Should I dump her or stay?

[brian123]

Hey all,

It's been a while since I've been here. I am 28 and have been dating a girl who is 24 for 2 years now. 6 months ago, she moved 6 hours away from me. Things are going ok, but we've hit a rocky patch and I am evaluating whether or not to move on. There are 2 major issues in our relationship.

1) She is Jewish, I am not. She would want her kids to be raised with some Jewish traditions. While I have absolutely nothing against this religion, I would really rather not have my kids raised Jewish.

2) The distance. 6 hours driving each way really sucks. There are no real plans to move closer to one another, and I am all about not wasting my time in a relationship going no where.

I really do care about this girl and really do enjoy being around her. However, I'm wondering if I should cut and run. In reality, I am looking for something better right now, and if it comes up I will take it. I am noticing that she is acting very different towards me as well in the last couple of weeks. Much more distant.

Thanks all

 

[Weezy]

Based upon your description I don't think anyone here can answer this question for you.

If she was mistreating you and you were being a b1tch about the situation, then guys here can help you see that.

I personally am not down with LD relationships because my thoughts are if you're in a relationship, there needs to be a plan to live in the same city or else there really is no point.

 

[thegenerousjew]

Like the previous poster we don't know enough to comment, so in place of that here are some thoughts.

LD are a bi1ch for even the most committed couples. The max a committed LD can last is a year, maybe a little more if its a married couple. So if she isn't planning to move back [of her own volition] to where you are in the next 6 months, it doesn't look good.

If you don't feel like making the relation ship work at this stage, it's quite unlikely you're going to when things get rougher.

Don't drag something on longer than it has to. It ain't fair to both parties. Be a man, take a decision & be firm.

All the best

 

[st_99]

I am noticing that she is acting very different towards me as well in the last couple of weeks. Much more distant.

Thanks all

Looks to me like your gut is telling you something. And I think most here
would agree that the vast majority of the time its right.

Start preparing for the end.

 

[brian123]

A bit more info.....

When we are together, things are great. For the last couple of days she has been a bit more distant (not really over-concerned, her best GF is in town she never gets to see)

The only fight we've really had is her wanting to know what I was doing for new years so we could get together.

I tend to agree with you all. A chunk of me wants this to work out because we get along so well. However, the religion and distance thing are tough cookies to crack.

 

[jophil28]

I am noticing that she is acting very different towards me as well in the last couple of weeks. Much more distant.

Warning !

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then why would she exhibit more "distant" behavior instead?
Possibly because her fondness has been transferred to someone who is 6 minutes away rather than 6 hours.

 

[jophil28]

I tend to agree with you all. A chunk of me wants this to work out because we get along so well. However, the religion and distance thing are tough cookies to crack.

Why did she move away?

 

[brian123]

Warning !

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then why would she exhibit more "distant" behavior instead?
Possibly because her fondness has been transferred to someone who is 6 minutes away rather than 6 hours.

Thanks for the response man.

I highly doubt she is seeing someone else. ALWAYS a possibility though.

She moved because she graduated and that was the closest place she could find a job (she has a very specialized field)

 

[runner83]

Dump her, but gently.

Might be possible to keep her on a fb rotation whenever you/her are in the same area?

Difference in religion would not work out over the longer term from the sounds of it.

Also 6 hours drive?!? Where do you live? Mars? Plenty of good girls closer than that.

One of these things that has to happen and the sooner the better so you can move on.

 

[L B]

In reality, I am looking for something better right now, and if it comes up I will take it.

Religion conflict and long distance aside, I think you have made up your mind in your head from the quote above.

Also, from what you have said so far, she doesn't important enough to you to overlook all the issues you have with her.

 

[drak_ool]

In reality, I am looking for something better right now, and if it comes up I will take it.

you answered your own question... i m of the belief that in any ldr you should be getting your own on the side no matter what. So just start meeting new girls until you get a few plates lined up to the point where you don t need to use your gf for sex anymore. Try not to jump into another relationship right away.

 

[Jeffst1980]

You seem to be set on dumping her, so do it, and do it now. She is acting distant because she can tell you're not really into her- I would imagine she's countered this by exploring options of her own. The minute a suitable guy shows interest in her, she's going to end things, so you need to decide what you are going to do now.

For all practical purposes, I'd say you're both already single.

 

[Boilermaker]

End the relationship, but "gently" .. as someone else suggested.

I somehow don't think she'll jump ship as soon as she finds another suitor, but 6-hours away will be too much of a burden, believe me ..

I have had years of experience in non-existent LDR's .. and I remember getting really sad when I used to read some really harsh "theory" on LDR's from Rollo's earlier contributions ..

It also seems that she's not "the one" for you, nor does she seem to be someone whom you'd marry immediately; so take a deep breath, and plan your future ..

Change is always good in times like this.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Man you can't ask other people this question -- you're the one in the relationship. I don't know the full extent on LDR, I imagine it is unique to parties involved. Probably harder overall for sure. Not necessarily impossible depending on the people--but usually is designed to have an end result in which both parties are ultimately together.

If you are still enjoying yourself than that is something to consider. Nothing in life is perfect and all relationships have rough patches, I'd say even if you're the best DJ on the planet.

Don't let anyone talk you into anything, make the right decision for yourself based on the understandings that you alone posses.

 

[Zunder]

Whats this "gentle" shyte. Dump any way you want. You think women give a fvck how they dump you?

And man 6 hours drive is a drag? LET ME MUTHAFVKN TELL YOU STRAIGHT: If you really loved her and she rocked your world you would drive 60 or even 600 muthafvckn hours to see her.

Move on. end it quick and just move on.

 

[Boilermaker]

And man 6 hours drive is a drag? LET ME MUTHAFVKN TELL YOU STRAIGHT: If you really loved her and she rocked your world you would drive 60 or even 600 muthafvckn hours to see her.

The good ol' "if you really loved her" crap ...

Are you one of Iqqi's sock puppets or are you just being cute?

This is one of those socially accepted tall tales perpetuated by women and Jennifer Aniston romantic comedies .. If you really loved her ..

What is "to really love" someone? To be desperate? To have no self-respect?.. Or to repeatedly accept losing deals?

Love needs to be something that is founded on time, familiarity, trust, mutual respect, and little bit of passion of course ... But what you describe here is not love.

It's called being an idiot.

 

[Slickster]

- Long distance relationship
- differing religious views
- acting distant
- looking for something better


Sounds like it's already over except for the formalities.

 

[betheman]

"In reality, I am looking for something better right now, and if it comes up I will take it. I am noticing that she is acting very different towards me as well in the last couple of weeks. Much more distant."

you know whats coming!!! salvage your pride and dignity and move on

 

[Romjuan]

like everyone else has mentioned, it maybe time to cut it. I always felt that when a relationship is about to end, both people feel that aura that its coming. All relationships are hard to end, but it sounds like you are already set on it and it seems like the logical option. breakup before one of you cheat.

 

[Zunder]

The good ol' "if you really loved her" crap ...

Are you one of Iqqi's sock puppets or are you just being cute?

This is one of those socially accepted tall tales perpetuated by women and Jennifer Aniston romantic comedies .. If you really loved her ..

What is "to really love" someone? To be desperate? To have no self-respect?.. Or to repeatedly accept losing deals?

Love needs to be something that is founded on time, familiarity, trust, mutual respect, and little bit of passion of course ... But what you describe here is not love.

It's called being an idiot.

Jeezuz mate read what he said..."the drive is a bit of a drag"!
Like a 60 mile drive is gonna be a problem to you if you dig the chick?