Sick of Being Flaked On...

[nicksaiz65]

Just sick and tired of being flaked on really. It’s not even that I’m scared to ask women out or not confident. It just seems like no matter what I do, I always end up getting flaked on with the girls that I am attracted to.

I’ve done a good amount of self-improvement, but the result is the same. I’m really sick of this. I mean I’ll keep doing approaches. But the only thing that I can think of is to grind as hard as I can to raise my SMV and just accept that it’s gonna be a long road to get to where I want to be. Your thoughts?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Consensus advice on here is to communicate as little as possible with a girl after you set the date. I have never agreed with that, and have usually done the opposite. I don't text first, but I always respond, as much as she wants to text me. I think of it as me qualifying them. I have lost interest in girls before meeting, which was good, because it saved me a bad date. I'm not afraid of saying the wrong thing or chasing a woman away by talking to her too much. I never get flaked on by women close to my own age. If a girl is half my age, I just presume that comes with the territory.

 

[skinnyguy]

Just sick and tired of being flaked on really. It’s not even that I’m scared to ask women out or not confident. It just seems like no matter what I do, I always end up getting flaked on with the girls that I am attracted to.

I’ve done a good amount of self-improvement, but the result is the same. I’m really sick of this. I mean I’ll keep doing approaches. But the only thing that I can think of is to grind as hard as I can to raise my SMV and just accept that it’s gonna be a long road to get to where I want to be. Your thoughts?

Yeah. What’s happened to me is that I’ll meet them and they will show tons of interest and then disappear without saying why they aren’t interested.

Ironically this makes me want an LTR more than ever. Plate spinning is often a failed mission these days because girls always have more options than you do so you will get flaked on 95% of the time. If a girl wants to commit to me, I will absolutely consider it because it is better than spending Saturday night looking at my phone.

 

[marmel75]

Consensus advice on here is to communicate as little as possible with a girl after you set the date. I have never agreed with that, and have usually done the opposite. I don't text first, but I always respond, as much as she wants to text me. I think of it as me qualifying them. I have lost interest in girls before meeting, which was good, because it saved me a bad date. I'm not afraid of saying the wrong thing or chasing a woman away by talking to her too much. I never get flaked on by women close to my own age. If a girl is half my age, I just presume that comes with the territory.

Consensus is wrong...at least prior to the first date...I probably had something like 20 or 25 straight dates without a flake once I stopped the "go ghost until the date"... That doesn't work in practice prior to a first date. At least not without you playing Russian Roulette with the chick.

The woman will simply think you lost interest and arent going to show so she will be much more likely to make other plans than reach out and make sure the date is still on.

Dont blow up her phone but a text or two a day is usually enough to ensure your flake rate stays much lower than guys who go ghost.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Why wouldn’t you text someone before a first meetup?

 

[derby1]

I dont think OP is saying he goes ghost, you should maintain low contact with a woman prior to a date, as stated above.

Hes just stating hes sick of being flaked on.

Its as annoying AF,

Plus. White knights are teaching women to become hugely discourteous, showering them with attention over the most mundane stuff.

So they literally dont give a FCK if they let you down

Its even more annoying when they've initiated convo as if there looking forward it

 

[nicksaiz65]

I dont think OP is saying he goes ghost, you should maintain low contact with a woman prior to a date, as stated above.

Hes just stating hes sick of being flaked on.

Its as annoying AF,

Plus. White knights are teaching women to become hugely discourteous, showering them with attention over the most mundane stuff.

So they literally dont give a FCK if they let you down

Its even more annoying when they've initiated convo as if there looking forward it

Hit the nail on the head

 

[derby1]

Hit the nail on the head

The only thing you can do is keep texting to a minimum this values you and your time,

I'd go as far as saying even if you get the date,..Treat/expect to never see the woman again regardless if shes blowing ya phone up afterwards

Still stick to the low contact for a good few dates

These women are a new breed they will literally vanish off the face of the earth but were planning "little house on the prairie" with you just the day before....

Weird as they come they are

And I think its a sad state of a person when they actually initiate convo with you aswell knowing you want to date them, any relationship advisor would say this is great the female initiating/making chat aswell!!

Accept we now know better on sosuave cause it actually means FCK all

Ive had women actually put my number into there phone first and actually text me first!!!! Ya can't get a better sign than that!! They've took 5 mins of there life to store me and initiate, great sign you'd think!!

Means nothing anymore!!

 

[raider87]

I got flaked on last week by a girl that seemed very interested. 2nd date it was supposed to be. Could have flaked for any number of reasons. My rule is to cut them off after the second flake. You have to keep looking for more cooperative women.

 

[marmel75]

Hit the nail on the head

Then you need to work on screening because this shouldnt be happening at this high of a rate

 

[nicksaiz65]

This often happens when a man's game is too shallow. There are different phases in attraction that requires constant escalation to steadily transition through from one to the next.

The initial phase is fairly superficial. It's surface stuff that's immediately recognizable: Looks, charisma, rapport, etc. A lot of this falls into the realm of self-improvement. This is the stuff that gets you the number and the date, but there is no emotional investment yet. Women will more likely to flake on you when a night out with you is on par with something as simple and stupid as a lazy night at home washing/dying their hair. They can easily get another man and another date on another night when they aren't feeling so lazy. A lot of guys seem to think when they get the number and the date, their work is done, yet they scratch their heads when they wonder why flaky women is such a big problem for them.

The second phase is that emotional investment. Curiosity. Wonder. Anticipation. FEELINGS!!! A man who knows how to talk to a woman to elicit these emotions will create an emotional investment that makes a woman want to follow through for the prize. She's curious and feeling the right vibe with you that will be too good for her to pass up on for a lazy night at home. This can be done through texts and phone calls. How many texts or calls will depend on the type of girl, the man and his skill level, but a man who knows what he's doing can escalate quickly to achieve the goal with less communication.

The third phase is a transition from emotional to physical. The kino-kind of sh*t.

Then it's the physical to the sexual to wrap up the close. Kino to kissing to more....

Those are the 4 basic phases that you have to escalate and transition through. You can't rest on previous progress made until you f-close, at the least.

How do I improve on that second phase? I’m working on getting the first phase as high as I can but I feel like I’m failing in that second phase.

 

[RangerMIke]

Flaking happens If you are not getting flaked on, you are not trying. If flakes bother you then you are too invested in the chick you have asked out. You really should not be giving any chick any thought at all until she actually meets you on a date. Until then she is nothing.

 

[skinnyguy]

I think the key is to stop caring so much when you get flaked on, and start flaking on women more.

 

[Red Legg]

If you can't handle a woman flaking you can't handle the "game" period..

 

[GeeMale]

Make them smile, make them blush, make them comfortable. It's just some humor, some flirting and some get to know you all mixed together. I spend maybe a grand total of maybe 60 minutes over the course of a week doing this prior to the date.

Most of the skill in this is simply not going too far with any one of these things.

Too much humor and you'll come off as a class clown who doesn't take anything seriously.
Too much flirting and you will come off as a horn dog just looking for one thing.
Too much get-to-know you and you'll come off as having no balls.
Not enough of any of it, and a woman is not going to develop the emotional interest that will reduce flaking.

Since I've started working this angle myself, not only have I forgotten the last time a woman flaked on me, many of my first dates play out much better than the average person's 2nd or 3rd date. I always get a second date as well. Always.

Funny thing is, I flake on women constantly now. If I'm not feeling it, if it's too much work or BS, if their IL isn't high enough for me....I'll just pull the plug on them no matter where its at.

Wow this hit the nail on the head for me.
The 4 phases are so true. I got on this site 9 months ago and knew it all along: I'm too lazy to initiate all 4 phases with every chick. Like the other guy I think plate spinning is dumb and instead initiating these 4 phases on a few high quality chicks is better. If I do initiate 2nd to 3rd phase and beyond than it can only be when somewhat investing in 1 chick at one time while being in the first-second phase with other chicks and keeping there.

Am I on to something here?

 

[derby1]

i do think we deal with different women in different areas...Women in the UK are notorious flakers regardless of your approach

Why you may ask? they already have a boyfriend hes called the government he gives them a lovely house and 100 pound a week for having 1 child

now take in mind my female friend has about 20 booty calls shes a hb3 on a good day (thats how bad its got)

ill leave it there no more needs to be said

 

[Glassguy]

Women flake less on me when I have some slight rapport building with them before the date. Once I get the date set, I will initiate very little but I do however respond to their texts/fb messages.

When a guy goes ghost it makes it look like you're also going to pump and dump. You got the date, then you dismissed her. She is probably thinking if she goes out with you and it leads to sex, you will dismiss her again.

If a woman messages you before the date, by all means respond back. If you dont she will know that you're ignoring her and she will probably flake.

When messaging her back, be playful and keep it light and make sure that the convo doesnt go dead by leaving during a high point in the conversation.

Just dont blow her phone up or text her for hours on end.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In my opinion flaking is inevitable and there are only 2 ways to minimize it:

1. Spinning plates
2. Gaining experience

Do we have to keep a non reliable lady as a priority?

 

[CMNILS87]

Relationships are over rated man. Half the time after awhile you get super busy with life and you’re hanging out. It doesn’t feel like dating even though you are, but the newness is gone.

Most women are fickle unless they are 28 and desperate for s relationship.