All my life I've been one of those people who assumed, until proven otherwise, that others didn't like me.
It was an unconscious assumption, one that I only recently realized.
I assumed people didn't like talking to me unless they showed me that they did, and this had a number of bad effects on my social life and game in general:
- I didn't want to reopen sets. I believed that if they liked me then THEY would reopen me, and if they didn't reopen me that meant they didn't like me, so I would avoid reopening like the plague. Even if the interection had not been bad.
- I would eject too quickly from high value sets. My belief that others didn't like me was so strong that when "high value" people accepted me, I would leave the set.
- I would not push, and i wouldn't escalate, unless I got IOI's. Because I wasn't getting the signals to prove that they liked me.
So I ask myself, what if instead of assuming that others dislike me until proven otherwise, I assumed that everybody likes me until they prove me otherwise?
Well this is easier said than done. I can assume people like me all I want. BUT what happens when I encounter those situations where I feel unliked the most? Those times when everybody seems to belong to a clique and don't include me? Or those times when I'm simply ignored, not because I'm not liked, but because I'm not including myself in their conversation? Those are the times where my assumption that I'm not liked comes full force.
Key 1: People will always like someone who geniunely likes them.
This is a very well known principle in social dynamics. When someone shows you they like you (not necessarily in the romantic sense), generally, you will have no reason to dislike them.
So they key to assume that everyone will like me is if I try to find some quality about them that I can like, and the more genuinely I can like them, the more strongly I can assume that they like me. But how can i try to like someone who doesn't seem to be interested in talking to me at first? How can I introduce myself and be friendly to someone who seems to be "higher value" than me?". Those who seem to be bothered by having yet another stranger approach them.
Key 2: Caring what others think about you will stop you from accomplishing all your goals.
The key to getting yourself to be the man you want to be, one who is friendly to all because he assumes that everybody will like them, is by not caring what others' perceptions are about you. Repeat this in your mind over and over. Try recalling those times (the more recent the better) where you cared about what the other person thought about you whether GOOD or BAD. Think about those scenarios you will encounter today or this week, where you find your self imagining what others will think or how others will react. Those thoughts where you care about how others have or are or will perceive you, stop them in their tracks and think "I don't care", and move to the next thought.
This is how the evolution of yourself begins, with fixing the most fundamental part of yourself, your mind.
Next time you want to interact someone who you havent come to like yet, think "I dont care what they think about me", and then go up tothem. It will be a conscious effort at first, but with time, it will become an unconscious part of you.
It was an unconscious assumption, one that I only recently realized.
I assumed people didn't like talking to me unless they showed me that they did, and this had a number of bad effects on my social life and game in general:
- I didn't want to reopen sets. I believed that if they liked me then THEY would reopen me, and if they didn't reopen me that meant they didn't like me, so I would avoid reopening like the plague. Even if the interection had not been bad.
- I would eject too quickly from high value sets. My belief that others didn't like me was so strong that when "high value" people accepted me, I would leave the set.
- I would not push, and i wouldn't escalate, unless I got IOI's. Because I wasn't getting the signals to prove that they liked me.
So I ask myself, what if instead of assuming that others dislike me until proven otherwise, I assumed that everybody likes me until they prove me otherwise?
Well this is easier said than done. I can assume people like me all I want. BUT what happens when I encounter those situations where I feel unliked the most? Those times when everybody seems to belong to a clique and don't include me? Or those times when I'm simply ignored, not because I'm not liked, but because I'm not including myself in their conversation? Those are the times where my assumption that I'm not liked comes full force.
Key 1: People will always like someone who geniunely likes them.
This is a very well known principle in social dynamics. When someone shows you they like you (not necessarily in the romantic sense), generally, you will have no reason to dislike them.
So they key to assume that everyone will like me is if I try to find some quality about them that I can like, and the more genuinely I can like them, the more strongly I can assume that they like me. But how can i try to like someone who doesn't seem to be interested in talking to me at first? How can I introduce myself and be friendly to someone who seems to be "higher value" than me?". Those who seem to be bothered by having yet another stranger approach them.
Key 2: Caring what others think about you will stop you from accomplishing all your goals.
The key to getting yourself to be the man you want to be, one who is friendly to all because he assumes that everybody will like them, is by not caring what others' perceptions are about you. Repeat this in your mind over and over. Try recalling those times (the more recent the better) where you cared about what the other person thought about you whether GOOD or BAD. Think about those scenarios you will encounter today or this week, where you find your self imagining what others will think or how others will react. Those thoughts where you care about how others have or are or will perceive you, stop them in their tracks and think "I don't care", and move to the next thought.
This is how the evolution of yourself begins, with fixing the most fundamental part of yourself, your mind.
Next time you want to interact someone who you havent come to like yet, think "I dont care what they think about me", and then go up tothem. It will be a conscious effort at first, but with time, it will become an unconscious part of you.
