Shy girls

[Radharc]

Hey guys,

I have this girl that goes to a class with me, I noticed in the first class that she had a strange body language while in class, suddenly looking to the side, moving a lot in the chair, no big deal, nothing ppl would notice unless they were looking for it, she seemed a bit nervous but there was nothing really treathening in the situation, she´s a really hot girl too. We'll she striked me as an odd bird from the beggining. After that she started asking me class related stuff and things. By now I can tell for sure that she´s a shy girl, and I allways have problems with that cause im a bit on the shy side myself and when I approach if I don´t get much feedback I tend to retreat and not pursue a conversation more agressively. I just tried to start a conversation with her but she seemed really nervous, short answers, looking to the side, but still interested, informing me of her whereabouts, stuff like that, well she´s foreign and at some point i asked if she wasnt understanding me, she excused herself with being tired. After I just decided to call it before it got awkward and said I had to get going.
How do you get a situation like this going, get past a shy girl "borders"? This is a really hot one and I think I´m willing to put some effort into it...
Any ideas are welcome.

 

[Werman]

Start by asking her out. If she is interested, she will say yes, regardless of how shy she is. When you're on the date, have fun with her. Make her comfortable and make a few moves like some kino and such. If she keeps shying away, then conclude the date and move on. I assure you, she isn't the only hot girl on campus, and many of them WILL respond to you.

 

[Mr. Me]

I just tried to start a conversation with her but she seemed really nervous, short answers, looking to the side, but still interested,

You mean "still conversing", not "still interested". Looking to the side, short answers, seemingly nervous aka "fidgety", those are all signs of low to no interest. She's talking to you to be civil.

If she was fully engaged with you, kept steady eye contact, smiles while talking, leans in to you, is enthusiastic in speaking with you, she keeps the conversation going when it lags, touches you briefly as she's talking to you, her body language is open not closed, she's turned fully toward you, then I'd say she's interested.

But the male ego takes that she speaks to you and sees that as "interest" and discredits her non-interest as her being "shy".

 

[Radharc]

Well, you just described a normal girl behavior, and then i would agree with you trust me, but my judgement tells me she is a shy girl, or are you someone who thinks shy girls are like UFO´s, that cant be proved to exist? Well I dont wanna really get into that discussion, lets just assume for debate sake that she is a shy girl?

 

[Alexander the Great]

Normally I would agree with Mr. Me. However, so far I've experienced three girls/women who displayed similar characteristics as Radharc's woman and one was interested in being friends, the other was interested in being more than friends and so was the third. Yet all three exhibited behaviour and body language in my presence that made me judge them to be not really interested, and in one case an ice queen and not interested at all. Had I acted on that appearance, I would not have met the warm personalities hidden beneath the seemingly icy surface with two of them (the ice queen wasn't interested in more than friends).

All are/were very intellectual. I've noticed this trend with smart women which shy women also exhibit, in that they often do not exhibit classic female interests signals if they're interested. They're like smart (or shy) guys: Too much in their heads, thinking about it, analyzing it. Keeping their distance until they manage to get in touch with their feelings about you. Which often doesn't happen until you make a move. Which means that until you take the initiative, they'll keep their distance. That means not maintaining eye contact (sometimes not at all!), staying out of your personal space (and inside theirs), appearing a little forceful in their communication at times too because they don't really know what to ask (usually they aren't the best socializers themselves).

So it may very well be that your woman is of the similar sort, Radhac. Follow Werman's advice. Be you (the real you, not the AFC you), be cool, make her feel comfortable, make it fun, have a few laughs, be detached from any outcome of your date, make sure you have fun. Introduce some innocent kino.

Since you have shy tendencies yourself: Fake it until you make it. Just stay out of your head yourself. Just talk. About anything. Forget about a purpose, goal, or your topics being interesting. Especially ask a lot of stuff. Be interested in her. Even shy women love to talk about themselves and as you know, once you get a woman comfortable by listening to her and being attentive and responsive to what she says, she'll flap her gums and you won't have to do anything practically. With shy women, this just takes some more time.

The key is to have a little more patience than you'd have to have with a less shy woman and not worry about what she may or may not think about you. That way you'll not withdraw in your own shell if she doesn't warm up to you right away.

If she doesn't become the least bit more receptive and warm to you in her body language despite your best efforts, then it's time to do as Mr. Me suggest and realize she really isn't interested. Of course, all this assuming she does indeed say "yes" to your date invitation.

Keep in the back of your head also that it might very well be that, since she's a foreign student, her attempts to communicate with you are attempts to build up a social network of people or simple small talk to get to know someone, not necessarily interest for anything other than that.

Anyway, good luck. Please keep us posted.

 

[mothballs]

A lot of shy women are just "shy" because they want someone to listen to what they have to say... usually they'll only contribute to a conversation because they have something important to say... because they don't deem "rambling" as intelligent. I don't think it actually takes any more time for a shy woman to warm up if you treat her right. Just keep asking her open ended questions to open her up and remember the answers so you can ask follow up questions at a later time. I'm seeing a "shy" woman right now and the relationship is progressing at a decent rate... first date - goodnight kiss, second date - makeout session... third date - we'll see...

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Hey guys,

she´s a really hot girl too. We'll she striked me as an odd bird from the beggining.

She's using shyness and oddity in a similar fashion as other hotties use the b^tch shield.

I have a friend of mine that I used to date who was extremely shy and very attractive as well for her age; her track record of previous boyfriends indicated an uber-alpha trend. Therefore my vote is lead to succeed, my friend. Set the frame and do it as soon as possible, or get out of the way 'cause she'll find those qualities quickly with someone else.

And watch those warning signs. "Odd bird" doesn't sound too promising.

 

[Radharc]

Thanks for your replies guys, she does seem to fit the intellectual/higly intelligent profile from what i can get from her interventions in class and reading interests, next class is monday and I´m gonna make a move then and see how it goes... to be honest last time the setting wasn´t the best, end of the day in a hallway with lots of noise, i had a hard time understanding what she was saying too.
I´ll keep you posted.

 

[Mr. Me]

Okay. Let's assume she's shy. A shy girl that's really interested will still let you know that she's really interested. But you didn't describe anything that speaks towards her interest so I'm not going to sit here saying maybe she is when it seems she's not.

I found, over time, that the best way to figure out things is to see what's clear and evident, like her actions for example, and go from there, rather then suppose or assume maybes, perhaps or could be's, which will give you 144 reasons to wonder about, but none of which give you much to go forward on.

So for you to find out, calls for you to make that move and the best test to see if she's really interested is: get her phone number. And if she hands it over without hesitation, without asking why you want her number, without giving you a reason why she doesn't give out her number, without asking for yours first, without claiming that her phone doesn't work, with no subsequent plethora of she didn't give her number because she's shy or she didn't give her number because she was hurt in a previous relationship type rationalizations, then you're on the right track.

 

[FreeMan1971]

One thing to keep on your radar:
Shy girls, especially the hot ones, have a higher probability of having Cluster B characteristics, in my experience. Somebody's Mama said ' Watch out for the quiet ones,' and she wasn't lying.