Should I text her first after date- she hasn't contacted me yet?

[odawg]

Hey guys,

I would be grateful for your thoughts on whether I should give in and contact my date from Friday night- given that she hasn't contacted me yet to say she had a good time.

Ok so I met this chick at the start of December (she is a Hb 9- and a Hollister model). Up until now I have been texting her back and forth sporadically but I finally got her pinned down to a proper date on Friday night. I had demonstrated some very high value in the lead up having picked her up the first night I met her at a club and seen her once since then- my texts were very funny and she was as much into me as she possibly could have been given the circumstances- the issue is I guess that Friday was the first time we were going to meet cold sober and I had no alcohol or phone or Facebook to create a facade. She also was aware of my ex gf who is one of the hottest chicks in my country (Ireland) and also used to work as a Hollister model. My value going onto the date was therefore very high.

So on Friday tbh I was ****ting myself as its been a while since I had a proper date- I was also anxious that I had built up this amazing image of myself through text messaging and social proof that I had to live up to and I wouldnt be drunk to hide behind ( when I have a few drinks in a club I do tend to become very very confident and i am only situatioanlly confident in real life which I am working on).

Anyways on the date I was very uncomfortable at the start- my mouth was dry and I generally was ****ting myself for the first half an hour- I think I was even more stifled because she was so bubbly and confident from the start that i felt an even bigger pressure to impress- she had also said that she doesn't fancy unconfident men a night earlier when she was drunk which I was originally able to laugh off because I was tipsy and confident at the time. However on Friday I wasn't myself and it did take me a few drinks to get loosened up.

In the end we did stay in the bar that I took her too from 9-30-1:30 am so it wasn't all bad. We then went and got a fish and chip and I got her a taxi home. She had asked me what I though of her to which I told her she was very nice and a bit of a legend.

Basically the date went ok- but I felt unconfident throughout and stifled as she was so confident and I just couldn't settle properly. We did kiss at the end off the night for a couple of seconds but I haven't heard from her since. My plan was and always is for a girl to text me after the date to say thank you etc and then I respond. This hasn't happened yet and I am very confused. Logic would say that she obviously didn't text me because she didn't like me and I didn't live up to my reputation, but I am also of the opinion that she is waiting for me to text her and tell her I had a good time. Is this the possible or will a girl ALWAYAS text after a date first if she had a good time???

She was genuinely once of the nicest girls I have ever met ( she is a blood doner, a medicine student, a volunteer worker and she tried to make me feel a little bit more comfortable when I told her at the start that I was uncharasstically nervous which I know isn't a particularly good thing to say).

Any thoughts on this once guys? I don't intend on texting her and will wait it out but I am very shocked she hasn't even text me out of manners to say thank you which I would have expected considering the date did end in a kiss and she said she had a good time and more importantly her very good character would have led me to believe she had this much manners). Could it be that she is waiting for the boy to text her saying he had a good time? Or is it more likely that she just said she had a good time and actually didn't and she simply was a tad disappointed that I wasn't as funny or charismatic that she had lead to believe-

I was speaking to my ex gf and she thinks that it is very rude of me not to text her and that she is probably waiting on me to text her first- my housemate thinks the same. However I would have imagined that
All thoughts and comments welcomed!!!????

 

[Marvin Gaye]

please respond

 

[Jariel]

She could be thinking the same thing as you. It's hardly going to kill you just to drop her a text. If she doesn't respond or rejects you, then put it down to experience.

I'm getting the impression that you're being way too defensive and protective of your feelings and this is why you're lacking confidence. Getting rejected will do you a lot of good in the long term to help you realise it's not actually a big deal. Once you can face a date without worrying about rejection, then you can truly relax and be a lot more confident and appealing to women.

 

[spunkylimburger]

Did she ever text you first before the date? If she didn't...then she may be waiting on you. If she did and isn't now, then she probably wasn't too impressed with the first date. If it is driving you nuts, just text her something simple. Enough time has passed that it won't seem needy or desperate.

 

[runner83]

She could be thinking the same thing as you. It's hardly going to kill you just to drop her a text. If she doesn't respond or rejects you, then put it down to experience.

I'm getting the impression that you're being way too defensive and protective of your feelings and this is why you're lacking confidence. Getting rejected will do you a lot of good in the long term to help you realise it's not actually a big deal. Once you can face a date without worrying about rejection, then you can truly relax and be a lot more confident and appealing to women.

Rejection is always better than regret.

Chances are that she is waiting for you to text her.

 

[odawg]

Thanks for the advice :/ cough

anybody got anything contructive to offer?

 

[odawg]

Apologies- my comment above was only aimed at the first response lol.

Yeah I know what you guys mean- I possibly am being too damn defensive, but I do want her to text me first. Normally I would have been the first to text but she would have always been great at replying and initiated a couple of times.

I had always went with the rule however that after a date I wait for the girl to text me. On this occasion it hasn't happened.

So I can either text her with just some general fluff or wait out untils he cracks. She could well be feeling insecure now that I havent texted her but I dont see why she can't just bloody well text me after I took her out on a date.

If she didnt like me I would have thoghts that she would still have text to say that she had a good time- just out of manners. no?

 

[floydb25]

This is where playing games become a problem... When both of you aren't keen of giving up the power, dipping your hand in, or whatever nonsense. When two players collide - problems arise. You're both trying to not seem as desperate, over-eager, and are probably stubborn. Doesn't work. Another possibility is that she was unimpressed, and lost interest.

In either case - wouldn't you rather KNOW than analyze, assume, or worry? Is it going to kill you to text her? Are you worried that the worst is gonna happen if you do? What do you think is gonna happen if you don't? Probably the worst... You both drift off, and wonder what if - while still being too stubborn to contact each other.

I don't see this as a good sign on her end, though. Yes, they should contact you afterwards. If she is indeed stubborn - that's going to cause serious problems. You don't want this to become a power-struggle relationship based on control. IE, you having to initiate, show interest, do everything - while she holds all the cards, and does all the deciding. She's probably experienced, and knows how the game works. Probably pulling the same crap you are.

 

[Jariel]

I generally wait for the girls to text me first too and usually if they're interested they will thank me for a good night, refer to a private and in some cases will ask if I want to meet again. It's cool and straight forward when girls do that, but then there are those who are interested, but don't want to seem too keen, those who believe men should make the first move and some who think they blew the date.

There have been a number of times I've been the first to text a girl, often 3-4 days after the date and she responded very positively. Some girls had assumed I wasn't interested and I remember one girl's friend told me how she'd been moping around after our date and kept looking at her phone hoping I'd text her.

Back when I was less confident I found it very hard to flirt or show any sexual interest in my dates, and many girls translated this to mean I wasn't interested. I remember asking some girls for a second date and they told me they were really surprised because I seemed so aloof when we met.

Just be careful not to do what I did and start to overcompensate. I started to get into the habit of reassuring girls I was really interested and I guess that came off as being too clingy. You just have to find the right balance.

 

[odawg]

Guys, many thanks for your replies, much appreciated.

I guess my rationale for not texting is that I do believe she should have texted first if she was interested, as this is how I have found other girls in the past. However, on top of this, I think that if she was disappointed on the date, then not texting her could really increase my value and make her feel more insecure about herself and start questioning herself- in theory making her like me and try to justify herself for me not engaging with her.

I do know this can be seen as manipulation- but I had thought of this as a very safe approach. I mean, it has happened that way for me. I did like her on the date and she is an very good girl, but I wasn’t infactuated on the date- the fact that she hasn’t texted me had actually made me more interested in her.

I realise I am being stubborn- but I am afraid that if she didn’t text me it is because she doesn’t like me and if I text her she will have a predetermined mindset on me. However, if she didn’t think the date went well and I still don’t text her, that could make her try to prove herself to me and then put the ball in my court.

If all else fails I guess I could try bump into her in some of the clubs that she is likely to frequent in. Also, she has facebook and she will be able to see my facebook which is quite active and I have very high social proof on, which may worm away at her also.

I am enjoying this discussion so please keep it going

 

[spunkylimburger]

All the time you are wasting analyzing this situation could be saved by just sending her a simple text. I don't think it will make or break your game and will give you the answer you need. I would rather know where I stand and go from there, than analyze every situation which may or may not be applicable.

 

[odawg]

Of course I could send her a text and I would know- but equally if I dont send her a text it may make her want to come and pursue me-


Thats my logic. If anyone thinks that it is flawed let me know, and I will reconsider

 

[Iceberg]

Of course I could send her a text and I would know- but equally if I dont send her a text it may make her want to come and pursue me-


Thats my logic. If anyone thinks that it is flawed let me know, and I will reconsider

Well, it appears that everyone in this thread thinks your logic is flawed.

So I fail to see what else there is to say about this.

 

[odawg]

Fair enough but there is no legit reason as to why it is flawed. Everyone has said that I should just test the waters but where will that get me really other than certainty.

I have zero issues not knowing if she likes me or not- because I do a lot of partying and do meet a lot of girls so I am nowhere near desperate. This girl is however a very very good looking girl and has a very good pedigree so I must have a plan in place for her so that I make sure that I get her (or at least have total control). I am quite sure that I didn't blow her away but she does like me and therefore I need to win that back by demonstrating DHV and making her come to me.

The Golden Rule after an official date is to wait for the girl to text you. She has broken that rule because either 1) she doesn’t like me anymore as much as she thought she did or 2) she's old fashioned and thinks that it is my duty to text her.

Of course if I felt the date went amazing and I had her soaking wet then I would have been able to follow up straight away- but because I didn’t blow her out of the water then I do need to demonstrate some DHV to reinforce that she needs to win me over and not the other way around.

Apologies if it sounds like I am being arrogant, however this post has made me realise that I am right. I think what some ppl underestimate is patience and how much people value what they can't have. Of course if it was just another run of the mill girl I could just test the waters and move on if need be but odd's are on that she may have decided her opinion on me (or may not) and I could get blew out.

In summary I definitely think my chances are better if I let her come to me and I don’t text her. I live in the same City as her so I will probably see her at some stage in the next few months and if and when I do she will undoubtedly want to prove herself to me in person if she hasn’t felt the need to over text. The more I think about it- the more I think that her head is being fried right now and if I don’t hear from her soon I will probably get a drunk text message from her in the coming weeks.

HB9 Hollister models need to be treated differently than most girls- and whilst my ex gf Hollister model thought I was very rude when I told her this story I showed incredible patience to get her at first.

Thanks for your helps guys- I will fill you in I hear anything back.

 

[Aaron B]

What your ex-gf thinks about how you handle your dates is irrelevant. She is looking from the perspective of the girl.

Do you want to invite this chick on a second date?

If so:

Plan date.
Invite her on date.

That's it and that's all. Keep it simple.

In my opinion, there is nothing for you to gain by texting her that you "had a good time."

 

[odawg]

Yeah I know bro- still gona stick it out- I'll get her on another date sometime for sure!

 

[MisterD]

Yes, obviously all of us strive for the power/upper hand in a relationship. But like someone above mentioned, if she's playing the same game of "oh well im gonna let him come to me", neither one of you text each other and then you miss out on a potential hook up.

I would love to have chicks initiating contact every time but the reality is that's not always going to happen. Sometimes you have to hit them up first. Being stubborn isnt going to get you laid. I say that from experience. You're the man, you know what you like, you go after it. You're not giving up all power just by texting her first. And the sooner you text her and find out where she stands, the sooner you decide to continue pursuit or move on.

 

[Jariel]

You also have to remember that attractive women have a lot of options and if she thinks you're not interested or you're playing games, she'll be setting up her next date with someone else.

It happened to me when I was playing games with someone. It worked for a while, then she just got sick of it and moved on.

 

[odawg]

Thanks guys- yeah I do understand that she will have oth options but that's a risk I'll have to take. Also bear in mind very good looking girls are very picky so if a man steals her away inside a few weeks I'll pat him on the back lol.

I am going to give it a week and I will be out tonight and saturday night so I may even see her out which would be ideal- if I see her out i go for the kill- if I don't see her or hear from her in a week I will hit her with a random funny text!

Thanks guys, much appreciated xox

 

[bigneil]

I feel that after a date the women should wonder if she will ever see you again.