Should I dump her? (LDR)

[workingonmyself]

I've been dating this chick online for quite a few mths. In the beginning, it was great. She always called me on Skype, said she missed me, etc and that I treated her well. I literally couldn't go 20 mins without her messaging me.

BG on me: Recent Finance grad, interviewing, getting in good shape (down 32 pounds), working hard and good looking (I've recently had my confidence rise)

In the last month, she has been incredibly distant. I have had this sickening feeling she's cheating (she's been playing games on Steam with another guy for weeks yet cannot even call me). I went AFC and confronted her (wrong, but I've learned from then) and she has been giving me the run around. My gut tells me she has already cheated, probably twice.

I decided to wait a few days to message her after she flaked yet again on one of my calls.

My heart says to give her one last chance. I know she has been sick, but apparently not sick enough to not play online games with another dude. You guys are honestly going to scream idiot at me and tell me to dump her (she's jobless and mopes alot.

My question is, how should I dump her if I do dump her? Part of me wants to attempt to call her tomorrow and if she doesn't pick up to say "we're through. I know what you've done and frankly, I'm sick of the bs. Hit me up when you've matured."

I want to keep her as a potential fb (I plan to travel to her country to visit a friend that ironically lives pretty close to her so I'd like to keep that avenue open.)

It's been hard for me to want to let go, especially if this is just a phase she is going through. So should I break up with her, suggest a break, or be a man and call her? I was thinking that if I could call her and set **** straight (i.e. tell her that she needs to step up or I'm gone). She had previously told me that she was going through a sad spell where she didn't feel like really talking but I'm beginning to think it's bs. I've tried to be understanding but I don't know if I can take the drain.

What should I say to her? If we are going to break up, how do I do it in the most alpha way possible? I've got a 3 hour drive tomorrow to think long and hard about this. I had previously promised not to hurt her a million times over but I'm feeling drained. I've ignored the other guy situation for a while now and he may very well just be a good friend of hers but I just don't know. :nervous:

tl;dr: help me handle a break up/be a man and put my foot down with her. I've been alpha for most of this relationship so maybe I just need to put her in check. I want to just set some boundaries and maybe a quick break up will either a) turn her around quickly or b) help me get over her and on to the next girl.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

How often do you see this girl considering that she lives in another country and what does it mean when you say that you have been dating her online? Is it a virtual relationship or something?

If you think she has already cheated on you twice then why are you still in this relationship?

If you want to break up with her all you need to say is that you dont want to be involved in long distance relationship anymore.

 

[workingonmyself]

Thanks,

I had planned on purchasing the tickets next week and surprising her (probably a bad idea) and then flying her out next month to come spend a month with me. I'm the catch here and I know it.

I had also originally planned to get my Belgian citizenship (I have access through my father) and taking this to the next level but she hasn't shown that she's that excited about it anymore. I was trying to surprise her with that info but now I am not sure. She says she "wants me, misses me, and cares for me deeply" but I think I need to cut her off to show her what she's missed and give myself a break from her. I know from others that she likes (loves) me more than I do her but I feel like her introverted nature is ****ing us even if she ain't cheating. She needs a wake up call either way, and the only way I think I can do it is if I break up with her and get some space. She stalks me on Skype, yet is too scared to talk? Yeah.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

so are you saying that you havent seen this girl in real life?

Have you slept (had sex) with her?

 

[Mr_Maximus]

If my assumptions about your situation are correct. That you havent seen her in real life and you have not slept with her, then;

My advice to you is to forget about this girl.

Find one within reasonable proximity that you can have a real life relationship with.

 

[workingonmyself]

Yes I haven't slept with her. We've sexted quite a bit and the reason I was more apt to give this a shot was because I had dated a cute Swedish exchange student at one point here at my university and have been quite fond of the bluntness (and beauty) of northern European girls. I guess I've been nothing but a fool.

If I am to break up with her, can I get some help with a good one liner? I'm going to do some thinking on my drive tomorrow and I want to end this as a man and a strong one if I will do this. I don't want to go AFC and write her a long list of things.

Edit: I'd like to leave options open as a fwb/fb. I have a friend that lives relatively close to her and I definitely wouldn't mind getting some easy poon over there so that I don't have to learn to work the scene in a foreign country as quickly. I still plan on heading out to the city she lives in within the next few months.

 

[workingonmyself]

I think I'm going to say something along the lines of this if we break up:

Look, I really like you but I don't see this going very far. Perhaps when you're on better footing we can try it again but for now, I think it's best that we break up.

 

[Desdinova]

If I am to break up with her

You were never with her. There is nothing to break up.

You never kissed her. You won't miss her lips.

You never fvcked her. You won't be sniffing the dried cvm spots on the bedsheets after she's gone.

LDRs are a waste of energy and money. You're much better off to find a local broad you can kiss and fvck. At least THAT is worth being broken up over.

I wouldn't even message her. She's hardly anything more than an invisible friend. You can get more action out of a bot.
OH LOOK! Here's a great replacement for her!

 

[Mr_Maximus]

don't over think it. Im with the poster above, you don't even need to say anything. You have nothing with this girl.

You are at university and there are plenty of women around. Don't throw this opportunity away.

 

[workingonmyself]

Thanks for the advice. And yeah, I'm not sure what I was thinking investing so heavily in this. Perhaps I was just in the Land of Oz. Oh well. I'll head to the bars on New Years and have a good ol' time. I know I still have game so I'm going to put myself out there and have another girl lined up by next weekend. I'll post an update when she responds. I'll just move on and roll through. She's obviously not committed and I'm better off in the end.

 

[workingonmyself]

I dumped her and it feels great. I did it with that line and she'll probably see it later but I did it in a nonchalant, cool way that leaves me completely emotionally detached. Now I can focus more on me. I'm glad I took a week to emotionally detach and I can frankly say that I feel way better now.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Don't delude yourself! Your behavior was never alpha in your "relationship."

An alpha would not waste a second of his life on a virtual, long distance, "relationship."

Quit hiding behind your computer! Deal with your insecurity. Man Up! Don't waste another moment of your life investing time in virtual relationships!

Declare for yourself, that from this moment on, you will only engage and invest time in women you can actually smell, touch, taste, and enjoy in that moment.

Come out of hiding! Decide to live the life you REALLY want! Act accordingly!

 

[workingonmyself]

Don't delude yourself! Your behavior was never alpha in your "relationship."

An alpha would not waste a second of his life on a virtual, long distance, "relationship."

Quit hiding behind your computer! Deal with your insecurity. Man Up! Don't waste another moment of your life investing time in virtual relationships!

Declare for yourself, that from this moment on, you will only engage and invest time in women you can actually smell, touch, taste, and enjoy in that moment.

Come out of hiding! Decide to live the life you REALLY want! Act accordingly!

Thanks man. I don't know what I was thinking. lol. What in the hell was I thinking? lmao. I probably just permanently beta'd myself in front of the whole forum. Might as well grab a fedora and tip it.

Yeah, I'll wait until I head over to Europe to work on ****ing Euro chicks. Thanks again. I'm way above this. Moment (or month) of weakness. **** that noise though. Time to man up and work on myself and my game. I wasted too much time on this girl fooling myself.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

I dumped her and it feels great. I did it with that line and she'll probably see it later but I did it in a nonchalant, cool way that leaves me completely emotionally detached. Now I can focus more on me. I'm glad I took a week to emotionally detach and I can frankly say that I feel way better now.

Good for you but she probably wont give a ****.

She was probably just having some fun entertaining you the whole time.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Thanks man. I don't know what I was thinking. lol. What in the hell was I thinking? lmao. I probably just permanently beta'd myself in front of the whole forum. Might as well grab a fedora and tip it.

Yeah, I'll wait until I head over to Europe to work on ****ing Euro chicks. Thanks again. I'm way above this. Moment (or month) of weakness. **** that noise though. Time to man up and work on myself and my game. I wasted too much time on this girl fooling myself.

Life is a learning game for every single one of us. Do not beat yourself up or look down on your mistakes. Learn from them as quickly as possible and move on. Harness your self disappointment into positive energy and focus it upon true change and tangible results. Past is done. Now is a new moment.

 

[salinechow]

This is one of the greatest threads I have ever seen. Let me tell you why...

I couldn’t rep Liveyourdream, Desidinova or Mr Maximus because I have already repped them to much.

Goes to show you, that this is some GREAT f^cking advice. AND....the OP actually is listening AND receiving AND allowing the advice to sink in.
The authenticity is refreshing. Not much more I can add.

OP listen to the masters above. This is a complete waste of time. Unless she begs, and gets a job, to show up at your doorstep, naked, underneath an overcoat, you shall NEVER speak to her again. This is like fantasy football without the payoff.

Do 5 cold approaches this week and MOVE on. Stop playing virtual games and get a gym membership ASAP.

Thanks though for being so straight foward in your post and responces. This is definitely going to resonate with others given the great advice dispenced.

Cant wait to hear about the "real" girl you met.

 

[Flex Luther]

Ldr

First thread, hopefully someone can show me how to post a new one as opposed to a reply?

This is a long story but I will try and condense it as much as possible.

I met this girl/woman when I was a 19 year old college student, (now 23), she was a staff member at the college, 27 (now 31) and easily a 10 in my eyes, we got to know each other, even as an AFC I still possessed enough game for that! however, nothing progressed due to the circumstances, i.e professionalism and I left, to pursue my dream career 250 miles away.

4 years later, (last summer) I send her a random email, whilst spinning a few plates, she replied gave me her number and suggested we meet, using the advice on sosuave.com etc, I new exactly what I wanted and how to go about it, turned into the best date ever and ended up in her bed the following morning (high fiving myself)!

We continued to see each other over the summer, casually sleeping together, with me in full control as the prize, when September came and with it the first term of my 3rd year at uni (4 year masters), we decided, or rather I did, that we should try the LDR option as her interest level was sky high she agreed and I came home every two weeks ish for a couple of months. Her IL grew to the point of I love yous and I miss yous and I cant stop thinking about yous.. until the end of November when I acted somewhat beta, i.e too much supplication and too little leadership. She became silent, didn't return calls texts etc. I realise my mistake was thinking that indifference was a good approach, when I should have called her on disrespecting me, when I did, I sent an email basically outlining that I wont put up with this sh*t and that I don't have time to wait for her .
In the meantime I slept with another girl and moved on.
She responded a week later detailing her apology and that she wanted us to be together, this was around xmas. I came home anyway for the holidays and we met again, decided to date her and save the confrontation until I was due to go back.
All worked out ok, I put it on the line and was willing to walk away unless she played by my rules, she agreed and said she wanted a deeper connection with me, something more than we have now, whatever that means :/

since then it feels ok, but ok only, her IL is not in the high bracket, although much higher than it was. My problem is that she lost my trust and this is extending somewhat to her home life, (she lives with her lodger a single male of a similar age to her). In most cases I would not give two sh*ts, but she has never been keen on me spending time at her place, we usually stay in hotel rooms when I come home, reason for this was that previous lodgers including this one, were not allowed to bring people over and it was only fair that neither was she, however, she let slip that he f*cked two women in her house last week, I didn't respond to this any further than an initial 'its ok for him to bring girls back then?' as i thought it would appear insecure and needy on my part.?

Apologies for the length any comments would be appreciated, i can kind of guess the consensus already lol