Should I end my friendship with this girl?

[ILovSKiTTLESZ]

okay; i see the problem; you take the safe route EVERY time and you end in
"Friendzone" you should take that leap and go for the higher position and tell
a girl you think she is pretty and work your way to being more than a friend.
If a girl hears she is pretty and not SEXY she will mostlikely think your not
like other guys depending on the type of girl. Some girls only put out there
because of problems/releases stress;pressured into it; or because she likes
it;. Im a woman and even though i find this wrong i have brothers and hangout with guys and know what you guys are like so i understand you would like to hit but not all females are like that. Find the right one who is willing; she will take pix for you and send them on a cell or just the way she acts will give it up IF she is willing (its not like that for all but most i know are like that).. Good luck.

 

[Maxtro]

Ah shit, I just realized I missed an important step that probably would have helped me last night. I didn't try to Isolate her. During the middle or near the end of the night I should have said, "Hey come on it's too loud here, lets go someplace more quiet." I would have taken her straight to my room, turned on some smooth ambient music (I love groove salad), had the lights on low and sat next to her on my couch in my room.

That environment would have a much higher chance at success then in a crowed living room with people laughing and drinking, with a Japanese girl butchering karaoke. I wish I thought of that ahead of time

C & F is all about mental state. My main goal is make myself always in a positive state of mind.

edit:
ILovSKiTTLESZ,

I'm not actually sure about telling a girl right away that I think she's pretty. I can think of a few positives and a few negatives that could happen, btw I have an analyzer personality.

The last thing you said is a bit confusing. I would assume that all girls know that any guy they are with would like to have sex with them.

 

[Ambition Now]

I agree with the last part of what ILovSKiTTLESZ said... If she had a high IL in you as a lover, she probably would be making the right moves so you could hit on her. Thats what girls with high IL do.

And not everything needs to be perfect, candle lights, nice ambient music, a nice landscape... seriously, the thing is eye contact -> kino -> kiss close. If you are getting feedback from her, just go for the kiss.

This girl probably has a high IL in you as a FRIEND, some people here probably would say to you, move on, cut off all contact, but I think it is just a matter of changing your priorities to your plan B like you've said... You are puting too much pressure on yourself because of this girl.

Make plan B become plan A.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

So I told her I liked her and she deflected it. I know I should have shown her instead of told her.

So let me get this straight. You like this girl right? You want to fuvk this girl right? You know what you need to do to create and elevate attraction, yet you didn't do any of that AND then verbally said "I like you" when you also know you shouldn't have done that either... Do you like punishing yourself??

Last night was probably my best opportunity to do something with her. I don't know how long it will be till I get another chance like that.

Your in the friendzone right now dude. Until you start getting other girls and showing her less interest, she'll continue to see you as a friend...

What Scars says makes a lot of sense. Last night didn't change anything and I can see that this will be a long term process.

There is no process here. You haven't laid the foundation down correctly, therefore your setting yourself up to get denied.

But I'm still waiting for the moment to happen.

WOW!!! AFC statement of the year!! You sound like Master Disaster...go ask him what he learned about the girl he was waiting to kiss.... And by moment, do you mean the moment when the stars align, and God appears in your living room to tell you "its the right moment." Dude you don't get it at all!!


I guess I just have to be progressively flirty with her as time goes on. I am curious to see how far she lets me go (within reason.)

No you need to move on, because your going to torture self for the next several weeks. Bookmark this post and come back in 2 months to read it you'll say "PIMP was right."


So no I'm not going to drop the friendship.

You don't have a friendship. You want to fuvk her and she doesn't.... unless that's your definition of a friendship.

PIMP

 

[ILovSKiTTLESZ]

Basically you should ask her "are you interested in me more than a friend?"
See if she is willing to take that next step.. slow things down a little.
You cant instantly hook up with a girl and expect to hit it.. sorry but not
all girls are like that. It may be hard and take some time but you will get
there depending on how fast this girl is willing to move the relationship.

 

[Maxtro]

I agree with the last part of what ILovSKiTTLESZ said... If she had a high IL in you as a lover, she probably would be making the right moves so you can hit on her. Thats what girls with high IL do.

This girl probably has a high IL in you as a FRIEND, some people here probably would say to you, move on, cut off all contact, but I think it is just a matter of changing your priorities to your plan B like you've said... You are puting too much pressure on yourself because of this girl.

Make plan B become plan A

I'm sure her IL in me isn't high. If I told myself to only go after girls who already have high IL in me, I might as well cut off my dick because I won't need it. I'm average in looks and below average in height. At first glance most girls aren't interested in me. I need to fight to change that.

My goal is to get laid. Whether I get it from her or another girl it doesn't matter. Just to make things clear I only hang with this girl once every two weeks on average. I only text her a couple of days a week. When I'm not with her I'm trying to go after other girls, or watching PU material or reading books to try and improve myself. That's not including the time I'm at school, studying and working out.

And not everything needs to be perfect, candle lights, nice ambient music, a nice landscape... seriously, the thing is eye contact -> kino -> kiss close. If you are getting feedback from her, just go for the kiss.

I'm not going to deny that a nice environment would have made things easier. Isolation is an important step in PU. There is still a big chance that even if we were in my room alone I wouldn't have made a move. I'm not used to succeeding with girls so I'm probably oblivious to the signs. She may have been giving me "fuck me" signals the whole night but I didn't recognize them. I wish I was wearing a wire and there was a team of guys in a van giving me instructions of what to do/say. I probably could have taken her virginity that night.

Edit: more responses incoming.

 

[Ambition Now]

Ah shit

C & F is all about mental state. My main goal is make myself always in a positive state of mind.

No, like any other seduction skill, C&F is about creating it an habit through doing it a lot.

If I wake up on a hangover at 6am to go to a dentist apointment, i would still be able to do it if i wanted to.

 

[Ambition Now]

I'm sure her IL in me isn't high. If I told myself to only go after girls who already have high IL in me, I might as well cut off my dick because I won't need it. I'm average in looks and below average in height. At first glance most girls aren't interested in me. I need to fight to change that.

At first glance most girls aren't interested in me either, thats the reason you approach and use your seduction skills on them, this is the way to find out her interest level.

My goal is to get laid. Whether I get it from her or another girl it doesn't matter. Just to make things clear I only hang with this girl once every two weeks on average. I only text her a couple of days a week. When I'm not with her I'm trying to go after other girls, or watching PU material or reading books to try and improve myself. That's not including the time I'm at school, studying and working out.

Alright, if your goal is to get laid, your chances are higher with other girls than with this one girl, because you are putting too much pressure on this and with this one you probably already landed the friendship zone, not a big deal, go practice with a lot of girls and your goal will be achieved sooner or later.

I'm not going to deny that a nice environment would have made things easier. Isolation is an important step in PU. There is still a big chance that even if we were in my room alone I wouldn't have made a move. I'm not used to succeeding with girls so I'm probably oblivious to the signs. She may have been giving me "fuck me" signals the whole night but I didn't recognize them. I wish I was wearing a wire and there was a team of guys in a van giving me instructions of what to do/say. I probably could have taken her virginity that night.

Edit: more responses incoming.

Basicly what you need is practical experience, go out and expose yourself to situations where you can LEARN, your goal should be shifted to gain more EXPERIENCE instead of getting laid right now.

 

[Maxtro]

So I told her I liked her and she deflected it. I know I should have shown her instead of told her.

So let me get this straight. You like this girl right? You want to fuvk this girl right? You know what you need to do to create and elevate attraction, yet you didn't do any of that AND then verbally said "I like you" when you also know you shouldn't have done that either... Do you like punishing yourself??

Actually no. I don't know what to do to create and elevate attraction. That's what I'm trying to figure out. As I have said many times before, this girl is practice. I don't want to be her BF, or even really date her. I want nothing more then be her friend and have sex with her. I'd also be going after other girls in the meantime.

Last night was probably my best opportunity to do something with her. I don't know how long it will be till I get another chance like that.

Your in the friendzone right now dude. Until you start getting other girls and showing her less interest, she'll continue to see you as a friend...

lol, less interest? I haven't been showing her any. That's why I'm in this mess in the first place. If I had not been afraid to show my interest things between us would be very different then they are now, either better or worse. Last night I decided to let her know. I'm done hiding it and every interaction from now on will be different. I'm going to keep ramping up how I act with her. If she gives me a solid rejection, good.

What Scars says makes a lot of sense. Last night didn't change anything and I can see that this will be a long term process.

There is no process here. You haven't laid the foundation down correctly, therefore your setting yourself up to get denied.

But I'm still waiting for the moment to happen.

WOW!!! AFC statement of the year!! You sound like Master Disaster...go ask him what he learned about the girl he was waiting to kiss.... And by moment, do you mean the moment when the stars align, and God appears in your living room to tell you "its the right moment." Dude you don't get it at all!!

I may have worded that a bit incorrectly. I know I need to actually make it happen. It's up to me to lay the ground work and read the signs.

I guess I just have to be progressively flirty with her as time goes on. I am curious to see how far she lets me go (within reason.)

No you need to move on, because your going to torture self for the next several weeks. Bookmark this post and come back in 2 months to read it you'll say "PIMP was right."

So no I'm not going to drop the friendship.

You don't have a friendship. You want to fuvk her and she doesn't.... unless that's your definition of a friendship.

PIMP

Torture it may be but I need to do it. Either we eventually hook up or she gives me a clear solid rejection. Number 2 is much more likely but and are acceptable conclusions. Odds are we will never hook up but at least I'll have the satisfaction that I tried and failed. Would you rather get out swinging or just stand at the plate and watch the balls go by?

I make sure to look over all the threads I make every few months to see what I learned. PIMP whether you are right or wrong, thanks for your input.

Basically you should ask her "are you interested in me more than a friend?"
See if she is willing to take that next step.. slow things down a little.
You cant instantly hook up with a girl and expect to hit it.. sorry but not
all girls are like that. It may be hard and take some time but you will get
there depending on how fast this girl is willing to move the relationship.

I've actually known her since August last year. We used to be coworkers and I'd see her for several hours a day a couple of times a week. Over the months we've moved from a professional relationship to friends. I know she really trusts me and is comfortable around me. I actually think that the right thing to do is gradually speed things up.

At this point I know that actually asking if she likes more than just a friend will get a negative response from her. But last night I learned that what she says may actually be different from what she does. I think I can get a better response from her if I let my actions do the talking.

 

[Ambition Now]

Odds are we will never hook up but at least I'll have the satisfaction that I tried and failed. Would you rather get out swinging or just stand at the plate and watch the balls go by?

So just do it, go out with her, try to do some basic steps (flirt, kino...) and just go for a kiss.

We really cant guarantee you nothing about the outcome, maybe she will kiss you back, maybe she wont, maybe she will like your attitude, maybe she will think you are an absolute loser freak, who cares...

If it gives you a satisfaction that you at least you tried it, no reason you should not do it.

 

[ILovSKiTTLESZ]

I agree with Ambition Now.. i mean the only thing you can
do is try and at least you will be able to say "hey i tried"
The only way you will ever get a change to hit it is if you
try .. go all out do what you think you should and if it doesn't
work move on to that next girl in line.

 

[Igetit!]

I don't know what to do to create and elevate attraction. That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Well,if you don't yet know how to create attraction in a woman after being a member here for almost 5 years,then what in the world have you been doing all this time? Obviously you haven't been reading any of the articles or paying attention to all the advice given on this forum. And what? You're now asking for even more advice? What for? You're coming up on your 5th year of being here,and it seems to me like you're still asking noobie type questions.

I want nothing more then be her friend and have sex with her. I'd also be going after other girls in the meantime.

So you want to be her friend and have sex with her. This is like saying,"I want to jump into the pool,and be dry at the same time". It's a contradiction in terms. You can't be her friend and have sex with her. It just doesn't work like that. That why those so-called "friends with benefits" situations always end in a trainwreck. When you first meet a girl,you need to decide whether you want to pursue her or not,and if you don't consciously make that decision,then the lack of a sexual vibe from you will automatically make the decision for you. Women make sexual/dating choices based on how they feel,therefore,if there's an absence of feelings/emotions with you and a girl,then what's left? All that remains is you being a good person....aka a friend.

lol, less interest? I haven't been showing her any. That's why I'm in this mess in the first place. If I had not been afraid to show my interest things between us would be very different then they are now, either better or worse.

You got that right.

I've actually known her since August last year. We used to be coworkers and I'd see her for several hours a day a couple of times a week. Over the months we've moved from a professional relationship to friends. I know she really trusts me and is comfortable around me. I actually think that the right thing to do is gradually speed things up.

So she trust you and is comfortable with you. Well that's good....but the problem is you got it out of order. I've heard you mention comfort,trust,and you two moving to a friendship. What are the missing ingredients here? Attraction,sexual vibe/talk,asking her out,showing some type of masculine,authority traits between the two of you. I haven't seen any of those things yet. Everything you've said so far could also be said between two women who are just friends.

At this point I know that actually asking if she likes more than just a friend will get a negative response from her.

I agree with you on this one,but my question is if all she did was want to be friends with you and nothing more,can you blame her? Why would you expect her to want something different? All she's doing is responding to what you put out. The whole entire time you've known each other,you've been behaving "friendly",so why would she think that you would want something more? What would give her that impression? If you want a raise on you job,but when you go into your bosses' office you talk about the game that was on tv last night and how much fun and exciting it was,you might have a good time talking about the game,but you won't get the raise. What,you expect your boss to be some sort of psychic and know from the talk about the game that you wanted a raise? Doesn't work that way kid. You just got to be a man and put yourself out there. If she like you...good,if not,then you move on. It's just that simple. If you had done this from the beginning,you'd be a thousand times better off than you are now,because now she's already formed some sort of opinion of you from being around you all this time. And it's the non-romantic,the non-sexual you who she's become comfortable with,not the sexual/romantic side.

But last night I learned that what she says may actually be different from what she does.

WHAT? You just learned this last night? LOL!!! Well,I guess it's better late than never. This is elementary. I didn't even need to join up here to figure that one out.

I think I can get a better response from her if I let my actions do the talking.

True. I agree with you,but the thing you don't seem to understand is that your actions HAVE ALREADY BEEN DOING THE TALKING. You don't get it. Your actions (or inactions) have already been talking to her from the first day you two met each other. Your lack of doing anything is just as clear as you finally stepping up and showing you interest would be. There's no "pause button" on attraction. You can't just discount all the time you've already been hanging around her as meaning nothing,and that the next time you see her you're finally going to turn over a new leaf,and "start" being a man/sexual/romantic. When you do approach her and reveal your interest,she isn't going to judge you based on your new found confidence,she's going to go by the "you" she's come to know and be comfortable with.....the "friend" you.

So if she does pull out the LJBF card,don't be surprised.

All she's doing is responding to what YOU originally put out there.

 

[Maxtro]

Thanks for the posts but I'm done replying to this thread for a while. I'm putting way more thought into this girl then I should. I may post an update later on.

 

[ILovSKiTTLESZ]

i think you should just take chances and i don't really know if advice
is going to help that much anymore; you can try things and if they
don't work then you haven't lost much since you said you want nothing
more from her but sex basically.