Single again after three years, will I be rusty?

[Nighthawk]

Last time I came out of a LTR of 9 years I'd picked up loads of bad habits re attractiveness to women, one of the reasons I came here originally. Now, I'm going to be more careful this time (and if any of you know me, you know I'm not a noob), but feel I am bound to make some mistakes back in the game. The biggest hurdle right now is I have little interest in going out and meeting new girls or socializing at all.

I do well with the women, and reckon I can get plenty of female attention if I get out there and charm, but I don't have much inclination.

Also, though I think it's probably for the best that my relatioship is over, I'm still understandably sad about it not working out.

Advice/inspirational pep talks please!

 

[edger]

The biggest hurdle right now is I have little interest in going out and meeting new girls or socializing at all.

After a chick breaks up with you of whom you felt very strongly towards, and after you've bought into her "soulmate" bantering, dealing with the next break-up after that, is cake. I can tell you right now(although I haven't been in a relationship since my break-up 3 yrs ago), that if there happens to be another woman I become seriously involved with, who breaks up with me, even after calling me her "soulmate", I'd be hitting the clubs the next hour looking for new tail to f*ck. After you've gone through the trauma of your supposed "soulmate" breaking up with you once, you develop a tough skin...a really tough skin..at least in my experience.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Nighthawk,


Every woman that you meet, every relationship that you go through, and every lesson you LEARN from each experience will only make you a BETTER man.

A more ALERT man.

A more KNOWLEDGEABLE man.

A better ARMED man.

And a more RESILIENT man.

As long as you focus on the positive things within you, AND the USEFUL things that you can take from this last relationship you've experienced----your future is brighter than ever.

Do you remember how you always hear people say "Man, if I knew THEN what I know NOW....etc. etc. etc."

Well use this opportunity as a chance to continue to separate yourself from much lesser men. Use this experience to actually take the Intel you've gathered by surviving this emotionally-taxing, relationship battle to forge yourself into a man made of even BETTER stock than you were BEFORE.

Use this event as a stepping stone to get a better, even more attractive, even more compatible, and even more devoted woman than you had last time.

Vow to yourself to become even more skillful at doing the things that made you successful in this last relationship, and also vow to yourself to NEVER AGAIN make the same mistakes that may have worked against you in this last relationship.

Soldiers who continue to make the same mistakes over and over again are "brothers" to the "saboteur". So don't sabotage your future success by mentally and emotionally rehearsing the negative impressions of this last relationship.

Get back to rediscovering and fully participating in the things that brought you peace, contentment, and joy APART from being in a relationship with ANYONE. And as you "reconnect" with yourself in this totally positive and selfish way, you will find your confidence grow, your rusty-ness loosen up, and your deeply buried, natural "mackishness" RETURN----and in full force.

And out of this confidence, you will regain the desire to get back out here on the battlefield to look for these new targets. In fact, BECAUSE your confidence will have returned to it's previously high level----you will become inspired ONCE AGAIN to attract and approach targets (women) without hesitation.

That's when you'll rediscover how true it is that even though you are always outnumbered----you're NEVER OUTGUNNED.

And when the opportunity presents itself, and when your state of mind is once again "open" to the possibility, you will have an even better understanding that "soul mates" are far from mythical-------if you view them through this more empowering and more realistic prism.




Much RESPECT and PEACE to you, soldier.

 

[Nighthawk]

Thanks everyone. I went out last week and that was the first time since the split I felt good and single again. I did a couple of approaches, one was rushed and rubbish, the other was smoother but not ideal. Anyway I had a good time.

Last night was my belated birthday party and there were some hot women who were clearly interested, but ultimately I wasn't up for it. I still felt it was TOO SOON and walked away from any possibilities.

There are two sides of my brain, one says 'you need to get back on the horse with someone, practically anyone, to break the cycle and help you move on' and the other says 'take some time away from women, if an amazing catch comes along, cool, but don't waste your time on someone you know isn't right.'

I'm at the point where meaningless one-night-stands are more hassle than they're worth, with some woman in your house you just want to leave. I've had enough sex that I have no burning need to quench right now, so should I just forget about getting laid right now, or do I need to remember that at any time a great woman could pop into your life so make the opportunities? Bah I don't know...

 

[Mr. Me]

I have little interest in going out and meeting new girls or socializing at all... I don't have much inclination.

I hear that! You do have to make yourself do it. Nothing happens if you stay at home. Doesn't mean you have to go out all the time, but it should be fairly regularly. Don't wait to be motivated. Do it first, then the motivation will follow once you're out and about.

I'm at the point where meaningless one-night-stands are more hassle than they're worth

Man, do I hear that too! So I don't go out for sex. I go out to have a good time, that's the priority. My good time will not be dependent on whether or not I get laid that night. If I find someone attractive, I'll go for the phone number and say bye. If they're not attractive, then who knows who they may know? In the process, I've met some 5s and 6s who know people and places and have opened up some doors.

To tie this into motivation: your reason for going out is to get out of the house, keep active, experience an event, have fun. Girls are part of that, but not the priority.

but feel I am bound to make some mistakes

Unless you're a robot, you will. So? The mistake really is when you make the same mistake twice.

 

[The Bat]

I'm curious, why didn't it work out? I'm going to take a wild guess and say that she ended it?

I think it's important to understand what happened so that you may end on a healthy, positive note that reads something like, "The lessons I learned were _____".

Even though I have never been exclusive, I spin multiple plates on a regular basis. I only tell you this so that you know I'm not theorizing to you.

Every time one of the plates drop, I analyze the situation to understand what happened, what worked, what didn't work, what I could have done, what should I have been on the look out for, etc.

Then again, 3 years is a very long time. It makes sense that it's taking you awhile to get back in the game. Happens to lot of people, I assume.

My advice to you would be to keep living your life and don't worry about focusing on women. If you say to yourself, "I have to go out tonight and meet a woman" then you are just setting yourself up for failure. Not failure with women, necessarily, but more with your own peace and happiness.

 

[squirrels]

Last time I came out of a LTR of 9 years I'd picked up loads of bad habits re attractiveness to women, one of the reasons I came here originally. Now, I'm going to be more careful this time (and if any of you know me, you know I'm not a noob), but feel I am bound to make some mistakes back in the game. The biggest hurdle right now is I have little interest in going out and meeting new girls or socializing at all.

I do well with the women, and reckon I can get plenty of female attention if I get out there and charm, but I don't have much inclination.

Also, though I think it's probably for the best that my relatioship is over, I'm still understandably sad about it not working out.

Advice/inspirational pep talks please!

Oh, absolutely! You WILL be rusty as hell.

All the more reason to get started NOW.