Should I lay this chick?

[Halo]

What a different world I live in compared to 8 months ago. I was a major AFC, and I have made serious progress, but I wouldn't say I have reached total DJness just yet.

Here is my dilemma. There is this girl I went out with twice, and made out with her for an hour or so on our second date. She didn't let it go beyond that, but I know it's all mine when and if I go out with her again. The thing is, I know I don't desire anything "more" with her, and there's a few things I just plain don't like about her. I cancelled on a third date that she suggested, and lo and behold my apparent disinterest has made her the pursuer - she emailed me suggesting something else tomorrow. I haven't contacted her yet.

Should I go out with her anyway, just for the sex? My friends argue that women use men all the time anyway so big deal if I use her just for sex - maybe that's all she wants too. On the one hand I feel sort of bad about it, but on the other I will regret passing this up if I go through another dry spell. I'm sort of in a spell now, since it's been a month since the last one.

 

[squirrels]

Do what you want. Don't make excuses or apologies either way...just do what you want.

F what your buddies think. This is your call. You won the prize, now you determine whether you want to put it on your trophy shelf or just throw it in the closet somewhere.

 

[sAxyguy83]

I agree w/ squirrels. One thing, though - if you drop her when she's hot for you, I bet you'll suddenly find yourself recieving a bit more attention from the ladies. For one thing, girls get jealous, and having this chick after you shows other girls that you've got something worth going after. Plus, knowing you had that kind of control in this relationship can be a HUGE confidence booster, and as it can't be repeated often enough, confidence is KEY.

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

Originally posted by sAxyguy83
I agree w/ squirrels. One thing, though - if you drop her when she's hot for you, I bet you'll suddenly find yourself recieving a bit more attention from the ladies. For one thing, girls get jealous, and having this chick after you shows other girls that you've got something worth going after. Plus, knowing you had that kind of control in this relationship can be a HUGE confidence booster, and as it can't be repeated often enough, confidence is KEY.

I dont know about this.

I'm not exactly disagreeing with what is said here, but personally, from experiance and such, I question if this is the type of confidence that we really want as DJ's

It seems to me that confidence, authentic consistent confidence, if there is such a thing, can be obtained through yourself..from inside rather than obtained from being a dominant figure in a relationship.

I mean sure, it makes you feel like THE MAN when you are the controlling one, but is it a real confidence booster? I think it needs to come from somewhere else..more notable from within YOU as a person.

When you can work out the sh*t in your own life, and focus on what YOU are as a man, then everything will fall into place correctly.

That being said, i think relationships should be a RESULT of your confidence, not vice versa.

But then again who the hell knows..its not black and white thats for sure..its just my take on things.

If it helps ya out then..do ya thang boi

 

[ilyadaimpaler]

Just use the golden rule:

If your willing to masterbate to her, your willing to have sex with her

 

[TesuqueRed]

If you fvck her, you'll pay an internal (or emotional) cost for it. And she will make you pay for fvcking her (over) too.

And if you don't, you'll equally pay for it in the regrets during later dry spells, etc.

It really isn't "what should I do?" but how do you handle this? Seemingly the same question, but it isn't. There is no hard rule on this--the basic truth is that it'll cost you. And the basic question is--is the cost worth it? You won't know unless you go through it. It'll be more expensive than you originally imagined, but the experience will be invaluable. Only then can you have an idea for later dates with other girls whether you can handle the cost or are willing to pay for it.

On another track--this is one of those experiences that will force you to grow beyond yourself whichever choice you make. Either one will be costly. In time, you'll make both choices---and make both of them repeatedly---where sometimes you go for and sometimes you don't. Ever hear of someone saying "don't go to bed with someone you can't have breakfast with the next morning"--?? Sometimes (for me) I can pay the morning after costs, sometimes I can't.

On another another track--aren't you painting yourself into a corner on this one? Some guys can bed multiple dates and can do it because it is very clear that they are just dating, they haven't had "the talk" (GF or not to GF)---yet you haven't approached it this way or probably learned to approach it this way and now find yourself in a dilemma an experienced dater somehow doesn't get themselves into...

 

[Halo]

On another another track--aren't you painting yourself into a corner on this one? Some guys can bed multiple dates and can do it because it is very clear that they are just dating, they haven't had "the talk" (GF or not to GF)---yet you haven't approached it this way or probably learned to approach it this way and now find yourself in a dilemma an experienced dater somehow doesn't get themselves into...

Well this what threw me for a loop. She made the comment that one of her friends told her she should date casually, but said "I just can't do that". I moved the conversation onto something else. I guess that is what caused my dilemma, that she is insinuating she desires something more than casual. I definitely don't. But on the other hand, I'd definitely like to hit it.