Should I proceed with this one?

[Jeremymichael]

Hello everyone,

Happy New Year!.

It's the start of a New Year and I have a possible new opportunity and would welcome your views..

There is a girl (let’s call her Karin) that use to work here in our serviced offices. She was the Area Manager. I use to speak with her a few times each week and I sensed we got on, but I didn't really flirt that much mainly because I was preoccupied with my day to day work activities.

One weekend I decided to visit my local bar, this is about 10 miles from our workplace. To my surprise I noticed Karin was there. Anyway she came over to me and started cuddling me and trying to hold my hand and saying how good it was to see me and mentioned her surprise on me being at the bar. I noticed that she had some male friends, however she continued to chat with me much to their annoyance.
After about 30 minutes she decided to go back to these guys and said her actions were irritating her partner.

Moving on a few weeks, everything went back to normal in the office. We acknowledged one another but she mentioned again that her boyfriend had been annoyed with her actions. Subsequently some office gossip (from her friends) occurred.

Just before Christmas she left her Company without notice. My work colleagues said “did you know Karin has left?”.
I said “no”. Apparently it all happened very quickly. No goodbyes to any of our staff or to her fellow workers.

So that was that. She had gone and I thought nothing of it, only to find out on returning in the New Year that she had sent us a Christmas card that included her email address.

I decided to send her an email thanking her for the card and she replied saying how lovely it was for me to respond and that she had moved away because of problems with her personal life. She also said she had spent New Years Eve alone, but went on to say at least she had stayed out of trouble?!. She said stay in touch.

With this information in mind I'm wondering whether to pursue or not?. Her emails seem chatty with lots of questions but I'm wondering about her comment on staying out of trouble?. Has she split with her boyfriend and he is actually a psycho?. I really don't want to pursue if he is going cause me problems. Why leave her work and move 300 miles away very quickly?. It all seems a bit drastic?. On the run?. Or maybe I am making to much of this?.

One other comment. I believe she was away from her work last year for about a month, due to having stress at work. I think she may suffer occasionally from depression.

However she is quite pretty, seems a bit interested and might be worth a go?. Any thoughts or opinions?.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hello Jeremy Michael,
Seems like you have a rail run with this Lady,she sounds a bit neurotic though.....You have her address,invite her out for a drink having a very clear agenda with your next date worked out plus a fall back plan....these dates should be close to your place which you will prepare for "Le grande seduction".....booze,candles,music,nibblies.

 

[Buck Rogers]

Yes. Proceed.

 

[Jeremymichael]

Okay will do. I had a feeling that Scaramouche would give his advice, which always sounds good to me.

I will report back!...just need to find that Barry White cd now...hmmm..

 

[speed dawg]

Sounds like her boyfriend is out the door and has been for awhile, probably due to jealousy. Remember that if you get involved with her.

But yeah, she's giving you buying signals. I'm email her and say "Send me your phone number" directly. Call her up, ask her out and be on your way. Don't do any needy sh1t like talk for 3 hrs. on the phone with her.

Oh yeah, and because of the possible drama and all (psychotic boyfriend, etc.), I'd tell her to come to your town. 300 miles is a long way to go to get in the middle of someone else's problem.

 

[horaholic]

Anyway she came over to me and started cuddling me and trying to hold my hand and saying how good it was to see me and mentioned her surprise on me being at the bar. I noticed that she had some male friends, however she continued to chat with me much to their annoyance.
After about 30 minutes she decided to go back to these guys and said her actions were irritating her partner.

In her BF's defense, his girl just goes over and starts hanging on, and getting 'cuddly' with some guy he doesnt know, for 30 minutes. Can you really blame him? It may be possible that she does that on a regular basis. Maybe I'm jaded, but this reminds me of those girls who claim their BF is jealous and insecure, while they are out cheating and being an AW.

One other comment. I believe she was away from her work last year for about a month, due to having stress at work. I think she may suffer occasionally from depression.

Some would call this a red flag. I think it depends on the severity, and what she does to help herself. Having to take a whole MONTH off of work is pretty bad.

Why leave her work and move 300 miles away very quickly?

Does she not give any details why she did this? Thats fishy. 300 miles away is too far to pursue, in my book. Sure, its possible that her BF started being psycho, but imo its even more possible that she drove him to it by being an AW, or unfaithful. She was hanging all over you right in front of him, for a half an hour, knowing it was pissing him off. Why?

1.She is interested in you while she is taken, and rubbing her BF's face in it. Red flag for you. That shows what kind of person she is. Disrespectful, unfaithful, AW, possibly BPD even, who knows. Its one thing, if she macks on you in private, but even then, you know she has a cheater mentality. Is that the kind of girl you want?

Or 2. Using you to deliberately piss her BF off.

Personally, I dont like girls that hit on me in front of their BF. Instant turn off to me.

Thats my 2 cents.

 

[Mr. Me]

It sounds like at the bar she was all about using you to make her BF jealous. Though she said she spent NYE alone, that's not to say BF still isn't in the picture. Maybe they had a fight. Maybe he had to work. But she's 300 miles away. That makes things a little difficult to get involved with.

>> I'm wondering about her comment on staying out of trouble? >>

I'd say her other comments are what you ought to ponder. Overall, she sounds like she voices her feelings about her ups and downs with her BF to you. "Stay in touch" doesn't sound like the words of an interested woman. That's like "take care".

>> However she is quite pretty >>

This is where guys slip. Don't disregard flags because a woman's got a pretty face.

 

[jophil28]

It sounds like at the bar she was all about using you to make her BF jealous. Though she said she spent NYE alone, that's not to say BF still isn't in the picture. Maybe they had a fight. Maybe he had to work. But she's 300 miles away. That makes things a little difficult to get involved with.

>> I'm wondering about her comment on staying out of trouble? >>

I'd say her other comments are what you ought to ponder. Overall, she sounds like she voices her feelings about her ups and downs with her BF to you. "Stay in touch" doesn't sound like the words of an interested woman. That's like "take care".

>> However she is quite pretty >>

This is where guys slip. Don't disregard flags because a woman's got a pretty face.

Hey Jeremy, read this quote again and again.

IF I were hit on by a girl for 30 minutes who's B/F was in the room I would have my warning bells going CLANG !
IF she will do it WITH you she will do it TO you.
YOu might want to think about what she is up to here before you go any further.
Secondly, I have read several of your posts and you appear to be a timid and unsure , even docile, guy who has little confidence in aopproaching and number closing.
So instead of you CHOOSING women they will choose you.
THat makes you vulnerable to all kinds of AWs, loonies, and manipulating baitches.
You tend to wait for women to initiate things and then ask OUR opinion about your next move, right ?

Take it from me, a woman's actions alway tell you more about what she is up to than her words, but her actions also need skillful interpretion by you.

Even if you get with this latest women , you will automatically be 'rebound guy' with all the implications.

 

[horaholic]

You are considering moving to her town without ever having gone on a date with her. Is this correct?

He doesnt say that anywhere.

 

[Jeremymichael]

No I'm not planning to move up to see her. I think I will keep it just friendly
for now.

I think it was not good she cuddled upto me in front of her boyfriend, I'm mean that is not the way to behave to your boyfriend, and maybe she will do this to me.
I also think Jophill made some good points. I'm not picking the women!, and waiting for them to pick me.

 

[AIRWARRIOR71]

I see actions speaking louder than words. Red Flags. At the least she used you to piss off her BF. At best, she has questionable behavior patterns. If she does it to him, she could or would do it to you.

Honestly, I think she has just a mild interest in you or may be on the rebound. I see too many scatter-brained actions on her part that make me think she may be a bit of a headcase. Too many irrational actions for me.

I'd just keep it friendly. Besides, 300 miles away doesn't mean the jealous BF is not nearby (she moved...he didn't) and he may be driven to crazy behavior too. Crosshairs would be on you if you get involved, hence no reason to be a target for drama. I say watch this one from a distance. Besides...she just "happened" to show up at the bar you go to, with her BF. Sounds fishy.

 

[Jeremymichael]

I sent her an email and mentioned that she should get in contact next time she is the area and asked whether she had got a new job.

Unfortunately I have not heard anymore from her in about a week..oh well..

 

[Jeremymichael]

Hello everyone,

You may recall this one?. I let thisgo and never followed up. Anyway I received an email from her yesterday, asking how I was etc?. It was pretty brief. Should I see this as a sign of interest or her just being friendly.

Probably the latter

 

[jophil28]

Hello everyone,

You may recall this one?. I let thisgo and never followed up. Anyway I received an email from her yesterday, asking how I was etc?. It was pretty brief. Should I see this as a sign of interest or her just being friendly.

Probably the latter

It is neither -

Her email, after a silence of three months, means that she and her B/f broke up yesterday and she is tossing out her email bait-net to see who she can snare. If you bite, she will use you for attention, free dates and validation while she cunningly hunts for a B/f replacement ....While you play the sympathetic "friend ", you will be expected to listen to the usual sobbing and whining about her ex's endless crappy behavior.
You will hear that the breakup was all his fault.. the standard accusations will include, but will not be limited to these allegations ... he lied a lot, he cheated, took my money, hit on my girlfriend, did drugs and alcohol, and the current favorite from the feminazi book of shaming.. he was "abusive".. which means nothing except that she is merely playing 'victim' and exploiting your protective nature.
IF she hooks a BBD( behind your back ) you will be rapidly dumped in the friend zone, and she will ask you to be "just my friend" because she is " not ready for a relationship", except that she will be going hard at it in some hotel with the BBD who is the next leading man in her life movie.

 

[Jeremymichael]

Yes I think you are right. I'll just send her a friendly email and leave it at that. She ended the last email correspondence and I will end this one.

Anyway I don't know if I trust her behavious. Possible red flags.

1) Flirts with me in bar in front of her then boyfriend. I did not know this at the time.

2) Off work for a month through depression

3) Moves from my town to another city 300 miles away. Saying she is now away from trouble.

Apart from that she is fairly pretty!

 

[jophil28]

Apart from that she is fairly pretty!

Never assume that the wrapping is a measure of the contents.

 

[Tazman]

She ended the last email correspondence and I will end this one.

Better yet, send this reply in three months.

 

[Jeremymichael]

Hi,

I sent a polite email, asking how she is.

Ang guess what 5 days on no reply. What is that about?

 

[jophil28]

Hi,

I sent a polite email, asking how she is.

Ang guess what 5 days on no reply. What is that about?

Listen to me...The objective of her email to you was to test whether you were still "available" to play the game in which you show her some attention and she in turn feels that she can still get you to jump whenever she wants. Ego inflation is all she is chasing..
She does NOT want any kind of connection with you in person. If she did, she would have replied to your reply, and she would have made some kind of an offer to meet.

BY sending her a "polite reply" you sent her the message that you are willing to connect with her just because she sent you a short vague email .

She got what she wanted, and you are bewildered because you do not understand how women are addicted to the "attention" drug. It is female crack.

 

[Mr. Me]

An email after three months is NOT a possible "sign of interest". It's a tickler to see if you'll feed her some attention now that she's had a fight with her BF or they broke up or she wants someone with whom to make him jealous again. If she WAS interested, she would've dumped her BF months ago and pressed you for a relationship. Like Jophil said.