Should I break it off?

[hopelesslove]

So we've been going out for about a month and a half now. I liked her first and I approached her first. She seemed really into me, more than I would've ever thought. She would text me all the time how much she missed me. I go out of my way for her. I love her so much and she means the world to me.

Well, recently she seemed a little distant. I have the feeling that she must be bored of me or something. Knowing girls.. once they get bored they'll move on.

Anyways, one day my sister told me that she saw my gf with another guy at a resturaunt. Just so happens that guy is one of my friends that I grew up with that I haven't seen in a while. I contacted him and we talked about what happened. They meet through myspace.com and I read they're conversation. She said she didn't have a bf and that they should meet up sometime. So I look at her page and some other guys' pages that she posted on and she seems very flirty and unfaithful. I asked her what she did that day and she totally lied to me straight to my face.

She tells me her heart is mine and that she loves me but she's not in love with me.

I know all of this and she doesn't know that I know.

I want to confront her but I want to wait it out and see how she acts later. My friends say I should just break it off before she does. I want to change her and show her that my love for her is true. But then knowing what I know, I don't want to go out of my way to change her.

What do you think I should do?

 

[salsipuedes]

This is going to be very difficult, but the reality is that you don't want to change her, you are desperate for her to love and you are willing to lower yourself and crawl in the mud for her. THAT is not healthy, a woman does not like a man thats desperate and willing to do anything for her, so listen closely, because your in a no win situation and the best you can do is to deal with the reality in an honorable way.

Simply STOP ALL CONTACT WITH HER, no calls, no emails, no nothing, she screwed you by going behind you back, and she does not deserve any courtesy from you what so ever, if i was you, i would dump her ass inmediately.

 

[Bill]

Stop all contacts with that girl. Right now.

Get a date with some other girl. Then, proceed to actually have fun in the date. Rince and repeat.

Eventually go for 2nd dates, kiss closes, f closes, anything. Keep in mind to have fun.

Give it a month and you'll have forgotten all about that "special" girl.
Oh yeah, and read the Bible.
Peace.

-Bill

 

[KontrollerX]

"So I look at her page and some other guys' pages that she posted on and she seems very flirty and unfaithful. I asked her what she did that day and she totally lied to me straight to my face."

Flirty and unfaithful, pathological lying.

Thats three red flags right there my friend.

And unfortunately it looks like you may be victim number 300,558 of the Histrionic Personality Disorder.

http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/histrion.htm

 

[darth yoda]

To answer your question simply...yes, break it off, yesterday.

Not only is she a liar, but she is the worst type, one that thinks she won't get caught.

All she has to do is say a few sweet things and lie to your face and she thinks she has you all figured out while she's slurping every guy on myspace. So she really doesn't respect you buddy. Move on.

 

[booga]

Agree with the above. And one more thing. CHANGE YOUR LOG-IN NAME!!!

 

[pimpdatass]

Well is this an exclusive relationship? I mean you have only been going out for a month and a half.

However that is really not important anymore as she lied to you. If she simply said yeah I am dating, we never talked about being exclusive...then that would be ok, I would not dump here.

She cannot be trusted, get rid of her.

 

[Vincent Freeman]

Break it off NOW!! I want to give you an advice that a friend of mine told once, and makes a lot of sense. If she has not seen your worth in the time that you two were dating, she especially won't see it now. Besides, why would you want to be with someone who you have to make love you. She should want to be with you because of you, not because you showed her recently how much you love her. In other words, she's not worth your heart and your effort. Although this may sound cliche it's very true,"what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." I know your probably at a low point right now, and everything we say might sound far from achievable at the moment, but let me tell you this...ignore her completely (that includes getting rid of any memories of her) and move on. Focus on what you have now, and grow from there. Just use the past as teaching, and focus now on the future. In the end, you will realize how much better you are without her. You can start right now by changing that user name. All the luck to you and remember, be strong!

 

[Mr Spitfire]

Simply STOP ALL CONTACT WITH HER, no calls, no emails, no nothing, she screwed you by going behind you back, and she does not deserve any courtesy from you what so ever, if i was you, i would dump her ass inmediately

What he said absolutely no question or you are a total loser. If you do this she is the loser.

 

[DJDamage]

Originally posted by hopelesslove
She tells me her heart is mine and that she loves me but she's not in love with me.

Translation: I am keeping you around until I will sink my claws deep into another guy and then you will be gone.

Originally posted by hopelesslove
I want to confront her but I want to wait it out and see how she acts later. My friends say I should just break it off before she does. I want to change her and show her that my love for her is true. But then knowing what I know, I don't want to go out of my way to change her.

What do you think I should do?

Don't confront her, she will just deny it. You only been dating her for a month and a half and its natural for her to play the field and obviously she is looking for something better. She has indicated that she has not choose or made up her mind that you will be her boyfriend. You are a free agent as well. She is saying she is in love with you to keep you around because you are buying it, but yet she has not proved anything to you. Don't be fooled when her words do not match her actions.

I suggest you do the same. Continue to see her but make sure you are dating other women. Maybe you will end up fvcking her and switch that around and dump her for another girl, because you yourself have found someone better.

DjDamage

 

[Mr Spitfire]

WHOA WHOA WHOA.

I didnt notice that you have only been dating her for a month and a half. Thats not long enough for you to consider her unfaithful. Sorry dude. If she is giving you sex keep taking it. Grow distant yourself and let her do what she wants. If she wants to be your girlfriend let her ask you.

Dont be jealous, take what you get and don't be emotional. Go after other girls but take your sex.

 

[wavejams007]

This soudns like a developing plot to a chickflick. Dude, if she is willing to lie to you and to others about your relationship, then it is time to call it quits.

 

[hopelesslove]

I guess before I even posted this I already knew what was going to be said. Thank you all for your help and advice. I'm very impressed with the quick responses.

Honestly, the main reason I want to keep her around is because of the sex.. muahaha. I know if I were looking at my situation from the outside, I'd be saying the same things you people are saying.

Thanks again. Any more advice or comments are always welcome.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Honestly, the main reason I want to keep her around is because of the sex.. muahaha. I know if I were looking at my situation from the outside, I'd be saying the same things you people are saying.

Thanks again. Any more advice or comments are always welcome."

LOL, I remember an awesome post I read on here a while back where some guy had discovered his girlfriend was cheating on him with his best friend.

Anyway the responding poster said something along the lines of just keep ******* her if you enjoy the sex and when she gives you the inevitable break up speech telling you she's been seeing someone else and leaving you for him or whatever you just calmly and cooly say to her "Yeah I know (revealing your proof if need be), it was fun while it lasted, I wish you and him the best, etc."

Then you just go about your life as if she was never that important to it anyway having fun with new girls and just improving yourself all around and the kicker is this trick worked for the responding poster or he claimed to have seen it work for someone else at driving that girl crazy over him of how uneffected he was by her breaking up with him and as a result she started to want him back really bad and the guy just kept playing her by not paying her much attention driving her even more crazy for him and finally when he'd gotten her where he wanted her mentally he put down some terms of how things would be if the two of them got together again ie how to keep him etc.

According to the story the guy who succesfully pulled this off took the girl away from her new boyfriend. :crackup:

Oh well my advice probably won't work if she's a true HPD AW as I mentioned earlier in the thread (as once they use people up ie get the love/attention out of a certain person they want they tend to be permaneantly done with them and it seems to be that becoming the case with her distancing. My AW did that to me but at the time yet still proclaimed her feelings for me when I questioned her. I didn't realize the distancing was a warning sign at the time. I guess your situation may be salvageable though even if she's a true Histrionic AW if you scale back your attention now but it will only work if she still seems to be somewhat interested.

If she's just a standard sleazy girl should work like a charm regardless.

 

[denial]

Don't take that kind of s*** from a girl. They are ALL replaceable... and if you haven't been able to keep her interested then you probably need more experience with different girls anyways (so you can know which buttons to press and which not to press).

I was with my last gf for an entire year, and she began to lose interest about 3 months before she broke up with me. I caught her on a date with someone else... and she tried to play it off like they were just 2 friends seeing a movie together. The crazy part was that she was bi (which I had known since first meeting her) and she was out with another girl. I knew what was up and I was devastated... she broke up with me later that night. This all happened 7 months ago and reading some of the stuff on this site has really helped me take the initiative to make myself a better person so that the next time I have a gf I really want to keep around, I'll be able to do it.

 

[alfadog]

Use her back!

Nah, I wouldn't dump her, I'd use her just for sex. Don't get any closer to her from here on out. Don't be there to take all of her calls, ignore some of her calls, start showing dis-interest in her; and all the while, bang her brains out while you do it. Then when she gives you the inevitable breakup speech that will be coming, then you can just say, "yeah I knew you were eventually going to break it off and I've been using you just for sex. Bye bye baby, have a good life". Then ignore her! Within 2 months your phone will be ringing again and she'll chase after you. You treat people the way they treat you, and right now she's using you, so use her back and bang the hell out of her while you are doing it.

 

[hopelesslove]

Well i think its over now guys. Its not official but I read her online blog and it HURTS me. I thought I wouldn't feel this pain knowing what I knew already, but its killing me now. I hate this feeling, why does it hurt so much? Damn.

How would you interpret these two:

"i hurt myself today...to see if i still feel" jonny cash

i'm not going to settle for good enough and
i'll be damned if i become someone's good enough
i'm better than that, i'm more than that

 

[KontrollerX]

"Well i think its over now guys. Its not official but I read her online blog and it HURTS me. I thought I wouldn't feel this pain knowing what I knew already, but its killing me now."

Damn man sorry to hear.

"How would you interpret this:
"i hurt myself today...to see if i still feel" jonny cash"

I'd say the guy who actually wrote and first performed the song Trent Reznor ie Nine Inch Nails made the better version but thats just my opinion.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by hopelesslove
So I look at her page and some other guys' pages that she posted on and she seems very flirty and unfaithful. I asked her what she did that day and she totally lied to me straight to my face. She tells me her heart is mine and that she loves me but she's not in love with me.

I want to change her and show her that my love for her is true. But then knowing what I know, I don't want to go out of my way to change her.

What do you think I should do?

STOP right there! You can't change someone! You either accept them the way they are or you move on and look for someone compatible with you.

Don't fall into the "capitan save a ho" idea. Maybe this will help you: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=72531&highlight=cinderella

Originally posted by hopelesslove
How would you interpret these two:

"i hurt myself today...to see if i still feel" jonny cash

i'm not going to settle for good enough and
i'll be damned if i become someone's good enough
i'm better than that, i'm more than that

She has Borderline personality disorder???

 

[hopelesslove]

So here's the update:

I still haven't confronted her about anything yet. Things seem to be getting better slowly between us. When I try to "get some" she doesn't want too and she says she's sick (true). We haven't done it in like two weeks, and this last week has been a little rough so its understandable but its killin' me.. haha. She works two jobs and goes to school so its not often that we have much time. What do you guys think?