Should I stay or should I go (Guy's I need your help)

[caribguy]

Ok, my Mature brothers here's the situation.

Saturday Night I picked up my LTR at her house and decided to go dancing at a club with her friends. "You guys ever have that feeling that the night was going to be a disaster right off the bat?." well, as soon as picked her up I felt sinking feeling in my gut.
I tried to lighten the mood by tring to get her to laugh. I go into my C&F routine, she doesn't even smile or comment. (Oh, Oh)

Ok, so now we are in my 4x4 driving to the club and I decided to take her for a coffee before we hit the club, and possibly, get her talking about what is bothering her.

We get our coffee's and I'm getting the "nothings wrong answer". I then tell her that she will have to pay for me tonight as she is spoiling my evening. She says that she has no money with her and I will have to pay tonight.... Now, I slip into my C&F bit, and tell her that if she doesn't shape up and start showing me a good time, I will have to stop my truck and she will have to walk home. I keep it going, I tell her that I am tired of women trying to use me for my money and not my body etc. (She goes quiet)
She then tell's me to stop the truck, which I do. She gets out and starts to walk home...... WTF

Ok.. I think, this is one of those tests women like to put us through, She wants me to chase her. I don't chase women, so I sit in my truck an turn up the music.

3 min. later she comes back, as she just happened to forget her house keys...... I just sit there looking at her, ......then it starts
her: I don't use men for their money blah blah blah.
Me: I just sit there and look at her (I'm really confused now)
I listened to her for about 2 minutes wondering WTF is going on.

I ask her if she was finished.....I told her it was late and offered her cab or bus fare home.

She was shocked, but tried to play it cool by saying she would walk home.
I drove off and went home trying to figure what happened

Other than listening to my gut and not have gone out, could I have done anything different.

By the way, this all happened 30 minutes from the time I picked her up and droped her off.

My question to you men, should I try to patch things up or should I move on.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Seems like your ****y/funny routine came accross to her as just plain ****y.

How old is this girl? How long have you been with her? Has she done this to you before? Have you had women react to you like this before?

Do you notice that she has a pattern of erratic behavior?

It's not as simple as, "This happened once, should I end it?"

One seemingly minor lovers spat such as this should not end your relationship (unless you just don't like her anymore).

 

[caribguy]

Chewy Bagel.......
To answer your questions:
1) This woman is 42 yrs old
2) We have been together 1.5 yrs
3) I've never had a woman react to me like that before.
One thing I liked about her, was the banter that we usually have. She could give as well as take.

A bit of history, She has told me on a few occasions that I am the only man that has ever challenged her, (she is accustomed to men taking care of her (typical AFC)

She has tried power plays in the past, and I have quickly shut her down. She usually calls me back to say she was sorry.

Reflecting on the whole situation, I guess I'm in unchartered water here. I am trying not to go into my old AFC ways, but I'm not sure what to do now.

Do I like her .... Yes,
Do I want to keep seeing her.... Yes
Do I want to put up with her BullS*** no.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

For her to act this way after one year and a half of being together is strange - there is something else on her mind or she is a woman with no sense of humor!! Something is wrong!!

Maybe there is some truth to what you said and she took it to be as such (even though you were joking) - a normal girl wouldn't have been so serious if it wasn't true!!!

Maybe she just has a bad attitude - period!!!!

If she left the car without speaking - I would have left her eating my burnt rubber!!! You shouldn't have stuck around - you did absolutely nothing wrong - now she knows you are going to put up with her shyt attitude - she won!!!!!

You have to put these kind of women in their proper place the first day you meet them - the more you tolerate the more shyt they give you. She did this because she knew that she could get away with it!!!!! She wants control - avoid these type of dangerous women if you are thinking ltr/marrage!!

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
For her to act this way after one year and a half of being together is strange - there is something else on her mind or she is a woman with no sense of humor!! Something is wrong!!

Maybe there is some truth to what you said and she took it to be as such (even though you were joking) - a normal girl wouldn't have been so serious if it wasn't true!!!

Just a female oppinion...take it as you see fit.

I agree that something is wrong. When ever a woman says "I'm fine!" or "Nothing's wrong." Belive me SOMETHING IS WRONG! Since this relationship has some time invested in it, I'm going to guess her little act was to get you to give her a hug and say "Awwww, poor baby, everything is okay." for half an hour to make her feel better about whatever fresh hell has come over her. She was looking for a hero, and she didn't get one.

Some one could have b1tched her out at work, her cat may have died or she may have gained two pounds. But she was looking to get soothed and you didn't do it. Naturally YOU are her new fresh hell. She'll probably want you to do something to prove you aren't an insensitive jerk.

Next time you notice this odd behavior...STOP. Ask her if she's okay. Offer to get together another time, or ask if there is something else she'd rather do. You'll avoid DAYS of misery.

(This little act is NOT to be confused with an identical little act early in the relationship to gage whether or not she can jerk you around. We women use the same trick for totally different reasons. You poor guys! It must suck to be a man!)

 

[dietzcoi]

I have no idea why she would do this but I do know one thing though... she will do it again.

This is a big danger sign. Unreasonable behavior... yes as an AFC I used to put up with it, but no more!

Glad you let her walk home. Why should men have to put up with woman's BS anyway? How do you think she would have acted if the situation were reversed?

Her actions were BS, period. No excuses! Water tigers reason's may be true but there is no excuse!

I would be careful if I were you. She has shown she can be very unreasonable, maybe even nuts. You know she hhas a personality disorder... watch out for future events!

I also think her interest level in you is dropping fast or she would never do something dumb like this.

My vote is to break up or at least put her on probation.

DIetzcoi

 

[Austin Allegro]

A similar thing happened to me in my last LTR. Even though I was AFC in those days, I didn't give in to it. A couple of days later she phoned up to say she was really sorry for how she'd acted and was back to her sweet self. Didn't happen again.

Who knows what caused it. It could be:

1. Just some random emotional mood she was in caused by PMS, argument at work etc etc.

2. A growing realisation that you are too DJ for her and she wants someone to walk all over.

If it's 1, she'll probably apologise and hopefully it won't happen again. If 2, she WILL try this again and you need to consider your position carefully.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

yep, us poor poor guys !
sounds like you got a stubborn one on your hands bro. after 1.5 years and still trying to get you to convert back into the AFC she can control.

she wanted her ego stroked that night and you didn't do it. yep, maybe her cat died or she got yelled at at work or she dropped ketchup on her new designer bra, but whatever the case she chose not to discuss it with you. who knows what rolls in their heads sometimes but she should at least bring it up for discussion.

she walked home huh? she won't forget about that one for a long time. i've done that before and it basically put an end to it.

to dump her or not to dump her? your heart is getting in the way of your brain so think about for awhile.
gut feelings usually work, so you should've stayed home that night, but then again, sooner or later this challenge was to surface so it had to be faced.

your call bro, but sounds like some major new twists are on the obstacle course now.

 

[NewMan]

I'm going to put a different take on this whole thing...


Firstly - if she's a moody chick - sometimes fun, sometimes b#tchy, sometimes sad etc. You'd better get out of there and pronto. You definitely do not want to deal with Drjekel and Mr Hyde syndrome.

If she's not that kind of girl then she definitely had something on her mind - and Everything's fine - actually means, something wrong. But remember it might not be you thats the problem.

One thing I've learnt is that when a woman has a problem - or tells you everything is fine -= don't try nd solve their problems. That just makes it worse. Just let her be and give her time - if she wants to she'll talk to you.

What I would have done is asked her if she still wants to go out tonight - because she seems like she has something on her mind.

Secondly - I'd work on your ****y and funny.

Now, I slip into my C&F bit, and tell her that if she doesn't shape up and start showing me a good time, I will have to stop my truck and she will have to walk home. I keep it going, I tell her that I am tired of women trying to use me for my money and not my body etc. (She goes quiet)

Perhaps it's because I'm reading it, but it doesn't sound like anything funny - just ****y. But again it could be because I'm just reading it.

I'd also say perhaps this did hit a nerve with her. Perhaps money is an issue? I don't know - you know this better than anyone.


I think you were right not to go after her when she asked you to pull over. If she wants to leave you fine. Let her blow off her steam.

What I would say is this though. I'd never let the chick I'd picked up walk home alone. No matter what - I'd drive her home, drop her off then never speak to het again - but I wouldn't let her walk home alone.

You picked her up for the date - so you should make sure she get's home.

my 2 cents.

 

[MrCode]

Sounds like she was just in a bad mood (hey, we all get into funks now and then), and I think the tone of the ****y & funny stuff just made her more angry/sad/whatever.

Think about how you would react to C&F if you were in a bad mood.

Still, let her call you and apologize, and if she doesn't, just let it be and don't bring it up when you see her again. But I don't think you need to apologize, because if it was a power play and not just a bad mood, she will have "won."

Next time you get that "feeling", trust it and end the night immediately. Misery loves company, and she will just suck you in again. If this crap continues, you can try to discuss it and then may need to end the relationship. You don't want to be with someone long term who has stability issues or the need to be in power.

 

[caribguy]

You Mature men (ladies too) never let me down.

Thank you all for your input. The funny thing is, the more I dwell on it, the more I should end it, or at the very least as someone said put her on probation.

I, (like most of you), am looking for quality, and this is an almost Ms. Right. I realize that almost aint going to cut it.

I figure, that I better cut my loss and get out of there, while I can. I'll take all that I have learned from this LTR , both the good and the bad and use this experience in my next relationship.

I've been putting together a list of things that my Ms. Right should have.... You know what I forgot to put on the list?

A sence of humor. I said earlier that she could give as well as take.... well, I realize that she couldn't take as well as I thought.

My advise to you up and coming DJers, is to put what you are looking for in a woman on a list, from my experience you will find it.
Be specific and keep adding to the list.

DO NOT put what you are not looking for on a list because you will find that too.

This experiece has taught me that I have come a long way from the AFC that I use to be. (but isn't that what we are here for)

I'll keep you all up to date on what happens.

In the interim I am going back to the drawing board and work on being C&F, I guess being in a ltr has put a little rust on my mojo.

Cheers

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

A caring and loving woman who has a problem would not take it out on someone she has been with for 1.5 years or at least offer to discuss it before it gets into something bigger unless of course she is proud and has a bad attitude!!

Only chicks with seriously bad attitudes and funky personalities say "Stop the car and let me out" and yet you did nothing hateful or severely annoying for such a reaction. She is trouble!!!

Women usually wait until they get married until tthey have such defiant attitudes because they know the man has no way out to demand she changes her negative attitude; however a unmarried man can walk!

 

[CONAN]

Personally I would act like it never happened, And never mention it again, Any number of reasons could have caused her to be moody and upset.
Give her the benefit of the doubt this time, but this time only, (assuming it hasnt happened before)
I think Dumping would be a little hasty.
Just my 2p

 

[Player_Supreme]

I tried to lighten the mood by tring to get her to laugh. I go into my C&F routine, she doesn't even smile or comment. (Oh, Oh)

The above statement is about as far as I read. Let me say that your not there to provide her with entertainment. I use c&f to put women down in their place not tell em jokes.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Ok, now did you find out what was really wrong cause when a woman say's nothing and she is acting like that...something is truely wrong and you gotta dig it out.

Once she gets to talking about it, then it will be like a dam breaking.

You can't let shyt like this fester. You need to put it to bed. What ever is going on up in the turmoil that she calls a brain needs to be delt with if your going to continue.

I do applaude your walking away. I would of went out without her and macked on some other women. When women are in that funky state doing the c&f bit only aggrevaites it! You make it worse.

 

[WorldTraveller]

Hey caribguy, just out of curiosity... have you ever consider marrying her? Have you thought about it at some time during that 1.5yrs you've been dating? Has she ever talked about it?

 

[caribguy]

Just an update,

I broke up with her, and realized it was for the better.

To answer WorldTraveller 's question, Yea I did think of
marrying her. In fact, she asked me to marry her a few times. I told her that I would let her know.
I guess she got her answer ......

No more moody chicks for me.

 

[dietzcoi]

So, finally somebody takes my advice!

You won't regret it!


Dietzcoi

 

[FratAndDiddy]

think about it Caribguy:
1. a clean new slate
2. experience from the last relationship
3. a more refined "woman youre looking for" list.
4. clearer thinking time
5. you escaped that one without major financial damage

happy new search bro and never sell yourself short.