Should I ditch her? Fickle, but keeps contacting me

[skinnydart]

When a girl blows the 2nd date, the 1st went great, and she agreed on the second, a play, but never showed. She im's me a day later and says "sorry I couldn't call you last night, I had to work late". So I just say "well, give me a call when you have an evening you know you're going to be free" then she just quickly changes the subject, and never has called.

So I just decided to next her, but since then, she keeps iming me saying stuff like..

"How did you thanksgiving break go?... did you go to the theater on friday night?, I think I saw you... what movie did you see?... so did you come with anybody?" I just kept my answers kinda vauge, like "yeah, I came with a friend".

She's 19 (I'm 17) So is she just putting me in the friends catagory or just being fickle? Should I just ditch her?

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

we always seem to be asking them when they are free, and we are avalible for them. This is bad, as DJ's we should not be doing this, do not ask her when she is free and then be free for then.

you say to her look im free on such and such day so lets go out then.

 

[sapphire]

What I have learned is that girls who have high enough IL don't break dates without a good reason and definitely don't blow you off by not showing up.

From what you described, this girl has low IL and is playing games or is just trying to boost her fragile ego by luring you to give her attention.

Best thing to do? Just ignore her and invest your time on other more promising prospects.

 

[skinnydart]

you say to her look im free on such and such day so lets go out then

Problem is she works like mosts evenings. She was even working the day we had agreed upon, but evidently she had ecspected to get out before our date but couldn't.

 

[MinCO]

Ditch her. After the way she treated you, I cannot believe that this is even a question. In is NEVER acceptable for someone to make plans with you and then not even call to cancel, and even then, recurring cancellations would point to nexting her.

She's an attention *****. You probably aren't the only guy getting strung along by her selfish, self-centered antics...and your place at the attention ***** table will quickly be replaced with another willing participant when you next her.

Bottom line: She doesn't respect you and her behavior is a direct reflection of this.

I'd not only ditch her, but I'd tell her why there will never be room for women like her in your life; you have too much self-respect. If you dont have any, fake it for now and then start working on creating some. Nexting her would be a good first step in that process.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

if she was at work it is possible she could not even call, you should give her a second chance, by seocnd chance i also mean, tell her she has to make it up for you!

 

[skinnydart]

Yeah, I mean if she hadn't been excited about going, saying she really wanted to go see that play anyway, or if the other date hadn't gone well I wouldn't be wasting any more time.

I had know her for a year before asking her out, we used to talk for like hours on aim, it's only been recently that I decided to forget about the age difference, the only thing holding me back before.

 

[Kaine]

Ok Skinny, you went way overboard with this play crap.

This was only the second date! Go see a play if were going to anyway and ask if she would like to tag alone (she pays). Otherwise this sort of behaviour is only for serious relationships and ****y millionaire playboys.

What you should have done when she broke the engagement is tell her that she needs to make it up to you and she needs to take YOU out. If she does GREAT! Game on and stop acting like a romance novel.

If she doesn't THEN next her.

 

[skinnydart]

you went way overboard with this play crap

It was a school play, and I told her I was going anyway for extra credit for one of my classes and said it would be fun if she came along.

tell her that she needs to make it up to you

I guess that's kinda what I did by putting the burden on her to schedule something, and since she didn't, I guess I'll just next her. I'm just curious why she keeps contacting me.

She's an attention *****

she's actually really quiet/shy, so I was thinking she may not feel comfortable "asking me out" in a way.

 

[Porky]

she stood you up and you're still talking to her?

 

[Porky]

Originally posted by check_mate_kid_uk
if she was at work it is possible she could not even call, you should give her a second chance, by seocnd chance i also mean, tell her she has to make it up for you!

bullshit!

there is no reason why she couldn't call him. she knew they had plans, and she knew she was going to be working late before she went to work. If she got to work and her boss asked her if she could stay later, she has every right to either say no or to excuse herself to cancel plans.

 

[Kaine]

Great! She knew you were going anyway.

The situation for the reversal should have gone something like this.


Her: blah blah blah blah
You: Yeah. I can't believe you didn't drop everything to hang out with me! Hey when you said you were coming I sold my kidneys and got your ticket, chaffuered limo and everything.
Her: blah blah blah
You: Well I guess you'll have to make it up to me then. Gimme a call when you want to have a great time. See ya!


Then move on.

There should have been no pressure there, just be light hearted and tad ****y.

If she keeps texting you, she must appreciate you as friend. Wait a while and do some ****y and funny replies. Otherwise ignore her if you don't want any contact.

I would recommend you be friends with her, that way you can hook up with her buddies! (treat her like a guy). Be cool to her and perhaps she will spread the world. Social proof never hurts.

 

[christz]

attention *****! somebody made a good thread about the signs that your talking to an attention *****.

and for the most part each one of those was right on the money with this one attention ***** i was talking to.

needless to say your bring strung along and she's giving you just enough to keep you intrested.

NEXT

 

[DJnomore]

Girls....

Think that guys that get too caught up in what has to happen when you can't make it are lame.

Just like you think girls who get too caught up in what has to happen if you are gonna break a date with them are lame.

And if it wasn't 100% clear that you both had committed to a DATE date then the rules wouldn't apply anyway.

School functions where you say I am going it would be nice if you were going too are completely different from paying $50 to take someone to a play and having them cancel on you.

Were you even her ride to this function?

Odds are she didn't think that she had a DATE with you.

Just gently up the physical kino and you will know where things stand.

 

[skinnydart]

So she im's me again...

Me: happy birthday!
Her: HA!!! thanks, it has been
Me: so did you have a party or anything?
Her: well this guy im dating, last night he took me to dinner, gave me a card and pink roses. that was really sweet.

So I guess that means I have been put in the friends catagory?

 

[Kaine]

Yup

Looks like this guy is on his way too, least you're not alone eh?

So you'e gonna stay friends?

 

[skinnydart]

In that same IM convo, she says "I think you're so funny because you're not even trying to be" so I guess she just like talking becuae I'm fun to talk with?

Well, seeing that I don't have any female friends, it can't hurt, I mean, worst case she can hook with one of her friends, since she thinks I'm such a cool guy. (well, at least she should)

But I dont' know, I'm not sure I should be admitting defeat to some AFC guy. If I am indeed better than he is, I should show a little more confidence and prove it. I'm thinking I'll give it another week, by then the pink roses should be dead, then I'll ask her out, making sure she understands it's a date, and not just hanging-with-a-friend time.

And what could top the date off better than coming to pick her up in my $200 '74 Porsche 914? I mean, after that, even Mr. Pink Roses's Ford Escort's not going to impress her.

 

[christz]

lol that's awesome.. perfect example of being strung along.

on top of that she probably didn't even realize what she had said until she read it over. and was like oops..

 

[BGMan]

She doesn't want to date you. She IMs you because she wants you to think she's still a nice, cool person and not hate her.

BGMan

 

[Kaine]

I have a bad feeling about this, she seems to have put you in the friends zone

Given your unique situation at college, I would write this off and use her as a pivot and social proof for other girls.

You are choosing to moonwalk up a slippery slope, but that's your choice, at least the worst that can happen is she'll start feeling uncomfortable about you