Single Mom Lets It Be Known "Her Kids Come First"

[Gamisch]

I'm pointing this out because I know many men like you specifically. Women have discarded you in the past, you've done everyhting for them and they all have discarded you. The moment you start accepting this was your fault and leave the ego aside, will be moment you start getting what you want in relationships. Good luck man



Agree, but everything has to be done with pure heart, and not with the hidden agenda that "If I do this, she will love me forever"

As we age certain things are more important than others.

If OP and his gf were 25 it mightve been a different story. In that case the kids are probably young and there a chance that not all feeling regarding the BD are resolved yet.

But now..they are together for a year. He accepted her and thus her kids so MAN UP and own that decision.

Just saw a video in my feed about a woman demanding that her date put her before his daughter...look how it sounds when you turn the tables. It sounds ridiculous.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Her kids are 8 years old and 12 years old.

I totally understand a woman prioritising her kids, but when it's blatantly thrown in my face like that, I can't help but let it bother me.

I'm in a position where I am required to make most of the sacrifices.

01. Not seeing eachother very often due to her kids

02. Not spending New Year together

03.I have to see her when it's most suitable to her, or we can't meet up.

04. She expects me to only see her, and give her a relationship, therefore giving up the opportunity to be with a childless girl.

Feels really of me, to give her all that, just to be told that am not her priority, her kids always will be.

She has not put anything on you. You have put something on you considering you are free to go and find a childless woman.

 

[DJVision]

I just saw your other reply.

You're 48, no kids, good job, and landed a much younger woman. I don't see why you'd continue entertaining this one if she's catching an attitude.

Between your 2 options, I don't think you can go back, so I'd just stop seeing her (you're not dating so not really "dumping") and put your time and effort into more appreciative women.

Yeh I think I will need to break it off with her.. I have some excuses at hand, that I can use to avoid seeing her for the next 2-3 weeks, in that time I will simply pull the plug.

No lie, she has been a good chick to me so far, however this recent stunt from here, puts me in a very difficult spot, which I don't think I can pull back from.

 

[DJVision]

To be honest, in the 9 months of seeing her, I have never ONCE expected or asked her to change any plans for me.

Infact 99% of all reaching out to meet up, has always been initiated by her, as she understands that I am not the type to put all the effort in, neither have we agreed that we are in a relationship together.

I have taken things slow with her, due to some other red flags. She has several male friends, and this hasn't always sat well with me.. She decided to drop the male friends, not because I asked her to, but she just understood that she will never get an LTR from me otherwise.

She does have some good qualities.. However all that being said, I do not want to LTR a girl, who will forever remind me that her kids come before me!

There will be other times, when it comes to planning dates, or breaks or holidays, where she will choose her kids over me (which is okay) however when she verbalises it to me? It feels demeaning.

I feel like the guy who makes sacrifices, but is often reminded he is NOT the priority.

Why even make fukin sacrifices?

I totally understand a woman should make her kids the priority, but when she verbalises it, it's kinda fvkin annoying.

 

[DJVision]

She has not put anything on you. You have put something on you considering you are free to go and find a childless woman.

That's a fair point.

 

[Gamisch]

Yeh I think I will need to break it off with her.. I have some excuses at hand, that I can use to avoid seeing her for the next 2-3 weeks, in that time I will simply pull the plug.

No lie, she has been a good chick to me so far, however this recent stunt from here, puts me in a very difficult spot, which I don't think I can pull back from.

Your being a whining *****. You eject because you as a grown man got a grown-up answer? Even though you say she is basically good for you?

Cmon man. You gonna regret your decision sooner or later. Did you even read my posts?

 

[DJVision]

Your being a whining *****. You eject because you as a grown man got a grown-up answer? Even though you say she is basically good for you?

Cmon man. You gonna regret your decision sooner or later. Did you even read my posts?

To be honest, I get it.. Her kids are her priority, even though I already know this, and I have always made efforts to make things easy for her..

I often change my work schedule to accommodate her.. I don't see her on Christmas or New year's because she wants to spend that time with her kids.

Additionally she wants me to be exclusive to her only, which means I probably won't be able to have children in the future, as she definitely doesn't want anymore kids.

I really have tried my best to accommodate her.. But her telling me that I will always come after her kids, has just kinda woke me up to the reality of the situation.

I don't know if I can give up this much for her, if whenever she is annoyed or if our plans clash, that she keeps reminding me of my position.

I hear you.. But I don't think I could live like that for long.

 

[BPH]

A real man isn't afraid to be around kids.

Women = kids. You gotta be able to stand your ground and also actually enjoy them being around.

Might as well let out some " fatherly energy " and surprise them with a small gift now and then, because his chance to become a father are slim to none at this age.

Be human

Your being a whining *****. You eject because you as a grown man got a grown-up answer? Even though you say she is basically good for you?

Cmon man. You gonna regret your decision sooner or later. Did you even read my posts?

@DJVision I wasn't gonna quote this guy, seeing as I have him ignored, but he's still talking about me with the "most arrogant poster award" in another thread so I'm going to address these pieces of "advice" because I find them incomprehensibly stupid.

I do not believe a "real man" raises somebody else's kids. You will never replace their father, and you will never be a priority over them.

Everybody has their own tolerance level, so I am not telling you how to live your life, but do not make that decision based on THIS piece of advice. He's basically saying that because you're older you should give up on finding a woman who checks all your boxes and settle for being a father to somebody else's children.

I could not disagree more.

When faced with an uncomfortable decision I think you have only 2 options;

Settle and accept, because you believe this is your "best".

Or say f*** that, maintain your standards, and if the women you desire aren't within your grasp then YOU improve until they are.

I believe at the end of the day the decision really is that simple. My entire journaling experience and growth into who I am now is a result of that fear of "settling". Maybe it will be yours too.

 

[Gamisch]

@DJVision I wasn't gonna quote this guy, seeing as I have him ignored, but he's still talking about me with the "most arrogant poster award" in another thread so I'm going to address these pieces of "advice" because I find them incomprehensibly stupid.

I do not believe a "real man" raises somebody else's kids. You will never replace their father, and you will never be a priority over them.

Everybody has their own tolerance level, so I am not telling you how to live your life, but do not make that decision based on THIS piece of advice. He's basically saying that because you're older you should give up on finding a woman who checks all your boxes and settle for being a father to somebody else's children.

I could not disagree more.

When faced with an uncomfortable decision I think you have only 2 options;

Settle and accept, because you believe this is your "best".

Or say f*** that, maintain your standards, and if the women you desire aren't within your grasp then YOU improve until they are.

I believe at the end of the day the decision really is that simple. My entire journaling experience and growth into who I am now is a result of that fear of "settling". Maybe it will be yours too.

Wait you wanna ignore or have a conversation? I swear I sometimes think you are a woman..
Nothing is manly about you, just like your advice here. I can tell you are a mama's boy by the advice you give. You are indeed quite arrogant, as you proof in this post. Again, in the streets the dogs would bite you and eat you alive.

We can keep on these shenanigans or you simply find your balls and address me like a man. If you wanna talk to me talk to ME.

Your growth? Gtfo. You're arrogant, 31 and you don't even have your own place and feel the need to share everytime a mediocre woman gives you some attention. I try to respect you but it's extremely difficult.

Perhaps next year you'll show you better side

 

[DJVision]

@DJVision I wasn't gonna quote this guy, seeing as I have him ignored, but he's still talking about me with the "most arrogant poster award" in another thread so I'm going to address these pieces of "advice" because I find them incomprehensibly stupid.

I do not believe a "real man" raises somebody else's kids. You will never replace their father, and you will never be a priority over them.

Everybody has their own tolerance level, so I am not telling you how to live your life, but do not make that decision based on THIS piece of advice. He's basically saying that because you're older you should give up on finding a woman who checks all your boxes and settle for being a father to somebody else's children.

I could not disagree more.

When faced with an uncomfortable decision I think you have only 2 options;

Settle and accept, because you believe this is your "best".

Or say f*** that, maintain your standards, and if the women you desire aren't within your grasp then YOU improve until they are.

I believe at the end of the day the decision really is that simple. My entire journaling experience and growth into who I am now is a result of that fear of "settling". Maybe it will be yours too.

BRO I am totally ignoring his advice.

I made this chick very aware from DAY 1 that I do not want anything to do with her kids.

I explained to her, that I will never be the father, they have a daddy, and it's not me.

I gave her the option, and she kept wanting me, and she accepted I will not be playing substitute father.

I'm not in the game of raising another mans DNA.. All that being said, I was hoping she would atleast appreciate the little sacrifices I have made to accommodate her.

I was also hoping that she would atleast acknowledge that by being with her, I give up all possibility of starting my own family.

But her Reminding me that I am not her priority, really doesn't make me feel like making any serious commitment to her.

I feel like I should just demote her to FB.

How about I just let her know how I feel about her actions, and make her aware that I don't want an LTR with her?

 

[Gamisch]

To be honest, I get it.. Her kids are her priority, even though I already know this, and I have always made efforts to make things easy for her..

I often change my work schedule to accommodate her.. I don't see her on Christmas or New year's because she wants to spend that time with her kids.

Additionally she wants me to be exclusive to her only, which means I probably won't be able to have children in the future, as she definitely doesn't want anymore kids.

I really have tried my best to accommodate her.. But her telling me that I will always come after her kids, has just kinda woke me up to the reality of the situation.

I don't know if I can give up this much for her, if whenever she is annoyed or if our plans clash, that she keeps reminding me of my position.

I hear you.. But I don't think I could live like that for long.

Yeah OP listen to the manchild of the forum who lives at home at 31 and refuses to take responsibility in life. He will help you out. Dude can't even survive on his own and moves like I did when I was 16 lol.

You're being childish. Period. All that matters is if she is good for you or not. Believe me, a GOOD woman is a rare commodity. D

That conversation is long overdue by the way. Let it be a lesson, that kids ALWAYS come first! You can always reject a woman with kids but do that at the start. If you agree, go all in.

Dude has a personal vendetta with me because I called him out here and there... Don't lose a good woman because he wants to fight a battle with me over your back. That would be beyond stupid.

 

[DJVision]

Wait you wanna ignore or have a conversation? I swear I sometimes think you are a woman..
Nothing is manly about you, just like your advice here. I cab tell you are a mama's boy by the advice you give. You are indeed quite arrogant, as you proof un this post. Again, in the streets the dogs would bite you amd eat you alive.

We can keep on these shenanigans or you simply find your balls and address me like a man. If you wanna talk to me talk to ME.

Your growth? Gtfo. You're arrogant, 31 and you don't even have your own place and feel the need to share everytime a mediocre woman gives you some attention. I try to respect you but it's extremely difficult.

Perhaps next year you'll show you better side

Go eat dog turd then pal.. pull that dildo out of your azz, it's making you very angry at strangers for no reason lol Joker

 

[DJVision]

Yeah OP listen to the manchild of the forum who lives at home at 31 and refuses to take responsibility in life. He will help you out. Dude can't even survive on his own and moves like I did when I was 16 lol.

You're being childish. Period. All that matters is if she is good for you or not. Believe me, a GOOD woman is a rare commodity. D

That conversation is long overdue by the way. Let it be a lesson, that kids ALWAYS come first! You can always reject a woman with kids but do that at the start. If you agree, go all in.

Dude has a personal vendetta with me because I called him out here and there... Don't lose a good woman because he wants to fight a battle with me over your back. That would be beyond stupid.

Who is this angry clown ???

Is this a regular poster? He sounds an angry

Yeah OP listen to the manchild of the forum who lives at home at 31 and refuses to take responsibility in life. He will help you out. Dude can't even survive on his own and moves like I did when I was 16 lol.

You're being childish. Period. All that matters is if she is good for you or not. Believe me, a GOOD woman is a rare commodity. D

That conversation is long overdue by the way. Let it be a lesson, that kids ALWAYS come first! You can always reject a woman with kids but do that at the start. If you agree, go all in.

Dude has a personal vendetta with me because I called him out here and there... Don't lose a good woman because he wants to fight a battle with me over your back. That would be beyond stupid.

Go back to your basement your useless advice isn't needed angry boy

 

[Gamisch]

Go eat dog turd then pal.. pull that dildo out of your azz, it's making you very angry at strangers for no reason lol Joker

Yeah let your frustration go! That will help!

You ain't man enough either way to handle a woman like that if such a simple qoute hurts you. I was being quite polite but it's oke..

Whiney little ***** can't comprehend a mother saying that her kids are number one LOL. You are bendable like butter in the sun.

Seems like a bromance just happened! Agree with the manchild and wish you best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

 

[Gamisch]

To be honest, I get it.. Her kids are her priority, even though I already know this, and I have always made efforts to make things easy for her..

I often change my work schedule to accommodate her.. I don't see her on Christmas or New year's because she wants to spend that time with her kids.

Additionally she wants me to be exclusive to her only, which means I probably won't be able to have children in the future, as she definitely doesn't want anymore kids.

I really have tried my best to accommodate her.. But her telling me that I will always come after her kids, has just kinda woke me up to the reality of the situation.

I don't know if I can give up this much for her, if whenever she is annoyed or if our plans clash, that she keeps reminding me of my position.

I hear you.. But I don't think I could live like that for long.

You went from normal to a angry toddler in two posts lol. What happened?

You are about to make a poor life choice is all I'm saying...wish you all the best

 

[Bokanovsky]

A real man isn't afraid to be around kids.

Women = kids. You gotta be able to stand your ground and also actually enjoy them being around.

Might as well let out some " fatherly energy " and surprise them with a small gift now and then, because his chance to become a father are slim to none at this age.

Be human

Sorry but I have to push back on this. Not wanting to be around somebody else's kids is not the same thing as being "afraid" of being around kids. A "real man" who wants kids will find a way to have his own kids instead of wasting his time raising somebody else's.

 

[BPH]

Is this a regular poster? He sounds an angry

Unfortunately yes.

I made a post around Halloween asking for logistical advice with a girl I was considering meeting up with, because he is correct that I'm 30 (not sure why he keeps getting that number wrong) and currently live with my parents.

He made it a point to offer unsolicited advice in several unrelated threads about my financial situation and why others should disregard what I say because I haven't figured this area of my life out, to the point where he is the one and only person on this entire board that I have on my ignore list. That part is correct though - I do need to figure out and improve my financial situation while moving out of my parent's place, which is something I'm in the process of right now with a listing agent trying to find me apartments in Philly.

Thing is, I do get laid a lot. Recently made this thread: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/fr-97.283406/

97 because that is the 97th woman I've slept with.

Take the advice of the people who have achieved what you desire in the area you desire it. All I know about him is he's a painter around my age and has kids. But if somebody's advice to me was to settle into the uncomfortable situation I'm in, rather than find a solution, I probably wouldn't listen to them.

 

[Gamisch]

Sorry but I have to push back on this. Not wanting to be around somebody else's kids is not the same thing as being "afraid" of being around kids. A "real man" who wants kids will find a way to have his own kids instead of wasting his time raising somebody else's.

I get that.

But as I said when you are 48 (?)you will run into women that have kids. Me being a farther perhaps influences my judgement. There's also a difference between raising and simply showing some love to the kids now and and then.

Besides that, I think he knew about her kids from the get go. I think that most men over 40 better learn to deal with women with kids. Buts thas MY opinion.

Apparently he made up his mind. Idgaf what he does or doesn't do. But in general I would advise ( older) men to slow down on the hate against single mothers because you might miss out on great relationships.

 

[New_Journey]

To be honest, in the 9 months of seeing her, I have never ONCE expected or asked her to change any plans for me.

Infact 99% of all reaching out to meet up, has always been initiated by her, as she understands that I am not the type to put all the effort in, neither have we agreed that we are in a relationship together.

I have taken things slow with her, due to some other red flags. She has several male friends, and this hasn't always sat well with me.. She decided to drop the male friends, not because I asked her to, but she just understood that she will never get an LTR from me otherwise.

She does have some good qualities.. However all that being said, I do not want to LTR a girl, who will forever remind me that her kids come before me!

There will be other times, when it comes to planning dates, or breaks or holidays, where she will choose her kids over me (which is okay) however when she verbalises it to me? It feels demeaning.

I feel like the guy who makes sacrifices, but is often reminded he is NOT the priority.

Why even make fukin sacrifices?

I totally understand a woman should make her kids the priority, but when she verbalises it, it's kinda fvkin annoying.

Why are you focusing on her kids that much? You should focus on having an interesting life outside of her, dating other women, and fvcking this one like no man has ever done before. Everything else you're posting in here makes no sense.

Also, you went from a new guy, to insult other members who are giving you the best advice they can? You're just the classic sore loser who is a nice guy and angry at life with big ego.

 

[Gamisch]

Unfortunately yes.

I made a post around Halloween asking for logistical advice with a girl I was considering meeting up with, because he is correct that I'm 30 (not sure why he keeps getting that number wrong) and currently live with my parents.

He made it a point to offer unsolicited advice in several unrelated threads about my financial situation and why others should disregard what I say because I haven't figured this area of my life out, to the point where he is the one and only person on this entire board that I have on my ignore list. That part is correct though - I do need to figure out and improve my financial situation while moving out of my parent's place, which is something I'm in the process of right now with a listing agent trying to find me apartments in Philly.

Thing is, I do get laid a lot. Recently made this thread: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/fr-97.283406/

97 because that is the 97th woman I've slept with.

Take the advice of the people who have achieved what you desire in the area you desire it. All I know about him is he's a painter around my age and has kids. But if somebody's advice to me was to settle into the uncomfortable situation I'm in, rather than find a solution, I probably wouldn't listen to them.

Really ? You really wanna fight this out again?

You are a charlatan. Quite narcissistic with that. You still ain't over that post and that's like 6 months ago haha. You have the vindictiveness of a woman.

I slept with more than 200 women while living together and having kids. So even your stats don't impress me. You know NOTHING about how grown men move, let alone you know anything about kids. So where you get that wisdom from?

Maybe you should focus on getting your own place. If you wanna fight me make your own thread and we'll duke it out there.

OP asked for opinions so I gave mine , you gave yours and its up to him what he thinks is better. Time will tell.