Simple BPD message

[Janez]

hi guys

my shrink said, that there must be a reason, why we deal with BPD's. If we fall for a BPD, there must be a reason, because every normal "male" would see there is something wrong with the girl.

Don't blame everything on BPD. And if it is BPD, find out why you have fallen for her.

Best regards and best luck

 

[horaholic]

I know I fell for mine because of:

-She was drop dead gorgeous
-Amazing and insatiable in bed.
-Adventurous (not just sexually either)
-good hearted (towards everyone but me, basically)
-world traveled and cultured.
-rich, and high class (pretty much out of my league)
-treated me like a KING, in her normal mode, anyway. She worshipped me.
-mad me feel better than anything I've ever felt before, or since, actually
-sexiest voice I've ever heard, and her words would always melt me
-always tried to be positive, and found beauty in everything

If I were to balance the good and bad with her, the good side would win. Now I know that the balance doesnt matter, some things are unnacceptable. It was worth all the pain I felt, and still feel. I only regret not dropping her sooner, as I missed a chance with a great girl because of it.

There is NOTHING wrong with me falling for her. I firmly believe ANY guy out there would have. Keeping her around through the disrespect is another story, but she had me hooked good.

 

[darkstarrr]

We fall for them because in the beginning they are easy. As it has been discussed previously, it is an ego and self confidence boost because you meet this girl out of nowhere and she seems to really like you. You feel special. You feel as you can do no wrong in her eyes. Its strange because it can be almost inspirational.

Then when the honeymoon is over and she starts getting used to you or feels you are getting too close she starts to display rage, which is a direct result of her fear of abandonment that she experienced as a child when papa used to drink and mama was a cvnt. These people's brains are wired incorrectly, and the rage I refered to is basically a malfunction.

Sort of like if you win a great looking car in a game show but then when you bring it home and try to actually include it as a stable part of your life, you find out the spark plug wires are not coordinated to the associated cynlinders. The fvcking thing misfires the second you count on it for something real.

 

[Janez]

zakon. jee en slovenc tu gori ne morem ti pa poslati PM, ker imas izklopljeno. lahko ti samo email posljem preko tega.

****

sorry for foreign language. it won't happen again.

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

Things were easy with her. Horaholic's description is scary for me cause it describes my ex to a T (minus points 5 and 6). It became a second job almost to maintain things and past a certain point nothing I did could get her out of this crappy attitude she cropped.

 

[darkstarrr]

i decided to separate the two into different categories.

there will always be the girl i loved that was an ideal girlfriend, lover, friend, and companion in life.

and then there is bpd girl.

looking at it in the sense of a dichotomy is helpful because it helps us to understand all the good we remember really isn't worth the hell we inevitably endured.

thanks for that

 

[Heretolearn]

I brought up the dichotomy to my ex and she said its all me.

At that point I should have walked. Instead I tried to endure the bad because of the good. At the time it sweetened the good (like having a hot shower on a cold day (you appreciate it more) which created a vicious cycle of unhealthy attachment/appreciation.

It is only with time and building a stable steady life can you even get to the point where you go 'holy @#@# that was CRAZY!!!'

 

[Bible_Belt]

We had one long bpd thread that got closed and archived. In that thread somewhere it mentions something about guys who want a bpd girl never getting enough attention from their own mothers as small children, because mom was always too preoccupied with dad, who usually has issues of his own that take up all her attention, like being abusive or being an alcoholic.

 

[Mr. Me]

So funny. My therapist said to me the same 2 weeks ago.

Hej Janez, se en Slovenec tu. Lahko pm, ce zelis.

Another Slovenian here.

zakon. jee en slovenc tu gori ne morem ti pa poslati PM, ker imas izklopljeno. lahko ti samo email posljem preko tega.

What is that? Slovenian for "We have the same therapist"?

 

[Janez]

Mr. Me: nah, it is just about how we gonna contact each other since belko is unable to receive personal messages.

**
and by the way, I decided I am not BPD. It might sound crazy or whatever, but that is what I decided. Simply having some defense mechanisms like splitting (B/W thinking), avoiding stressful situations (God, I have been in such situations almost my whole life) and being A MAN does not make me sick person.

I learned manipulation on this forum. Back then, when I joined, everything here was about push/pull. Don't be afc. Don't give woman too much. Control yourself etc. But because of stressful events and not understanding of my family things gone out of control in few years.

I landed in a psych hospital (I mean i am there volunteary (whatever the f*** the word is)). I came there to get some answers on my questions. Considering the DSM there need to be 5 points out of 9 to be diagnosed as a BPD. I could be diagnosed.

But that does not make me EVIL, MANIPULATIVE CREATURE that sucks out the soul of other women then dump them like crap. Well some women felt in love with me. I am not the first, not the last male that woman has fallen for him. Sometimes I caused other people pain. I am not the first not the last.
I might be self-preoccupied and only think about myself -> well guys, I am here for own benefit, like everyone else.

Just being temperament and that sometimes I have hard time controlling anger does not make me f*k psycho. I learned here what is supposed to be enjoying life. I came here to learn to chase women...

Well enough of this cr*p, I will soon have to start thinking about other things than how to think to be most successful in all areas of my life.

And please, do not stigmatize and stereotype my answers. Because it is usually problem of others that can't handle simple truth.


What about my exBPD? Well, if I listened to advice of "smart" people, I should have gone no contact and stay no contact. What I did is simply: recover myself. Find answers WHY. Find answers WHAT HAPPENED. Find answers about myself what has happened in the past. Make a logical conclusion.

We are still in contact through msn. I simply deleted her from my main msn address and if I want to talk with her, I go to other msn. I changed my phone number. Here and there we meet, either it is outside when it is party time, or we go on coffee drink. Average once a month. Sometimes I ask her for opinion and advice. And u know what??? She give's me best advice, and advice is short and effective. Last time she simply said "don't bother with suck people.".

That's it. Life is to enjoy and to do our best with what we were born with. Not to live life the way others would want it. And that is how I developed those defense mechanisms.

 

[Janez]

Interesting ****. Those dumb admins from bpdfamily restricted access to the forums from Slovenian networks. Lol.

Why? Because they can't handle simple truth.

Bpdfamily is just a cry forum, something that this forum became with blaming everything on BPD. BPD is not that hard to understand if you can understand black/white thinking and feeling.

B/W is just defense mechanism that is developed either by early child trauma (so BPD stays "childish", like 5 years old child), or later from too much stress, unhealthy lifestyle, arguments and putting down.

Too bad Bpdfamily cannot handle simple truth, and they are quasi help forum. Rofl.

 

[Janez]

I know who I am, and for that I do not need professional help.

I used to not know who I was, so I searched professional help. - they helped me then.


What do professionals know more then myself about me, except that they can put a label on me? It is the results that speak, not the label.

So I will go out to the most beautiful girl, like I did last saturday, and it will make me happy, because I will be confident and I will trust in myself. If I would listen to shrinks too much, I would never be able to achieve that.

Simple. But u can choose for yourself, whether u must or must not seek professional help. Obviously, you are seeking some kind of help by joining/posting/reading on this forum. And don't take this as an offensive thing - because that would be just b/w thinking again (but from your POV)

 

[horaholic]

Remember when I accused you of either being an attention hor, hypochondriac, or stoned?

Which one was it?

Acutally, my ex used to fvckup really bad, then call me and tell me how she made an appointment with a therapist, to get me to forgive her. She went a few times, then it got forgotten. Another manipulative strategy.

I think you do need help. If you knew who you were, and were confident like you say, you wouldnt have posted the last few threads. Now you're making excuses as to NOT seeking help.

What do professionals know more then myself about me, except that they can put a label on me? It is the results that speak, not the label.

Sorry, but that is a really bad excuse. You dont pay them to label you, you pay them to help you deal with your issues. You're the same person you were two weeks ago, when you were posting about how screwed up you were, and needed help.

Are you in a psych hospital now? Im not sure if thats what you were saying or not. I've personally never met anyone who's been to a mental hospital that had ONE positive thing to say about it. They have all said they only teach you how to lie, and 'act' normal, cuz thats the only way they let you out. Of course, these were high school kids also, it might be different as an adult.

If you dont want help, you should at least admit that you dont want it, instead of making excuses.

 

[Janez]

this is happening simply because in last 3 months I have been overthinking possibilities. I might be diagnosed as a BPD. My point is that this will not stop me from getting myself back on the track, on living happy life.

And please, do not stigmatize and stereotype my answers. Because it is usually problem of others that can't handle simple truth.

--
I am glad that you responded. USually my posts stay undebated, unresponded, and sometimes deleted. So I hardly get 3rd party opinion in it.


I do want help. But I want such help that would actually help me be happy and fine without the downs and oversensitive responses. I want answers why and how, and the truth here is, that i am smarter than most people, and I have been thinking about these things more than common people.

I am glad and I hope we can continue discussion. Best regards. I go out party now and I hope I will chat with some really beautiful woman. I go out with 2 women. I had sex yday. This is what this forum is all about, at least it was back then when i joined.

 

[Janez]

Ok, now I have more time to answer these remarks. I do not, in any way, start argument, anger, and whatsoever. I just want a debate. Show me where I am wrong, and I will be glad. If you will understand me, so much better. Because, I believe, there is logic behind my behaviour and my life strategy.



*
Remember when I accused you of either being an attention hor, hypochondriac, or stoned?

Which one was it?

It could be anything of the 3 mentioned things. It could be even something else. That’s why I want to debate it, to find the answers, WHY I did what I did. With answers like you are giving, you give me a thought to process, so I have easier way to find out what is really behind all this. It is much easier to point some “error” on the other person, when you can see his behaviour from the outside, than to actually “objectivily self observe”.

*
Acutally, my ex used to fvckup really bad, then call me and tell me how she made an appointment with a therapist, to get me to forgive her. She went a few times, then it got forgotten. Another manipulative strategy.

I am not aware of your ex girlfriend, and what has happened. The story probably has 2 sides, and I believe that with all the knowledge of her personality and all the details that were in her head (mind) at the time, we could find the logic. But we are not aware of all the variables at the time of the event.

*

I think you do need help. If you knew who you were, and were confident like you say, you wouldnt have posted the last few threads. Now you're making excuses as to NOT seeking help.

I am seeking help, and the way I seek it is also to post threads on various forums. As I believe there is logic behind my thinking and behaviour, I try to find answers what and why.

But I do not believe that single person, who has degree at psychiatry, can help me 100%. I need opinions of other people. Random people from internet, who do not have optimal living strategy. Friends, who partly understand me, and support me in either case. Parents,who would want me to be something else, even though I am not the person they would like me to be. 1 shrink can not replace all the people, that has and still influence my life. Because that shrink might know all the knowledge about personality disorders, knowledge of all the labels, knowledge of psychology. But come on, I have some part of their knowledge as well, but I also know the variables that they are not aware of. (I would need a year to explain all my life to shrink, and what I got is 1h/month or less).

So what I really want to show is not that I do not seek help, what I seek is GOOD help. And there is difference. A person with degree of psychology, but is limited in life experience outside of the psych hospital, can not make optimal strategy for myself (and this is where my shrink agrees with me anyway).

What I am afraid is to be simply labeled as BPD and then treated like one of them, when life is too complicated to put oneself into one label. Do we understand here?

*

Sorry, but that is a really bad excuse. You dont pay them to label you, you pay them to help you deal with your issues. You're the same person you were two weeks ago, when you were posting about how screwed up you were, and needed help.

As you can see from above statements, it is not an excuse. I do not excuse myself to anyone. I am just letting people know about my inside thoughts and my thought process, as I am in a mission to find the optimal life strategy.

I do not pay anyone, because Slovenian health care system does not work that way. I have “free” health care in this area. I pay ~30 euro per month to insurance company, and then my health care is free. It does not matter whether it is psych help or it is treating physical illness or something else (like cancer, God save me from that).

Yes, I am the same person as 2 weeks ago, but 2 weeks ago I was not aware of splitting. Besides, 2 weeks ago I was feeling very suicidal, and I was just craving for help. I want to find answers why once and for good. And posting things on forum, which on most part stay unanswered and undebated, is one of the way I try to find answers. Unfortunately, not many people want to help me or debate things with me, even though it might help them as well or find my messages somehow interesting.

*

Are you in a psych hospital now? Im not sure if thats what you were saying or not. I've personally never met anyone who's been to a mental hospital that had ONE positive thing to say about it. They have all said they only teach you how to lie, and 'act' normal, cuz thats the only way they let you out. Of course, these were high school kids also, it might be different as an adult.

Well, this might be your experience. I never knew a single person that went to psych hospital before now. What I see now in my CBT group is 10 people with different kind of problems, where life was hard for them and they want to find their own way to cope with problems. And they are just “common” people and if we didn’t meet in here, I would never thought of them as there is something “wrong” with them. In reality, I am not really visiting CBT, but it is called “Course of learning relaxation techniques”. What we do is like introduction to CBT, but it is not CBT.

In my group there are few people with anxiety problems, like panic attacks, one person with PTSD thing like, a woman with suicidal thoughts that claim there is no other problems, a mom which daughter is drug abusing and her problem is anger etc… From outside, just common people that live their life and outside observer, who does not know their intimate problems, would not say there is something “wrong” with them. They just searched help, because they knew they have problems.

So this is, in my point of view, just a stereotypisation. (“I have not seen anything good from people from mental institution”).

I do believe these people have done good and bad things to other people, just like everyone else. They are human like I am and you are, and I believe you would feel offended if someone told you “you have not done anything good in your life”. Yes, dear friend, it is humans that go with me on the course of learning relaxation techniques in the mental institution.

*
If you dont want help, you should at least admit that you dont want it, instead of making excuses.

As I showed before, I do want help. I am just doubting that 100% leaning on professional psych help is best way.

I hope we can debate this further. And If you somehow agree with me now, don’t be shy to agree with me, as this would really feel good for me that I am on the right track.

 

[Janez]

And here is the second part of my answer.

**
i don't help people that don't want to help themselves. it may seem selfish but its also if you think about it you'll only be wasting your own time if you get involved horaholic.

This is where I agree. You can not help person who is not willing to receive help. As I explained in the message up, I do want help. But I want help that is on the level that might actually help me. I do get help from professionals, but I do not take that their advice is 100% correct. I believe there are strategies that are better than what the professionals help.

How can I lean to help of professional, whose knowledge of brain working and memory management in some areas is way behind my own knowledge?

**

Most people come to this forum asking for advice/help they generally don't come here to post about how they have all these problems and ask for opinions then miraculously absolve themselves from the problems.

This is very debatable. Just as there are many people on this forum, there are different motives.

Let me be a bit provocative here, but excuse my thinking as I do not want to be offensive and I respect, or at least want to respect most people here:

Some people, especially those that has posted MANY posts on this forum, might suffer from NPD or have NPD’ like tendencies. I do not understand why would someone write thousands of posts if there was nothing to get back from posting. Is this feeding own ego, feeling smart, whatever. I do not understand motives to post 3k or more messages, and I do not even care. For me it is good because those posts are or can be very informative. But what are deep motives? Yes, those motives could be labeled by any shrink as BPD, NPD, ASPD, APD, whatever PD, tendencies. .. Do you understand this message ? (and if not, then u can understand why I just don’t want to take everyone’s opinion as a good advice).

People here are here because of their very own motives. I joined this forum because I wanted to get better with women. 8 years ago, when I joined this forum, I had no idea how far would this bring me. I had no idea if this will be good or bad for me. What I feel now is that it would be probably better If I did not find this forum and first resolve my problems I had at that time (court, police, and triggering of all the mental problems I had in next 8 years). If I fixed those problems lets say in 1 year, and then, as a confident male read this forum, DJ bible, etc., and try be better with women, it would be probably better. What has actually happen to me is that I read some posts from dj bible, like “Evil ways”, and others that present standard push-pull technique (being a challenge etc.)… Well at the time I did not really understand those concepts. But I learned those concepts hard time, and that is where I believe I learned manipulation.

Is it good or bad that I found sosuave.com? I don’t know and I don’t care. Situation now is that I know sosuave.com, that I have knowledge from it and that I am 26 years old and currently typing this message into Microsoft Word. This is my current status and because I can’t change the past, I don’t care. I just am where I am and tomorrow I will be where I will be. (Is this hard to understand? I doubt).

**
I landed in a psych hospital (I mean i am there volunteary
If you were in a psych ward, for whatever reason it maybe it should be clear you are in need of some help. whether it be professional or not.


As I said, I went to psych volunteeary. I was searching answers about BPD, and I was searching for help how to forget/fix about my exBPD girlfriend. What I learned in this mental facility is that there must be something inside me that I have fallen for BPD woman. And this is what this thread is all about and started. And, as previously said, I can not change the fact that I searched for help in mental institution. Nothing in the world can change that. I went there and this is a fact now. I could have gone different way, but I did not. That is all.

**

The only person that seems to have a problem handling the truth seems to be you.

This is example of stereotypisation. I believe that both of us have problems with handling the truth. Each of us on different level.

I am not only one. It might seem to you, but it doesn’t mean it seems to everyone. I could ask my doctor for professional opinion. She might tell me that obviously it is not only me “that has a problem handling the truth”. But it does not really matter. As we are just human beings, I strongly believe every human being has it’s own truth, its own way of seeing the world.

I might see a girl and feel attracted to her, but she might think of herself that she is ugly or fat and unattractive. Then third guy comes and he finds her just average girl, with no special attraction toward her. Who is more correct here?

The only truth here is that if she had more self respect and better self image, she would probably more attractive to more people. But there is no general truth.

If you can prove me that I am the only person who have problem handling the truth, well go ahead. But I believe my seeing of the truth is more based on logic and objectivity then the truth of common people that has not put as much energy to areas of life that I have put. Many times people just say things for their own benefit, while they have hard problems of understanding deep logic behind the behaviour.


**
You first start off some post saying you were involved in a BPD relationship and did not want to discuss the topic any further.

Show me where, and I have no problems with discussing the relationship further. If it is true what you say, there might be many reasons for why I did not want to discuss any further.

1. It could be that I just didn’t want to remember painful times I have gone through because of misunderstanding the logic in our relationship. I blindly believed that BPD’s are half human beings, emotional vampires that suck your soul dry and dump you like a crap. Now as I know I could fit into dsm criteria of BPD, I do know I am not half human being and that I can do a lot of good to the world and to people around me.
2. It might be something else, this discussion now is pointless and it does not bring any good for any of us. If you show me thread where I did not want to discuss it any further, I have no problem writing a page about what happened at that particular time, what were my feelings and what was my thought process.

**

Then you claim in another thread you started you have bpd. In that same thread you said you may have 5 other mental illness's.

Now in this thread "Simple BPD message" you claim again you do not have bpd anymore.

Yes. True. I am on a mission of finding out what is going on. I am still young man, at age 26. I am at time of life where I either find myself or never find myself and just live life. As I want to live life as fulfilled as possible, I invested a lot of energy to find out “the truth”, so I can make best strategy to go through life as easy and happy as possible.

How I see thing now is: I could be labeled as BPD, as I have some behaviour patterns that would fit into DSM BPD criteria.

But I DECIDED (go and read) that I am not BPD. I decided that I am not half human being, emotional vampire that sucks the soul out of other people. I do not believe anyone has suffered so much pain I suffered in the past just because he/she was my friend or partner. The only person that might have suffered so much because of me is my exBPD gf, and she got her revenge anyway. We are still friend, but we do not see each other much, as I am afraid to be obsessed about her again.

She got boyfriend now. I am happy for her because she is happy with him. I do not want to see her with him being happy, but I am happy for her as we chat on msn. If I listened to my shrink, she told me that I will have problems when I will find out about new boyfriend (to just make longer story short). This is where my doc was wrong and this is one of the reasons why I do not blindly believe in professional help. I do not have such big problems with my exBPD having a boyfriend as my doc suspected I will have. And just like my doc says “that there is hard road in front of me” I believe that “happy life is waiting for me as I have gone through all the hard times in the past already”. Do you understand my concerns about professional help now? They give some misinformation, but also give some very good information. 100% blindly beliving into psych system would be false for me because of these particular reasons. And this is part of my message of what I want to say.

**

didn't you say that you were waiting on your doctors reports that were supposed to come in 4 weeks for your diagnosis? Well unless time in your world is twice as fast its only been close to about 2 weeks.

I am not officially diagnosed yet. No need to be arrogant in here.

**

Admits to your faults, that's the first step toward success and that is true for whatever road you choose to go down.

I will admit “my faults” where there will be evidence for my faults. When someone will prove me wrong, I will admit my wrong thinking and in case of need I will also apologize. There is simple problem. People are not willing to go into deep debate about this, as it is easier to stay away, not debate, delete my messages, or plain simply ignore. I have not received any apology from people that treated me with disrespect. I have received “ugly” accusations from people that were in my opinion in a power position (forum moderator on bpdfamily.com I believe is bigger authority than someone who is searching for help there).



Anyway, I hope someone will take time, read some things and point out “my errors”. If you got enough time, then go ahead. Unless you prove me wrong, I will continue to strongly believe in myself and my own logic.

 

[Janez]

And thank you both for taking your time to answer my posts. It is really rare that anyone actually take time and respond. Usually it is just ignore/delete/ban/whatever. ... :\

 

[horaholic]

Let me tell you, I just wrote a big long post, then I decided to erase the whole thing. You want attention, and you have a lot of very intelligent excuses. There's no arguing with a BPD. I got enough of that from my ex, and she put you to SHAME, with the caliber of her manipulation, and excuses. She was the best in the biz, and you will never come close, sorry. Think and say what you want, but you're not fooling us, especially me.

You've asked me if your posts helped me. I'll say yes, because they showed me another way to spot people who are full of shyt, even if your intentions were good. Im not trying to rip on you , but fvck, I have no choice.

Please get help for yourself. I couldnt care less if you manipulate a few chicks. If your game is on, then I applaud you. but dont think you can bs us. I, for one have learned better.

Good luck.

 

[Janez]

Yeah, you decided to delete. Probably because U were afraid you will be caught on your misunderstandments.

I am not full of ****. I am not "in war". I asked for help, and you are obviously unable to continue to give it. Actually your response shows me that there is alot of truth in my writings.

Just because I am trying to find my way out of the mess that was partly caused by myself and partly caused by limited understanding of my environment, does not mean that I am full of ****.

You might think of me as an attention seaker PD (which would be HPD anyway, of which I have not scored 1 single point in any test), but look at this from my perspective. I am here 8 years and I have 102 posts. You are here dunno from when, and you have 284 posts. Not that much anyway.
Now I want attention from male perspective, as I am growing as a man, growing my identity and growing my self esteem.

I admit that at the moment I am far from being emotionally 100% stable. I do over react, I am impulsive,etc. But I am aware of my issues.

I could say the same to you. Get help. Stop blaming everything on your ex because there must be a reason why you have fallen for her in the first place. U might limit that on the visual apperance, and the points you have posted before.

What I am saying is that stereotype of BPD's that are all evil creatures that suck the life out of poor souls is not true.

And yeah, If I score a few chicks, It does not make me a better person. I don't see any reason why you would actually care if I scored a chick or not. So we agree on this.

Tomorrow I have appointment with my doc and I will debate these things over again. I will ask questions about B/W, manipulation and soul sucking. I can assure you that I will receive interesting answers.

But in the end you will be just able to think: "well, he just manipulated the doc with his bpd skills so she said what he wanted to hear".

Best regards

 

[Janez]

Besides, your statement "She was the best in the biz, and you will never come close, sorry." might be good prove that I am not all that.. you know what we are talking about in here.

And I want to add another thing. You were almost the only person that discussed these things that pop in my head and my logic. What I usually receive when I say things like that is ignorance, not responding, and sometimes even deleting my messages.

Admin, that accused me of pretty hard things, that were based solely on stereotypisation of BPD, has never apologised and never answered my messages. So I applaud you to be willing to write as much, even though you didn't write much.

If you can show my s*it, I will be glad and I might have easier way to do "the untwist", if untwist is even the thing that I have to do. Respect.