Should I marry her?

[Crossroader]

^Huh. Maybe you guys are right but since we are all so rational and analytical, consider the following pros/cons:

PROS:

- Is pretty damn hot. I have banged some hot, hot girls even way before I discovered "Game" maybe a year ago (maybe I'm a natural?), and this one is the hottest. Also I have really high standards on the numerical scale. I've seen dudes post pics on here of their "8's" and "9's" and I'm not joking she is hotter than 95% of them. (Of course I realize this is subjective but she turns heads everywhere we go.)

- Is loyal: have never seen her even look at another guy while we are out. She has never tried to play jealousy games with me even when we were fighting etc.

- Loves sex: Like when we were first dating it was 4-5 times a day, no exaggeration. My d!ck actually got too raw to keep going for a while there (and when that happened she gave me nice soft bj's lol). She has tried new stuff with me at my behest, and loved every second of it.

- Very smart, maybe the most intelligent girl I've ever known. Perceptive and witty, makes me laugh. Weird example, but I've never had a girl I'm watching a movie with guess unexpected turns or plot developments before I did, and she's done it a few times.

- Hates feminism and thinks it's dumb. Works a job and pays her own way though.

- Madly in love with me.

- Doesn't care about money or materialism. I do pretty well with my business but pretty much just stay afloat and have money for fun stuff sometimes.

- Has good genes but still exercises 1-2x a week to stay in shape. Her body is probably 90% at perfection.

- Is supportive: helps me with my business and supports my hobbies which I am quite passionate about. (And yeah to be fair a couple of them are the kind chicks love anyway...)

CONS:

- Religious to the max. Although has compromised her faith to be with me. The religion is uber-crazy and controlling but it also punishes infidelity harshly and swiftly, so that is a semi-Pro (I guess).

- Bipolar (NOT BPD). This usually just means she's hyper and ultra-talkative. But when she gets angry, or sad, watch out. Although I will say she never broke any of my sh!t or called the cops or any of that nonsense. Is opposed to meds as she was on them before and claims it made her a zombie. Takes 5htp and other holistic stuff though, so I guess she makes an effort...

- Wants to get married asap. But then, don't all girls? Unfortunately, she's got the religious pressure bearing down like the globe on Atlas's shoulders.

- Wants (at least one) kid for sure. I'm still on the fence on that for my life. At least anytime soon.

- Crazy insecure sometimes. Gets super weird and sometimes angry if I even talk to attractive girls (waitresses, etc) or make them laugh (this is just my charismatic nature you see). I will say this one has been a major bummer.

- One time we broke up for a spell and I banged another chick and she found out about it. Obviously she freaked but mostly got over it. Though of course she brings it up on those occasions when things get heated. She never banged anyone else out of revenge though, but still this one is a major bummer as well as I wonder if it'll ever die.

So there you have it guys. Lots of good, lots of bad. What do you think?

 

[Danton1975]

I admit...those are some major pros...heck...beauty and brains and fun in one package. You don't have to marry this chick though. If she's madly in love with you as you claim she can still be a GF.

Also...this forum may not be the best source for advice whether you should marry a woman. Remember, your description of her may be "too partial" You should ask your friends, relatives, people who have seen you together that are close to you, people that know you and know things about you. Sometimes even without asking them though, a couple meant to be with each other "emanates" a certain vibe that prompts other people to ask: "Sooooo...when you gonna tie the knot?" or "Man, you guys seem in love" ...etc...etc..."

 

[Desdinova]

Why oh why didn't I see this post when it was first made...

We're obviously talking about Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't think most of the people here can really wrap their minds around what kind of a life a Jehovah's Witness has to endure.

I was raised in it, and I left when I was 18.

Before I go on with this post, I must say that I feel very badly for the woman. Not only is she torn on the whole religion (she sounds like she's sitting on the fence with it), but you've also broken her heart. First, let's get into her problems...

bipolar (tends to get angry really quickly in a disagreement and has gotten near suicidal a couple times after we got in big arguments),

Many, many Jehovah's Witnesses are medicated for depression, and many more are not. Many are also very suicidal, and many have taken their lives because they never feel they can live up to the high standards that the religion sets. If you dig a bit deeper, you'll find that many who work at the headquarters of the religion have jumped out of the building to end their own lives.

So she has really been pushing the marriage agenda so that she can get back in the good graces of the church.

What she wants is to have her cake and eat it too. She loved you dearly, but she also loves her family. She wants to get back into the cult so she can be back in communication with her family. Getting married to you outside the religion will give her both. Also, the desire to be back in contact with her family is the only thing that's keeping her somewhat in the cult. Women respond to their emotions, and the religion puts a lot of strain on women emotionally. She doesn't want to feel like garbage, so she's willing to sacrifice her sanity to eliminate the emotional trauma which the religion has placed upon her.

The unfortunate thing about all of this is you walked out on her when she absolutely needed someone to show her how evil the whole cult is. Yes, I'm taking the opposite side of the majority on this site on this issue because I KNOW what it's like to deal with the congregation's opinion and gossip. I've been there. I was marked as 'bad association'. Even though I was going to the meetings and peddling magazines at the doors, everyone in the congregation avoided spending time with me.

Then, when I disappeared from the meetings for good, you know what those fvckers told me? "We really miss you at the meetings!" They're all fvcking liars who have conditional love for the people they call 'brothers and sisters'. If you don't go along with the flock mentality, you're not wanted. You can be the most generous, loving person in the world, but if you break their rules and get the boot, you're not wanted nor loved.

I really think you should reconsider giving her the boot. You said you were once part of the jw culture too, but somehow I doubt you were in it as deep as she is. You can at least somewhat relate to the things she has to deal with.

I think you should get back in contact with her and talk to her about all these issues. Also, I think this whole thing is very much out of the grasp of sosuave, and you should make a post on this message forum which has helped me a LOT in dealing with the problems of the JW mindset:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/

You're going to get a much better idea on how to help this woman (if it's at all possible) in giving her some peace of mind.

Post your story on that forum, then give her a call.

 

[Crossroader]

snip

Alright man, well you pretty much nailed it. Except for a few things:

A. I was in it deep man, raised in it from day one. Left around the same age as you and didn't look back. My parents did a great job raising me and I'm not bitter about any of it, it just wasn't for me. So trust me dude, I get it. I have friends that still won't talk to me, and some of my family too.

B. She doesn't want back in just to get her family back. They still talk to her and she didn't have a ton of good friends she misses or anything. It's because she truly, deeply believes it man. Way, way down deep. I don't ever see there being a point that she won't. In the meantime it really does make me sad to see the constant guilt she endures.

Meantime I feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place, if you know what I mean...

 

[Desdinova]

My parents did a great job raising me and I'm not bitter about any of it, it just wasn't for me

You're one of the lucky ones. Many who leave felt that they've been cheated. Others have had their parents beat the 5hit out of them and/or have been sexually abused.

It took me a long time to move past it. Finding this place helped me deal with the issues I had from being raised in it. In fact, someone here posted a link to this site after someone had asked a question regarding dating a JW who was knocking on their door. I sat in front of the computer for three days straight, just reading and deprogramming myself.

B. She doesn't want back in just to get her family back. They still talk to her and she didn't have a ton of good friends she misses or anything. It's because she truly, deeply believes it man. Way, way down deep. I don't ever see there being a point that she won't.

I don't completely believe that. She had sex with you repeatedly. Doing that outside of marriage is a major no-no. She must have some doubts in her mind if she's willing to break one of their major rules. She may believe that God is going to destroy her at Armageddon, and honestly I also believed it for years after I left. Instead of dismissing the belief as bull5hit, I just didn't care if I was going to be destroyed.

In the meantime it really does make me sad to see the constant guilt she endures.

Honestly, I wouldn't give up on her so easily. She may still believe the doctrine quite heavily, but it doesn't mean she wants to live that heavily-controlled lifestyle. Once you get a taste of freedom, it's difficult to go back to slavery.

Search that message forum I sent you a link to. There are LOTS of stories on there about relationships identical to yours. Find one that parallels yours and share it with her. If she's willing to look at "apostate lies" then you have a decent chance at helping her stay out of the cult.