Should I tell my ex-gf's new boyfriend that she's BPD?

[AFC_Schism]

I've never met this guy before, and my ex-gf met him around the time we broke up and immediately jumped into a relationship with him after I broke it off with her, they started officially dating about a month ago. I have mixed feelings about this, but I almost feel guilty that this guy may not have any idea what he's getting into - my ex-gf has been suicidal, has depression, is manipulative, and has BPD and she emotionally ****ed me up for a period of time while we were dating. On the other hand, I made fun of her new boyfriend to her face, so that may or may not have gotten back to him, so he may not be so receptive to what I have to say.

Regardless, I almost feel like its my obligation to send him a private message on facebook or something just telling him what's up and "not saying to break up with her, but just so he knows what he's getting into". Then again it'll probably make its way back to her in some form or another and it would be kind of cruel to her as she's just trying to be happy, or she may end up going psycho on me (again).

Anyway, what do you guys think? Good idea? Bad idea?

 

[Iceberg]

I've never met this guy before, and my ex-gf met him around the time we broke up and immediately jumped into a relationship with him after I broke it off with her, they started officially dating about a month ago. I have mixed feelings about this, but I almost feel guilty that this guy may not have any idea what he's getting into - my ex-gf has been suicidal, has depression, is manipulative, and has BPD and she emotionally ****ed me up for a period of time while we were dating. On the other hand, I made fun of her new boyfriend to her face, so that may or may not have gotten back to him, so he may not be so receptive to what I have to say.

Regardless, I almost feel like its my obligation to send him a private message on facebook or something just telling him what's up and "not saying to break up with her, but just so he knows what he's getting into". Then again it'll probably make its way back to her in some form or another and it would be kind of cruel to her as she's just trying to be happy, or she may end up going psycho on me (again).

Anyway, what do you guys think? Good idea? Bad idea?

Yeah it'd be extremely cruel. It's a terrible idea, and you know it's a bad idea. There's nothing about this that is in the neighborhood of being a good idea.

So it's only okay for this girl to date new guys once you've been assured that she's mature and sane now? Leave her be.

 

[r0cky]

As I presume everybody will tell you, its a bad idea and should mind your own business. Unless you have something to gain from him finding out that she's psycho, I don't see why should it concern you in the least bit.

 

[Kailex]

That's his problem now, not yours.
You have NO obligation whatsoever to "INFORM" him of what's going on.

Not like he was going to listen to you anyway. He'd probably just see you as the jealous ex who won't let go.

Just leave it be.

 

[Serg897]

You are thinking about doing this because you are still thinking about your ex. Its obvious and its transparent, because I am still in a similar boat as you - and its easy to make excuses to keep your ex in your life, one way or another.

Do not concern yourself with your ex's business. You are done with her, anything about her is now irrelevant, including her new dude-friends.

Work on yourself. This is what Im doing. Im noting the thoughts and feelings as they come up but I am not acting on them, I am trying not to identify with them - because they are temporary and they don't define you. This kind of self-awareness can be really powerful, I think.

Bottom line: its a bad idea, and it wont serve you in the slightest. Don't do it.

 

[5string]

I think Schism is saying he just wants to warn the new guy. Noble thought, but I agree with the others. Don't go there! If you know all about BPD, and you are in no contact mode, stay NC! It'll just give her an excuse to rage and split you black. Remember those days? No telling what she may do. Please don't go there buddy.

 

[AFC_Schism]

That's his problem now, not yours.
You have NO obligation whatsoever to "INFORM" him of what's going on.

Yeah, that makes sense. I just feel bad, knowing how much being with that girl ****ed with my head, but I suppose its his mistake to make, I shouldn't intervene.

You are thinking about doing this because you are still thinking about your ex. Its obvious and its transparent, because I am still in a similar boat as you - and its easy to make excuses to keep your ex in your life, one way or another.

Do not concern yourself with your ex's business. You are done with her, anything about her is now irrelevant, including her new dude-friends.

Work on yourself. This is what Im doing. Im noting the thoughts and feelings as they come up but I am not acting on them, I am trying not to identify with them - because they are temporary and they don't define you. This kind of self-awareness can be really powerful, I think.

Bottom line: its a bad idea, and it wont serve you in the slightest. Don't do it.

Yeah, it's weird, this is the first real "serious" relationship that I had been in (shame it had to be so ****ed), and its been two months since I broke up with her. I'll go a few days just fine and then all of a sudden I'm reminded of her and the feeling I get isn't one of heartsickness or longing, but almost like anger. Like I'm angry at the **** she put me through and angry at myself that I didn't just put my foot down and leave sooner. I never act on anything, though, the last time we talked was a month ago when she contacted me, and I've made it a point to not check her facebook or myspace for the past month to minimize any concern about her business and so far its working out very well. I'm dating this cute ballerina girl now who's twice the girl my ex was (and more attractive) and without any emotional drama, but every now and then she still pops up in my mind and brings my mood down.

Today was one of those days, I just got to thinking how much happier I am with this new girl this semester than I was with my ex last semester and the idea of letting her boyfriend know about her BPD came into my head to warn him, because I know first-hand how badly that can **** with someone and I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. I knew running the idea by you guys was the right thing to do, I agree with what was said here that it would be a bad idea (so many ways it could backfire on me). Thanks guys.

 

[cmr662]

no way

I hate to say it but it is obvious you still have feelings for this girl, and I don't know that I believe your motive is to help this guy. Why would you help him? you don't know him right?

You broke up with your girl, she moved on, let her be and go find someone else!

 

[AFC_Schism]

I hate to say it but it is obvious you still have feelings for this girl, and I don't know that I believe your motive is to help this guy. Why would you help him? you don't know him right?

Honestly? Yes. I'm all about bros before hoes and helping other guys out. There have been times where I've hooked up with a girl who I later found out was in a relationship with a guy, and the next day I looked the guy up on myspace and told him his girl wasn't being faithful. Call it some misguided sense of honor or whatnot, but that's the kind of guy I am. That may be a skewered perspective to some of you, I imagine, but I look out for other guys when it comes to girls, regardless of if I know them or not. Hell, at parties I'll wingman for a guy I just met that night, even if I never see him again. I'm not the kind of guy who's a "I'm just here to get mine" person.

 

[starplayer]

No you gotta just let it go man. I think your feelings for your ex are clouding your judgment.

Been there done that. I once wanted to tell this girls new bf what a manipulative little slvt she is, but i resisted. Truth is, I wasn't over her. I see that now.

And besides, do you really think he's gonna listen to what you have to say?

Stay NC. Stay strong.

 

[Serg897]

Your feelings for your ex are definitely clouding your judgement. I miss my ex too, but Im not running off telling her new boyfriend how she can be prone to low self-esteem and emotional breakdowns.

Just as a side note - It sucks, most girls Im going for these days play much more annoying games of hard-to-get, or are simply not interested. When I first met my ex, she was so interested it was almost too easy. Sometimes it makes me miss her more - but it makes sense that she was this way, as she has some emotional issues and cannot be alone.

Just dont do it mate. I sympathize with you because we are in a similar boat right now. You broke up with your ex at around the same time. We need to both stick to our guns here.

 

[Iceberg]

Honestly? Yes. I'm all about bros before hoes and helping other guys out. There have been times where I've hooked up with a girl who I later found out was in a relationship with a guy, and the next day I looked the guy up on myspace and told him his girl wasn't being faithful. Call it some misguided sense of honor or whatnot, but that's the kind of guy I am. That may be a skewered perspective to some of you, I imagine, but I look out for other guys when it comes to girls, regardless of if I know them or not. Hell, at parties I'll wingman for a guy I just met that night, even if I never see him again. I'm not the kind of guy who's a "I'm just here to get mine" person.

I don't think it's a sense of honor. I just think you're easily hurt.

You hooked up with a girl who had a boyfriend, and it hurt you that she was playing...so you told her boyfriend.

Your ex g/f hurt you by being a psycho, and now you're considering ruining her current relationship.

I've been in your shoes before. Most of us have. And no, it's never about our "honor"...it's about being hurt. You need to get over this girl and move on. Who cares who she's dating.

 

[Sparta112]

So a slightly different slant,... I'm the other guy,...

So my BPD ex came back into the picture after extended no contact,... We have been dating 6mo but she recently split me because I lied about how I met a girl before I met while we were not together,... (I met her on match but said it was in person,...) anyway my gf randomly showed up at my place last week to "confess" about a lie she had told me about sleeping with her ex and suddenly said when I can be honest with her that I can call her,.. (Projection rigt) anyway she then said oh by the way her ex whom she works with was going through her phone and found my number and wants to contact me to "tell me the truth about her" she says she doesn't trust him and that he has nothing positive to say about her and that it's not real safe for me to talk to him get she still obviously does and now this guy has my contact info,...

I'm wondering if I should bite the Bulltet and contact her ex before he calls me, I found him on FB and just say "hey I heard you have my number and want to talk and that I would be willing to listen but only over the phone" I figure I may need some more information to make informed decisions here and she has split me to negative and split so I'm thinking that this guy might be a good source for the truth,...

Any advice?

 

[TheWolfMan]

Dude I don't know OP, I agree with most of the others in the fact that if things don't pan out for you, then you feel the need to sabotage or get back at the girls involved. You don't owe these guys anything. Like who give a f@ck, let them find out on their own. You really have nothing else going on in your life, that you have to waste your time on this petty crap? Forget that sh!t, go and spin as many plates as you can. It definitely sounds like you have feelings for said BPD girl, why else would you want to contact the guy and tell him that. Like honestly give us an answer that's not because you feel bad for him, If it was me I wouldn't give two sh!ts about the guy that my ex decides to date, nor would I feel the need or have enough "honor" to tell him about her issued. He'll find out in due time, get on with your own life.

 

[TheWolfMan]

"but I almost feel guilty that this guy may not have any idea what he's getting into.." = I really want this girl back, so I'll contact this new guy in hopes of scaring him off with mention of her BPD

 

[QuadDeuces]

The best way to get over your BPD is to shack up with the next PD nutcase.

My BPD contacted me after 10 months NC to tell me she was 4 months pregnant of my 3rd replacement.

I was so busy watching a football match that I completely forgot to reply. Thought about it for 10 sec and decided I felt sorry for the guy (and the unborn kid).but Its his own fault he shouldda put a rubber on it.
Then my mind went back to obsessing about my latest HPDex.

 

[Three]

I'll jump on board with the rest and say stay the hell out of it. No possible good can come of involving yourself with your ex in any way.

On another note: Unfriend all these fucking people from Facebook, dude! You are killing yourself by keeping that connection, as small as it may seem. You need to break all ties with this women and her world as much as possible. This is for your own sanity and wellbeing.