should I take her back? (serious)

[NewDestiny47]

ive been in a relationship for a year, we mesh perfectly well together, she shows tons of interest in me etc. and on personality/passion alone it has definite long term potential.
However, she got screwed over really bad in the past and has HUGE trust issues that she never got over.... she "breaks down" a lot, will start crying or getting really fussy and just throw a fit or seemingly change her mind about the whole relationship... the next day she is always apologizing and telling me she didn't mean any of it. We've talked about it numerous times and when we've gotten down to it, the bottomline issue is always that she is scared as hell of getting hurt... to the point where she will push me away momentarily just so she doesn't have to feel the risk of getting hurt again. She just can't trust anymore and it's a problem b/c she will suddenly grow cold and back off, even though it always goes away.

She's a loyal girl and goes out of her way to be with me, talk to me etc. but she has major issues.
She told me if I give her a chance and we try to work at it she is willing to go to therapy/counseling to get help with her trust issues and other problems...
I have grown to care about her a lot and it's obvious that she does too, the only problem is her issues that make her so unstable... should I give her a chance if she works with a therapist? Are they usually pretty good at fixing issues like this if the other person does their part?

 

[JPFromTally]

I had a car for six years that I really loved. Even after six years I was still getting compliments on it and frankly if it would have held up ok I would have loved to have kept it for a much longer time. I was just really really comfortable with it. But unfortunately, the upkeep was to much of a hassle and I just didn't have time to keep working on it. Now if I didn't have options (money) I would have tried to fix it. But since I did have the money I trader her in for a brand new model that is now worry free.

 

[Adakkon]

JP just said it all with that beautiful little metaphor.

This kind of stuff comes up way too much on the boards and the answers are always the same.

1.) A womans past issues are not your responsibility. You didn't cause them, you shouldn't have to deal with their consequences.

2.) There are women without mental problems who will be just as "loyal and caring" or whatever you like about this girl.

3.) If a woman ever breaks it off with you, even if she changes her mind within a day or two, it means her interest level in you is below 50%. It would not even be an option that entered her mind if it wasn't so. Women fake higher interest then they have.

I still remember the story on here of a guy who came back from Iraq or somewhere and spent the day with his girlfriend, she talked about how much she loved him and how she wanted to get married and all that baloney, then the next day a guy called him saying he'd been ****ing her while he was gone, he asked her about it and she told him she wanted to end it with him, loved this new guy, felt nothing for him, etc.

4.) You only want to work things out because you are comfortable with her and have already invested a year or so into this thing. If you'd known she was going to have these kind of problems from day one you probably wouldn't have gone out with her. You should be doing now what you'd do then, because back then you weren't invested and were thinking only of how good of a partner she could be.

 

[negativefcf]

if this is a serious relationship and u really see yourself with this girl IF she does change.. .then why not give it a try. Again, the important thing is that you BELIEVE that she could be one of those special girls you dont want to regret passing up. if she's just another piece of meat, then move on.

frankly, i dont think she needs therapy. if u really want to help her, spend an obscene amount of time with her... that's the best recipe. Make her clingy to you.

 

[PleasureKing]

I cant tell you what decision to make, but what I can tell you is that whatever decision you choose, NEVER LOOK BACK. The "what if's" will haunt you. Make yourself clear, that no matter what you do, you still made the right decision for yourself.

 

[NewDestiny47]

Yea it is a potential LTR, deep down I have never met anyone (not just relationship-wise, im talking guys, girls, family) that thinks as similar as I do... ive been through enough oneitis in the past to know the difference between infatuation and caring for someone by now.

As far as spending a ton of time with her, nah I couldn't possibly make her any more clingy... with her trust issues as bad as they are she is already beyond clingy. I don't see how being with her all day would solve anything or even be healthy, she already calls me all day and all night and it's damn near impossible to get her off the phone or off of me for even a few hours.

I could definately see us having a future together if she gets help and changes. Her interest level is anything but low, I don't even have to make any effort, she goes out of her way at all times to be with me, talk to me etc.
She's told me that she's willing to cook and clean for me, do anything to pleasure me etc. as long as she can be with me.
If there's one thing Ive learned here is to trust actions over words... sure every now and then she gets very depressed/throws a fit and says she doesn't know what she wants, but 99.9% of the time she is showing me what she is really all about. It's almost the way an alcoholic turns into someone else when they are drunk... it's not really them anymore, it's something else taking over.
She showed some initiative when she said she will go get help, that did impress me a bit as it shows she might be willing to work to be with me and is serious about this... the ultimatum is going to be that we will start the relationship only once she starts her first therapy session though. If I see change, we'll stay together... if not, it's over.