should No Contact ever be broken in these circumstances?

[pete101]

I suggested drinks for a 4th date, she didn't reply. That was her 2nd strike so I deleted the number. She texts me 24 hours later: Hey sorry I forgot to reply yesterday. Had a really busy day. Can't do Thursday or Friday this week x

I know, not interested. Next.

My question is, should you ever break No Contact in any of these circumstances:

1. She texts a few days later suggesting to get together. Should you break NC then? I know she is just trying to see if you're still interested and will just flake once you agree a time.

Should I just ignore that until she offers along the lines of 'do you want to come over?'

I just been thinking about my past experiences where they would come back with a date offer after flaking, I suspected low interest already yet I fell for the bait and they ended up just flaking again.

Would it be better to just decline her offer of a date saying you're busy as oppose to straight NC and looking bitter?

 

[PlayHer Man]

You're over thinking dude.

NEVER work around the woman --> Make the woman work around YOU.

Its your job to lead and her's to follow. If she doesn't follow.. she isn't interested.

ALSO.. you should be getting physical WAY before the 4th date. Waiting that long to make a move is beta. A man should take control and pound a woman at the first opportunity. YES.. be a pig. Be a dog. Be bold. Its masculine. :yes:

 

[pete101]

Oh I did try to get physical on all 3 dates, but she denied me sex for various reasons.. LOW IL I know, hence the flake out now.

What I mean is I anticipate she'll send me the bog standard, 'how was your weekend?' Or 'how are you?' Translates to: are u still interested in me? I need my validation.

I've learnt my lesson from past experience not to reply to that. If she offers a time to get together should I reply? I.e. If she says 'we should meet up for drinks this week, how's friday for you?' Ie a definite counter offer not a non commital 'we should meet for drinks this week?'

My thinking is no contact would suffice but she could get bitter by the ignoring calling me out for only being after sex etc. Is that the point to respond or continue no contact?

I'm in 2 minds whether to keep things amicable ie if she offers a time to meet to politely decline rather than go NC as not responding she'll take what she wants from the silence and use that to justify to herself I only wanted sex so she can just delete my number and forget about me. Would politely declining give her the validation she needs to tell her I've lost interest?

This is where I don't know when to apply NC or to apply not interested anymore.

 

[palisade]

What does your gut tell you?

When you say that she didn't reply until 24hrs later, do you mean of the suggested date or 24hrs since you texted her? I'd be inclined not to treat this as a strike, more of an indicator of low interest but to keep her plate spinning whilst pursuing more options. If anything, I'd say a strike would be that you'd actually arranged something and she'd flaked on you by cancelling less than 24hrs before the date, with no indication of rearranging.

I'd be more alarmed by the fact that you're now three full dates in and you've not managed to get close to sex. I know it's a huge indication, but even then you should be able to get something out of her. When you say physical, how are you trying to close the deal out?

In fact, let's focus on the fact she's displaying huge signs of low interest. If you actually like her, which I'm assuming you do as you've made the effort to come online and make a topic about your situation, NC will not work if that's what you're aiming towards; you'll have to make a paradigm shift to confuse her and raise interest. I mean, you've gotten her out on three dates so there has to be either some interest or curiosity, or she's after a free meal. You have to think about how to raise that level of interest.

 

[Iceberg]

My thinking is no contact would suffice but she could get bitter by the ignoring calling me out for only being after sex etc. Is that the point to respond or continue no contact?

I'm in 2 minds whether to keep things amicable ie if she offers a time to meet to politely decline rather than go NC as not responding she'll take what she wants from the silence and use that to justify to herself I only wanted sex so she can just delete my number and forget about me. Would politely declining give her the validation she needs to tell her I've lost interest?

This is where I don't know when to apply NC or to apply not interested anymore.

Well if you're just flat-out not interested, then just don't talk to her anymore.

I assumed you were asking about her because you're still trying to take a crack at her. If your goal is to end all communication with her, then f**k it. Just stop talking.

Doing it politely vs. not politely isn't really your concern. Your goal is to get her out of your life, and simply ignoring her text will do that.

You're worried about her thinking you were only after sex, but that's not important. Who cares what she thinks?

I mean, I still think you're asking because you want to date her. But you obviously know more about this than I do.

 

[pete101]

What does your gut tell you?

When you say that she didn't reply until 24hrs later, do you mean of the suggested date or 24hrs since you texted her? I'd be inclined not to treat this as a strike, more of an indicator of low interest but to keep her plate spinning whilst pursuing more options. If anything, I'd say a strike would be that you'd actually arranged something and she'd flaked on you by cancelling less than 24hrs before the date, with no indication of rearranging.

I'd be more alarmed by the fact that you're now three full dates in and you've not managed to get close to sex. I know it's a huge indication, but even then you should be able to get something out of her. When you say physical, how are you trying to close the deal out?

In fact, let's focus on the fact she's displaying huge signs of low interest. If you actually like her, which I'm assuming you do as you've made the effort to come online and make a topic about your situation, NC will not work if that's what you're aiming towards; you'll have to make a paradigm shift to confuse her and raise interest. I mean, you've gotten her out on three dates so there has to be either some interest or curiosity, or she's after a free meal. You have to think about how to raise that level of interest.

Yes exactly, this was my confusion. I wasn't sure NC was the correct play and NEXT is.

We've gotten naked on first date bar her panties off. Second date nothing, she was ill. I left abruptly. Third date she wouldn't let me take her dress off or her panties but I fingered her a bit but she kicked me off when I attempted to get a condom out and use it. Big No No's in my book.

Ok her interest is low, I don't know what to do at this point.

She used to text me back after 10mins when she had high IL that was after date 1. She didn't reply to my text asking how she was after the second date. Now she took 24 hours to reply to my suggested date text of going for a drink tonight or tomorrow. Answer: low interest. She didnlt forget to reply, she's just not interested.

I sense her asking me how my weekend was or a typical 'how are you?' Text. If I apply NC you say that won't work in my favor of sleeping with her?

How do I create this paradigm shift?

I know first move is to ignore her and take extra long to reply to her, feign disinterest. But not too much.

I honestly don't know what to say if I get a 'how are you?' Or 'how was your weekend?' Type of text, I've gotten these in the past before with other chicks and I always failed in the response somehow. I remember someone said to make out you've done something exciting and lead on it's with a girl without being obvious.

 

[pete101]

Well if you're just flat-out not interested, then just don't talk to her anymore.

I assumed you were asking about her because you're still trying to take a crack at her. If your goal is to end all communication with her, then f**k it. Just stop talking.

Doing it politely vs. not politely isn't really your concern. Your goal is to get her out of your life, and simply ignoring her text will do that.

You're worried about her thinking you were only after sex, but that's not important. Who cares what she thinks?

I mean, I still think you're asking because you want to date her. But you obviously know more about this than I do.

Yes correct. I understand now NEXT is not the same as NC.

Yes I do want to still date her but only to sex her now if that's still possible?

I think I've established that if/when she texts me next asking how I am ignoring her isn't going to work? But showing I'm less interested will?

Which therefore means I should reply but slower, something like 'I'm great thanks, had an exciting weekend, house party with friends. hope you're well.' 24 hours later. (Something along those lines)

Or should I just ignore that kind of text and only respond to a date offer from her? But more than likely she's going to send a 'how was your weekend?' Or 'how are you?' Type of text, I've had these in the past and failed the test. I want to make sure I pass this time. Learning experience.

 

[Uncharted]

Oh I did try to get physical on all 3 dates, but she denied me sex for various reasons..

Even the "nicer" girls that I've dated have had sex on date 3, but even then date 2 was a BJ or something similar. She's not interested.

 

[skinnyguy]

The standard response to this thread is "spin plates"

So, spin plates.

 

[pete101]

So, three dates, no physicality, or at least no sex.

Can you give more context? Were you making progress in general towards sex? Or were you stone-walled at attempting a kiss? Context matters in these situations.

Additionally, how old is this girl? How do you know her and how long have you known her?

Has she offered to meet up before? Or did you always initiate?

Yes making progress initially but it was moving backwards not forwards, got naked first date but no sex, wouldn't let me take her panties off. Second date she was ill and wasn't in mood to get naked. Third date she wouldn't let me take her dress off or panties, I played with her p*ssy a bit but when I took condom out she resisted me.

She's in her 30s, lives by herself. Met her recently about month ago. Always me initiating, never her, except when I didn't show her interest when she asked me how I was, I just changed subject and gave a flat response, she suggested we should def meet up the week after but that doesn't count as her initiating.

She never texts me between dates except replying yes/no to the date. Ie low interest.

Even if it's salvagable the best I'll get is laid once which I'd settle for right now. Any tips how to respond to her? I suspect she will contact me to just confirm I'm still interested ie validation

 

[Bible_Belt]

If she got naked on the first date, she's a slvt. But at her age, she's had plenty of time to feel bad about being slvtty and getting fvcked & dumped. The battle in her mind is logic versus her own slvttyness. The latter will vary with her changing hormones over the course of each month.

It's common for a woman's interest level to go up and down with her mood (as well as her level of alcohol consumption ) That's why I never liked next/nc as the first way of handling fluctuating interest. You will write off many women that you could have ended up fvcking later. Plus, it seems weak to me, like running away from conflict instead of having the self-confidence to not let occasional rejections bruise your ego.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Dude... seriously. I keep trying to tell guys on these boards that the harder they try to get sex from a girl in those first couple of dates, the less likely she is to want to do it because she thinks that's all you have on your agenda.

You said you tried to get her to be physical on the first three dates you had? That's where you lost out. Stop making the focal point of your first dates with a girl about trying to get her in bed. Were you to have actually gone out on that first date with her and not tried to touch her, and focused on making her laugh, showing her a good time and dazzling her with your personality, you would have discovered that:

(a) she would have been more likely to touch YOU first, which would have meant she was now cool with you touching her;

(b) you would have had her playing the hamster game in her mind of "gee, does he like me? he hasn't tried anything yet? Maybe I should try something on him..."

(c) if you didn't bring sex up at all on that first date, she would have been more than likely to hook up with you on date #2.

But because you didn't, you showed desperation; you gave her the control; and you ultimately didn't end up with what you wanted. Even if sex with her is all you want, BE PATIENT. I once went out with a girl that made me wait until date #5 to have sex - but when we finally did it, she was one of the freakiest girls I'd ever been with. Had I been trying to push so hard for it on those first few dates I would have just looked like a desperate sex fiend, which is probably the vibe you're giving off. SLOW IT DOWN, and you'll have better results next time.

 

[pete101]

She is in her 30's but she has yet to accept that the wall is fast approaching.

You will just have to soft-next her.

Meaning, don't bother contacting her and let her start doing the chasing. Be busy and find other things to do and plates to spin. Reward her sparingly if she is persistent, but definitely don't respond to her next text, and if she pushes and wants to hang out, you are busy. Make sure it is something constructive like helping a friend build a shed, or taking care of your sick grandmother or something.

If she tries multiple times to hang out, you reward her on the third request and say ok, then lead again. If she doesn't put out that time, next her completely.

If she still doesn't get physical with you after all of this, just forget her.

If she calls me out in one of the texts saying something along the lines of 'you only wanted sex and your ignoring me proves it!'

Should I respond? What would you respond to something like that?

Hypothetically I mean.

 

[Bible_Belt]

you only wanted sex!

The only way for her to know that would be to have sex with you, which is why she's so frustrated about it. Can you see the irony? Can you laugh a little about it? That's the most productive attitude to have.

It's not like men don't have worries about what a woman will turn into the day after sex. You could tease her about thinking she might be a clinger and call you 100 times the next day. Being able to joke about unreasonable behavior shows that you have enough perspective and maturity to not act that way yourself.

 

[pete101]

If she says this, then she is essentially unwilling to relinquish the frame. In other words, she just wants to control you.

The best option here is to not respond and go full NC if she texts something like that. The only reason to respond to her texts is if she follows the script I listed above. Otherwise it is absolutely going nowhere.

She hasn't contacted me since the last flaky text over week and half ago. Is it worth trying to follow this up or just low IL?

I'll feel silly trying to meet up again especially seeing as she hasn't been in contact. If she thinks I was only after sex then well maybe she thinks I should contact her.

If I do text her this week, should I basically state a place and time to meet or start off trying to increase IL again?

 

[pete101]

What does your gut tell you?

When you say that she didn't reply until 24hrs later, do you mean of the suggested date or 24hrs since you texted her? I'd be inclined not to treat this as a strike, more of an indicator of low interest but to keep her plate spinning whilst pursuing more options. If anything, I'd say a strike would be that you'd actually arranged something and she'd flaked on you by cancelling less than 24hrs before the date, with no indication of rearranging.

I'd be more alarmed by the fact that you're now three full dates in and you've not managed to get close to sex. I know it's a huge indication, but even then you should be able to get something out of her. When you say physical, how are you trying to close the deal out?

In fact, let's focus on the fact she's displaying huge signs of low interest. If you actually like her, which I'm assuming you do as you've made the effort to come online and make a topic about your situation, NC will not work if that's what you're aiming towards; you'll have to make a paradigm shift to confuse her and raise interest. I mean, you've gotten her out on three dates so there has to be either some interest or curiosity, or she's after a free meal. You have to think about how to raise that level of interest.

What would you suggest? I'd like to keep pursuing it but she hasn't been in contact since, maybe she met someone else who knows her IL is low so I feel giving it one last shot then walking away for good.

Should I offer a time place to meet?