should i tell her i love her?

[tmpgstx]

Wlyde you confirm the theory that the attraction has to be there in the beginning (at least in a natural way), and THIS determines whether a guy or girl gets the 'friends zone'.

Many people think if they are even in the friendz zone, with time they'll see what a great person they are. If there was no attraction there to begin with, it isn't going to change their mind. The attraction simply isn't there.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
Wlyde you confirm the theory that the attraction has to be there in the beginning (at least in a natural way), and THIS determines whether a guy or girl gets the 'friends zone'.

Many people think if they are even in the friendz zone, with time they'll see what a great person they are. If there was no attraction there to begin with, it isn't going to change their mind. The attraction simply isn't there.

Yes, it IS all about attraction. If two people are friends and there is attraction but they are both involved with or pursuing other people then you aren't ever "stuck" in the friend zone. Sometimes someone's looks change drastically over time and at some point they become attractive to the other person when they weren't before. You aren't "stuck" in that event, either.

The ONLY time you are "stuck" is when the other person either is never attracted to you or just really dislikes something about you to the point it turns them off...then even attraction won't help.

 

[tmpgstx]

Makes sense .. would you say women are more adept to telling if someone likes them by body language or eye contact?

Women seem to have a sixth sense for knowing if someone really digs them or not in a deep sensual way, just by looking into the eyes? Would you say this is more or less true?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
Makes sense .. would you say women are more adept to telling if someone likes them by body language or eye contact?

Women seem to have a sixth sense for knowing if someone really digs them or not in a deep sensual way, just by looking into the eyes? Would you say this is more or less true?

Well, based on my personal experience with the two guys I mentioned...

The first guy...I never had any clue whatsoever. He never did or said anything that would suggest he carried a torch for me. He had felt that way for close to 6 years without me having any idea at all. Mind you, that MOST of that time I was engaged to a guy I was so deeply in love with that I didn't even notice other men at all. With the second guy it was like he had "Wyldfire radar" or something. Even if I was in a friend's car and he was on the street and we were driving past, he would hone right in on me and stare, lol. He even did this before we ever spoke to each other. We officially met one night at the bar his band was playing at. We were both folling the NBA playoffs at the time and he was a Bulls fan. We hit it off instantly and I began to tease the sh*t out of him that the Bulls were going to lose. We went to a small party after the bar closed with a few friends at someone's one room apartment. We talked and he did give the looks and body language...but more looks than anything. I had to work the next morning and got tired and curled up on the foot of the bed. He got a blanket and covered me with it and sat about a foot away from me. One of the other guys was hitting on me really badly and freaked me out...I found him unattractive and annoying...and I got the feeling that he might try something with me asleep, so I sort of put my arm over my face so I could make sure that guy wasn't gonna mess with me. I looked over at the guy who liked me and he was just watching me sleep (or so he thought). That was the point where I knew he liked me...and knew I liked him, too. But with the situation with his ex, I chose not to encourage him any for awhile. We ended up at several parties and one time he was extremely frustrated and I asked him what his problem was and he said "Your presence.", lol. A little bit later we both went racing for the beer I left in the car and we ended up off by ourselves wrestling over it. I grabbed one and PUT IT DOWN MY BRA (that was supposed to be an invite for him to try to get it...but he didn't catch on). At that point, I just got frustrated with him not making a move when I KNEW he wanted to. Damn fool could have had me if he weren't such a bonehead.

 

[tmpgstx]

Dam .. good story. It sounds like he did like you.

I could use a little advice about a girl that really likes me alot and it is mutual. She'll give me hints and i'll do the same, but she has a live-in boyfriend. She isn't the flakey type, and is sensitive, level-headed intelligent person with morals and goals.

Though she has a live-in bf, should i ask her out anyway (maybe lunch?), or should i just wait for a more clear signal when convenient to her (if that should ever come)?

I've shown my interest too, but not overly so, but enough so that she knows. What's your take? Should i just let her do most of the move making because she is the one with the bf? Let her settle that out, before asking her out etc.

It's obvious we like each other alot .. just think both of us are trying to figure out a way of going out with each other, but i haven't seen her for a month now! She'll usually come and visit regularly but with spring break, school, sickness going around etc. things can and do get busy.

Any advice here would be more than welcome.

 

[PRMoon]

tmpgstx
You shouldn't do too much to try to "steal" her. Sounds like she's trying to figure things out on her own. Girls don't just fall into a live in parnter relationship, they usually take a bit of time. If you come on to her too much, yeah she'll think about you but the fact is she still lives with another guy, who she most likely still feels something for.

You have to play this one very carefully. Women are like spider monkey's. They're not going to jump from one branch without the knowledge that the one they're going to is solid. I mean are you prepared to have this girl move in with you? Has she mentioned other living arrangements or concidered them? Ordinarily I'd say the relationship with her current b/f wouldn't matter but there relationship is on another level. You need to analyise the situation further before you make any serious decisions.

Till then you should just continue to be her friend. Tell her about some of your past dates and how good they were and what not. Tell her about how well you date and the nice things you've done. Also mention some of your poorer relationships, how you treated some girls really nicely and they dogged you. You need to work this one from the outside a bit.

 

[tmpgstx]

Thanks PR!

Yeah, this situation is a bit complicated as we both like each other alot. I think it's more for convenience for her now that she's with her current bf. They're both from Canada and are going to college here in US.

I do think should let her work some things out, maybe i'll get an oppurtunity later.

The last time i saw her they were together and did not look like a couple in the remotest sense. We talked in front of him like he wasn't even there .. haven't seen her since, but am sure i will eventually and will just play it by ear. If i feel it in my gut to ask her to lunch or something, may just do that.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
Dam .. good story. It sounds like he did like you.

I could use a little advice about a girl that really likes me alot and it is mutual. She'll give me hints and i'll do the same, but she has a live-in boyfriend. She isn't the flakey type, and is sensitive, level-headed intelligent person with morals and goals.

Though she has a live-in bf, should i ask her out anyway (maybe lunch?), or should i just wait for a more clear signal when convenient to her (if that should ever come)?

I've shown my interest too, but not overly so, but enough so that she knows. What's your take? Should i just let her do most of the move making because she is the one with the bf? Let her settle that out, before asking her out etc.

It's obvious we like each other alot .. just think both of us are trying to figure out a way of going out with each other, but i haven't seen her for a month now! She'll usually come and visit regularly but with spring break, school, sickness going around etc. things can and do get busy.

Any advice here would be more than welcome.

Well, unless you are interested in a LTR with her you should leave well enough alone. If you are interested in a LTR then I'd advise you to just say "So when are you going to dump that boyfriend of yours so you can go out with me?" If she is interested in you and would rather be with you than her current boyfriend she will likely break up with him. The live in situation makes her situation tougher. It's harder to break up with someone when you live with them. If she likes you she's going to want some kind of solid offer before she ditches the other guy.

As someone who found herself in a relationship with a married man once I would not advise anyone to get involved with someone already in a LTR or marriage. Love triangles end up hurting everyone and aren't worth it.

 

[tmpgstx]

Thanks Wylde .. i am interested in an LTR with her .. haven't had this much attraction so long as i can remember.

I think she knows my interest is high, just like i know hers is .. but we rarely get to spend time alone together as we both work in lab environments. It's hard to ask her to lunch on campus as her bf and his friends are there etc.

Living with him does make it a tougher situation, so asking her out and such .. she would end up going back to him at the end of the night! Awkward situation, can see if they didn't live together..
and this is the only reason i haven't asked her out.

I know what i gotta do .. just be casual while showing some interest and waiting for an oppurtunity to arise (and really do think one will as their relationship seems to be heading for a dead end). The passion just isn't there for her with him at all, that's plain to see. I think she will end that relationship on her own terms if he really isn't for her, so that she can have other options with people she is attracted to.

I think what she should do is just move in with some of her friends and still see him if she wants, but also other people. The living with him part complicates not only for her but for someone interested like me too!

She did go on spring break with some girlfriends .. maybe this is a good sign that she is moving away from the relationship .. and becoming more independent of it.

 

[PRMoon]

Originally posted by tmpgstx


I think what she should do is just move in with some of her friends and still see him if she wants, but also other people. The living with him part complicates not only for her but for someone interested like me too!

She did go on spring break with some girlfriends .. maybe this is a good sign that she is moving away from the relationship .. and becoming more independent of it.

hmmm I still think you're missing some serious pieces of the puzzle. Usually when a girl is living with someone and they see each other day in and day it, they don't show as much PDA as couples who are just dating. I mean if they live together then they probably sleep together too so showing affection for one another outside of the house hold isn't really a requirement.

I understand she shows interest in you and you two seem to work well together, but if you're not careful this could turn ugly really quickly. Has she expressed discontent with her b/f? Has she mentioned wanting to leave him and move out? These are important details that you really need to be sure about.

Also I wouldn't read too much into spring break with the girls. I meet girls who are on spring break with their girlfriends all the time but have boyfriends, and they don't cheat on them. They're just there to have a good time and unwind. Some cheat but usually what happens in vegas stays in vegas so they go back to their b/f's like nothing had happened.

You need to ask yourself the tough questions first and not get too jaded my friend.

 

[tmpgstx]

Hey PR .. see where you're coming from.

She has given hints of discontent with her current bf but in a dignified mature manner.

Yeah .. usually when a couple is together and out talking with people they'll stand side by side .. introduce the other etc., especially to someone they know is interested in them and they're not interested (like see.. here's my bf or gf ).

You can tell it's just not there, and is confirmed moreso by the fact that she has strong attraction for someone else (me and it's definitely mutual.

I do think in this instance is best that she makes the more forward moves until said time that she is no longer living with her current bf as it makes considerably more complicated.

I have to respect that until a clear signal or sitatuion occurs and i can seize the day.

 

[HB_Hunter]

Ahaa..inbox here is very bad I agree...

However First what i wanted to discuss Ma'me is what's more effective to show the girl that im interested . Is it thru the 'unseen' channels (eye-contact , having fun , getting to the point indirectly , a natural mutual connection) or thru telling your genuine true feelings whenever you feel them ??

Girls here , Im talking hot chicks in my country are very afraid to jump into relationships and get hurt ..so they must be 100% sure correct that you like them or want to get involved with them ( the guy should take the first step ) and i've talked with girls about it and they say that they like the man to be bold and say his genuine feelings without being afraidd of getting rejected .

2nd My problem stems from that i haven't had many serious relationships with girls , I'm a tough to impress guy . I become bored easily , and if i find a girl that's stimulating to me , knowing that she's interested . I try to force things not let things come in a relaxed way . it's either im afraid to show her that im interested in her then she will reject me or think im going too faster or it's like there is a 'missing' link to keep the relationship going .

Third : Im infatuated with this girl that actually drove me to this site long time ago . We have never been close like this year ( do alot of things with each other , many classes with each other , most of the time in college though) . I've been showing her that im interested alot of time but she either have this slyish smile or just remain silent . I've asked her alot of times out ( most of the girls here don't go out one-on-one dates ...it got to be in groups )at first she wan't going out with me at all . then we go out these days but indirectly , it isn't easy to let her go out with me ( i hate that ) I m trying to close the whole story and though Im not focusing on her only , I have other prospects but i have genuine feelings for this girl . I'm very happy with her and everytime i supress those feelings inside . I get depressed or down . It's like im convinced that it's one-sided but in the same time i don't want to have regrets for not telling her my feelings as maybe she's interested as she opens up sometimes ( flirt at times etc..) . What do you think ? shall i keep and hide those feelings inside or have the gutts and tell her that i like her ....

4th: will you explain please this " Women hide their true feelings until they are sure " this confuses me becuase i think it's a rally , meaning that i showed interest , played the ball in her court waiting for her to play her role ..right ? i shall be persistent but the girl also (in general) shall be giving hints and agree with going out right ? I don't think that i shall pursue and be persistent all the time since she's shy or afriad that i may not like her ...Correct me if im wrong .

I hope you understand this and repond to every part of this discussion . Cheers

 

[Wyldfire]

You should just tell her you're interested in getting to know her better and would like to go out sometime. If she responds favorably just set up a date right then. Have a date time and plan all set up ahead of time so you can ask her out.

If you hide it she won't know you like her. You don't have to say "I like you" but you DO have to say something that lets her know you're interested for sure.

 

[HB_Hunter]

C'mon Like i've never done this lol ....this's happened plenty of time plus i know this girl from like 5 years but we have never been this close like this year ..

besides i would like to hear your insights about the other parts that i've discussed up there ....