Similarity of Attractivness Between Guys Who Are Taken and DJs:A Good or a Bad Thing?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Most of us have experienced more women being attracted to us when we are involved with someone else. We believe that it's our confidence that is bolstered by having someone. This confidence is alluring to women and we seem to get more attention from women.

We can mostly agree that this is a good thing if you are taken be it the additional confidence or the added social proof. But here's a thought, what if you are naturally confident like that without dating anyone in particular? Has it ever worked against you?

Here's an example; I've recently hooked up with a woman I met last year. She told me that she had been interested in me since we met because she thought I was married! WTF??!!

Mind you, I hadn't seen her since June and even then I was talking up her, her girlfriend and the waitress at the cafe we were visiting. I could believe that she may have felt that I was a player but married????

So I'm looking for some insight into what you guys think is going on here. I am going to survey some women on this later this week or the next and I'll let you know what I find out but until then, what do you think?

 

[DJDamage]

But here's a thought, what if you are naturally confident like that without dating anyone in particular? Has it ever worked against you?

I fail to see how it can work against you. The key word here is "naturally confident" which means you are not doing anything extra to bolster your confidence in order to get a certain female's attention rather you take things as they come to you and always act the same.

Women like naturally confident guys. Even better its when the man is attached or thinks he is a player because if she has really high interest in him she will try to lure him away from his woman and win his affection. Only in the movies and television do I hear the mantra "women stick together" when in actuality they tend to care solely on their own happiness first and therefore who ever gets hurt as a result of their action, comes second. If a woman ever rejects a guy because he is attached its because her interest in him weren't very high to begin with and has nothing to do with moral's issue. Hope I didn't get too far off topic....

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

No, not off topic but what you explained is what seems typical. However, what if you are confident in a way that makes some women think that you must be taken?

Every once in while I'm out with a woman and she asks if I'm single. I use to be somewhat naive in that I didn't expect guys who weren't single to see other women but that's another story. So now I'm curious whether that is a standard question that women ask the majority of guys or can confidence make a guy seem married?

 

[blueguy]

I think it's partially because society still has a perception that any guy with high value is a catch and would eventually get married. You're 39 so I'd guess she made that assumption. Also she could have thought of you differently: a single loser who hits on girls everywhere and can't get any.

I think she probably thought of you in a good light.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think she probably thought of you in a good light.

Oh yeah she definitely did but didn't act on her feelings because she thought I was married. She has since found out that I'm single and has acted appropriately (check out my thread on a woman offering to help you paint your house).

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...So taking that scenario it's very likely possible that because of your age she ASSUMED you were taken and which has nothing to do with you being confident.

Hmmmm, that is something to consider. If that's the case that's fvcked up if I do say so myself. I don't know if it's worse to believe that after a certain age you should be married (no matter to whom) or is it worse be single and know that not just any woman is good enough to settle down with yet have it held against you as if there's something wrong with you (not my case with this woman but it could still happen). Interesting....

 

[Babnik]

So, she was interested because you were married but as soon as she found out that you were NOT - she decided to get physical with you?

Doesn't that mean she became MORE interested in you?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

So, she was interested because you were married but as soon as she found out that you were NOT - she decided to get physical with you?

Doesn't that mean she became MORE interested in you?

Yeah, she's definitely more interested. I just haven't found out from her exactly why she thought I was married. I'll find out why when I see her this weekend.

 

[Infraction]

Look at it like a game.
The new girl sees a challnge by takeing a guy from a girl.
Its much more thrilling than takeing a single guy eh?

 

[insanity]

my woman stopped making friends this year because she hated every single friend she had, hit on me right in front of her. my woman used to get so mad at me by saying "how come you didn't tell her to f@ck off when she was hitting on you?"

even though i knew they were hitting on me, it didn't hurt that it made my woman realize that she had a catch and i would have no problem replacing her if she ever stepped out of line. it's even better when they are extremely attractive.

attention ho's are usually the ones who flirt with a taken man. it's just their nature. thats why when they notice a man is taken and he doesn't flinch when she bends over she then turns on the skank overdrive. attention ho's just want the win and once they have you and you break up with your woman, thats when they get bored and drop you for their next victim.

when a girl hits on you. it's a great reminder to your woman that you are the sh@t and she is lucky to be with you.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Francisco, I know the answer!!!!!! It is because we are dealing with Hors today!!!! Yes, hors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hors are troublemakers and are filled with blasphemies - what bigger blasphemy is there then to go with a "taken" man?? Hors are demonic, in a sense, and will go against "good" for evils' sake!!!!

 

[ryannath]

LOL...LMS cracks me up...every single post he makes always refers to women as "HORS." It's sooooo funny.lol

 

[Last Man Standing]

LOL...LMS cracks me up...every single post he makes always refers to women as "HORS." It's sooooo funny.lol

I never, in one instance, referred to women as hors!!! I only refer to Hors as hors!!!!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Look at it like a game.
The new girl sees a challnge by takeing a guy from a girl.
Its much more thrilling than takeing a single guy eh?

I can definitely accept that premise. The thing is that this woman was just really nice until she found out that I was single. Hell, she kiss closed me on our fist date! Big swing from when we had last seen one another several months ago when she thought I was married.

It just seems bazaar to me that I thought that my actions had been that of a DJ; confident, funny and single, definitely not married. So far from other women I've queried they all say it had to be something that a guy would say or do that would make a woman think that. Personally, I'm trying to follow DevanE's premise that women feel that a guy my age should be married.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...attention ho's are usually the ones who flirt with a taken man.

I agree. It boosts their ego in a situation where they know that the chance of them being seriously pursued in return is low.

...when a girl hits on you. it's a great reminder to your woman that you are the sh@t and she is lucky to be with you.

Oh I know that for sure.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco, I know the answer!!!!!! It is because we are dealing with Hors today!!!! Yes, hors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hors are troublemakers and are filled with blasphemies - what bigger blasphemy is there then to go with a "taken" man?? Hors are demonic, in a sense, and will go against "good" for evils' sake!!!!

Agreed. But she didn't pursue me until she found out that I was single. For some reason unbeknownst to me she thought I was married.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I never, in one instance, referred to women as hors!!! I only refer to Hors as hors!!!!!

I really think that you should incorporate that line into your sig.

 

[Snow Plowman]

Didn't read the replies but Tyler goes into this extensively.

Basically having a gf is a entitlement criteria. An people who use such things are said to have Situational confidence. But Core confidence is guys who don't need any of it. The best example of that is the Keys to the VIP eposide with the guy who is where the green shirt. (I think cobra commander) This guy lives on a couch has nothing and he has one of the most "unreactive" people I've seen.

 

[evasive]

Here's an example; I've recently hooked up with a woman I met last year. She told me that she had been interested in me since we met because she thought I was married! WTF??!!

you're 39

 

[Chemistry]

I think that the ‘jump’ in attractiveness can be attributed to a couple of things… ultimately it depends on the kind of person you are…

Firstly, there is the added confidence of having a woman already there… the approach and rapport stage is without consequence really because even if a chick blows you out then you can go home and get some much needed validation and sex so that you feel like a real man again… you’re natural, you mind is clear and you’re not thinking too hard… it’s almost like poker… imagine you’re sat at the table and you’re down to your last few chips, while the dude next to you has a good $100 of chips… now think and contrast the way in which you would both play the next few hands…

Secondly, women are hugely competitive and being married acts as a validation for them… its proof that you are some kind of prize… they know you’re worth something to somebody else so the chances are that you’ll have something to offer them too… married dudes to certain chicks are like a Picasso to an art gallery curator

It’s all kind of irrelevant however because there’s no use in attracting lots of chicks once you’re married… well, maybe there is some use, but not in the sense that you can cash it in… I’m not going to get married for a boost of confidence, I’m going to get married because I’m at a stage where I want to do the ‘family’ thing and I’ve found a chick who is excellent to do that with… when I’m at that stage in my life and I have that chick, I’d be foolish to give it up