

As soon as you expect anything based on whatever reason your setting yourself for disappointment.