Should we rethink the friend zone/ anti dump

[Pandora]

I have a friend who was in the deep "friend zone" with a female and had sex with her. This happened on a night that she was extremely drunk (to the point of throwing up) and she later regretted it and they stopped talking for a while.
They had been friends for many years (and he had been trying for many years and hanging out on a daily basis for many years) and its seemed totally platonic on her part atleast. She even referred to him as "brother like". He told me that it almost cost the friendship. I have two questions concerning this.

1.) does this violate the sacred notion that many men like anti dump (and myself) live by. That you cant generate attraction by being friends. And that its unlikely that your going to hook up with a girl that u are friend zoned by and that its better to move on?

2.) Or is this what i think it is which is the rare case that it is. I told him you can hook up a girl if its the right time right place/ stars aligned just right type of thing but that doesn't mean she likes you.

 

[zekko]

You can most definitely hook up with a girl you're friends with, I've done it. It's just a matter of being sexual with her.

As a strategy though, it's probably not the most efficient method.

 

[Pandora]

You can most definitely hook up with a girl you're friends with, I've done it./QUOTE]
Did it ruin your friendship with her?

 

[PokerStar]

she would of only regretted it if your boy played it cool. he probably acted all afc after.

After something like this, its all about how you act afterward that will determine the direction of the relationship.

 

[zekko]

Did it ruin your friendship with her?

Not at all. But the caveat is I was only interested in her sexually.
There were no "feelings" to get in the way.
Thus, I was able to be completely nonreactive, and not place any expectations on her.

The first time I went to kiss her, she said "I just want to be friends".
I smiled and said "Sure, a friendly kiss", and she complied.
From that point on, escalation was easy. If I had feelings, I probably would have gotten all butthurt when she gave me the just friends line and screwed it all up.

 

[backbreaker]

merry Christmas everyone!

I have a few minutes to kill, and this post was interesting enough where I wanted to respond.

I too was in a similar situation with the girl that borught me here. I chased the girl, to greater and lesser extents from the time I was 17 until I was almost 23 years old.

We eventually ended up having sex. a lot of sex actually. It was only then that I truely realized the point of Anti dump...


it's not that you can't do it or isn't possible, but the effort, planning, time you spend dealing with her, you could have been out with other mroe interested girls that actually LIKE you from the start.

Anti dump's whole thesis is to not give low interest girls any time, because it's not very practical. Anti dumps goal is to only go on dates with girls who are really into you, to only spend time with girls who are really into you, etc.

After we had sex, there was this little part of me that was like "yeah buddy" but after a few weeks I was like 'lol, this is it? I mean she's hot as hell but I mean, I'm kinda disappointed,s he's not any different than any other girl I been with". I actually lost a lot of interest with her after we had sex... funny enough she basically told me that look you are going to have to date me or I'm going to have to move on and I told h er she can go. 2 years earlier I would have probably proposed on the spot lol.

When you fully put hte "machine" to play it will weed out pretty much all the drama, the BS, the roller coaster crap you see on this forum. You will do alot of nexting but it works and he's dead on. YOu don't have time for women who play games and who aren't seriously interested in you.

 

[Zunder]

....she was extremely drunk and he'd beeen trying or years to bang her.
What does that tell yuh? He had to wait eons and eons, and finally, she gets so snozzled one night she loses judgement and they fvck.
Really is that worth the wait? Your friend is a beta schlub and needs to give himself a good slap across the face, man up and go fvck some chicks that are interested in him, that he doesnt have to wait years to smash their pvsssy via his pathetic 'beta game' strategy.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Should we rethink the friend zone/ anti dump

No. We shouldn't.

Just because a girl reaches up on the shelf, grabs a guy she had marginal to "no" real attraction for from the beginning, and then uses part of his body as a living dildo--------there's no real cause for celebration or re-calculation about the importance of not EVER allowing himself to be thrown into the Friend Zone in the first place.

I would submit to you that they NEVER were "real" friends in the first place. The guy was more than likely just pretending to befriend her in hopes that this would happen one day before he died. More than likely too, she only kept him around to feed off of the unending supply of ATTENTION and practical PLATONIC use that he supplied her with up until this point.

Then, when it was convenient for HER, and when SHE was feeling lonely, horny, and charitable enough, she went ahead and slept with the guy. Unless this guy has undergone a hell of a mental, physical, spiritual, and/or financial makeover, it's also doubtful that the sex they had was as mind-blowing for her as it probably was for him.

Unless...she was fantasizing about some OTHER guy she "really" liked while they were in the middle of it.

In a sense, getting sex from women under circumstances like this probably CAN BE likened to paying for sex (with your long-suffering time and good behavior). Or, it probably CAN BE likened to a lame guy or henpecked husband finally receiving "pity sex" from a woman who could literally take him or leave him.

Also, on a side note. Let's keep it REAL here, gentlemen:

"Friend" is a word that people have been throwing around rather loosely these days, I see. In my view, if you actually have NO FEELINGS for a woman (or a "man") for that matter, then referring to them as your "friend" is quite a play on words.

If the primary "feeling" we have toward someone is linked more to what we can GET from them as opposed to what we can GIVE or SHARE with them, then it's probably more appropriate to just go ahead and refer to them as PREY rather than "FRIEND".

 

[Colossus]

No. Exceptions dont disprove a rule.

She was extremely drunk. We've all done things we would NEVER do in sober minds when totally smashed.

For the record, I slept with a really good girl-friend in college. It did not alter the friendship in any way. Her marriage altered our friendship. I think the case with us was unusual though; she was more 'guy-like' in her thinking and had always had a bit of a thing for me. We only did it that one time and we were both drunk...but neither of us regretted it at all.

 

[Iceberg]

I have a friend who was in the deep "friend zone" with a female and had sex with her. This happened on a night that she was extremely drunk (to the point of throwing up) and she later regretted it and they stopped talking for a while.
They had been friends for many years (and he had been trying for many years and hanging out on a daily basis for many years) and its seemed totally platonic on her part atleast. She even referred to him as "brother like". He told me that it almost cost the friendship. I have two questions concerning this.

1.) does this violate the sacred notion that many men like anti dump (and myself) live by. That you cant generate attraction by being friends. And that its unlikely that your going to hook up with a girl that u are friend zoned by and that its better to move on?

2.) Or is this what i think it is which is the rare case that it is. I told him you can hook up a girl if its the right time right place/ stars aligned just right type of thing but that doesn't mean she likes you.

What the f**k, man?

She was puking drunk. How does this change our perception of Friend Zone? It's like saying, "My friend stole $1 million from the bank. Does this change your perception on working hard to make money?"

 

[Desdinova]

I've turned friend zone situations into sexual ones before. The general rule applies to those who believe that the way to a woman's heart is through friendship. Once a person realizes that they can turn a friendship into a sexual relationship through being sexual, fun, interesting, and even through a period of no-contact, then they will beat the odds.

 

[HalfAddict]

"My friend stole $1 million from the bank. Does this change your perception on working hard to make money?"

Did he get shot and have to run from the cops? Then yes =P

Again I suppose exceptions do not change the rule eh.

 

[Jitterbug]

Your friend could've risked a false rape accusation if the girl had a more serious case of buyer's remorse.

So the answer is no, we don't need to rethink anything.

 

[PatrickChase]

I have a friend who was in the deep "friend zone" with a female and had sex with her. This happened on a night that she was extremely drunk (to the point of throwing up) and she later regretted it and they stopped talking for a while.
They had been friends for many years (and he had been trying for many years and hanging out on a daily basis for many years) and its seemed totally platonic on her part atleast. She even referred to him as "brother like". He told me that it almost cost the friendship. I have two questions concerning this.

1.) does this violate the sacred notion that many men like anti dump (and myself) live by. That you cant generate attraction by being friends. And that its unlikely that your going to hook up with a girl that u are friend zoned by and that its better to move on?

2.) Or is this what i think it is which is the rare case that it is. I told him you can hook up a girl if its the right time right place/ stars aligned just right type of thing but that doesn't mean she likes you.

Hey Pandora, I just made a quick video response to your question:

Check it out here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM0tpY1OVnE

Hope that helps.

~Patrick

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I think the answer is in this thread and is clear -- hah -- *MAYBE* if she's blackout drunk will she lay you...

The question is -- is that worth whatever friendship you are providing? That is a drunken quick lay? And secondly, what are you providing truly if your friendship is just a false representation to get into her pants at some drunken moment? That's more like a sex-opportunist under the disguise of friendship.

Will their drunken moment lead into a genuine relationship?

Will their drunken moment lead to greater self-value in both parties?

Likely if anything their sex messed with both of these things. Or it just was what it was.

Sure if you are aggressive enough, and focus enough on just sex, you may get your reward, but the mental cost and energy could be immense, and in the end, your hand might have done just as good of a job.

I think there is definitely value in going with the chick giving the strongest signals.

You have to think of this like a businessman might. This isn't to say relationships or sex are devoid of any emotion or value, and are strictly "business" but think of a salesman--

Are they going to pursue the lead who is MOST interested in their product? The one whom seems EAGER to learn more? Or are they going to spend more time on the woman who seems to push them off, or act distant? Sure she could be convinced of the value of the product and be talked into a sale. But the good salesman will probably go with the strongest lead first -- because they are most likely to seal the deal and go with the product.

In some ways, we aren't much different. We have things to offer and have a certain value. This forum might suggest, like a good salesman, to build the best product you can and to have genuine belief in that value (ie, I work hard, I take care of biz, yeah I'm the fukkin Man) -- but not every woman is going to see the same value or want it for themselves. Well -- that's fine -- let them go with what they want -- but surely there are lots of women who would be eager to have such a great thing for themselves!

So -- female friend who is uphill 99% of the time, feels 'weird' about being sexual with you: worth the investment?

Woman you just meet who is giving you dilated lovey-dovey eyes: worth the investment?

 

[zekko]

Again, I wouldn't use friending a girl as a strategy.

But there's no question you CAN get out of the friendzone and get a lay. And you don't have to get her drunk to do it. Like Desdinova says, just be more sexual, fun, and interesting.