Should I tell a woman my last name on first date?

[BriBri]

I keyword-searched the Forums to try to find some info/advice on this question, but came up empty, unless I completely missed something. Anyway, with having a LinkedIn presence and coming up in Google searches, I anticipate there being occasions when I don't want my first encounter/date to know much about me (i.e. taking sort of a 'mystery man' approach). I'd be interested in people's thoughts on that. At the present time, I maintain a 'healthy' paranoia about people knowing what I do for a living, where I live, etc. I haven't fully migrated to a DGAF mindset.

 

[SW15]

No need to tell her on a first date, especially a first date as a result of a swipe app. Most of the time, the subject won't even come up.

 

[Fruitbat]

Overthinking dude.

I wouldn’t care. Provided you don’t have an obvious reason why you wouldn’t disclose it, I would be comfortable disclosing it.

It basically allows her to search your social media. In which case, you can ask hers and do intel.

I mean, I’ve had plenty of sex on first dates.
Probably 10% of my first fates led to sex. Generally where alcohol was involved!

If I’m putting my penis inside someone they are fine to have my last name.

 

[Blacksheep]

Dont worry too much about this details.

Imo i dont think it will make a difference.

But on personal stuffs like job, family... Maybe thats not a good idea, but its up to you and how confortable you are to talk about.

 

[2Rocky]

I sure wouldn't withhold it...

I'm trying to think how it even comes up in an early conversation? Maybe when they put their number in my phone? It's never been an issue. Especially in a more formal environment. I always introduce myself first and last name. Even when I make a phone call...

 

[BMX]

I understand you've been on earth a lot longer than most others on this forum. If these women Google you it should pull up a laundry list of your accomplishments in life, link after link. Do not voluntarily disclose much of this yourself. Let her hear it from the horse's mouth after she asks about anything she may have found, or drops hints that she may have discovered these things about you, or says she heard this or that about your through the grapevine, or pretends to know nothing at all. Play it cool, don't slouch, smile, listen more than you speak, do not avoid making eye contact. If whoever you are out with is repulsed by your choice of career or zip code, that is too bad because that is a personal issue and not yours. If this person demonstrates that they can't ever seem to mind their own business regarding you AND everyone else repeatedly, then maybe you need to next them in the interest of time and privacy. I understand your healthy paranoia and concerns, but you can't clam up entirely and expect to make any meaningful progress anymore. If you can't hide what you wanted to hide, just be pleasant and clearly motivated/driven to those you are out with. And if ever your personal safety can no longer be guaranteed, then you need to be dangerous, but that's another topic for another day.

 

[metalwater]

Dont worry too much about this details.

Imo i dont think it will make a difference.

But on personal stuffs like job, family... Maybe thats not a good idea, but its up to you and how confortable you are to talk about.

with a full name, all the personal stuff is easy to find in the US and other western places.

 

[The Duke]

Not giving your last name isn't really being mysterious. Much more to it than that. Being mysterious is making her curious but not letting her know exactly who you are as an individual. Personality, thoughts, other women, what you are wanting, expectations, etc. The whole point of being mysterious is to create intrigue. Omitting your last name doesn't really do that.

 

[Barrister]

Not giving your last name isn't really being mysterious. Much more to it than that. Being mysterious is making her curious but not letting her know exactly who you are as an individual. Personality, thoughts, other women, what you are wanting, expectations, etc. The whole point of being mysterious is to create intrigue. Omitting your last name doesn't really do that.

Agree. And in fact, while I would never just volunteer my last name on a first date (assuming she doesn’t already know), I think refusing to give it or being coy about it is not mysterious at all but almost creepy-weird. Would make me believe the person is either very bizarre or has something they wanted to hide.

 

[bmp2cpm]

About 6 years ago, I went on an eharmony first date with a girl. While I liked her, I thought the date went poorly and that she had no interest.I was sure I would never hear from her again.

But at the end of the first date, she gave me her phone and had me enter all my info into her contacts. I complied and told her to feel free to “perform a background check”. I’m pretty sure she did run a background check on me.

We dated for over a month. Great girl. Petite, dark hair, green eyes. The best online girl I dated. But she had too many hang ups with s*x.

No regrets about giving her my info on the first date. And she didn’t do anything crazy when I broke up with her.

 

[rjc149]

If she asks your last name, tell her, then ask her hers. Build from there. In my case, I have an Irish last name, but I don't look particularly Irish. I can then tell her a little about myself. Then I ask her hers. Usually Italian or Hispanic. "Nice, do you cook good Italian/Latin food? I'm interviewing you." Nice little rapport-building right there.

Don't overdo the "mysterious man" bit. You will come off as try-hard, inauthentic, uncalibrated, and even creepy. Like, why are you hiding your last name? Are you on the sex offender registry?

I went on a few dates with a Chinese woman. After we had sex, twice without condoms, we were lying in bed and chatting, and she mentioned having an investment property in Queens.

Me: Oh nice, where in Queens?
Her: You don't have to know that.
Me: Uh, okay. Nevermind then.

We performed the most intimate human bonding act 20 minutes ago, and now she's acting weird and guarded about something really, really trivial? Low social IQ, totally broke the rapport. I left soon after and never saw her again.

 

[Serenity]

she mentioned having an investment property in Queens.

Me: Oh nice, where in Queens?
Her: You don't have to know that.
Me: Uh, okay. Nevermind then.

What would bug me about it is why the hell bring it up if she's not going to talk any further about it? She should have anticipated the natural next question and chose not to mention it at all if she didn't want to share any information about it.

Weird behavior for sure!

 

[EyeBRollin]

If she asks, yes. If not, no need to volunteer.

 

[Blacksheep]

with a full name, all the personal stuff is easy to find in the US and other western places.

At this point, it makes sense.

Idk if here in Brazil we can get those info... But if that happens in US so its not a good idea.

Better keep the mistery.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

No need to tell her on a first date, especially a first date as a result of a swipe app. Most of the time, the subject won't even come up.

+1

Unless you have a strong YouTube following or you are a influencer, more info is actually detrimental. I am vague and opt for alias rather than actual name. More aloof. Once vetted I can peel back layers over time. Furthermore, OP I don't date. It's 2021. Who the **** puts vjj on layaway?

 

[EyeBRollin]

I am vague and opt for alias rather than actual name. More aloof.

Lying about your name?

No, do NOT do this.

 

[Poonstra]

Lying about your name?

No, do NOT do this.

I agree, being mysterious is one thing, this is setting you up for a whole lot of trouble if things go south.

 

[BriBri]

+1

Unless you have a strong YouTube following or you are a influencer, more info is actually detrimental. I am vague and opt for alias rather than actual name. More aloof. Once vetted I can peel back layers over time. Furthermore, OP I don't date. It's 2021. Who the **** puts vjj on layaway?

Appreciate the thoughtful advice from everyone. But, the above is more of my mindset. I have a 'sensitive' job, and I cannot afford any scandals. Further, I am not interested in any LTRs - been there, done that. I am interested in brief (or 'debriefed' ) affairs to relieve work-related stress.

 

[2Rocky]

Appreciate the thoughtful advice from everyone. But, the above is more of my mindset. I have a 'sensitive' job, and I cannot afford any scandals. Further, I am not interested in any LTRs - been there, done that. I am interested in brief (or 'debriefed' ) affairs to relieve work-related stress.

More than likely you are not famous enough to get #MeToo'ed. In truth being disingenuous about your identity would make her more likely to overreact to a P&D.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Appreciate the thoughtful advice from everyone. But, the above is more of my mindset. I have a 'sensitive' job, and I cannot afford any scandals. Further, I am not interested in any LTRs - been there, done that. I am interested in brief (or 'debriefed' ) affairs to relieve work-related stress.

Bri mate, you gotta be a modern day batman up on this *****. SRS!

In the false accusations Era 0f #metoo and cancel culture (not to mention wrecking a guys career without any resource nor consequences if even proven false) fellas need to exercise common sense. Another reason not to f in the workplace. Don't 0ull or run game at work. While I have I don't suggest most men do it nor I suggest a decade + of chain gunning cold approach pickup lulz!

Get her done!

More than likely you are not famous enough to get #MeToo'ed. In truth being disingenuous about your identity would make her more likely to overreact to a P&D.

Fame is irrelevant whereby the western culture dumpster fire promos false accusation for vindictive women. Not getting the ring is grounds for false rapey accusations or something like sexual harassment despite a archive of texts nudes and sex tapes (which @BriBri should always archive). Fellas all should keep texts nudes and backup your ****. Not cloud storage.