Should I "next" her or give her a chance?

[The Decay of Meaning]

We've been hanging out for about a month. We had sex a week ago, but before that and after, she sometimes does not answer messages. I don't like such behavior from anyone because I quite frankly find it disrespectful.

I asked her quite frankly where she think this is going and if there's a point in this. She told me that she is unsure but what she wants is me and her together, she really likes me, but because she only very recently broke up with her boyfriend (about a month ago), she feels she can't commit to another person that quickly. She said she needs to take things slow and she is having a hard time about this because they were together for 2 years. I understand that, but if she was interested, would she really ignore me?

Also, she's baby sitting (watching over a few kids actually), and she couldn't leave the house, she told me. But at her facebook face it says she actually left for a girl who she have had sex with. So she couldn't meet me because she can't leave the house, but she can meet her?

When we were drunk last weekend she even said she loved me. She is a very cute and giving/kind girl and we have a great connection.


But the fact that she doesn't answer some of my messages, and the fact that she lied about leaving the house (unless that girl leaves nearby of course), tells me I should next her. AND the fact that she chose to leave the house for that girl instead of me tells me she is not that interested in me.

Right now I have decided not to contact her, and I'm not sure if I will reply back if she sends me a message or contacts me. She, however, suggested we meet Sunday or Munday, and I said "we'll see".

I've kept it cool because the last thing I want to is to be needy or be viewed as needy, something I loath, but I've observed her behavior and I find it a bit doubtful and out of taste.

Would you next her or see what happens, if you were in my position?

 

[I'm in the Mood]

You have to challenge her.
Here is one option: say something along the lines of "I've noticed that you haven't been answering my messages and you've been lying to me lately. I'm afraid this isn't going to work out."
If she argues say, "I'm sorry it looks like this problem just can't be solved. Later."

I'm just making this all up off the top of my head so you may not agree with the wording, but basically you want to completely break rapport with her and let her crawl back to you if she's feeling the attraction.

With your mindset, I'm sure you'll have no regrets whatever you choose to do.
One thing is for sure though - show her who's boss. Then afterwards you can be like "Who's your daddy? Yeah that's right, me. "

Yeah anyway good luck man.

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

That worked out well. Thank you!

 

[King_Supreme]

u sound so fvkin needy. u sound like the woman in this situation. are u serious? why does it matter to u that she doesnt answer ur messages or lies to u about where she is going. it should be the other way around, u should be doing these things to her. also, u are not her man therefore what she does when shes away from u should be of no concern. you already havin sex with her so just be satisfied with that. stop messaging her, stop facebook stalking her to see what shes doing and go find some other broads.

 

[Blank]

We've been hanging out for about a month. We had sex a week ago, but before that and after, she sometimes does not answer messages. I don't like such behavior from anyone because I quite frankly find it disrespectful.

I asked her quite frankly where she think this is going and if there's a point in this. She told me that she is unsure but what she wants is me and her together, she really likes me, but because she only very recently broke up with her boyfriend (about a month ago), she feels she can't commit to another person that quickly. She said she needs to take things slow and she is having a hard time about this because they were together for 2 years. I understand that, but if she was interested, would she really ignore me?

Also, she's baby sitting (watching over a few kids actually), and she couldn't leave the house, she told me. But at her facebook face it says she actually left for a girl who she have had sex with. So she couldn't meet me because she can't leave the house, but she can meet her?

When we were drunk last weekend she even said she loved me. She is a very cute and giving/kind girl and we have a great connection.


But the fact that she doesn't answer some of my messages, and the fact that she lied about leaving the house (unless that girl leaves nearby of course), tells me I should next her. AND the fact that she chose to leave the house for that girl instead of me tells me she is not that interested in me.

Right now I have decided not to contact her, and I'm not sure if I will reply back if she sends me a message or contacts me. She, however, suggested we meet Sunday or Munday, and I said "we'll see".

I've kept it cool because the last thing I want to is to be needy or be viewed as needy, something I loath, but I've observed her behavior and I find it a bit doubtful and out of taste.

Would you next her or see what happens, if you were in my position?

You came off needy by asking where she thought this was going. And of course you shouldn't expect much besides sex from a girl who is on the rebound. I don't understand why your so concerned with where she thinks its going and what shes doing when you aren't around. She's not your girl and shouldn't be the only girl your talking to.

You really shouldn't be taking any of what she's doing personally. She isn't attacking you by not answering your messages, it's nothing against you. and please, NEVER EVER ask a girl where she thinks it's going. She should be the one asking you that. Always let her be the one to ask questions like that, period. She needs to be the one to ask about the two of you being exclusive.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

What the fvck....they had sex, asking her where she thinks the relationship is going is not needy because it is a standard discussion between man and woman if they are dating romantically.
She has enough attraction and comfort already that he doesn't come off as needy...

The Decay of Meaning: I'm curious, did you use the exact lines that I posted earlier?

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

Thanks for the input.

We're not from an English speaking country so I used a different wording, but basically what I said was that... what she's been doing and what she's saying are two different things, and because I don't have time for people who do that, I think this isn't going to work out.

First she just said "okay, if that's what you want...". I figured she'd wisen up or crack, and ten minutes later, she interpreted this as her not having feelings for me, which she responded "You cannot know how I feel about things".

We cleared up some things and I'll said we'll see what happens next, to which she responded positively.

After this she's contacted me and there was a much better tone between us.

You came off needy by asking where she thought this was going.

I didn't want to come off as needy (actually I was more annoyed and apathetic), so I put my question in a way that seemed that I felt this wasn't going anywhere (which was true).

But I understand what you mean in the rest of your post.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Alright good, I'm glad you did it your way.

The phrasing I put it in made it seem very serious and almost mean depending on how you say it.

Now I want to look into this a little -

You said "I think this isn't going to work out." That's the most powerful line, because it stated that you are prepared to leave her rather than accept second class behavior, and you told her logically what she did so she can relate to you and be able to fix it in the future.

She said "Okay, if that's what you want." Aha! She's trying to test you to see how serious you are and if you only wanted to scare her into changing her behavior. Looks like you saw this test, and based on your final result, took care of it completely.

Here's another test: You cannot know how I feel about things." She seems to really want you to crack so she doesn't lose power. In my opinion this is the most important test, because, since you passed it, you amped her attraction levels by taking her power away. Brilliant!

You handled this perfectly, and furthermore, you said "We'll see what happens next," which offers her the possibility of staying with you, maintains your power, and is like saying "Okay I'll give you another chance," but in an ATTRACTIVE way.

This was excellently thought out - even if you don't think so, I do.
She's chasing you again because you threatened her with actual REJECTION!

Well alright. Good luck with your relationship man, I hope it all works out well for the two of you.

We're not from an English speaking country so I used a different wording, but basically what I said was that... what she's been doing and what she's saying are two different things, and because I don't have time for people who do that, I think this isn't going to work out.

First she just said "okay, if that's what you want...". I figured she'd wisen up or crack, and ten minutes later, she interpreted this as her not having feelings for me, which she responded "You cannot know how I feel about things".

We cleared up some things and I'll said we'll see what happens next, to which she responded positively.

After this she's contacted me and there was a much better tone between us.

 

[Nutz]

We've been hanging out for about a month. We had sex a week ago, but before that and after, she sometimes does not answer messages. I don't like such behavior from anyone because I quite frankly find it disrespectful.

You haven't explained your standards and expectations of behavior so she's running roughshod over you because she doesn't know any different. Correct the bad behavior or keep putting up with it. It's that simple. If she won't change something and simple as having the common courtesy to reply to a damn message then she's no good and deserves to be put on teh backburner in lieu of one of the other girls you're seeing. You are spinning other plates, right? Right???!

I asked her quite frankly where she think this is going and if there's a point in this. She told me that she is unsure but what she wants is me and her together, she really likes me, but because she only very recently broke up with her boyfriend (about a month ago), she feels she can't commit to another person that quickly. She said she needs to take things slow and she is having a hard time about this because they were together for 2 years. I understand that, but if she was interested, would she really ignore me?

You need to ease off the investment. The person that's least invested in a relationship holds all the power. You need to back out of things quickly or you'll get hurt. At best it sounds like she's worthy of being downgraded to FB status and perhaps casual dating. She is NOT serious relationship material (at least for the time being).

Also, she's baby sitting (watching over a few kids actually), and she couldn't leave the house, she told me. But at her facebook face it says she actually left for a girl who she have had sex with. So she couldn't meet me because she can't leave the house, but she can meet her?

When we were drunk last weekend she even said she loved me. She is a very cute and giving/kind girl and we have a great connection.

Started to sound like a nutjob.

But the fact that she doesn't answer some of my messages, and the fact that she lied about leaving the house (unless that girl leaves nearby of course), tells me I should next her. AND the fact that she chose to leave the house for that girl instead of me tells me she is not that interested in me.

Right now I have decided not to contact her, and I'm not sure if I will reply back if she sends me a message or contacts me. She, however, suggested we meet Sunday or Munday, and I said "we'll see".

I've kept it cool because the last thing I want to is to be needy or be viewed as needy, something I loath, but I've observed her behavior and I find it a bit doubtful and out of taste.

Would you next her or see what happens, if you were in my position?

I say keep things going but back off a bit. Only call her up for sex and only see her no more than twice every 10 days to keep you from getting too entangled. If both those days are only for sex, or you feel like throwing her a bone with a date here or there is up to you. My advice is you need to ease up or you're in for some hurt.