Sick and tired of competing for girls

[Jester090]

I'm tired of being in a situation as a college freshman where it feels like a competition between me and several other guys to get the attention of a girls. For example, if it's 4 of us guys eating dinner with 4 girls in the cafeteria, it always seems to turn into a contest to see which guy can be the funniest and most interesting, and whoever does gets all the laughs and attention from the girls, while the other guys are essentially ignored completely.

One on one with a girl, I'm not bad, but I SUCK HORRIBLY at these situations, because I feel like I can't even get a single word in without having to interrupt one of the other guys. Also, I can never seem to think of interesting things to say at such a rapid pace...so I usually go completely silent and just eat my food while pretending to laugh at the amog's jokes. How can I get better at this situation? Any feedback would be great.

 

[Viking25]

While the other dude does all the work,you make good eye contact and smile at the girls.! .You will create more intimate connection this way with yor target. After the dinner,you can ask her out to hang out...

 

[coldcoal]

When a guy corners the market with a personality that you don't have, you're not going to beat him when he's rolling. So my only suggestion is to either help set the guy up and keep him rolling or to just break off completely and mingle to do your own thing. Passive behavior will land you last choice every time.... if you're lucky and that last choice is actually interested in hooking up with you.

 

[insanity]

i have been in situations like this before and it's easy to make the loud competition look like fools. if you can stand your ground, this is what i do. when loudmouth speaks up. mimick what he says in a dumb voice and roll your eyes and look at the women and laugh. it will make him think what he is saying is dumb and stupid and he will quiet down. if he acts all tough then stand your ground and say take a joke mr.sensitive and rub your nipples. it will just convince the girls he is insecure and your cool and calm.

you and these guys that are eating dinner with these girls want the dessert. speak up my friend

 

[Delta]

you have to see the "economics" of the situation ala "a beautiful mind"....

sure, you feel this way. there are girls tired of competing for his attention. not all the stragglers are lame right?

you gotta learn to skim from the periphery. that one guy might be the life of the party momentarily but every girl knows that she doesn't want to be part of his harem.

take advantage of that.

delta

 

[DarkLight]

Word up.
Some good tidbits advised here.

My perspective.
Your not gonna beat homey at HIS personalities game.
You said yourself this really isn't your type of character. So Cool.
Don't make a problem out of it.
On the contrary... let it highlight and assist your DIFFERENT character.
The contrast will only illuminate your uniqueness.

I have a homey (my wing) we're total opposites.
His character (game) is mad bold, big, surface.
While mines the opposite. Laid back, cool, suave.

He dominates b!tches, I seduce'em.
I know if I play his game, while w. him... I'll lose.
And the same holds true vice-versa.

So be who you are, just the Suave pimp version.
Find the seductive nature of your character. Whether its being the entertaning extrovert funny guy... or the pimp, allusive, cool cat, leaning back.

In situations like you described. Def. connect w. girls on a subtler level. In my experience, no real need to try and AMOG. Its all to the G'... if you see it as such. Touch one of the girls hands, and tell her she has a cute giggle, while giving her a lil smile and some eyes. Be the coolest cat there. The person that all the girls want to experience that special something you can make them feel... w. just a look. You feel me!?

(That said, you can crack a joke if it comes to you about homey... but no need. If your playing your roll right, you'll appear to be the laid back powerful leader of the pack, anyways. That has no need to put a show on to pull the pvssy).

Quick story to highlight all this.
Was up in SanFran w. 4 Bro's for a NewYear's. There was this smoking redhead... great tits, tight body, ripe a$$, pychologist and crazy, right. lol. So anyways... my one friend is fvcking hilarious. The showman... and excellent at it. Another friend is the man's man... works on Car's and sh!t. The other is the executive type. Then me.

Anyways... long story short, they were all trying to run their game, blah blah... while I just cool kicked it. Dropped some strokes w. the brush (when I felt)... but otherwise just grooved it. Even though Showman was the appeared "Alpha" of the group, Exec was the "Baller" of the group, and Manly Man was the "MAN" of the group... the Suave Cat chillin was the one that had his finger up her butt, when the Apple Dropped. LMAO.

So don't even trip at trying to "compete." Play your own game, whatever it is... to the T'. And whoever plays their OWN game the best... will be the biggest pimp of the group. The true Alpha.

Thats always been my experience.
SuaveOn'

 

[WORKEROUTER]

it comes down to competition, plain and simple. if you want that chick, you're going to have to man up at some point and accept that you have to WORK.

you're going to have to be aggressive, fight, compete, lose, feel like a fool, but eventually, you will succeed. the only other option is to quit and cry for mama.

if you wuss out, then you'll get exactly what you deserve...nothing.

 

[DarkLight]

Competition will be at play... no matter what.

So it would be foolish to engage competition at someone else's personalities "game."

Play your own game as best you can...
The competition aspect of it all, will be there naturally.
So no need to see it as you got to beat homey at his own game.
You'll lose from the getgo w. that perspective.

Be the best you.
Let others try to beat you at YOUR game. (and watch THEM lose).

Its all understanding.
And the understanding is this...

A KING doesn't need to compete, cause he knows he's the KING.
Who the fvck is there to compete w. the highest most position of power?
Every1 else is lower.
That knowing is what pulls him the pvssy.

Now don't confuse me and think a KING never has to fight battles. He does.
He just knows, he's the fvckin KING... thus there is no battle to even fight.

lol, ya dig!?
Its the knowing!
Who's knowing in SELF is stronger?
Yours or AMOG's?

Cause it can be either... up to you!....................KING!

 

[KoalaKing]

When a guy corners the market with a personality that you don't have, you're not going to beat him when he's rolling. So my only suggestion is to either help set the guy up and keep him rolling or to just break off completely and mingle to do your own thing. Passive behavior will land you last choice every time.... if you're lucky and that last choice is actually interested in hooking up with you.

This is terrible advice to be giving, there are many ways to beat these type of guys, (1) is to install a confident charasmatic X Factor type of personality into yourself, (2) is to uncover this guys insecurities and weaknesses and make him look like an idiot in front of the girls and everyone else, (3) take up martial arts, boxing, and workout at the gym, then you will be able to completely overpower these types of guys. :yes:

 

[Jester090]

Re:

I appreciate a lot of your advice guys, but I have some comments.

Delta, I agree with you that not every girl wants to be part of the alpha guy's harem, but it always seems like whenever I try to engage one of the girls while the amog is talking, she doesn't wanna listen because she's too enraptured by his story or joke, like all of her friends. All the other guys are listening to the amog also, and so the whole conversation for the night becomes whatever the amog wants to talk about, while all the other guys just listen and laugh.

Darklight, I'm not sure I understand how I can beat the amog at my own game, when my game is more passive than his. I've tried being laid back and not saying much, and it just ends up getting me no attention whatsoever....as if I wasn't even at the dinner table. From my experience, the loudest guy always gets the girls.

KoalaKing, I already workout at the gym and am in very good shape, but this does nothing for me in these competition scenes, when social skills are all that matter. How do I install that confident charismatic X factor type of personality??

Also, note that these guys are my friends, so I wouldn't wanna tool them.

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

"If you can't beat them, join them"
-Someone really smart.


If your ass is getting blown out of the water by other dudes, who obviously got more game (or anything else)... learn from them. Make friends with the fellow. Obviously he knows what he's doing.

 

[Cpt Caveman]

The correct answer is work on your social skills. Woman are social creatures. The whole point of the DJ bible, the Mystery Method and various other seduction sources is to demonstrate social value.

If you really want to compete in these situations you need to work on your social skills.

 

[Zero Hero]

Hang with a different crowd. You're 18. It sounds like you are going out with the buddies from your dorm hall. If you're just gonna hang with the dorm cliques, that's the way it's gonna be, but you'll be much better off if you find your own social circle. In a few years, you'll realize you were insane to actually want to compete for these loser "valley girls" anyways.

 

[Jester090]

The correct answer is work on your social skills. Woman are social creatures. The whole point of the DJ bible, the Mystery Method and various other seduction sources is to demonstrate social value.

If you really want to compete in these situations you need to work on your social skills.

Of course, dude, this is obvious. I've read the DJ Bible but nowhere in the bible does it describe these situations nor does it ever explain how to improve your ability to spontaneously be funny / charismatic, beyond common sense things like smile, make eye contact, etc.


If someone could tell me HOW to improve these skills that would be much better than just telling me that I NEED to improve them.

 

[DarkLight]

I'll give you some examples.
You see ATL (the movie)?

T.I. was the coolest mofo of his pack. The AMOG. He wasn't the one holler'ing at the chickx, he wasn't the one talking the loudest, cracking jokes. He was the cool mofo, leaning back, w. KING power, chillin!............... Swoopin the hottest a$$! W. his hot ex-gf still jockin the nutz too.

You want another example? You remember Beverly Hills 90210? (lol, only **** I can think of real quick)
Dillon. He wasn't the Brandon all up in everyone's business. Wasn't the Jock Steve being the blockhead male. Wasn't the lil DJ style-guy, mixing jams on the radio. He was the chillin cool cat, doin his thing. And by far the most Alpha of the group.

Now you can argue this was T.V. and the movies, but fact of the matter is... sh!t is based off real life persona's/characters. Life reflects art, and viceversa.

Anyways back to the point.
No need to be the loudest motherfcker to get the pvssy.
You just have to be the G'est cat.
And work that level of charm/pimpin.

Now like I originally posted... if that isn't your style of "game", or personal character. Then don't trip. Find your style of cool, and mack IT!

I was and am... just trying to point out, that there are different characters that still pull the pvssy just as effectively.

And just for curiousitys sake... answer me this.
Would the AMOG in question have any issue w. tool'ing you?
My bet is, no! He would def. jest you in humor, in front of the chicx. And carry on, in his joyous leading roll.

 

[Phyzzle]

My tactic: listen to his long ass story, suddenly blurt out a 2 second summary, and say, "Christ, you could've said that in two seconds!!" You've gotta be laughing about it, though.

My advice is don't worry: people grow out of it.

In college, I never got used to those so-called "alpha" types who just don't fvcking inhale. Outside the United States, people will have normal conversations, with flowing statements, stories with endings, and actual sentences. The same is true for Americans over 23. Adults get sick of monologue conversations.

You can work on your voice, make it deeper and louder, and even the talkative types won't mind if you interrupt to get a freakin' word in edgewise occasionally.

 

[DarkLight]

Dark-Light you said the most truest sh** because thats how I am too. The key to YOU and me is that we make people feel good about themselves.

Yop! I'm suprised at how clear you can see me through my words.
I can see totally that, you understood exactly the flavor I was trying to kick. Your right about that..."trying to make people feel good about themselves" ... w. heart, intelligence and belief in self... its like playing the roll of GOD. Beams of Charm, lol.

We sometimes go to gatherings and he just dominates on a completely subconcious level that people don't realize. He is always cool, calm and relaxed thats his skill.

Thats funny that your pops is a natural DJ. So is mine. He doesn't have his sh!t down so much these days, depression, etc. The laid back, Ray-Ban's cool charisma, lol. He really enjoyed other people and had this great integrity. Never sold out, to the ways of society. Always kept him unique. Women loved him.

Yeaa women wanna f*k its true, but what women want the most thing ever is to be seduced, to be intoxicated with a person's presence. They wanna become infatuated with a person without even knowing WHY their infatuated. Thats lust in its purest form and if you learn to charm people, especially women you won't EVER have to compete or need to be the "Alpha" because eventually people get tired of those types of people and look for change, something different, mysterious.

So true!
And the funny thing is... although it might not seem that type of character isn't thee "alpha", often the reality is otherwise. Like I said in my 2 examples above. The laid back, cool pimpin cat is usually the unspoken king. He doesn't need to put on a show... and thats exactly why he's king. He just leans back, and lets his being seduce, in mysterious allure. Women drip over this sh!t.

James Dean. Trust me... he wasn't the loudest speaking prick, cracking every1 up. He was the G' suave cat in the corner, every1 was stealing glances at, talking about, and taking their cues from.

You ever feel those moments when your the cool cat, chillin. And the showman's show dies. Guess who they look at. The whole attention of the group immediately goes to the Suave one. The real ALPHA. And you know why...?! To take their next cue... and be led, guided from there. And w. that attention/power... you drop some abstract sexual mysterious game of pure finesse... guess what?! You just blew whatever value "showman" earned in his 45min. monologue to dust. Pick of the litter is then yours DJ's. Swoop in on her, like the night sky w. stars twinkling. She'll be lost in your infinite mystery, so suave in your power, the only word that could describe such tact... is grace.

Respect.

Thank You!
2 you as well.

 

[Cpt Caveman]

Of course, dude, this is obvious. I've read the DJ Bible but nowhere in the bible does it describe these situations nor does it ever explain how to improve your ability to spontaneously be funny / charismatic, beyond common sense things like smile, make eye contact, etc.


If someone could tell me HOW to improve these skills that would be much better than just telling me that I NEED to improve them.

Okay, I'm no guru, I'm still learning myself but I can tell you from field experience what I've learned.

If you want to be more social, you have to...be more social. There's no e-book to read or DVD you can watch to gain great social skills. You just have to get outside your comfort zone and start doing it. It's going to seem weird at first but you're just going to have to stick with it and convince yourself that you will eventually get pretty damn good.

A few things that will help though is to: read some material by the PUA named Juggler, he's good with conversations. Watch good comedians and observe their timing, tonality gestures, etc. Observe your alpha friends and most importantly, BE MORE SOCIAL.

One last thing: a lot of guys are saying you should AMOG these guys/friends of yours. Don't do this. At least not directly. This IMO is very grade-schoolish and will create anomosity towards you from the guys whether they vocalize it or not.

 

[mrRuckus]

I'm tired of being in a situation as a college freshman where it feels like a competition between me and several other guys to get the attention of a girls. For example, if it's 4 of us guys eating dinner with 4 girls in the cafeteria, it always seems to turn into a contest to see which guy can be the funniest and most interesting, and whoever does gets all the laughs and attention from the girls, while the other guys are essentially ignored completely.

Just turn to one of the girls and start talking. The whole table doesn't need to be one giant group conversation. I usually just find a way to bust on one of the girls. For example turn to a pretty but shy one and call her out a bit "so are you the shy one" and smile.