Should I pursue this girl who has gone from hot to cold?

[Kenny Powers]

*How do you avoid girls like this? Also, is taking it slow and playing hard to get the best method or should you strike while the iron is hot?

I can't believe I haven't seen a thread like this before - super helpful and relatable. I've had several girls who showed a ton of interest at the start - outside of bars/clubs/parties which is important cause night game interest can mean nothing the next day - then lose interest out of no where. The worst part is its usually before we bang!!!!!!

This is probably 10 times worse then getting rejected or failing with a girl your chasing. You get your hopes up and are excited that this girl seems into you and thus a sure thing. Then bam! Just like that gone. I can sometimes figure out why this happened, but sometimes im clueless. They'll do it for the stupidest reasons! How am I supposed to ask a girl out if showing interest makes her lose interest? Ugh

Often these girls dont even get to know me well before suddenly going cold. Lets at least makeout before you bail to see if we have physical chemistry. Damn girls!

Honestly I want to respect women, but my reasons for doing so are dwindling. In a professional environment and as friends meh, but when it comes to women's relations with men their all freaking insane. Sometimes I think Tucker Max is the smartest man in the world.

 

[damnsam]

I keep telling myself maybe if I do a little chasing it shows I care about her and she may give me another chance. I know it's a longshot but has this ever worked for anybody?

I have to agree with all the comments about it being over, you even said it yourself there wasn't any chemistry on your date...and if there is no chemistry or attraction there is nothing you can do about it. Since she wasn't very responsive to your texts she most likely won't pick up your phone call. If you really want to keep trying as a final effort you might try to set up another coffee date since that went pretty well the first time. You can try texting her something like..."Hey you already playing hard to get? I like it! There's this really great event/cafe/restaurant (something fun and social) I'll be checking out with a few friends. Don't be a stranger and come hang out!" The first statement acknowledges there is interest in a fun way, stay positive and suggest something fun to do (not ice skating) but maybe since you hit it off over coffee something similar like a cafe or restaurant would bring back some positive association. Finally, it's a no pressure offer because either way you're going with a few friends and because it's a group outing she'll be more likely to come out. If she does accept...have some more ideas to get her interest level back up. If she doesn't respond to your text then you tried and move on. G luck!

 

[EastWind]

What you guys have got to realize is that girls in general, but especially in the 18-25 age range (I have no solid experience above that, but all the reasons to believe is goes on) are 100% completely loco. This is especially true for the good-looking ones. But even the less attractive ones walk around with an attitude.

This is because they are

1. receiving way too much attention
2. not being held accountable for their actions

An ugly chick will get some attention from desperate guys. A decent-looking chick will get moderate amounts of attentions from most guys. A hot chick will be all the attention from all the guys.

It gets to their head.

And because their behaviour is being put up with and they have a seemingly unlimited supply of attention, they can go from guy to guy to keep the rush of being desired going. As in every case of too many constant outside influences, their (emotional) attention span shortens.

To the case in point: any thread that starts with "should I pursue..." means you are dead in the water. There's nothing to win here, only time, money and nerves to lose.

 

[Jariel]

Have you noticed how the players and the guys who use women purely for sex are the ones they crave the most? They'll chase those guys into the depths of hell and allow them to do anything they want to them.

This is because these guys don't get attached and - whether intentionally or not - they keep the chase going.

It's always been the same for me. Most of the girls I just wanted to bang and forget are the ones who end up becoming obsessed with me. But the ones I see as relationship material are the ones who change their mind overnight and end up ditching me.

Girls say they hate players and hate guys who only want one thing, but those are the guys who capture their interest.

The solution is obvious: just pursue women for sex, and if you grow to like them as more than than, then don't show it.

 

[garycoleman]

Jariel: Same here. I can't count how many times girls said I was so perfect in every way, and how they wanted to marry me and have 50 kids on an island somewhere - only to disappear off the face of the earth, or insult me for not living up to their standards.

Gotta watch for girls who come on too strong. They're either crazy or have committment issues; become super infatuated; fall in love with a vision; are in love with the idea of being in love; have the grass is greener syndrome; etc. Black and white thinking is also normal. You're always perfect in the beginning - then worthless later. The switch is a complete 180, and you're always blind-sided by it. Like, where the hell did this demon come from? What happened to the nice girl in the beginning? Eh, it was just a charade...

Almost all these girls had troubled pasts - especially in the realm of relationships - and major trust / committmemt issues. They were also bitter and such. The warning signs were always there. It was just too good of a feeling to pay attention to them. The fairytale never lasted for long. Once the high wore off - they were gone. The biggest mistake was reciprocating their interest - when they were simply addicted to the chase, and had no idea what to do once someone was actually caught - other than jump to the next challenge. Beh.

Funny you mention this. She had a bad breakup 3 years ago. She was really in love with her ex-bf who was the only bf she ever had. After they broke up, she was really lost and depressed. She even converted to a Christian to try to find her way and she still goes to church on a regular basis. Even though that was 3 years ago, I didn't think that is still affecting her.

 

[garycoleman]

K, here is what I don't get!



Ummm... You said it yourself, no chemistry! You're not the only one who has written this. Sure, you are attracted to her. SO WHAT? No chemistry = no chemistry. So why would she want to continue? Unlike you about her, she's probably not dying to pound you. Thus, she went cold because she is not interested. It's not your fault. Its life. You didn't have chemistry for her either. Just a desire.

It's not a match. End of story. It's not always going to be a match. It is so basic.

Although there was no chemistry/did not feel any sparks during the date, I was hoping to still see each other and build on it because we have the similar personality and interests.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Although there was no chemistry/did not feel any sparks during the date, I was hoping to still see each other and build on it because we have the similar personality and interests.

But you can understand how her hopes and dreams may be different, right?

Any time wasted on something that didn't spark right away, may be an opportunity missed for something that does.

Why beat a dead horse.

 

[floydb25]

Funny you mention this. She had a bad breakup 3 years ago. She was really in love with her ex-bf who was the only bf she ever had. After they broke up, she was really lost and depressed. She even converted to a Christian to try to find her way and she still goes to church on a regular basis. Even though that was 3 years ago, I didn't think that is still affecting her.

Ok, now you're just freaking me out. I dated a girl just like this. I **** you not. Everything you listed was her. Down to the last detail. It was also 3 years ago at the time, and she still wasn't over him. Or at least, she was a major, major ***** and ***** because of him.

I don't think people understand the severity of what trauma can do to someone. People get hurt, and change for the worst. This is why their history and current attitude / mindset is vitally important. Gotta accept people for how they are - exactly as they are. Not a damn thing is going to change. Much like how a lot of us were nice and naive - a lot of girls were the same way. But, they changed, and have become this person you see. If they're bitter, *****y, distrusting, flakey, etc, etc - that's who they are now. How they used to be isn't important - that's not who you're dealing with right now. Always gotta focus on the here and the now. You can't reverse the damage that's already been done. It doesn't matter why they are the way they are - only that they ARE the way they are. Finding out why someone is a *****, *****, committment phobe, etc doesn't change the fact that they are these things. And there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.