Should I text her first after date- she hasn't contacted me yet?

[odawg]

I like this

 

[pickmasterjd]

Absolutly not, if she is an attractive woman that is.

You need to position yourself as a guy who has better things to do and more women to tend to if you are dating a hottie. Women need to know you have a life and social stance. Let her be the one to contact you back. Always wait atleast 3 days until arranging the second date...no texting, facebooking, in between.

hope this helped you

Hey guys,

I would be grateful for your thoughts on whether I should give in and contact my date from Friday night- given that she hasn't contacted me yet to say she had a good time.

Ok so I met this chick at the start of December (she is a Hb 9- and a Hollister model). Up until now I have been texting her back and forth sporadically but I finally got her pinned down to a proper date on Friday night. I had demonstrated some very high value in the lead up having picked her up the first night I met her at a club and seen her once since then- my texts were very funny and she was as much into me as she possibly could have been given the circumstances- the issue is I guess that Friday was the first time we were going to meet cold sober and I had no alcohol or phone or Facebook to create a facade. She also was aware of my ex gf who is one of the hottest chicks in my country (Ireland) and also used to work as a Hollister model. My value going onto the date was therefore very high.

So on Friday tbh I was ****ting myself as its been a while since I had a proper date- I was also anxious that I had built up this amazing image of myself through text messaging and social proof that I had to live up to and I wouldnt be drunk to hide behind ( when I have a few drinks in a club I do tend to become very very confident and i am only situatioanlly confident in real life which I am working on).

Anyways on the date I was very uncomfortable at the start- my mouth was dry and I generally was ****ting myself for the first half an hour- I think I was even more stifled because she was so bubbly and confident from the start that i felt an even bigger pressure to impress- she had also said that she doesn't fancy unconfident men a night earlier when she was drunk which I was originally able to laugh off because I was tipsy and confident at the time. However on Friday I wasn't myself and it did take me a few drinks to get loosened up.

In the end we did stay in the bar that I took her too from 9-30-1:30 am so it wasn't all bad. We then went and got a fish and chip and I got her a taxi home. She had asked me what I though of her to which I told her she was very nice and a bit of a legend.

Basically the date went ok- but I felt unconfident throughout and stifled as she was so confident and I just couldn't settle properly. We did kiss at the end off the night for a couple of seconds but I haven't heard from her since. My plan was and always is for a girl to text me after the date to say thank you etc and then I respond. This hasn't happened yet and I am very confused. Logic would say that she obviously didn't text me because she didn't like me and I didn't live up to my reputation, but I am also of the opinion that she is waiting for me to text her and tell her I had a good time. Is this the possible or will a girl ALWAYAS text after a date first if she had a good time???

She was genuinely once of the nicest girls I have ever met ( she is a blood doner, a medicine student, a volunteer worker and she tried to make me feel a little bit more comfortable when I told her at the start that I was uncharasstically nervous which I know isn't a particularly good thing to say).

Any thoughts on this once guys? I don't intend on texting her and will wait it out but I am very shocked she hasn't even text me out of manners to say thank you which I would have expected considering the date did end in a kiss and she said she had a good time and more importantly her very good character would have led me to believe she had this much manners). Could it be that she is waiting for the boy to text her saying he had a good time? Or is it more likely that she just said she had a good time and actually didn't and she simply was a tad disappointed that I wasn't as funny or charismatic that she had lead to believe-

I was speaking to my ex gf and she thinks that it is very rude of me not to text her and that she is probably waiting on me to text her first- my housemate thinks the same. However I would have imagined that
All thoughts and comments welcomed!!!????

 

[odawg]

Agreed! I was actually speaking to a guy who sort of knows her last night at a club and he says she is a cool customer and plays hard to get- I will not surrender- she has to think se likes me more than i like her- I will spin my other plates in the mean time

 

[bigneil]

It's good to wait for them to approach us, especially in the phase between the first date and fourth date or so. Even if you have to wait a month. Let them think it's over.

However, has anyone else noticed that once the girl starts to like you (after say 2 months) that she will sometimes hold out longer waiting for you to write back (the "why not" resistance stage)? Then when you do write she will respond to your messages much more quickly and will be ready to go out right then.

Never whine that she isn't responding enough - that kills attraction quickly.

Instead, use absence to normalize her interest level.

 

[odawg]

Yes- I agree. There are definitely 2 schools of thought on this topic and I think they can both can be used in the correct circumstance.

1) Go for it- be the Alpha Male- persistence pays off

2) Wait it out- let her come to you- girls want what they can't have.

In my circumstance I think that it is best to wait for her to come to me. This is because I feel I may have lost a little bit of attraction on the date. I have been going Alpha Male on her ass on previous rendez-vous but since I feel I may have lost some points I need to engineer some attraction by creating value. I just feel if I push hard at this stage it could turn her off as she thinks she may have too much interest from a needy and unconfident guy. She would definitely have control if I texted her at this stage.

It is definitely good to be Alpha and go for it, but only when the time is right. Patience is a virtue. I think that this this is particularly important at introduction stage and when you are in her presence of when things generally are going good. However, on occasions like this where she hasn’t texted to say she enjoyed herself the only 100% way of getting her attention is by not giving her any. If she liked me and is waiting for me to text her it will be driving her mad- so she will cave in. If she didn’t like me as much as she did (in no way did she lose all attraction) then my absence will niggle at her and she will eventually seek validation in some form.

Conversely if I just swing a text by her- whilst it may be a non-needy casual text- I am still showing her interest which will only work in the scenario where she is waiting for me to text her.

People will say I am over analyzing this but I do enjoy this debate and it is something I have always thought about on occasion. There is a balance between going for it and showing interest and withholding it/ being patient. I think it also depends on the personality of the guy; if you are a natural Alpha with undeniable Charisma I think you can afford to go for it a bit more- for example if you are Robert Downing Jnr. Whilst I am a pretty confident guy, I do rely on my looks quite a bit and I am still working on the Robert Downing Jnr personality .

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are many ways to skin a cat- some better for some people and some better in some circumstances.

 

[shizz702]

Dude you have wasted a lot of time and thought on this.

I understand where you are coming from but there are no set rules with this.

In the mean time if you are gonna hold out and wait for her to come to you you should be focusing on other plates, your friends, and your hobbies to keep your mind off of her so you are indeed busy and not worried about her.

 

[odawg]

Dude- reread my other posts. I am working on other girls atm- I was out last night at the club and I am currently in work so there is no harm in discussing this. Just becasue I am discussing this doesnt mean that I am obsessing over this girl. I generally think it is a very interesting topic of when to told off/when to go in for the kill.

Also, note that I am currently in work, so talking about this in work is more interesting than my dayjob as a lawyer so there are no issues.

 

[cordoncordon]

Dude- reread my other posts. I am working on other girls atm- I was out last night at the club and I am currently in work so there is no harm in discussing this. Just becasue I am discussing this doesnt mean that I am obsessing over this girl. I generally think it is a very interesting topic of when to told off/when to go in for the kill.

Also, note that I am currently in work, so talking about this in work is more interesting than my dayjob as a lawyer so there are no issues.

I think you are doing fine. Do whatever is comfortable for you...it's all a variety.. If you think that you lost some points on the first date, that laying low is probably the best strategy. If it gets to the point where you are consumed by the idea of her, then it would probably be time to ask her out again point blank.

But at this stage, just roll with it.

 

[odawg]

Thanks! Yeah I agree completely-it won't dig at me at all as I am going to work on getting laid by other girls- I am working a lot on self improvement to get me to the next level and aim to read a lot of pick up, nlp etc. as much as possible.

My best friend has been with over 500 women because he has balls of steel and goes for everything- he has some amazing attributes- however he has scared some real hotties away in the past because he has no patience and is constantly giving them attention(non needy)

Whilst he doesnt care, some girls just generally need to be gamed better.

 

[odawg]

Update: she rang me drunk last night at a student party, told me she really liked me and came over to my apartment and I ****ed her-

Take a bow- patience is a virtue

 

[shizz702]

Good stuff man.

Well played. No pun intended with my previous comment.

 

[MM92]

Update: she rang me drunk last night at a student party, told me she really liked me and came over to my apartment and I ****ed her-

Take a bow- patience is a virtue

:rockon: :rockon:

 

[Jariel]

Very well handled mate! I stand corrected.

Actually I could probably learn something from this as my post-seduction game has been a big failing point for me, i.e. texting too soon or acting too keen after the first date or after sex. I've held back a lot lately though, acted much cooler after that first date and it's really helping me to maintain interest.

It is really sad that we have to play these games, but that's just the way it goes.

 

[odawg]

Thanks guys- it was a risky strategy but it paid off I guess.

The way I see it is that you kind of need to set yourself apart and appear as different to certain girls, and showing some resilience on this occassion seemed to do the trick.

As you say though- it's sad that it has to be done- and by no means ideal, but I guess it is simply physchology at the end of the day. Certainly no substituate for being a man and a proper DJ- but I do avow to having a certain set of principles to stick to that demonstrate you are the Alpha you think you are. Girls like to do at least half of the work I guess.