Silly Girl games - cant let her win!

[SmoothnNerdy]

Hey Guys,
This is my first post but I've been a long time reader of this site from time to time looking for inspiring stories.

So I'm a guy in his late 20's with a pretty good start to his career. The past 7 years or so I've been in a couple LTRs with older women (3-9yrs) that I wasn't really crazy about, just because I wanted regular sex and it was better than being alone. I could probably attribute most of this to a long time recovery from a traumatic teenage experience.

Over the past few months a buddy and I have been hangin out with some girls from the local uni. This past week we started hangin out really frequently. It was great, my confidence was high and they seemed to respond pretty well to it which drove my confidence even further. One started showing more and more interest, i figured it was mutual attraction so I started pursuing her without making any common AFC mistakes. It started with her grabbing my junk one drunken night at a bar (too many close friends around for me to act on it), then the constant flirting and kino every time we're out, until one night I manage to get out with her on our own.

It was a simple cute date, grabbing some groceries then back to my place for a few drinks on the balcony. Swapped some life stories then ended up on the couch together watching some TV. Her constantly testing me, bending over me to grab her drink (great ass ;-) - In hind site this was probably something I should have acted on. So it gets late and I drive her home.

I carry in a heavy case for her and drop it off in her room. She wouldn't turn the light on (maybe she was ashamed of the mess - maybe she had an ulterior motive). Time for me to go so she gives me a hug, and won't let go. 30 seconds later I lean in for the kiss... Super awkward! quick smooch and she shews me out there faster than I can say WHAT THE FK!?

I mean all the signs were there, I don't think I did anything unexpected. Being the more mature, understanding nice guy I send her a message saying I understand if it was too soon and that I was her friend first - she can talk to me about anything.
-At the time I thought that was the strong honorable way to deal with it but realize it was my first AFC mistake

Hahaha, so in my frustration I tell my buddy what happened. Then he drops a story about the same girl that mirrors mine almost exactly which happened a couple weeks ago!!! Me and him are totally cool and had a laugh about it. He mentioned discussing it with a girlfriend who just explained that this girl is completely addicted to the attention.

I wanna know if this is true or if I'm giving up to early on this one..... I hate the game but you gotta play to win right!? :box:

Haha, a little part of me wants to be ruthless and bang her brains out before saying goodbye for good.

What's your take?

 

[Serialized3]

Swapped some life stories then ended up on the couch together watching some TV. Her constantly testing me, bending over me to grab her drink (great ass ;-) - In hind site this was probably something I should have acted on.

I think here is where your biggest problem occured. Although not being more aggressive at the bar when she was pawing you was a screw-up, it's fairly forgivable since she was drunk.

You may already know that going over to a guy's house to watch movies/tv is universal girl code for hooking up. You really should have made a sexual move here. Lesson learned, hopefully.

Being the more mature, understanding nice guy I send her a message saying I understand if it was too soon and that I was her friend first - she can talk to me about anything.

This may have been the nail in the coffin. What was her response? That will tell you everything you need to know about where you stand with her on the friend-lover spectrum.

Post the communications you have had with her since then and we can see whether or not you could salvage this situation.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

This may have been the nail in the coffin.

I totally agree, here's the AFC nail below... Keep in mind that this was sent before I talked to my buddy and learned she wasn't as innocent as I thought ;-)

-------------
Hey (her)
Well it seems pretty obvious that last night didn't end so well for either of us, and it looks like you and I won't be walking down any paths of romance together.

Listen because this is very important, I am your FRIEND FIRST, and you can talk to me about anything. I'm done with the flirty attraction games and I'm here as an honest open friend. I'm not judging you in any way, there was once a time when I was in your shoes in a very similar situation. For me it had nothing to do with the other person, I really liked her, but there was something just not right for me at the time. I dont know if this is the case for you but I'd love to talk about it. Who knows, it could lead to an even better friendship

No reason for either of us to feel awkward or embarrassed, these things happen. If it would make you more comfortable, just say so and I'll act like I just simply dropped you off at the door last night and will never bring it up again.

Hope to see you soon!
Hugz (quick ones;-)
(ME)

-------------------
Hey (me)

It's cool, we'll always be friends. Let's not let anything get in the way of that and not lose any sleep over this. We will get past this and things can go back to being normal. (AKA: me wipping out the old jokes ....... Just kidding)

Once again, don't lose sleep over this!
See you soon
(her)

-----------------------
from me

Haha, no worries... Us old guys learn to take these things lightly

PS. I looked at my pineapple today and thought "Crap, she probably won't teach me how to cut this now". LoL

------
from her


HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA....

I'll teach you how to cut a pineapple and you teach me snowboarding

-------
from me


Seems like an *almost even trade
----------
from her
lol. !!!
PS: (Friend) is excited to hear some of that music your gonna send her...

Goodnighttt.
See you soon.!!


----------------------
END
----------------------
Just an FYI, I think she's trying to pass me off to that (Friend) - which I have little interest in - awesome girl and cute, just not the kind I think about *kissing.

 

[Pair A Dice]

If you played the game better, it could have been curtains for her. Should have acted on anything sign she threw your way.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

At first i got pissed off "why is she ****ing me around" then I took a look at myself and stopped putting females on such a pedestal. It's my fault for not "playing" her right.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I wouldn't have sent her that message, but there's definitely still hope. Just don't talk to her for a few days and wait it out. If you see her, just be your normal friendly self. There's nothing wrong with having a conversation with a girl and letting her know a few things about you. That's what's supposed to happen on a date.

Perhaps she may have just been nervous when you kissed her? Not so sure, if you give us some background on her personality we might be able to tell. I've been in the same situation with a girl before and as soon as I leave she texts me saying I'm really cute blah blah blah.. Then hooked up with her and got a BJ the following week lol.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

I wouldn't have sent her that message, but there's definitely still hope. Just don't talk to her for a few days and wait it out. If you see her, just be your normal friendly self. There's nothing wrong with having a conversation with a girl and letting her know a few things about you. That's what's supposed to happen on a date.

Perhaps she may have just been nervous when you kissed her? Not so sure, if you give us some background on her personality we might be able to tell. I've been in the same situation with a girl before and as soon as I leave she texts me saying I'm really cute blah blah blah.. Then hooked up with her and got a BJ the following week lol.

Thanks for the inspiration Alex.

Out of her friends she seems to be the "look at me" type, definitely craves attention. I'm wondering if she was a high-school cheerleader before uni, some of her "look at me" moments included spelling words out with her body, lol. She's flirty and likes to tease as well as be teased. There was an instance last week where she got upset with me at a bar for no good reason, really no good reason. I called her on her **** the next day and she apologized and seemed to give me an upper hand the next time we met, which probably lead to the date. I don't think calling her **** on the kiss situation is gonna help this time though...

 

[Serialized3]

She sounds pretty immature and attention-whorish. Probably a lot more trouble than she's worth going for her using traditional methods.

You still probably have a decent chance at getting it if you and her and alcohol all come together in the right way though...

 

[Jeffst1980]

I totally agree, here's the AFC nail below... Keep in mind that this was sent before I talked to my buddy and learned she wasn't as innocent as I thought ;-)

-------------
Hey (her)
Well it seems pretty obvious that last night didn't end so well for either of us, and it looks like you and I won't be walking down any paths of romance together.

Listen because this is very important, I am your FRIEND FIRST, and you can talk to me about anything. I'm done with the flirty attraction games and I'm here as an honest open friend. I'm not judging you in any way, there was once a time when I was in your shoes in a very similar situation. For me it had nothing to do with the other person, I really liked her, but there was something just not right for me at the time. I dont know if this is the case for you but I'd love to talk about it. Who knows, it could lead to an even better friendship

No reason for either of us to feel awkward or embarrassed, these things happen. If it would make you more comfortable, just say so and I'll act like I just simply dropped you off at the door last night and will never bring it up again.

Hope to see you soon!
Hugz (quick ones;-)
(ME)

-------------------
Hey (me)

It's cool, we'll always be friends. Let's not let anything get in the way of that and not lose any sleep over this. We will get past this and things can go back to being normal. (AKA: me wipping out the old jokes ....... Just kidding)

Once again, don't lose sleep over this!
See you soon
(her)

-----------------------
from me

Haha, no worries... Us old guys learn to take these things lightly

PS. I looked at my pineapple today and thought "Crap, she probably won't teach me how to cut this now". LoL

------
from her


HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA....

I'll teach you how to cut a pineapple and you teach me snowboarding

-------
from me


Seems like an *almost even trade
----------
from her
lol. !!!
PS: (Friend) is excited to hear some of that music your gonna send her...

Goodnighttt.
See you soon.!!


----------------------
END
----------------------
Just an FYI, I think she's trying to pass me off to that (Friend) - which I have little interest in - awesome girl and cute, just not the kind I think about *kissing.

This girl is an AW, but I hope you learned your lesson from this text exchange.

NEVER write something like this to a girl, unless you unequivocally want to place yourself in friendzone. When you VERBALIZE your concern that you might have "offended her" by making a move on her after SHE GAVE MULTIPLE OPPORTUNITIES TO DO SO, it sends the message that you're a guy that "doesn't get it."

All this talk about wanting a better "friendship" with her is silly, because once either one of you gets into a serious relationship, your friendship will end by necessity. This girl isn't a friend; she's just a young AW, and you don't REALLY want her friendship, you're just hoping she'll change her mind and want you again if she gets to know you. You are not being honest about what you want with her, and she knows this.

But, it's water under the bridge now. What can you do in the future? Be the kind of guy that is respectful, but isn't ASHAMED to hit on girls. If a girl comes over to your place to "watch TV," it should feel awkward for you NOT to make a move on her. Don't wait for her to initiate things or give you an obvious green light because it isn't going to happen. As a man, it is your job to risk rejection. The fact that you tried to kiss her in her apartment shows that you're willing to risk rejection- now you just need to learn to do it sooner.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

She sounds pretty immature and attention-whorish. Probably a lot more trouble than she's worth going for her using traditional methods.

You still probably have a decent chance at getting it if you and her and alcohol all come together in the right way though...

Hahaha, you got that right! I was originally thinking shes only about the attention and I should just drop her but then a few stories inspired me on here to think about a second shot. I'm gonna back off the messaging and see if she initiates anything this week.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

This girl is an AW, but I hope you learned your lesson from this text exchange.

NEVER write something like this to a girl, unless you unequivocally want to place yourself in friendzone. When you VERBALIZE your concern that you might have "offended her" by making a move on her after SHE GAVE MULTIPLE OPPORTUNITIES TO DO SO, it sends the message that you're a guy that "doesn't get it."

All this talk about wanting a better "friendship" with her is silly, because once either one of you gets into a serious relationship, your friendship will end by necessity. This girl isn't a friend; she's just a young AW, and you don't REALLY want her friendship, you're just hoping she'll change her mind and want you again if she gets to know you. You are not being honest about what you want with her, and she knows this.

But, it's water under the bridge now. What can you do in the future? Be the kind of guy that is respectful, but isn't ASHAMED to hit on girls. If a girl comes over to your place to "watch TV," it should feel awkward for you NOT to make a move on her. Don't wait for her to initiate things or give you an obvious green light because it isn't going to happen. As a man, it is your job to risk rejection. The fact that you tried to kiss her in her apartment shows that you're willing to risk rejection- now you just need to learn to do it sooner.

Got it, thanks dude.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

So after some time of keeping a cold front and a bit of push and pull, she kisses me when I drop her off after a party we were at.

Its been crazy, at first she was trying to push my jealousy buttons at bar which I gave no response to, then she's all over me on the dance floor while I'm still trying to pull away. Then the party I mentioned, she's being really flirty/kino while I'm still pushing a bit, until finally she's direct and guides me into a kiss after I dodge a couple direct hits with the friendly European style.(at the time I honestly didnt think that was what she wanted)

Up until that night, I had forgotten about pursuing things with her but now I feel the claws sinking back in. Haven't messaged her since Sat night.

My confusion right now is do I keep maintaining the cool front and wait for her to make more of an effort. Message her that I appreciate a woman who's direct and she made a good first step. Or what?

Thanks Guys

 

[pdx1138]

no, don't show your cards....keep the mystery...thats what they get off on.

remember, what they DO, not what they SAY.

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

no, don't show your cards....keep the mystery...thats what they get off on.

remember, what they DO, not what they SAY.

Thanks... I'll keep the DOs in mind...