Should I go back and talk to her? Urgent Advice Needed

skinnydart

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2004
Messages
511
Reaction score
0
Location
Texas
So I was at the mall trying to find a tie that went with this shirt I was wearing. While in Sears, I walked up to the girl at the counter (who happened to be really cute) and asked her "hey what color tie would go with this shirt?" She came over and was helping me for like 15 minutes. Just by how close she was standing, the way she was looking at me and smiling, I knew there was some interest there but for some stupid reason I didn't do anything about it until i was walking away thought "Dammit! Why didn't I ask for her number!?"

So what I'm wondering is if it would be to weird to go back there now, (1-2 hours later) and ask her for her number, saying something like "hey, so if I wanted to get in contact with you in the future sometime, how would I do that."

I'm thinking she may think that I've been wandering around the mall for that entire time by myself. And also the fact that I came all the way back just to talk to her would make the turn-down that much harder. I mean if I casually ask as she's ringing me up that's one thing, but to drive back just to talk to her, I don't know, what are yout thoughts?
 

ApocalypseCow2

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 18, 2005
Messages
219
Reaction score
1
You could go back next week at the same time, and hopefully she'll still be working there.

Also, she's a saleswoman, so don't read *too* deeply into what she was doing.
 

pimpfromdayone

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 13, 2005
Messages
676
Reaction score
1
Age
38
Well, chances are she is going to be there the next time you go to the mall. I wouldn't get hung up over her to the point of actually caring if you see her again and making a special trip just for her, but the next time you go back, act like you need a new shirt or something and move in for the kill from there. Since you've already interacted with her, it should be a bit easier than a full-on cold approach. Tease her about something, like say everyone at the office thought you were colorblind after you came in with that shirt/tie combo... that kinda thing, just keep it fun, and when you are at the height of the convo (hopefully with her laughing), cut it off and get her number.
Just be like, "Hey, it was nice seeing you again, here (handing her your phone), type your number in there for me and I'll give you a call sometime."
 

skinnydart

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2004
Messages
511
Reaction score
0
Location
Texas
Ok, I'm going to go back there tonight to talk to her. And I don't think I need to think of some lame exuse as to why I came in, like I need another tie or something, if she's smart, she'll see right through it anyway. There's nothing I should be ashamed of by just dropping in after work because "I thought she seemed cool".

I'll let you know what happens.
 

Legend

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2003
Messages
874
Reaction score
2
Age
41
Location
NY/CT
im also interested in what happens...keep an update
 

skinnydart

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2004
Messages
511
Reaction score
0
Location
Texas
she's a saleswoman, so don't read *too* deeply into what she was doing.
True, but she's a 19-year-old girl working for non-comissioned sales at Sears, I don't think she was that set on selling me a tie.

In fact, she was standing so close to me while holding ties up to my neck that our faces were like inches away. Because she had kinda invaded my "personal space" I instinctivly felt a little uncomfortable for some reason so I stepped back and basicly told her to go away. I mean I was nice, I stepped back and said "all right well thanks". Like it felt like I could've kissed her right there if I wanted to, anyway, I that's how I know she wasn't just a salesman being a salesman.
 

DinoCassanova

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 12, 2005
Messages
221
Reaction score
0
Age
49
Location
Chicagoland area
she's a 19-year-old girl working for non-comissioned sales at Sears, I don't think she was that set on selling me a tie.

>>> She probably wants some lovin, sure. I was thinking of a way that I might approach this situation now, were it me. I thought maybe you wait a few days, then you go back in there over the weekend or something. See if she's working. If she is, you could say something like, "Hey what's up?? That tie we picked out worked out great by the way. My .... (hesitate a little)...... my girlfriend loved it."
To which she might say, "Really? Cool." (possibly some small talk) .
Then you could maybe say, " So what's the big plans for this weekend ?? What do you do when you're not here selling ties??"
Her: " Well, I'm doing ....... (blah......whatever.....who really cares ultimately right??)
You: "Cool. Well I'm doing ....... (x) ......... tonight with a buddy of mine. You should get one of your g/f's and meet up with us."
Her: (if she's really interested) " I thought you had a g/f ?"
You: "Welllllll....... we're...... it's basically over between us to tell you the truth. Actually the other night when I wore the tie I went to dinner with her and we 'had the talk'. You know how that is I'm sure right? Alot of it stems from something that happened on sweetest day. What about you? What'd your guy get you ? "
If she laughs and/or says something like "yeah right" , I'd take that as a good IOI , like she's single but hoping, you know. Then you can proceed.
I've had some pretty decent success lately by using this line to get the number, " Well why don't I call you and we'll set up a time to go hang out one of these nights??"
On two occasions now, the girl has said, "How will you do that? You don't have my number." Then you just pull out your cell phone and say, "Go ahead." This puts her on the spot to have to literally say, "No I'm not giving you my number." Women, seeing as though they have no balls, are pretty non-confrontational when it comes right down to it, and are certainly passive in general, and they do not actually LIKE (most women don't like it at least) turning guys down flat. So put her on the spot. Let her be the one who has to "squirm" a little bit and come up w/BS if she wants to, instead of you. Let me know if you have any success running it anything like this.

~Dino
 
Last edited:

skinnydart

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2004
Messages
511
Reaction score
0
Location
Texas
Ok, so I went to the store when I got off work this evening. There was no one in the store, she was working there but she was standing there at the counter with another girl which made it like 10 times harder for me to approach. Finally I made myself walk up to her. I was a little worried she wouldn't recognize me since I was dressed a little different... so anyway:

<I walk up to her standing at counter>
Her: Hey! The tie looks good!
Me: O thanks, but actually this one I got at Wal-Mart
Her: So can I help you with anything?
Me: No, I just came to say hey, you seemed kinda cool when I came before.
Her: Smiles
Me: So I wanted your number so I could possibily give you a call sometime
Her: O, ok... well how about you give me yours?
Me: What, do I look like a stalker or something? I mean look at the way I'm dressed! (Express black slacks, collard shirt and tie)
Her: I know, you're dressed nice but I usually don't-
Me: -give strange guys your phone number?
Her: Yeah
Me: Ok, well how about we trade?
Her: trade? uhhh, no, I don't really do that
Me: Common, I'm the guy here.

(at this point I'm drawing a blank, like crap, what am I supossed to do now, if I just walk away it woud've been a lost cause, I mean then it was a definent know. I know I'm probably a ***** for doing this but at the time I didn't really know what else to say. I wasn't really getting the vibe that if I had said "ok fine" and walked away she would've stopped me to give me her number or anything.

Me: Ok fine, do you have a pen and paper?
<she hands me one, I write my work number on it, I never answer so she'll get my "hey, this is skinny, the coordinator for ___ department at company name... etc" So that was my little way of saying "ok fine but I'm not giving you my cell".>
<I hand it back to her>
Me: What's your name?
Her: Christina
Me: Well hey, it was nice meeting you
Her: It was nice meeting you to <looks down on paper where I had written my first name> Skinny!
 

Aaron B

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 8, 2005
Messages
910
Reaction score
29
Never mention anything negative.

You can only say "stalker" if you are applying that term to her or possibly some creepy guy she knows.

Then you referred to yourself as "strange" which is bad as well.
 

sikpupy

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 25, 2005
Messages
29
Reaction score
0
Well...

1) Props for going up there to talk t her, not sure if I would have made the second trip.

2) Should have never given her your number. Should have said "well, I am not gonna give you my number cause you will not call"

3 ) Asked for her email address (from DD, but great idea)

Dont beat yourself up, you went back. Sarge on brotha!!
 

skinnydart

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2004
Messages
511
Reaction score
0
Location
Texas
Crap, yeah I shouldn't ask for her e-mail, I completely forgot about that. Thinking back I wish I had said something profound about why I won't give her my number, then turned and walked away, but when you're on the spot like that I just couldn't think of anything.

And about me being a stalker, I mean if you saw a picture of me you'd know that she couldn't have taken it any other way than a joke, I was almost insulting her, like "I can't believe you would actually think i'm a stalker" I have an office job and was wearing the next thing down from a suit.

I guess the next three days will tell, I'll be surprised if she calls me back. I almost wished I couldn't stuck around to see what she did with the number. And it was really weird having another hot girl standing right there staring at me the whole time.
 

pimpfromdayone

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 13, 2005
Messages
676
Reaction score
1
Age
38
Dam-n man, you've been deep in the trenches of war with this shi-t, lol. Seriously, I give you props for having the balls to even do it, but obviously, you could use a little work.
I know when you're put on the spot it is hard as hel-l to do things like you planned on paper... your mind can just blank out, but, allow me to offer my constructive criticism here for you:
The first thing you should have done differently was try to incorporate a little teasing into the convo, possibly a neg. hit, and get her laughing.... The tension in that room must have been so thick she could cut it with a knife. THEN is the time to get the #, when the situation is at its peak. Also, build at least a little rapport too.
When she said she liked your tie, you might have said:
"Yeah, no thanks to you (sarcastically, with a sly grin)."
or use some joke or something.
While others may disagree, I think coming straight out with all your intentions is a bad idea. Your directness is probably admirable, but it can kill the attraction, and it looks like that's what happened. After reading the first line that girl said, I was thinking, da-mn, this guy has her, but you must have weirded her out or something after that.
When she said, can I help you with anything, you could have said something like:
"Yeah, you can start by leaving me alone this time,"
with a dead-serious tone and look on your face and strong EC, followed by a grin. I swear to you, every time I go out to eat with my dad, that miserly guy is so rude and treats all the young female waiters like bit-ches, and they actually seem to like being treated that way... they turn into little girls. That is a little extreme, but just be creative. Start acting like you own the place. This girl is paid to treat you nice... take advantage of it.... you can push her buttons a lot harder than you think, and she will like it.

I also don't think it was a good idea to hint that you came there just to see her. Flattering a girl is no way to attract her. You just showed her (whether it's true or not) that you have nothing else to do, you worship her, and you're possibly very desperate to resort to such measures. A woman will think this, doesn't matter what your situation really is. Always appear busy and like you have other things to do, even if you don't. Never let a woman know you made a special trip for her. Never show THAT much interest.

Don't ASK for the number. You, in a roundabout way, did this, adn the way you did it was unconfident. When you actually are getting the digits, THEN is the time to be direct, but not before it. Remember, at the peak of the convo, cut it off on a good note, and you simply say hey, I gotta go, but here (handing her your phone), type your number in my phone and I will give you a call sometime.... or some other variation of that. You are being serious with your voice tone, but at the same time, you are somehow telling her, number or no number, you could care less. If you're a confident guy, you should automatically do this right.

And finally, if there IS resistance, you should know that you NEVER confront it directly. By not giving you the number, and you still trying to get it from her, she had complete control of the situation. What's worse, she asked for yours instead, with complete authority, and you gave it to her. I recommend that the next time a girl says that to you, you just laugh and walk away. If she was testing you to see if she could control you and test your desperation, you would have passed that shi-t test and she would have said, "hey, wait, you can have my #, I was just joking," or something like that. When she doesn't want to cooperate and give the number out, you just laugh, tell her you understand, a BIG smile on your face, say, "well, I better be off now," and walk away.

Once again, I personally prefer to get the IL up at least some before I go for the #, and I never get serious until I tell her to give it to me, but that's just my style. What works for me might not work as well for you, and vice versa. I hope this helped some.
 

Aaron B

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 8, 2005
Messages
910
Reaction score
29
Originally posted by skinnydart
And about me being a stalker, I mean if you saw a picture of me you'd know that she couldn't have taken it any other way than a joke, I was almost insulting her, like "I can't believe you would actually think i'm a stalker" I have an office job and was wearing the next thing down from a suit.
I'm sure she saw the BTK dude on TV. He looked normal enough.
 

pimpfromdayone

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 13, 2005
Messages
676
Reaction score
1
Age
38
Oh, one more thing. Get her friend into the action too, tease her some. Ask her why she isn't doing any work or something, haha.
 

skinnydart

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2004
Messages
511
Reaction score
0
Location
Texas
Coming up to a stranger and making light jokes and just chatting is really hard for me to do, I've been told I'm really blunt but is that really going to come across as me being incofident? I think that's just the person i am. I mean it doesn't matter if I'm telling you you're fired or telling you that I love you, I'm still going to have the exact same expression on my face.

Part of me doesn't really mind me losing a few chicks because I come right out and state my intentions. I think the type of girls that I want to end up with (I'm looking for a ltr, not a ons) wouldn't mind that. The real me is really upfront and to-the-point, i think if I try to alter that just to come across differently, not only is it going to make me appear less confident trying to be something that I'm not, but I don't mind her seeing the real me she'll end up spending a lot of time with.

My opinion is that if I come up, pretend I need another tie, whatever, she's going to know I made the trip just to see her. I don't mind her knowing I stopped by the mall (1/2 mile from my office) just to talk to her.

I am really mad at myself though for giving her my number... next time I'm definently going to laugh in her face, say no, then walk away confidently... o well, next time.

Actually I've asked for about 15 numbers over the last year or so, 100% of those have given it to me no problem, even those that had bf's so I was really surprised when she didn't.
 

pimpfromdayone

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 13, 2005
Messages
676
Reaction score
1
Age
38
Yeah, most girls will give it out like it's nothing (it IS nothing), but some like to play games. I think you made a good point about how the girls you want to end up with are the kind who will react well to you being upfront, but I'm just saying, for most girls, you gotta throw in at least a little game. You're not trying to be someone you're not. I was merely suggesting that you keep the situation less serious and more casual. I mean, don't you want her to think you're a fun, interesting guy? You don't demonstrate that by using the routine you used. That's all I'm saying.
 

sikpupy

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 25, 2005
Messages
29
Reaction score
0
"My opinion is that if I come up, pretend I need another tie, whatever, she's going to know I made the trip just to see her."

Uhm, you told her right away you were there to see her, so, either way she will know.

You could have said "you did such a great job, I wanted to see what else you could come up with". During the chat of your new threads, tell her she has an awsome personality and ask her for the number.

but, still, again, kudos bro!
 
Top