Should men feel insecure about their physical looks?

[PapiChulo]

Have you guys seen what kind of women these emos attract? Not the type I would like at all.

Masculinity, Masculinity and once more Masculinity. A stick-armed skinny guy, no matter, how masculine he may feel deep inside, won't tingle the puss.

I am saying this as a former skinny guy myself. Girls liked me, because I was tall and cute, but as soon as well built dude came over, they were gone, leaving me puzzled.

Observe the skinny guys around you, and see how women react to them. It's all very clear.

 

[Jeffst1980]

And yet, I've seen "skinny emo pretty boys" that had many girls VERY attracted to them. Attraction is a multifaceted phenomenon, it doesn't always adhere to the SoSuave model.

Of course...but, on a large scale, they're still outliers. The girls that are into very feminine guys seem to be girls that feel threatened by men in general, or too young to really have experience with men--just my observation.

Besides, the SoSuave model has always been a "numbers" game, in which we ignore the minor deviations in behavior that are to be expected from human subjects, and focus on broader, overarching trends. Masculinity is, by and large, a powerful attractive force, so it makes sense to advocate the development of a masculine persona, as opposed to advocating colored contact lenses and razored hair.

 

[zekko]

Besides, the SoSuave model has always been a "numbers" game, in which we ignore the minor deviations in behavior that are to be expected from human subjects, and focus on broader, overarching trends. Masculinity is, by and large, a powerful attractive force, so it makes sense to advocate the development of a masculine persona, as opposed to advocating colored contact lenses and razored hair.

Note we were talking about "skinny emo guys". I never said anything about "stick arm" skinny, or colored contact lenses. I'm thinking of pretty boy artistic types, or maybe a guy who doesn't work out at the gym but plays an instrument well in a local band.

If this guy has five girls hanging on him, they're not going to all peel off of him just because a dude with muscles walks in the door. Life just doesn't work that way. A few may peel off, the rest may see this as less competition to attract the emo guy.

You're right when you talk about the numbers game. The SoSuave model tries to transform you into a "type" that is known to attract women. Even among the guys on this forum who buy into this idea, there is a great variation within that group as far as personality, appearance, build, etc.
But there are other "types" that women are attracted to. Some girls like nerds, some like goths, some like athletes, some like artists, some like businessmen, etc, etc.

 

[PappyS]

No, men shouldn't feel insecure about how they look. Being very good looking, tall, muscular, athletic-build will help. But looks don't matter to women as much as they do to men.

So unless you're horribly disfigured or homosexual (gay men, like other men, mostly care about looks) then there's no need to worry too much.

 

[bigneil]

After I quit smoking, got in shape, got a tan and lost weight, the amount of women I was meeting skyrocketed. For some women, especially young or immature women, it's the most important thing. Make no mistake, looks mean a lot. But mainly you need to be very healthy and radiant. That translates to more confidence, which means more success, so your confidence goes up exponentially. You also feel better if you are healthy, and have more stamina to stay out late and party with them. A whole foods diet is key, plus chin-ups and bicycling.

 

[FairShake]

Here is a contridiction. 1.) Looks matter alot. 2.) You shouldn't be insecure about your looks.

1.) Of course they matter. The oft-offered advice here, among friends, from women, and in movies is "go to the gym." While physical exercise has it's benefits for confidence and it goes without saying it benefits you physically, it's main attraction in this area is...attraction. Girls like a fitter man. Then people talk about making over your wardrobe. Again...how you look. Looks play a big part, especially in the beginning. However, they can also be modified heavily so:

2.) Don't worry so much about your looks. Worry about your LOOK. Most people can improve with what their maker has blessed them with. Just work with what you got. Dress right, stay healthy, and work at it until you taste a little success.

Oh, looks matter less when you get older.

 

[Atom Smasher]

For initial attraction, a sense of style and overall neatness go a long way.

After you even generate the remotest interest, it's all in how you make them feel. Even if you're borderline ugly, if you know how to make her feel good, you will be the most attractive man on the planet.

I'm living proof. I'm the kind of guy who can look really good when cleaned up, but really bad if I let my guard down. There's no middle ground for me. Even though I'm extremely young-looking. However, I have one HUGE disadvantage... not the best teeth. Yet I still pull.

Why? Because as soon as I make them feel attraction for my many incredible attributes (I say with all humility), looks go right out the window.

I repeat:
When you start to push a woman's buttons and make her feel good, looks becomes COMPLETELY a non-issue.

Therefore, if you have a girlfriend or are just starting to see someone and she is expressing attraction, NEVER EVER worry about your looks. A lot of guys feel that the woman they're with is "out of their league", simply because she is great-looking. She doesn't give a rat's ass about your looks once she is enamoured with your personality. Don't ever make disparaging comments about yourself, ever.

For a women, appearance is a minor factor in initial attraction. More important than good looks is her perception that you are neat, clean, and have a sense of style. All a man has to do is to show that he is doing the best with what God gave him. Trust me, guys, she is satisfied with that.

There is one thing that you can do which will set you far above most men in her eyes. You won't believe this, but it's true. Are you ready?

Clean shoes.

Did you get that? Clean shoes trump facial features, clothing, hair style, virtually everything.

A women will look at your eyes first, then your mouth, and then your shoes, in that order. They are absolutely fascinated with shoes, and they make huge judgments on men by their shoes. The style of the shoe is relatively unimportant. Cleanliness and newness counts for everything.

Concentrate on keeping yourself well-groomed, build up a good physique (this gives her a subtle cue that you are healthy), and forget about looks. When it comes to women, the physical is very minor because she really responds to how you make her feel.

Arousal for men = good looks, sexy body.

Arousal for women = words and confidence.

And clean shoes.

 

[Theminatar]

You guys make insecurity sounds like a thing you can sleep off. but when you have felt insecure about yourself for years it takes longer to become confident. Take me for an example, I wake up in the morning and find 1 flaw that will drive me crazy. It's not always the way I look either it can also be my current situation in life as well.

 

[chance]

watch robert de niro in the bronx. he's just a plain old normal guy with a normal job who stands up to one of the most powerful mafia/gang leaders to save his son from that lifestyle. he said "you stay away from my son. i'm not scared of you." even though he got his ass beaten after that. but to me, de niro was THE man regardless of how much strength that mafia guy had over him. it's all about attitude and the way you present yourself.

but yeah, as other people are saying, size and strength isn't how you get power.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You guys make insecurity sounds like a thing you can sleep off. but when you have felt insecure about yourself for years it takes longer to become confident. Take me for an example, I wake up in the morning and find 1 flaw that will drive me crazy. It's not always the way I look either it can also be my current situation in life as well.

You're young, dude, and I know that at your age it is VERY hard. I wrote the book on insecurity.

I don't know what your current life situation is, and it might seem to you like so many things are entirely unchangeable, but life is going to change radically for you in the next few years as you get into your late teens and 20s. Like I said, I have no idea what your situation is but I have learned one thing in life that has given me enormous power over my circumstances.

And that is to do everything of importance (things that seem overwhelming or unchangeable) in ridiculously tiny increments. Choose a life challenge, something that may seem insurmountable, and think of one little, tiny action you can take to start to chip away at it. When we take a series of tiny little actions, we bypass the panic center of the brain, the part that says, "I can't do it".

He who has an ear, let him hear.

 

[Theminatar]

You're young, dude, and I know that at your age it is VERY hard. I wrote the book on insecurity.

I don't know what your current life situation is, and it might seem to you like so many things are entirely unchangeable, but life is going to change radically for you in the next few years as you get into your late teens and 20s. Like I said, I have no idea what your situation is but I have learned one thing in life that has given me enormous power over my circumstances.

And that is to do everything of importance (things that seem overwhelming or unchangeable) in ridiculously tiny increments. Choose a life challenge, something that may seem insurmountable, and think of one little, tiny action you can take to start to chip away at it. When we take a series of tiny little actions, we bypass the panic center of the brain, the part that says, "I can't do it".

He who has an ear, let him hear.

Life situation is a bad descriptive phrase, what I really mean is current social situation. I'm not a bad looking guy, but I have a low social status at school. Never invited anywhere and because of that it makes me feel like ****. Which makes me feel even more insecure.

I understand life is going to change radically really soon, I can't wait to graduate from HS and go to college. It would be a fresh new start for me, like that second chance I've been waiting for my entire life.

 

[bigneil]

Atomsmasher wrote: "A women will look at your eyes first, then your mouth, and then your shoes, in that order. They are absolutely fascinated with shoes, and they make huge judgments on men by their shoes. "

Very true - one recent GF met me and told me I had nice eyes, then kissed me, and then later dumped me because she hated my shoes. I changed my shoes and got her back. But the style meant something to her - she wanted only square-tip shoes - no round tip shoes. That b*tch.

She quoted Chelsea Handler "I want a guy with dark hair, dark eyes and nice shoes".

 

[Energy25]

lol I'm not going to wear shoes I don't want to just to get some girl. She don't like my shoes she can leave. Seriously....who gives a sh!t about shoes???? WTF i don't wear shoes in bed.

 

[bigneil]

You guys make insecurity sounds like a thing you can sleep off. but when you have felt insecure about yourself for years it takes longer to become confident. Take me for an example, I wake up in the morning and find 1 flaw that will drive me crazy. It's not always the way I look either it can also be my current situation in life as well.

You are only 17. Prime for a man is 27 - hang in there.

 

[bigneil]

lol I'm not going to wear shoes I don't want to just to get some girl. She don't like my shoes she can leave. Seriously....who gives a sh!t about shoes???? WTF i don't wear shoes in bed.

Sigh... if only women thought like we do. Luckily I like square-tip shoes.

 

[Energy25]

Sigh... if only women thought like we do. Luckily I like square-tip shoes.

lol true.

Although I honestly believe if your personality is good enough and she's liking ya, it's not gonna make any difference what's on your feet.

 

[zekko]

You are only 17. Prime for a man is 27 - hang in there.

Yeah. Theminator, the good news is no one expects you to have your sh!t together at 17.

 

[Maxtro]

Is there really any way to compensate for being short?

All my shoes have a height increasing insole that gets me up to ~5'7 1/2 but that's still three inches shorter than average.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

The DVD set that wants $400 from me swears I can get by without 'looks!'