side project!learned alot!long post!

[RockandRoll!]

for months i have been coming to the dj forum and the posts that have acutally worked were the ones about being a jerk.i met this girl 6 months ago and i first started off by being a complete jack-a$$ i wanted nothing to do with her and anyways she keept calling and persisted so i finally gave her a chance.she was going to be my little side project, if being a jerk was more better or being a nice guy was the way to go.so i started with the jerk gig first.if she pissed me off she got sh!t on.i was like wow how can a girl put up with this crap...i wouldnt!and i always got laid when i shot her down.then came the day she told me she loved me.i lied and told her i loved her too when i didnt.
2 months into this relationship i had learned that -
1.the first arguement is key-it establishes whose in control.i focused on her insecurities and brought them down on her..she became very submissive after that.i learned that trick from years of practicing on my sisters when they always tried to start an arguement with me.i always focused on there insecurities and then they never messed with me again.
2.breaking up with them over something small is a great way to earn control.they beg u back and they dont mess with ya because they think they are gonna lose something special.
3.i keept the arguing to a level of three arguements a week.the sex was a nice pay-off whenever things felt dry and the action felt low.always keep the action up!or your sex life will suffer!drama is what they want then dramas what u give them.
i'm really rockin

3 to 4 months into the relationship.....uh-oh!!!!i started falling in love with this girl.and she could sense it!the tables began to turn.what i learned.
1.i was more forgiving and i let her get away with more.my control started to deplete.sex was becoming more rare,because i started doing nice things for her.she must have begun to get bored.less action means less sex.
2.i had to do something the control was becoming hers.so i tried the dumping thing again when she pissed me off....it worked!she begged me back and i explained to her what she had to do to please me again...but i made an error.i told her if i ever dumped her i would always get back with her.stupid!stupid!
3.she was becoming immune to my mean comments in arguements.i must have said the same mean things to her...must think of new material.
4.possiveness is cool the first 2 months but after that it shows fear of losing them and it makes the girl stronger.
5.dam i gained alot of weight...now i'm starting to think that if i lose her then nobody will want me.weight gain shows insecurity.she now has weapon for arguements and it shows up now.fatso,fat f@ck.

months 5 to 6...i'm really head over heels for this girl.what the hell happend!the tables have really turned im a nice guy now!love changes ya!anyways i ask her why she doesnt do the things she used to do for me like before...and her comment.....her:i dont have to do that anymore that was just to sweeting the deal.
me:deal???
her:i know i got u now!
me:yes u do honey.
she now is in control!!!!so she pisses me off with something and i get mad and i say thats it!!!i dont want to go out with you anymore.and she said whatever.
BANG!my heart hit the floor.huh???
i used one to many i want to break ups with her and i took her back everytime so now it seemed like a joke to her.and like the error i mentioned to her when i said i'll never dump u really...i just wanted to scare ya.ruined me.she had no fear because my willingness to walk away seemed fake.so i packed my things and it didnt faze her.so then i said just joking to her...and she said no leave.and anyways i begged her back.she said yes.....oh my god had the tables turned!but i only put up with that crap for like a week.she became me!!!like i was to her at first.so one day i woke up packed my things and admitted defeat and left for a new land.

1 week broken up and i felt good again.then came the call.she said she missed me and cried saying i'll give it 110% in the relationship this time whatever u want bla-bla-bla.and i was on a cool mind trip that i told her off.

2 weeks passed and i started missing her so i called her up and said hey maybe we should get back together she agreed but it was me that called and it gave her the power because she made me this time follow her rules.she said i had to change this and that about myself and i agreed like a fool.

I should have never agreed to change for who she fell in love with in the first place.i became no more of a challenge.i seemed more needy this time because i was used to waking up beside her everyday and i wanted to be with her everyday.i became sh!t.

she was going out every night with her friends and i could not say nothing because i had agreed not to be so possive if we got back together.she ruled!

then one day i woke up and looked in the mirror and i didnt like what i saw.why did i change when i liked who i was.who my best friends liked.who my girl pals liked.
why did my girlfriend want me to change when she was the one who told me she was the one who loved me first.

so i broke the mirror and said i'm no longer that guy anymore and i phoned up my girlfriend and told her to go f@ck herself and i dumped her and never looked back.

she still calls and wants me back but the moral of the story is when you fall in love never let your girlfriend change who and what u are.they fell in love with what u were not who your gonna be.they like jerks!so if u ever feel like your going down my route always stay tougher then the one ya love because if you let your girlfriend walk all over you.then u can go hang with the other broken hearted smucks.because she'll dump ya.nice guys lose!its a proven fact.my friends storys all sound just like this one.so never change your ways.change og scenery is good.change of a job.good.changing yourself for a girlfriend,the worst change u can ever make!

 

[DonJoey]

I've been there and done that (almost) - read my post in Tips called "Never change for a woman" and you'll see a similar thing happen there to me.
At least you knew what you were doing and going through - I was clueless at the time.
Hopefully other DJs will heed these calls and remember them so as not to slip up.
Good luck matey with everything.

 

[PortugueseMeatball]

Hey Rock,


Your story reminded me a joke:

A girl was really nervous because her wedding day was coming up and she feared doing something wrong in the best day of her life. On the wedding day, talking with one of her friends she explained her problems: "What should I do if I forget something?" Her friend: "Don't worry, when you're at the church, remember these words: 'Isle, alter, him'. You remember these words, and as soon as you get to the alter, everything will be automatic, just enjoy the moment." The bride says "OK". At the church, the bride remembers her friend's recommendation and slowly walks down the isle, saying those words. But the guests couldn't believe what they were hearing: she was saying in low voice "I-shall-alter-him" "I-shall-alter-him" "I-shall-alter-him" ...

Now to comment on your "report"...


Your experience is very precious, Rock. I'm sorry you have to suffer with all this and I hope you never have to deal with it again. In the name of all the nice guys of this forum, thank you for your story. It will remind us not to fall in those mistakes if we ever find ourselves in a situation like you told.

Anyway, love changes you and that's only natural. But you tried to remain a Challange with the wrong tactics. You were bossing her around, trying to control her and she grew up on that. Argumenting frequently in a relationship, especially at early days, is not a good sign.

Personally I don't like using swear words during arguments or any other occasion for that matter. I believe one can be assertive and not let others step on you without resorting to swearing. Remaining calm during a fight or argument can even work on your favor because it makes the other person nervous: they try to control you and get you agressive, get you down to their level, but they find themselves unable to do that. That's another form of being a Challenge, I think. I call it "diplomacy". You remain calm, be a gentleman, but never forget to be assertive and in contact with reality: you know exactly what you want and you allways keep it under perspective.

Having a girlfriend is the icing on the cake of your life. She'll be there and make everything look nicer and sweeter. She'll turn your life from worse to bad, hopefully. But you're not feeding on the ice, you're feeding on the cake. Focusing on the cake (your job, your hobbies) makes you a Challenge, they'll have to fight for your attention. They're unable to control you. If the girl starts to control you, then your tactics, Rock, seem to be extremely effective as far as I can see! You'll focus the argumenting on her insecurities, as you said. And the effect is the same: you're giving her the impression she's not the center of your world, it takes her off her pedestal.

Would you care to comment on my interpretations, Rock?

Good luck and be happy.

 

[RockandRoll!]

well p.m i think i really figured out why she discovered all my tactics.you see i think i got the world record for a girlfriend moving in with ya for speed!we went out for a week and we got along so well that she moved in the next week after....very accelerated relationship if you ask me.then i discovered that she read my history on the computer and she discovered where my tactics had been coming from.places like the dj forum.so it was like she knew what to expect.but heres the real kick in the balls.when you spend every waking hour of everyday with your famale conterpart your nerves both become very unstable.we barely could co exsist with one another.i didnt have to work because money just comes naturally to me..bad things.and she lived of me and it turned to **** so the new moral of the story is dont spend every waking minute with your gals.it will kill yas.its addictive...but ya gotta fight it.

but i'm gonna try my style one more time half the same stuff.i've modified my tatics a bit.but this time i'm not spending all my time on them anymore.my first attempt at assholism was both good and bad.but it couldnt be that bad because she calls me up every night offering me the world so i must have left my mark on her somehow.so i must have done something right.

 

[Rico]

What you did right was break up with her first! Once you keep that power, they'll always call. The girl found out about this thing too... Never let 'em find where you get your tactics or that you actually have tactics. Let 'em read Men's Health or something.