Should you apologise for hurting a girl??

[Ragin_Asian]

I understand the whole "take no **** from no woman" and the "stand your ground on your decision" is paramount when in comes to DJing but I was wondering if a girl was hurt pretty bad should you apologise when the cut was too deep???

Sometimes I go too far and when a girl steps over the line I may or may not NEXT her pretty hard. But sometimes I don't realise my actions and the resulting consequences from unintentionally making a girl's loss hit home pretty hard. My type of HBs are usually the shy introverted type, the troubled lady, the fragile cutie or the low self esteem kind that usually has some kind of barrier or shield against other boys (not necessarily ***** shields). These kinds of girls would get really hurt when I make it clear that its their loss not mine...(later on I find out its much worse due to bad luck circumstances) Normal HBs may come running after you or even beg to have to you back...The ones (my type) just go to their girlfriends to start bagging me out how much I've hurt her and expects an explanation AND apology...

Sometimes the difference between a superHB's game playing and a shy/troubledHB's indecision, insecurity and natural shyness is a little hard to tell unless you really know them. (please read introverted shy girl posts on DJ forum)

Today that I just hurt a shyHB (again, unintentionally though) and I can't help but feel for her now I've realised the extent of it...I may be a wee bit ACF-ish with a dash of insecurity yet cares a lot about other people. Also I've got another girl from another time who is hurt and wantin me to apologise (a next'd which unfortunately made her recount a traumatising experience from her childhood).

I know for a fact that you shouldn't apologise for your actions as a DJ trait but the bastardry and the *******hood has surface from me from stressful and hard times (ie havin a rough day, f8cked up situations etc).

Should guys like in my situation apologise and make it up to her? I know I used to be rAFC but plunged into the jerk stage as a detour to being a true DJ. Any good advice here???

I'll update more (its bloody 5am in AUS atm) as soon as I get exams out of the way and try to keep the posts brief...

 

[frivolousz21]

I recently "accidently" hurt someone...and I said I am sorry for my actions.


I dont think its a big deal..if you lead someone on with no intent to take it further..then its wrong..this girl was a hb8-8.5 and I wanted to see how much I could get her to want me..and it worked..because I kept my feelings away..and she got hurt.

I dont feel terrible..but it wasnt "right" so I said I was sorry for actions.

she told me to **** off....2 days laters calls to try to get me again.
becoming a dj is powerful stuff

 

[Desdinova]

If your actions or words had the sole intention of hurting her emotionally, you should apologize.

If you had no intent on hurting her from your actions or words, it's not your fault for the way she reacted to them. Never apologize for the conclusions she made based on your words or actions.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

i didnt read the article because i belive you should make the choice on your own and of course i coudlt be bothered to. but the genral rule should be if you genuinly hurt her and she is really upset then appolygise to her whilst keeping your dignity at the same time. If she is just messing around and you know she is not hurt and just tesitng you then you do not bother appolygising, now you can make the call on weather or not you do.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

What happens if she took it the wrong way? Just the coincidence of events led her to believe it was intentionally meant to hurt her.

And other coincidence of events (her super *****y ****teasing maneating girlfriends with her 24-7) and other freaky events led me to believe she was playing around.

One shyHBs insecurity and shyness is kinda similar to superHBs game playing right?? Other people have told me she's snobbish and very uptight but lately I found out shes uncomfortable with some things (ie eye contact, not saying hi or just reserved etc)...Other people's views of her have kinda had an effect on how I dealt with her. Now everyones changed their mind and now I'm on my own...Now I may have popped her bubble of comfort and security and opened her up to the nasty world of the Ragin' Asian...

Should I apologise for f*ck ups like these and risk being seen as an AFC or should I stand my ground be a bastard...

PS these shyHBs I mentioned do attract a large number of guys but defenses are very solid...really gotta be genuine with these fragile babies...

 

[frivolousz21]

Should I apologise for f*ck ups like these and risk being seen as an AFC or should I stand my ground be a bastard

risk being seen by whom as an AFC? her? her friends? ur dad?

the only person you need to be concerned about being seen as an AFC is a the man in the mirror.

you know ur not an AFC..if you feel guilty you can be sorry! its not wrong to be sorry if you make a mistake!!!!

 

[Desdinova]

I found out shes uncomfortable with some things (ie eye contact, not saying hi or just reserved

Those are her problems, not yours. You don't need to apologize for them.

If you intentionally insult her, that is your problem, not hers. Apologize for your issues.

You need to know yourself well to discern what your issues are, and you also need to work on improving them

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Ill let you guys know once I've tried dealing with it...Might be a very good insight on many things cos Ive thought hard about things (not on the girl)

 

[Dukester]

it doesnt make you an AFC to apologize for hurting someone deep.

it makes you AFC to apologize for telling a girl you are sorry for being a DJ

you are not AFC to tell a girl you are sorry for breaking her heart b/c you want sex when she wants a relationship

if the girl is a *****- no apology is needed

this is just a quick post- i might revise lata. kinda busy now

 

[Desdinova]

you are not AFC to tell a girl you are sorry for breaking her heart b/c you want sex when she wants a relationship

In other words, apologize because her expectations were too high? No thank you.

 

[Dukester]

Originally posted by Desdinova
In other words, apologize because her expectations were too high? No thank you.

ok, now i got a min to comment better.

that's not what meant.
you say- "sorry about ya hun, talk to ya later" and then sever contact w/ her

but dont apologize for the way you act ever-unless you are really being an absolute jerk and making her cry for no reason

if you insult her- apoligize
if you break her heart- dont apologize for doing it

 

[Desdinova]

if you break her heart- dont apologize for doing it

This is also open for debate. If you're in a LTR and you cheat on your woman, that isn't her fault.

It's all about taking responsibility for your actions. If you intentionally hurt her, you're responsible for the way she feels. If you didn't intentionally hurt her, you aren't responsible.

 

[Dukester]

Originally posted by Desdinova
This is also open for debate. If you're in a LTR and you cheat on your woman, that isn't her fault.

It's all about taking responsibility for your actions. If you intentionally hurt her, you're responsible for the way she feels. If you didn't intentionally hurt her, you aren't responsible.

exactly right- taking responsibility!

cheating is one thing i dont approve of, and will never ever do- but if somehow i end up doing it- i know it's my fault, and it's something i WILL apologize for.

If you say a snide comment to her- but in a jokingly way, and she takes it the wrong way. You should still say your sorry, but also say taht you didnt mean it offensively.

If she is pissed because you didnt call her back when you said you did- she has the right to be pissed, but dont apologize for not doing it. just say "i was out w/ the guys" or w/e you were doing- dont lie

 

[Desdinova]

If you say a snide comment to her- but in a jokingly way, and she takes it the wrong way. You should still say your sorry, but also say taht you didnt mean it offensively.

If she is pissed because you didnt call her back when you said you did- she has the right to be pissed, but dont apologize for not doing it. just say "i was out w/ the guys" or w/e you were doing- dont lie

I think you've got these two backwards. Being ****y/funny with her is a form of teasing. Teasing is an excellent way to communicate that you like her. You shouldn't apologize for liking a woman.

Not calling when you say you will can be irresponsible. If she doesn't question it, don't worry about it. You also don't have to tell her why you didn't call back, but apologize because you may have kept her waiting by the phone thus wasting her time. This is taking responsibility for your actions, or non-actions.

 

[Bonhomme]

This is too simple

Apologize when you actually did something that was wrong -- and only then.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

What happens when you thought you're doing both a favour then realising later that you made a horrible mistake due to insecurity and other factors?

What happens when tried a DJ way of dealing with things but went too far?

I didnt cheat on the girl by the way but I like the response you guys have posted. This would help other guys who need advice. This is about the topic of apologising to girls because of your actions.

Should you stand your ground on your actions or be sensitive and risk losing attraction the girl may have for you

And yea of course I already know apologising to a girl because you made a move on her or made your desires shown to her is pretty WEAK. I'm talking about bastardry behaviour cos I'm too busy being a ****head badass who sometimes makes the mistake of not giving sh1t about others.

By the way keep em coming I truly appreciate it...

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

as a rule, i never apologize unless ive physically hurt someone, bumping into them, no, walking into them and knocking off balance, probably.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Of course everyone knows that, HGP. Thats just basic manners.

By the way I'm talking about emotionally hurting a girl intentionally or not. If you physically hurt a girl thats just plain weak and I dont wanna hear about it

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Ok I give up with shy girls. I've learn both good and bad things with them. Too f*ckin fragile, can't take reality or feel for others...but in their mind they are not doing anything wrong and should just leave them alone...

By the way I have really f*ck up big time...everytime I try sort **** out I do the exact opposite...I shoulda listened to MYSELF not take advice from other people (not the DJ community) and trust my instincts...I know that time heals wounds but scars are always gonna be there...Ok now what was I suppose to be doin again?...Oh yea MOVE ON...that's right.

Move on....is the best advice I could give myself at the moment...and be cool about it. But I've made my apologise clear without tryin to explain further..that seems to work fine.

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
Of course everyone knows that, HGP. Thats just basic manners.

By the way I'm talking about emotionally hurting a girl intentionally or not. If you physically hurt a girl thats just plain weak and I dont wanna hear about it

thats not what i meant at all
and no never apologize for emotional hurt cause u obviously didnt mean it as to hurt, so its not ur problem and u did not cause it, her past experiences did.