Should I pursue this girl who has gone from hot to cold?

[garycoleman]

After we first met and went out to coffee in the beginning, she seemed clingy and really into me even though she is shy. She initiated contact first by text 2 days later after we met. After we talk on the phone, she will also text me a few minutes later.

We went out on a real date 2 weeks later due to our schedules. After the date, she seemed to have lost interest. I texted her how she is doing, and banter back and fourth. Then I asked her if she wanted to go out again and gave her a date. She did not reply to my text and I did not contact her for 2 weeks. I wanted to see if she would still talk to me so a couple of days ago I texted her to see how she was doing and she responded but it took her like 12 hours to reply that she was fine and asked how I was doing. I gave her a low investment answer because I did not want to see desperate and I lost some interest in her due to 2 weeks of no contact. It has been 2 days and she hasn't texted back yet.

I feel like giving her a call but I'm on the fence about it. I'm not sure if she thought she came off too strong in the beginning and now wants me to take the active role or she lost interest.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

Seems like she's not interested. No contact that chick and keep trucking.

After the date, she should be interested enough to bring up hints or requests of a next date. Did she show interest during and post date? Anyway, the fact that she let 2 weeks go by without initiating contact tells you that you should move on regardless. Seems like she's your only current option. Always try to keep more prospects on your bench, so one chick's disinterest doesn't faze you.

Remember it's her loss, and who knows, she may contact you in a few more weeks, but don't wait or expect her to contact you, move on and acquire more prospects. If she contacts you a few weeks from now, she is certainly an AW (but that's another story :crackup: )

 

[bigneil]

Hang on to her. I think she's the one. She's just intimidated because she thinks you're too handsome.

 

[garycoleman]

Seems like she's not interested. No contact that chick and keep trucking.

After the date, she should be interested enough to bring up hints or requests of a next date. Did she show interest during and post date? Anyway, the fact that she let 2 weeks go by without initiating contact tells you that you should move on regardless. Seems like she's your only current option. Always try to keep more prospects on your bench, so one chick's disinterest doesn't faze you.

Remember it's her loss, and who knows, she may contact you in a few more weeks, but don't wait or expect her to contact you, move on and acquire more prospects. If she contacts you a few weeks from now, she is certainly an AW (but that's another story :crackup: )

So if I call her, does that mean I'm throwing my dignity away? I still want to test the waters to see if she will respond.

 

[VinceV]

What kind of "date" did you go on?

Why didn't you bang her after?

 

[SoSuaveDude]

So if I call her, does that mean I'm throwing my dignity away? I still want to test the waters to see if she will respond.

Dude, she responded to your text with a disinterested tone. Why would calling her yield different results brah? Just drop her and maybe she'll return or maybe she won't. Either way forget about her. This chick is just unnecessary stress man.

 

[floydb25]

Pretty simple... She was infatuated and into you - then lost interest for whatever reason that doesn't matter. This is why I always stress that you cannot assume you are "in" during the beginning stages. They all come on strong, act super interested, can't wait to see you, and all these things - then lose interest if you mess up, or don't meet the perfect image they've created of you in their mind once you actually get together. This might have nothing to do with you - they are the ones living in a fairytale, and expecting you to be perfect. Those who come on strong and fast usually leave just as quickly, and without warning.

Another thing is, DON'T mimic their interest, and come on strong yourself. Keep her intrigued, challenged, and interested. Setting up another date immediately after was probably a bad move. I like to wait and let them contact me, but that's just what works for me. I let them chase for a good while. It also prevents you from getting attached. Win-win.

I also wonder how your date went... Something went wrong that caused her to lose interest. Either way, low interest is low interest. Once its gone - its gone. Don't pine after someone with low interest. It doesn't matter if they USED to have high interest, either.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

She's with the next dude. I hope you didn't pay for the dates :/. Delete her number now. Don't contact her. Any question which has should I pursue in it answer is generally no.

 

[garycoleman]

What kind of "date" did you go on?

Why didn't you bang her after?

We went ice skating and had dinner.

I admit, the first date didn't go so well. I could tell she didn't really have a good time. She didn't know how to ice skate and I tried my best to help her by holding her hand but she still fell once. She seemed cold (temperature) at the ice rink because she didn't dress warm enough. I did not bring a jacket so I was no help. At dinner we talked about things, but it seemed like there was no chemistry between us although I was attracted to her.

So basically before the date, things seemed to have been good between us on the phone and text. After the date things seemed to have fell apart. I know it's hard but somehow I want to patch things up and bring back the interest that she had initially.

 

[garycoleman]

Dude, she responded to your text with a disinterested tone. Why would calling her yield different results brah? Just drop her and maybe she'll return or maybe she won't. Either way forget about her. This chick is just unnecessary stress man.

True. I guess it would be awkward if I called her at this point.

 

[Jariel]

Pretty simple... She was infatuated and into you - then lost interest for whatever reason that doesn't matter. This is why I always stress that you cannot assume you are "in" during the beginning stages. They all come on strong, act super interested, can't wait to see you, and all these things - then lose interest if you mess up, or don't meet the perfect image they've created of you in their mind once you actually get together. This might have nothing to do with you - they are the ones living in a fairytale, and expecting you to be perfect. Those who come on strong and fast usually leave just as quickly, and without warning.

This is absolutely true. I've had this happen more times than I can remember. Girls inviting me to stay over, snuggling upto me in the night, talking about how fate brought us together, how lucky they are to have met me...well as full on as you can get really. Then literally overnight they decide they don't even want to see me again.

It's confusing, but that's just the nature of women. Don't ever try to apply logic to their actions.

Another thing is, DON'T mimic their interest, and come on strong yourself. Keep her intrigued, challenged, and interested.

Golden advice right there! It's too late now, but you should keep this in mind for the future. It took me a long time to get this, but when girls act highly interested, it's easy to get lured into a false sense of security.

Always remember to keep that tension and never allow her to feel like she's won you.

 

[floydb25]

We went ice skating and had dinner.

I admit, the first date didn't go so well. I could tell she didn't really have a good time. She didn't know how to ice skate and I tried my best to help her by holding her hand but she still fell once. She seemed cold (temperature) at the ice rink because she didn't dress warm enough. I did not bring a jacket so I was no help. At dinner we talked about things, but it seemed like there was no chemistry between us although I was attracted to her.

So basically before the date, things seemed to have been good between us on the phone and text. After the date things seemed to have fell apart. I know it's hard but somehow I want to patch things up and bring back the interest that she had initially.

That's it - right there. Who she thought you were (on the phone) didn't match up to who you actually were (in person). It could be any number of things that you didn't match up to, but none of it matters. Lost interest is lost interest.

 

[garycoleman]

Pretty simple... She was infatuated and into you - then lost interest for whatever reason that doesn't matter. This is why I always stress that you cannot assume you are "in" during the beginning stages. They all come on strong, act super interested, can't wait to see you, and all these things - then lose interest if you mess up, or don't meet the perfect image they've created of you in their mind once you actually get together. This might have nothing to do with you - they are the ones living in a fairytale, and expecting you to be perfect. Those who come on strong and fast usually leave just as quickly, and without warning.

Another thing is, DON'T mimic their interest, and come on strong yourself. Keep her intrigued, challenged, and interested. Setting up another date immediately after was probably a bad move. I like to wait and let them contact me, but that's just what works for me. I let them chase for a good while. It also prevents you from getting attached. Win-win.

I also wonder how your date went... Something went wrong that caused her to lose interest. Either way, low interest is low interest. Once its gone - its gone. Don't pine after someone with low interest. It doesn't matter if they USED to have high interest, either.

This is the reason why she is still on my mind. If she didn't show strong interest in the beginning, I probably would be over her already.

 

[Jariel]

I want to patch things up and bring back the interest that she had initially.

That's what we all want when a date fails, but it rarely happens and if it does it's usually once you cut contact and give her space. Calling or contacting her at this point will only drive her further away.

 

[garycoleman]

That's it - right there. Who she thought you were (on the phone) didn't match up to who you actually were (in person). It could be any number of things that you didn't match up to, but none of it matters. Lost interest is lost interest.

Before the real date, we had coffee in with eachother for about an hour and we seemed to connect and that connection continued on the phone/text until the real date. So she sort of knew how I was in person. I was hoping she would give it another shot.

 

[garycoleman]

This is absolutely true. I've had this happen more times than I can remember. Girls inviting me to stay over, snuggling upto me in the night, talking about how fate brought us together, how lucky they are to have met me...well as full on as you can get really. Then literally overnight they decide they don't even want to see me again.

It's confusing, but that's just the nature of women. Don't ever try to apply logic to their actions.



Golden advice right there! It's too late now, but you should keep this in mind for the future. It took me a long time to get this, but when girls act highly interested, it's easy to get lured into a false sense of security.

Always remember to keep that tension and never allow her to feel like she's won you.

Yeah it sucks. They get your hopes up and pull the carpet beneath of you all of a sudden

I guess I still have a lot to learn. I have to be not so attached to a girl even if she shows high interest levels in the beginning to not set myself up for disappointment.

 

[garycoleman]

That's what we all want when a date fails, but it rarely happens and if it does it's usually once you cut contact and give her space. Calling or contacting her at this point will only drive her further away.

I know everyone says to cut contact a girl who has gone cold and maybe she will miss you and come back. But I have a feeling she will not contact me.

I keep telling myself maybe if I do a little chasing it shows I care about her and she may give me another chance. I know it's a longshot but has this ever worked for anybody?

 

[floydb25]

Yeah it sucks. They get your hopes up and pull the carpet beneath of you all of a sudden

I guess I still have a lot to learn. I have to be not so attached to a girl even if she shows high interest levels in the beginning to not set myself up for disappointment.

That's exactly how you gotta do it. No expectations, no disappointments. Also, the less pressure you put on yourself, the less you care and try to win them over - the more interested they usually are. Just have fun and show them a good time. No fears or worries. Just be your cool, normal, fun self - not who you think they'd want. They can take it or leave it. Whatever happens, happens. You win some, you lose some. But there's always more out there.

 

[floydb25]

Jariel: Same here. I can't count how many times girls said I was so perfect in every way, and how they wanted to marry me and have 50 kids on an island somewhere - only to disappear off the face of the earth, or insult me for not living up to their standards.

Gotta watch for girls who come on too strong. They're either crazy or have committment issues; become super infatuated; fall in love with a vision; are in love with the idea of being in love; have the grass is greener syndrome; etc. Black and white thinking is also normal. You're always perfect in the beginning - then worthless later. The switch is a complete 180, and you're always blind-sided by it. Like, where the hell did this demon come from? What happened to the nice girl in the beginning? Eh, it was just a charade...

Almost all these girls had troubled pasts - especially in the realm of relationships - and major trust / committmemt issues. They were also bitter and such. The warning signs were always there. It was just too good of a feeling to pay attention to them. The fairytale never lasted for long. Once the high wore off - they were gone. The biggest mistake was reciprocating their interest - when they were simply addicted to the chase, and had no idea what to do once someone was actually caught - other than jump to the next challenge. Beh.

 

[Johnnyventana]

K, here is what I don't get!

At dinner we talked about things, but it seemed like there was no chemistry between us although I was attracted to her.

Ummm... You said it yourself, no chemistry! You're not the only one who has written this. Sure, you are attracted to her. SO WHAT? No chemistry = no chemistry. So why would she want to continue? Unlike you about her, she's probably not dying to pound you. Thus, she went cold because she is not interested. It's not your fault. Its life. You didn't have chemistry for her either. Just a desire.

It's not a match. End of story. It's not always going to be a match. It is so basic.