Should I confront her?

[BlueberryMuffins]

reply

Yo, this site is the bomb and thank all of you who took the time to respond. I really appreciate it and was overwhelmed with the responses.

i'm gonna give you some cold hard truths that you are probably not going to want to hear, but i'm gonna tell you anyway. from reading this post i get the feeling you dont know as much about women & attraction as you think you do.

You could be correct. I've never claimed to be a hall of famer, lol.

this is a girl you've been talking to online, and you are assuming that she's immediately attracted to you. if that were the case, she wouldnt have waited almost a month to meet you.

She approached me online. We met on a dating app on facebook. I sent her my phone number, she texted me immediately. That next weekend (which was a few days after I texted her), she asked me to go out for a beer, but I was out of town. It wasnt flakey at first, it was just bad timing.

when you did finally go on a date with her, you said it was one of the best first dates you ever had, and you thought she felt the same and that the attraction was "obvious". well i'm here to tell you she didnt feel the same way. if she felt it was such an awesome date and she was truly attracted to you, there would have been a second, and a third, and so on.

She made plans for a second date for that Sunday. She worked Saturday, and wouldnt be free until that Sunday. She made the plans, not me. She also made plans for Monday, Tuesday and the rest of the week (to go salsa dancing, two stepping and to go clothes shopping). I feel that she was obviously attracted to me, as she did make further plans to date and even kissed me. Do you kiss people you are not attracted to? I hope not lol.

Also, she is a fitness instructor, at locations all over town. She mentioned that sometimes she does her fitness routines near my job, downtown. She said we could meet for lunch during the week like 2 or 3 times. That sounded like "hey i want to be your girlfriend" to me. There is no question she was attracted to me, she "liked" all my photos and videos and shiiit on Facebook. Do random girls do that if they dont find you attractive?

as far as this other guy you see on facebook. this tells me you dont know much about women at all. if she is as hot as you say she is, how do you know that this guy is not an ex bf, or a guy she's been dating for a while? i'm almost positive she didnt just meet him in a bar or off the same online dating website at the same time she met you and is now suddenly in a relationship. she probably had multiple plates spinning, which is the same thing you should have been doing. do you not know that attractive women such as this always have many options? she probably has a phone book full of dudes that she could hook up with at anytime. the only reson hot girls go on dating websites is because they say they are tired of dating the "same old, same old" but they always go back to it, cause thats what they are attracted to.

It's not her ex boyfriend, I know that for a fact. She split up with her ex boyfriend 3 months ago. Apparently he was super rich. It's definitely NOT him (Ive seen what he looks like). This is someone new to her. She doesnt live in the new guy's city either, I am pretty sure she met him the same place as me. I am not 100% sure, but it wouldnt surprise me at all and I have a feeling its true.

And I do know attractive women have many options. I do too (probably not as much because I do not have a vagina lol). This girl is not my only option tho, I just tried to make her that. I stopped spinning other plates because I thought she wanted to get serious. The plates can be re-spun, but those plates are not what I wanted. She is the 3rd HB Ive gotten semi-involved with this year without much effort. I was with a body piercer from New Zealand and a HB9 bartender/model before. Ive had plenty of options this year, its been fun. I understand what you're saying though. I am sure she was bored and tired of the "same old, same old" and that's why I had a great shot. I am thinking this other guy has been a spinning plate of hers for a month or two. They probably are much further along the ladder than where we were. Again, I think its just really bad and unfortunate timing on my part. Story of my life, LOL!

i'm almost positive she didnt just meet him in a bar or off the same online dating website at the same time she met you and is now suddenly in a relationship.

I am fairly certain she did meet him online, on the same app, but maybe a few weeks prior.

you held hands, and kissed on the cheek? c'mon bro thats jr high.

It wasnt even a real date. I dont know how to explain that to you all. I even told her "This is NOT our first date. This is just talking about our first date.". I made that clear. If she jumps to the next guy because I didnt put my tongue down her throat, that's totally fine by me. I dont put my tongue down the throats of girls Ive only dated once. I have more self esteem than that, lol. Most women dont like being pressured into kissing. If I am serious about someone, I normally do not move that fast. That's just my personal values. To each his own. My point in mentioning her kissing me, was that she took initiative, so obviously she was attracted. That was my point. Had I gone to breakfast with her Sunday, we would probably end up at my house butt naked, lol. She knows that. That was my plan too

to answer your question, dont confront her. all your going to do is validate her decision for not wanting to see you again. she'll say yep i was right, this guy is a totall wussy, he got all upset and i only went out with this guy once. you will come off looking like an even bigger douchebag than she already thinks you are.

I think you are correct. It will just give her validation of her own actions. I think silent treatment is best. Women hate being ignored. They hate that worse than anything. Silence is golden.

 

[BlueberryMuffins]

remember actions speak louder than words. she was talking all this s.hit about doing all these different things with you, but what happened? thats right nothing! you need to go back and tune up you attraction skills. you should also learn more about women's psychology, and reading true IOI's.

I disagree. It seems I can attract them easily. I think my attraction skills are fine. It's just playing along with them that I dont do too well at. I dont play well with others. For example, instead of brushing this off, Id rather go tell her off. I just operate different than most people. Thanks for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

Don't confront her because you just haven't known her that long. She's been rude, but she hasn't "used" you. Being "used" might be worthy of confrontation, but even then it's probably a bad idea. (Recently happened to me, but I let myself be used, and decided just to ignore her and go away, painful as it is).

Yes, correct, she did not "use" me. But she did play with me. That's why I want to confront her, although I probably wont. It doesnt bother me as much as it did when it initially happened. I hope she's happy but I am guessing she's not.

She is kind of old anyways, 32. Soon she will lose her looks and be wrinkly and ugly. You can tell her how old she is and she will have lost. Please take my advice.

LOOOOOL, bro I am in the same boat tho. I agree though, 32 is a bit old compared to what I normally go for. I mean, I sleep with cougars every once in a while but girlfriend-ing them is different. I think you are very correct that her time is ticking. I kinda think thats why she chose this other guy over me. He is more her "age" and seems like he would put up with her better. Me, I am a little wild still and partying my ass off. She couldnt keep up with that. She made a comment during dinner about all the concerts I go to, like she couldnt keep up.

She gets on Facebook and posts "I cant find a date so I am going to start dating myself!! Im such a good date too"

I stopped reading after this.

Why? Did your head explode? LOL

BlueberryMuffins,

I'm sure your life really is exciting. But adding her to Facebook still allowed her to compare your life to her other male "friends" life. Your life might be better but she might perceive her other male friends as having better a more fulfilled life just because they're more active, have more pictures, get more comments, have more friends, have attractive females writing on their wall etc.

My point is, your idea of exciting is subjective and different from someone else’s and Facebook leaves you open to be scrutinised.

Remember, a new girl doesn't look for a reason to date you. They look for reasons not to date you!

- Facebook can give them that reason not to date you!

With the last girl I was seeing, I lied. Told her I don't have Facebook.

If she contacts you via phone/text don't bring up her new relationship and game her as normal. When she gets bored of her new man she will probably cheat, hopefully with you. If she asks if you've deleted her from Facebook say your account got hacked and is now closed.

I totally agree. I never wanted to add her to Facebook. That's why I also deleted her so easily. I think anyone's life would be exciting for a 32 year old mom, who lives at home with her parents. I think I will lie next time and say I dont have a Facebook. People usually dont question that too deeply. Girls seem to always want to review your Facebook before even getting to know you. I think its really lame. No more Facebook is a good rule I believe.

If we ever do speak again, I will not bring up the relationship (atleast not right away). I'll let her bring it up. I am not too sure that she will ever contact me again. I am sure she doesnt feel to good about this but what the hell do I know, lol.

harsh but nothing you could do right now, don't confront her! This broad don't deserve another seccond of your time. Cut all contact and move on, improve yourself and your game so you'll never get played again. Learn from this experience mate, you've only 1 heart, protect it. From now don't invest so much into some broad you've only just met, make her prove herself first.

This is great advice and how I feel right now. Im getting over it, but it messed my head up. I probably wont give her any more time. And if I did, it would only be to seek revenge. I am that type of person, lol. But I agree, move on and make them prove themselves. I thought she had proved herself by approaching me, but I guess I need more than just looks and confidence, lol. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[the_stig]

This is VERY typical of online dating, don't waste another second thinking about it, you did nothing wrong.


I can't tell you how many times I've been in this exact situation: Meet girl online, girl expresses high interest level, leads you on like you're the only one, plays herself off as completely single, suddenly is in a relationship.


The truth is, any halfway decent girl online is going to have more options than you realize and until they have a guy locked down, they have zero reason to tell you otherwise. Why would they. I've had fairly good luck using online dating, but after several years I've determined it's just not worth the aggravation of trying to date someone seriously due to situations like this. Great tool to practice your flirting, rack up lays, but you'll be banging your head against the wall if you take it as anything other than that. Not saying there isn't the occasional rare quality girl that comes along, but don't hold your breath.

 

[Mass]

It wasnt even a real date. I dont know how to explain that to you all. I even told her "This is NOT our first date. This is just talking about our first date.". I made that clear. If she jumps to the next guy because I didnt put my tongue down her throat, that's totally fine by me. I dont put my tongue down the throats of girls Ive only dated once. I have more self esteem than that, lol. Most women dont like being pressured into kissing. If I am serious about someone, I normally do not move that fast. That's just my personal values. To each his own. My point in mentioning her kissing me, was that she took initiative, so obviously she was attracted. That was my point. Had I gone to breakfast with her Sunday, we would probably end up at my house butt naked, lol. She knows that. That was my plan too

dont' do the same mistake i used to do. i used to talk to girls too much, wait to long to make a move next thing you know, i'm friended or kept on the side. The longer you wait ot make a move, the faster she's gonna lose interest. Remember, that next guy is already grabbing her ass and tits while making out while youre frustrated at home. I"m sure the dude pulled a move before you did and suddenly she lost interest.

Since i changed things up, i've been having more dates, lays and 1 girl chasing me (on my n*ts)

 

[BettorOffSingle]

At the beginning of this month (June) a HB8 contacted me online, very interested in me. At first I thought it was a scam because it was too good to be true (she is way too hot to be online dating like that lol). She insisted I add her on Facebook. I was hesitant, as I dont normally add people I do not know (I like my privacy). I told her I'd rather get to know her first. She kept insisting I add her. After a few flirty text messages over a few days she convinced me to add her. She is a ballet instructor, zumba instructor and a makeup girl at Dillard's. SMOKING HOT. She's 32 (2 years older than me) and has a teenage son (never married).

That weekend I went out of town to another city, for a concert festival. I told her I would take her out on a date the very next week, as soon as I got back into town. She must have forgot because that Sunday she text me and asked "hey lets go grab a beer?", and I reminded her that Id love to except I was....3 hours away. She gets on Facebook and posts "I cant find a date so I am going to start dating myself!! Im such a good date too ". I called her and told her that was crazy talk and I would take her out any time she is ready.

So the next week rolls around. I asked her about finally going on that first date. She replied that she cant, she too is going out of town (to the same city I visited, where she is from). I thought nothing of it. Ok, cool. I'll take a raincheck.

I still had not met this girl in person yet. The weekdays go by without any communication. That Friday, out of the blue, she texts me and says "Hey! Come up to my work right now, before closing. I want to meet you!". So, eagerly, I went up there thinking maybe we would go out on our first date right then, spur of the moment. I was ready. I finally meet the HB8 and she is really super nice and totally great (smoking hot too). She sat me down and put all kinds of lotions and skin toners on my face and arms and all over my body. It was a turn on. She had no problem rubbing that stuff all over me, it felt really great and smelled wonderful! She played with my hands and told me they were small, even though I am really huge guy. She was sizing me up. And I let her. She asked me "So when are you taking me on a date?" and I said "Whenever you are finally ready. Now? Tomorrow? YOU let ME know when!". She loved that. She gave me her business card (I gave her mine) and we had a few quick laughs before I left her store. She also said she couldnt go out that night, she had to take her son to the movies, which was fine by me. I was tired. We made plans for Monday or Weds to have our first date.

Monday rolls around and I didnt seem to get ahold of her. I didnt think much about it. Apparently she was doing makeup for some independent film, and was "on location" and didnt have time. Whatever, no big deal. Finally on Tuesday I got ahold of her and she agreed that we would go out Weds, the next day. I spent a ton of time trying to figure out what was open late enough (she gets off work 9 PM or later). I did mega-research finding a place (a French restaurant). At 8:30 PM Weds she texts me and says she has to "raincheck". I was STUNNED. SHOCKED. Furious...but kept calm. A friend of mine gave me advice and said to "set your pride aside" and that "her problems are bigger than you, so trust her". He was right. Instead of giving her a piece of my mind and ending it all then, I simply asked her "what's going on? is everything okay?". This was a smart (and un-natural move for me) because she went into detail about not having a babysitter and feeling really awful and embarassed about it, etc. I told her not to worry, that we would reschedule. I told her that I "understood her situation as a mother" and it totally won me brownie points. I think she was afraid to tell me about her situation with her son for some reason, as if it would scare me away. Essentially, I gave her a second chance, which is really not my style at all. My guts told me to destroy her, LOL.

Anyways, by this time, I have only met this woman ONCE, for about 30 minutes at her job (that previous Friday). The next Friday, I thought to myself..."she's probably closing again. I'll go up there and take her out this time". So I text her and told her I was coming up there to take her out to her favorite restaurant next door to her job. She agrees, happily. I get there at 9 PM and ended up waiting until 9:30 PM with a table for her. She was late (due to customers). No problem. I told her "this isnt a first date. this is a PRE first date". I dont think she liked that, but I insisted our real date would be much better than the lame restaurant she eats at every other day, and that she wouldnt be in work clothes either, LOL.

Our spur of the moment "pre-date" went VERY well. It was over an hour long. She talked and talked and talked (women do all the talking if you let them). She told me that she gets a 55% discount on clothes at Dillard's and I should go up there the following week to get some Ralph Lauren shirts (because I have a billion). That was a hookup and it showed me that she has been watching me and noticing my clothing (on Facebook, etc). Then she was really impressed that I enjoy dancing (two step). She insisted that I take her the next Monday or Tuesday. She also insisted that we go take some salsa lessons together, since I am so afraid to try it, LOL. She also mentioned a local taco restaraunt (that is featured in Quentin Tarantino movies often) for breakfast on Sunday. I know of better breakfast/brunch places I wanted to take her, and we agreed our next date would be Sunday brunch.

I paid for the meal ($60 because she had two glasses of wine, etc). She asked me to walk her to her car so "she doesnt get raped". I was kinda shocked she would say something like that. Anyways, I walked her to her car and we held hands. I normally dont kiss on a first date, but she gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek. We both had butterflies and seemed to really hit it off well. It is probably the best first date I've ever had.

So Saturday rolls around. I had changed my Sunday plans with my family in order to meet her for brunch. Saturday night I text her to confirm and she says "cant do brunch, i have plans ". Then I see on Facebook some dude tagged her in a checkin at a restaraunt across from her job (one she had mentioned had salsa dancing on saturdays). So I figure she went salsa dancing with that guy. Ok, whatever.

Sunday morning I wake up and on Facebook her relationship status changed from "single" to "in a relationship". To top it off she put up a photo of him and her, about to kiss. I was so shocked and sick to my stomach. I immediately deleted her off of Facebook and out of my cell phone. I have spent almost a month trying to date this woman and had so many obstacles (some mine, some hers). I had noticed this guy on her Facebook page but never thought much of it. He lives in that city 3 hours away, he does not even live here. All of this is so odd to me, but I am kinda over it.

My problem is that, I feel like she won. I want to go up to her job Friday and tell her that she played me, and that it wasnt cool at all. I want to tell her to leave people's hearts alone, that's risky business. Should I go give her a piece of my mind? I dont want to be rude or anything like that, but I want her to know that Im not just a facebook friend, or some text message, that I am a real person with a heart. She really messed me up and I dont even know what to do. I have bad luck it seems.

Any feedback is appreciated on how to handle this. Should I tell her (in person) that she is an evil *****?

When a woman UNDERPERFORMS after creating expectations, send her this two-word text and NOTHING more:

"Hint taken."

This is a DOG (demonstration of game) and she'll usually chase you after this, since you're speaking her game-playing language. She didn't wind up a single mom for a reason.

Single moms are generally trouble btw.

 

[d!ckmojo]

Dude. How did you get to be 30 years old and still be so clueless?

This old campaigner is a slvt, man. She contacted you because she hoped you were going to BE THE MAN and TAKE HER. Literally. By force. She didn't want to be your girlfriend. She wanted to be SEDUCED, forcefully. She didn't want to have a choice in the matter, but you weren't strong enough, your frame wasn't strong enough, so she slipped by.

Any way dude, for serious your value is way higher than hers. She's an aging hag with a TEENAGE son. Don't worry a fig about her. Dude, at your age, you're starting to rack up status points. The younger girls are starting to become more responsive to you, they're starting to feel real attraction for you, that's where u wanna focus ur game.

Forget online dating, the dynamics and mathematics of online dating are skewed waaay against you compared to reality. There are enough chicks in real life to keep you in the game for years, just have a strong frame and be the man.

 

[BlueberryMuffins]

Dude. How did you get to be 30 years old and still be so clueless?

This old campaigner is a slvt, man. She contacted you because she hoped you were going to BE THE MAN and TAKE HER. Literally. By force. She didn't want to be your girlfriend. She wanted to be SEDUCED, forcefully. She didn't want to have a choice in the matter, but you weren't strong enough, your frame wasn't strong enough, so she slipped by.

Any way dude, for serious your value is way higher than hers. She's an aging hag with a TEENAGE son. Don't worry a fig about her. Dude, at your age, you're starting to rack up status points. The younger girls are starting to become more responsive to you, they're starting to feel real attraction for you, that's where u wanna focus ur game.

Forget online dating, the dynamics and mathematics of online dating are skewed waaay against you compared to reality. There are enough chicks in real life to keep you in the game for years, just have a strong frame and be the man.

I hear alot of what youre saying and agree. Online dating is very strange. I dont prefer it at all. Young girls really put me off though, its rare I find a younger girls I really like and can relate with. Now that Im 31, younger girls are definitely easier to find. Another problem I have is that I look 24. Everyone I run into guesses I am 24. I really do not have much in common with 24 year old girl, and the women my age either have kids, ex-husbands or fuucked up mindsets.

I dont think I am clueless. I think this is just one real crazy ***** that threw me for a loop. I just found out that she is now engaged to that guy. How do you go from being "dateless" to engaged, in less than a month? What a psycho!!

 

[BlueberryMuffins]

Single moms are generally trouble btw.

yeah, Im not a fan of women with children. Unfortunately, when you hit 30+, most women your age have children. I kinda agree with the guy above, about going after younger girls. Only thing is, me and younger girls dont get along very well. Im old school as hell.

 

[BlueberryMuffins]

This is VERY typical of online dating, don't waste another second thinking about it, you did nothing wrong.


I can't tell you how many times I've been in this exact situation: Meet girl online, girl expresses high interest level, leads you on like you're the only one, plays herself off as completely single, suddenly is in a relationship.


The truth is, any halfway decent girl online is going to have more options than you realize and until they have a guy locked down, they have zero reason to tell you otherwise. Why would they. I've had fairly good luck using online dating, but after several years I've determined it's just not worth the aggravation of trying to date someone seriously due to situations like this. Great tool to practice your flirting, rack up lays, but you'll be banging your head against the wall if you take it as anything other than that. Not saying there isn't the occasional rare quality girl that comes along, but don't hold your breath.

That is pretty much how I feel. Online dating is good, in practice, but never really amounts to much. I was caught up in how super hot she was. She is bangin hot, but obviously a mixed up individual. I wish her luck, I think she will need it. Lives at home, teenage son, engaged overnight. Haha, what a soap opera, women love it.

 

[BlueberryMuffins]

Forget online dating, the dynamics and mathematics of online dating are skewed waaay against you compared to reality. There are enough chicks in real life to keep you in the game for years, just have a strong frame and be the man.

I dunno man, I kinda disagree, cuz this aint Queensland Australia. This is Texas, we have more people in this state than the entire country of Australia. Online dating is very different here compared to the small population you have to choose from. Online dating in Austin Texas is supposedly number one in the country, and they do all types of web marketing for it here. Its actually popular with many women in this town. Austin Texas was voted number one city in America to be single in. But that means EVERYONE IS SINGLE and STAY SINGLE. It's definitely not a place to be married, or raise kids, that's for sure.

Ive lived in Australia (2008/2009) and chatted up plenty of chicks down unda. Online dating would not work well, because everyone knows everyone. Word spreads quick, reputations and egos are HUGE in Australia. Here in America, people do not care about reputation as much, as our population is so massive, you can simply get away with so much more, randomly. I hope that makes sense. Im actually going back to Oz in two weeks, to catch up with my mates and have a piss up.

I have dated several other women since I stopped talking to this psycho at the beginning of this month (July). Most have not been online women. Most have been women I meet through friends or jobs/networking, etc. I know someone awesome will eventually come along. I am trying to hold off on getting serious at the moment, because of my vacation coming up (Hong Kong and Oz). Once thats over, I can concentrate my efforts on dating and getting out to parties to find HBs.

I have trouble with the younger women, because we do not relate at all. they talk about **** i have no idea about (like movie stars i dont keep up with, or tv shows i dont watch). A 24 year old girl will make "old man" comments about a 30 year old guy. They may think its funny but its not. Its immature! I find most younger girls to be extremely immature and dependent on mommy and daddy. They also usually have skewed perspectives on life and the world in general. They have no clue how things work, and usually are very irresponsible. Ive kinda always been with older women, even insanely older women. They tend to know what they want and have no problem asking or going for it. The young women want to drink for hours and hours, and talk and talk (usually about other guys) and make it difficult to accomplish anything. Older women cut all that out. They also are normally better in bed from my experience. I must learn how to deal with younger women and how to shift my focus on them. There are plenty of them here in this town, thats for sure...

 

[gaspipe]

Dude. How did you get to be 30 years old and still be so clueless?

This old campaigner is a slvt, man. She contacted you because she hoped you were going to BE THE MAN and TAKE HER. Literally. By force. She didn't want to be your girlfriend. She wanted to be SEDUCED, forcefully. She didn't want to have a choice in the matter, but you weren't strong enough, your frame wasn't strong enough, so she slipped by.

Any way dude, for serious your value is way higher than hers. She's an aging hag with a TEENAGE son. Don't worry a fig about her. Dude, at your age, you're starting to rack up status points. The younger girls are starting to become more responsive to you, they're starting to feel real attraction for you, that's where u wanna focus ur game.

Forget online dating, the dynamics and mathematics of online dating are skewed waaay against you compared to reality. There are enough chicks in real life to keep you in the game for years, just have a strong frame and be the man.

THIS.

You misread her intentions all along. Some random woman contacts you out of the blue wanting to meet. You should have known that she was not looking to find a longterm relationship but was looking to get laid and you dropped the ball. You approached the "first date" from a different mind frame. You approached it from the position that you were going to be a gentleman. As the result you got burned. Dont believe the garbage that women tell you on their profile that they are looking for gentleman or a man who respects them. They are looking for a man who can seduce them.

Yes, there are women who do get horny and who do troll for guys and yes, there was something about you that piqued her interest but since you didnt step up to the plate and use your seduction skills she effectively tossed you out and let some other dude in the picture. Ive realized this after also being contacted by women online and then suddenly them disappearing. It was because like you I approached it from a different angle as you did, trying to be a gentleman when the woman wanted me to seduce her.

Also never believe that shyt that women online tell you. Thats another lesson Ive learned. Half of what comes out of their mouths are lies or half truths. If it suits her needs she will have no qualms in lying to you. Therefore her rescheduling and delaying probably accounts for her meeting up with other guys.

You are hurt even angry knowing that you got played. The best thing to do is just to go silent. Women like these enjoy the drama of being contacted by angry men who have felt betrayed. Silence is the best weapon you can use at this point. I think it would be a big mistake to confront her since it would elevate her already lofty ego.