Should we even listen to what they're bytching to us about?

[DJHoolahoop]

I have past relationships where the girl was asking me her test BS crap and I'd fail all the time because I was always stuck with answering wrong either way. It was either I was telling the truth and was an @ss cuz of it or saying the other and being called a liar.

So seriously girls say they want a guy who listens, they like honesty and all that, but really when you give it to them they leave the relationship or cheat on you. This was my experience anyways.

So when a girl just flips out or chews you out for some stupid BS, do you even listen to her? Do they even mean this crap they say? Or do they say it JUST to make you think they do and then use that against you. That's what I'm seeing more and more anyways.

Hit me back guys.

 

[Wyldfire]

When a girl complains and biotches...DON'T offer advice or try to "solve" anything...just listen. All she's looking for is to be comforted in some way. Stick to saying things like "it will be okay", "things will get better", give her a hug or whatever. When girls go off on a rant they aren't looking for input, advice or a solution (that is likely to just upset them worse)...they only want support and comfort from you. If you can't give that then it's best to come up with a reason why you need to excuse yourself from her presence and get the hell out of dodge as quickly as possible.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

So what's the correct answer in a situation like that? Perfect example is when you have a gf and you go out with some friends and she doesn't know you did. Then she figures that out on her own, but because you didn't think it was a big deal she gets upset about it.

So what, do you say ok my fault? I was wrong? I won't do it again? cuz it didn't normally stop there, more things came up.

 

[spider_007]

Be honest. you didn't see notting wrong with that, you didn't cheet on her, you don't control who she hengs out with, you didn't see the point of going out of your way and telling her (because it wasn't a big deal)......

the trick is to explain it to her in a CALM, LOGICAL manner, and if she is still pissed, walk out and tell her you'll talk to her when she calms down.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

well that's exactly it, i would be honest. because i AM being honest, that is innocent thing to do. but of course girls with prior experience have probably been jerked around so they HAVE to look at what you're saying with a hidden meaning. most of the time they can't take things for face value, so eventhough it's not fair to you to be labelled as something you're not it's also not fair for her to be judged insecure simply because she had been jerked in the past.

I mean telling them EVERYWHERE you go with EVERYONE you go with and telling them EVERYTHING. Is that really realistic? I don't think it is, so that's what I mean by what do you do. Even if you were telling them the truth, it could also be a lie if you were just saying it to make her think you were. So how would she know?

i would just rather have her not put me in the category of every other guy she's been with. i'm not them, plain and simple. sometimes it's hard for them to believe that though, and that's where i get restless hearing about all the what ifs.

 

[spider_007]

well tell her this then; If she wants to know everyting then she has to do the same. tell her you wana know when she leaves the house, who she is going with wand where, you wana know where she ate, what she ate, at what time, you wana know where she took a piss , and when and where she took a sh1t.

Its the same freaking thing. if she wants to know averything then it goes the other way around too. im sure she'll get the point then.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

touche

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I find it fascinating that women generally expect a man to pay his undivided attention to her emotional complaints (b!tch rants; something important to her) with the utmost understanding and empathy for her, but let the guy complain about how she wont put out as often as he'd like (something important to him) she considers it 'sulking' or acting 'immature'.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

cuz it don't work both ways

only they can remember.. funny when we do it, yeah it's insecure or needy or sulking or being immature and yet they don't look at themselves the same way when they do it... unless they do and that's why they judge us the same way?

 

[earthshyne]

This takes place all the time, even on this board. See http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=72750

It's a little game that wimmen play. Something about them wanting control of the situation, because no matter what you say, you lose.

To keep your sanity and a small measure of control, tell her that if you want the problem fixed then you're the guy to talk to. But if she just wants to whine and moan and complain about it, call a girlfriend. Now, what's for dinner?

 

[DJHoolahoop]

earthshyne,

the fact you say it as she's making a big deal out of nothing and then change the subject like that. now THAT'S what i'm talking about funny, but true lol

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by DJHoolahoop
So what's the correct answer in a situation like that? Perfect example is when you have a gf and you go out with some friends and she doesn't know you did. Then she figures that out on her own, but because you didn't think it was a big deal she gets upset about it.

So what, do you say ok my fault? I was wrong? I won't do it again? cuz it didn't normally stop there, more things came up.

Just say, "Wow, I didn't know that would bother you. I didn't mean for your feelings to get hurt. I'll try to tell you before I'm going to do that next time."

If she doesn't want there to be a "next time" then she is too controlling and you should break up with her.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
I find it fascinating that women generally expect a man to pay his undivided attention to her emotional complaints (b!tch rants; something important to her) with the utmost understanding and empathy for her, but let the guy complain about how she wont put out as often as he'd like (something important to him) she considers it 'sulking' or acting 'immature'.

Well, she shouldn't react that way if he has something bothering him. I don't know, maybe I'm just a bit unique in this way...but if I'm with someone and they have something bothering them I'd like them to say something and we can talk about it and come up with a plan of action to make everyone feel better about things. That's what being in a relationship is about, afterall. If the other person isn't interested in what you have to say and how you feel then you're basically in the relationship by yourself.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

true point and in fact wyldfire, i would say those things to some girls in the past but have changed my ways because in the end i got dumped. figured it was my way of handling those situations and as well as others that made me such a "nice guy" and being dumped in the end.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by DJHoolahoop
true point and in fact wyldfire, i would say those things to some girls in the past but have changed my ways because in the end i got dumped. figured it was my way of handling those situations and as well as others that made me such a "nice guy" and being dumped in the end.

If a girl dumps you because you say something like that you shouldn't want them anyhow.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Yes, WYLD, we all understand how 'unique' you are.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Yes, WYLD, we all understand how 'unique' you are.

Getting snarky is not necessary and such sarcastic and rude comments is the reason I get somewhat biotchy back.

Furthermore...if men on here are finding that the women they choose to get involved with aren't interested in what they think and feel then perhaps those men should take an honest look at the type of women they are attracted to. Where relationships are concerned...you get what you look for. So my question is this...why are so many men attracted to selfish, uncaring and self-absorbed women who don't care about anyone but themselves?

 

[tmpgstx]

I think it goes hand in hand Wylde .. usually goes something like this:

- Selfish spoiled girl looks for nice guy with low self-esteem to control and answer to her ever whim

- Nice guy with low self-esteem takes on selfish girl because of his insecurities and esteem.

- Both nice guy and selfish spoiled girl have low self esteems and lots of insecurities! Nice guy trys to be nice to keep things mediated, and for spoiled girl it's never enough

Now think about this, the reverse is true for selfish/spoiled guys that get NICE girls with low self-esteem. It makes sense doesn't it? One has to be in control .. spoiled girl or spoiled/selfish guy to serve their own twisted selfish purposes.

You can see this going ALL the time around you.

 

[Disconnect]

If she's bytching to create drama, just call her on her ****. prove that you're stronger.

earthshyne, why do you type 'wimmen'? i thought you're a feminist at first, but then remembered that feminists write 'womyn' or wommin or whatever stupid **** they come up with. so why?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
I think it goes hand in hand Wylde .. usually goes something like this:

- Selfish spoiled girl looks for nice guy with low self-esteem to control and answer to her ever whim

- Nice guy with low self-esteem takes on selfish girl because of his insecurities and esteem.

- Both nice guy and selfish spoiled girl have low self esteems and lots of insecurities! Nice guy trys to be nice to keep things mediated, and for spoiled girl it's never enough

Now think about this, the reverse is true for selfish/spoiled guys that get NICE girls with low self-esteem. It makes sense doesn't it? One has to be in control .. spoiled girl or spoiled/selfish guy to serve their own twisted selfish purposes.

You can see this going ALL the time around you.

Yeah, both men and women have the bad habit of being attracted to people who they shouldn't be. You hear guys on here going on and on about how girls always go after jerks...which in a lot of cases is true...but if you think about it...it doesn't do you guys any good to talk about the bad choices a lot of women make in choosing men. The ironic thing is that an awful lot of the guys here do the same thing and make a bee line right for the most miserable, rotten kind of female on the planet and then wonder why they get burned by them. It seems to me that it might be somewhat productive if you guys talked more about how often guys choose poorly and how to change that than it is to complain about women going for jerks. Know what I mean?