This is going to be a long post, so sit tight. I'm finally posting for the first time here because I need advice, and all my friends in real life are either naïve, don’t care, or too 'simpy' to provide a solid answer.
A couple of years back, after I graduated high school, I grew out of my shell of being shy and mentally celibate and decided to put myself out there and start pursuing girls to gain experience. Around that time, I stumbled across SoSuave, read heaps of articles—new and old—and kept an open mind. Soon after, I immediately went out and started building up real experience. The first place I tried was my job at the time. I worked in a supermarket/retail store and tried getting closer to the only girl in my department. I was naturally very awkward and chickened out on some occasions, but my looks carried me, and after about a month of talking to her, I asked her to be my girlfriend.
I’ll admit that at the time, my goal was to gain experience. But I was a virgin with no experience, so I took the first chance at a relationship that came my way. Back then, I was very much a 'lover boy' who thought sleeping around was sleazy, and I dreamt of marriage and finding 'the one.' To provide some background; Growing up, I’ve always been considered very attractive. Other than my height of 5'8"-5'9", I’ve been told I’m a 9-10/10 looks-wise and have a lot going for me. Growing up, I always caught girls staring and sometimes even guys, but I thought it was something everyone experienced and that everyone just looks at everyone else the same way. It wasn’t until I graduated and, at a party, heaps of girls came up to me saying I’m hot as hell and they would’ve dated me if I was more outgoing, that I realized I wasn’t just being dense. I also have a pretty good physique and am doing well financially for my age (22). It really sounds like I’m bragging, and I apologize, but this is all relevant to the issue. My girlfriend would probably be around a 5-7/10 on most people's scales, especially since we’ve both been eating well and have definitely put on more weight. When I started dating her, I had tons of guys saying I could’ve done better, and even one girl I used to work with drunkenly asked me at a club, “Why her??? hahaha” and “Of all people, really???” Naturally, at the time and even now, those things pissed me off because I do love her.
Now, to the crux of the problem. We’ve been dating for two years. I love her. I really do. A lot. And she loves me. A lot. She’s loyal, listens to me, talks to no other guys—basically, she has the qualities I’d look for in an ideal relationship. The only thing is that we don’t really share the same hobbies or tastes in things, but that’s not a dealbreaker, and in some cases, it’s refreshing. She’s also kind of a feminist. If you told me with 100% certainty that if we spent the rest of our lives together, she’d never cheat or betray my trust, I’d do it. But over the years, I’ve developed trust issues and a sense of how most girls are nowadays, especially in my generation. I’m basically afraid of being five, ten, or twenty years down the line, and she cheats or we divorce, and I’m way past my prime to go back out into the dating world and be successful and would have wasted my youth.
I’ve been told I’m sitting on a golden lottery ticket. I also believe any single young man should build up experience in this kind of stuff—for the confidence, development of social skills, and learning how women are in general. I love my girlfriend, and if we broke up, it would devastate her, and it would devastate me too, despite having this outlook. Two years and memories down the drain—I know that’s some sunk-cost fallacy or BS, but the point is, it would alter both our lives.
Some more necessary info: We don’t have sex at all. We tried in the past, but it didn’t happen until a year into dating. It never bothered me after a while because we do plenty of everything else. I taught her what to do. The reason we don’t have sex, even now (this might sound made up, but it’s not), is that I’m too big for her to handle, but most importantly, she’s too tight. Yes, I know that if she’s aroused, it gets bigger, and I’m probably not arousing her. No, let me stop you there—I know I am. We have all the hot moments, and she often jumps on me and enters that horny state. We also lost our virginity to each other. She gets into serious pain every time we try, and we both can’t find the right time or place to consistently try and ease her into it because we both still live with our families, and the times we can have sex are spaced out enough that we’d make no progress anyway.
Earlier this year, around March, we had our first serious actual 'fight.' She felt I hadn’t been putting much effort into the relationship, and to be honest, I wasn’t. Because of personal stuff happening in my life, I slowly stopped planning dates and wanting to hang out with her. I had felt her vibes being off, so I asked if she’d been having thoughts of breaking up at the time, and she did. I confronted her about it, but she ended up asking for space to clear her mind and pretty much ghosted me for a couple of days. My mind was naturally all over the place, wondering if she was cheating or if she didn’t love me, and I gave a couple of ultimatums, asking to meet so we could talk about things. But her parents didn’t let her see me because she was such a mess. Not until the day after I gave the ultimatums. She wasn’t seeing another guy or cheating (I made sure and am 100% confident of this). She says it was mainly due to the stress in her life, like university. She recently dropped out because law was too hard for her, and she has very bad anxiety sometimes. It took a month or two for her to start being 'herself' again.
I am unsure what to do. I am conflicted. I love her very much, but I am also afraid of being that lonely, old, divorced man down the line who wished he’d lived life more. Do I stick it out with her and run the risk of that fear coming true? Or do I end it while we’re young, fulfill my potential, and run the risk of regretting letting her go?
I’m open to any advice and want to hear your thoughts. Thanks in advance.
A couple of years back, after I graduated high school, I grew out of my shell of being shy and mentally celibate and decided to put myself out there and start pursuing girls to gain experience. Around that time, I stumbled across SoSuave, read heaps of articles—new and old—and kept an open mind. Soon after, I immediately went out and started building up real experience. The first place I tried was my job at the time. I worked in a supermarket/retail store and tried getting closer to the only girl in my department. I was naturally very awkward and chickened out on some occasions, but my looks carried me, and after about a month of talking to her, I asked her to be my girlfriend.
I’ll admit that at the time, my goal was to gain experience. But I was a virgin with no experience, so I took the first chance at a relationship that came my way. Back then, I was very much a 'lover boy' who thought sleeping around was sleazy, and I dreamt of marriage and finding 'the one.' To provide some background; Growing up, I’ve always been considered very attractive. Other than my height of 5'8"-5'9", I’ve been told I’m a 9-10/10 looks-wise and have a lot going for me. Growing up, I always caught girls staring and sometimes even guys, but I thought it was something everyone experienced and that everyone just looks at everyone else the same way. It wasn’t until I graduated and, at a party, heaps of girls came up to me saying I’m hot as hell and they would’ve dated me if I was more outgoing, that I realized I wasn’t just being dense. I also have a pretty good physique and am doing well financially for my age (22). It really sounds like I’m bragging, and I apologize, but this is all relevant to the issue. My girlfriend would probably be around a 5-7/10 on most people's scales, especially since we’ve both been eating well and have definitely put on more weight. When I started dating her, I had tons of guys saying I could’ve done better, and even one girl I used to work with drunkenly asked me at a club, “Why her??? hahaha” and “Of all people, really???” Naturally, at the time and even now, those things pissed me off because I do love her.
Now, to the crux of the problem. We’ve been dating for two years. I love her. I really do. A lot. And she loves me. A lot. She’s loyal, listens to me, talks to no other guys—basically, she has the qualities I’d look for in an ideal relationship. The only thing is that we don’t really share the same hobbies or tastes in things, but that’s not a dealbreaker, and in some cases, it’s refreshing. She’s also kind of a feminist. If you told me with 100% certainty that if we spent the rest of our lives together, she’d never cheat or betray my trust, I’d do it. But over the years, I’ve developed trust issues and a sense of how most girls are nowadays, especially in my generation. I’m basically afraid of being five, ten, or twenty years down the line, and she cheats or we divorce, and I’m way past my prime to go back out into the dating world and be successful and would have wasted my youth.
I’ve been told I’m sitting on a golden lottery ticket. I also believe any single young man should build up experience in this kind of stuff—for the confidence, development of social skills, and learning how women are in general. I love my girlfriend, and if we broke up, it would devastate her, and it would devastate me too, despite having this outlook. Two years and memories down the drain—I know that’s some sunk-cost fallacy or BS, but the point is, it would alter both our lives.
Some more necessary info: We don’t have sex at all. We tried in the past, but it didn’t happen until a year into dating. It never bothered me after a while because we do plenty of everything else. I taught her what to do. The reason we don’t have sex, even now (this might sound made up, but it’s not), is that I’m too big for her to handle, but most importantly, she’s too tight. Yes, I know that if she’s aroused, it gets bigger, and I’m probably not arousing her. No, let me stop you there—I know I am. We have all the hot moments, and she often jumps on me and enters that horny state. We also lost our virginity to each other. She gets into serious pain every time we try, and we both can’t find the right time or place to consistently try and ease her into it because we both still live with our families, and the times we can have sex are spaced out enough that we’d make no progress anyway.
Earlier this year, around March, we had our first serious actual 'fight.' She felt I hadn’t been putting much effort into the relationship, and to be honest, I wasn’t. Because of personal stuff happening in my life, I slowly stopped planning dates and wanting to hang out with her. I had felt her vibes being off, so I asked if she’d been having thoughts of breaking up at the time, and she did. I confronted her about it, but she ended up asking for space to clear her mind and pretty much ghosted me for a couple of days. My mind was naturally all over the place, wondering if she was cheating or if she didn’t love me, and I gave a couple of ultimatums, asking to meet so we could talk about things. But her parents didn’t let her see me because she was such a mess. Not until the day after I gave the ultimatums. She wasn’t seeing another guy or cheating (I made sure and am 100% confident of this). She says it was mainly due to the stress in her life, like university. She recently dropped out because law was too hard for her, and she has very bad anxiety sometimes. It took a month or two for her to start being 'herself' again.
I am unsure what to do. I am conflicted. I love her very much, but I am also afraid of being that lonely, old, divorced man down the line who wished he’d lived life more. Do I stick it out with her and run the risk of that fear coming true? Or do I end it while we’re young, fulfill my potential, and run the risk of regretting letting her go?
I’m open to any advice and want to hear your thoughts. Thanks in advance.
