Should I have been more sexual with her?

[nyfan1992]

I have been talking to this girl for a long time. After many weeks of texting and phone conversations, she finally came to visit me for a weekend with my friends. We had an amazing time together and it's definitely a weekend I'll never forget.

She stayed over with me at my friend's apartment and we shared an air mattress both nights. We made out with each other pretty often but it never got carried away. With past girls I was always quick to start touching them sexually and get things going in the bedroom but with this girl I'm not interested in that. She's definitely by far the most attractive girl I've ever been with but I really like her and don't want to mess it up. She also seems like a very respectful and traditional girl so I want to respect her. I'm still getting to know her so I want to play it safe and not make a move and turn her off.

The last night we were at my friend's apartment, we got back late from the bars and she moved the air mattress to a more private area away from my friends. We made out more intensely than we ever had before and were much more touchy. At one point she was on top of me and I started moving my hands along her legs. She never stopped me and seemed to be enjoying it. I never went further than that however and I eventually stopped and just held her in my arms until we fell asleep.

I'm still on a high from that experience but I'm worried I didn't do enough. My friends think I messed up by not trying to have sex with her because in their opinion she definitely wanted to. I was hoping she would like that I didn't act like a typical guy who just wants sex and actually showed her respect but now I'm worried that I came across as weak and not confident because I didn't pursue anything more. Part of me is tempted to talk to her about it but at the same time I don't want to make a big deal about it especially if she may be happy with my behavior. Can someone please let me know what I should do or if I did anything wrong? Thank you!

 

[TheCWord]

past girls I was always quick to start touching them sexually and get things going in the bedroom but with this girl I'm not interested in that. She's definitely by far the most attractive girl I've ever been with but I really like her and don't want to mess it up. She also seems like a very respectful and traditional girl so I want to respect her. I'm still getting to know her so I want to play it safe and not make a move and turn her off.

This is textbook. I feel like a GP doctor who has seen this thing a million times and can diagnose it instantly. You, my friend, have beta/white knight syndrome.

Don't be too bummed. I'm willing to bet 99% of guys on this forum once had the exact same backwards thinking as you do. I certainly know I did. Spending time on here and reading things like the DJ Bible and Book of Pook will open your eyes gradually, but I'm going to explain to you exactly where your thinking is faulty. It might not sound/feel right at first, but it is gospel truth.

As I said, this is very common when you're still in beta-mode. You fck the girls you don't really see as GF potential, but then you meet a girl you really like and you figure she is such a precious flower and if you are to have any chance at getting with her you must treat her with the utmost respect. Somehow, old Leave It To ****** (ha, love that b.eaver is censored) episodes have drilled it into your head that getting sexual with a girl fast is somehow disrespectful. It's not.

When you get sexual with a girl, you are communicating to her your masculinity. She wants a man. She wants to have sex. Why do you think she's hanging out with you? Sleeping on an air mattress with you? Because she wants a bible study buddy? No, she is attracted to you and wants to have sex with you. But when you don't take the lead and escalate to sex, she starts to lose interest. If we were to ask her, she probably couldn't put her finger on why, but the reason is that she doesn't see you as a powerful, masculine man.

Women are attracted to men who lead and take what they want. By trying to be a good ol' boy, you gave up all the power to her. She doesn't want the power! She wants you to take her. Again, not disrespectfully. You are still being a gentleman. You are not going to force anything on her or be rude, but you've gotta be a cool guy.

Cool guys have sex. Women want cool guys. When you don't have sex, she determines you are not a cool guy. Woman loses interest.

This is so, so common dude. There is nothing wrong with really liking a girl and seeing her as good long term material, but you make a mistake in treating them differently than the randoms you have sex with.

Ever notice how you can get all those girls you're only interested in for sex no problem, but things never work out with the girls you REALLY want? It's because you are treating them differently.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah you f'd up...she wanted to bang you, you didn't comply, she thinks you are a scared little boy and not a man...good luck getting another shot, you'll win the lottery first

 

[GS750]

It's called long game, and yes I've done it too, and she lost interest in me. She thought I wasn't into her and found someone else. Don't do long game.

 

[JoshSway]

I have been talking to this girl for a long time. After many weeks of texting and phone conversations, she finally came to visit me for a weekend with my friends. We had an amazing time together and it's definitely a weekend I'll never forget.

She stayed over with me at my friend's apartment and we shared an air mattress both nights. We made out with each other pretty often but it never got carried away. With past girls I was always quick to start touching them sexually and get things going in the bedroom but with this girl I'm not interested in that. She's definitely by far the most attractive girl I've ever been with but I really like her and don't want to mess it up. She also seems like a very respectful and traditional girl so I want to respect her. I'm still getting to know her so I want to play it safe and not make a move and turn her off.

The last night we were at my friend's apartment, we got back late from the bars and she moved the air mattress to a more private area away from my friends. We made out more intensely than we ever had before and were much more touchy. At one point she was on top of me and I started moving my hands along her legs. She never stopped me and seemed to be enjoying it. I never went further than that however and I eventually stopped and just held her in my arms until we fell asleep.

I'm still on a high from that experience but I'm worried I didn't do enough. My friends think I messed up by not trying to have sex with her because in their opinion she definitely wanted to. I was hoping she would like that I didn't act like a typical guy who just wants sex and actually showed her respect but now I'm worried that I came across as weak and not confident because I didn't pursue anything more. Part of me is tempted to talk to her about it but at the same time I don't want to make a big deal about it especially if she may be happy with my behavior. Can someone please let me know what I should do or if I did anything wrong? Thank you!

I think you messed up by not trying to have sex with her. This is a common mistake where guys get way too passive with a girl "they really like". Don't bring it up, but next time, make a move, even if "you really like her" .. do it ESPECIALLY IF you really like her.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree with Josh completely.

 

[Shaka]

Next time try to think something like this :

If you don't try to have sex with her, it doesn't mean you respect her. It's just white knight bullsh1t way of thinking.
Having sex with a girl is something NATURAL. You have to show your intention.

In fact, you came as non-masculine man, afraid of some pvssy because of some bullsh1t way of thinking. And you INSULTED her too. Because she might think that she wasn't woman enough.

So yeah you screwed up, but it might be salvageable if her IL was high enough.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Yep, should've smashed it. Let her shut it down if it was gonna be a no. Moving the mattress was a DTF announcement if ever I heard one. Making the decision for her not to smash makes you look like a girlie man.

And "on a high from the experience"? There's some serious pedestal placement right there. You have to treat her like any other girl and stop seeing that white glow around her because it will destroy your game.

 

[Comatozed]

Good rule of thumb is to always escalate to sex. She should have to say no/stop you before you don't try and **** her.

 

[Mike32ct]

You keep inching forward until she stops you. Even if she stopped you from F-ing her, you could have at least got her shirt off or fingered her or got a BJ. It isn't so much that you had to bhang her per se, but you do have to move forward.

It sounds like she probably would have gone all the way though.

If you get another opportunity, keep inching forward.

 

[cfdagola]

You keep inching forward until she stops you. Even if she stopped you from F-ing her, you could have at least got her shirt off or fingered her or got a BJ. It isn't so much that you had to bhang her per se, but you do have to move forward.

It sounds like she probably would have gone all the way though.

If you get another opportunity, keep inching forward.

For the record i'm all with this. I noticed hat girls are much more affectionate even without sex so long as there was something sexual involved. be it her sucking your D or you licking her P.

hell just getting her naked and having a failed attempt due to anxiety is enough.

however NOT escalating is a death knell..

 

[marmel75]

As an aside...

if you have to ask the question in the thread name, the answer will almost always be yes