Should i be the jealous type?

[Sayon]

Hey all, let me explain my situation

I've been dating a girl for about 1 1/2yrs now. Her interest level is high, and has always been. She's also the type a girl to handle herself with guys at the bar. She knows how to blow them off. But this time it's different, it's not at the bar, it's at school. Some guy wants to get to "know" her (from what she tells me, he's a nice guy but really pushy). So this morning, he asks for her notes and then to thank her, asks to take her to lunch (obviously his intentions are clear) so she says, she's busy and that her boyfriend might think it's weird. But ofcourse this guy doesn't take No for an answer and keeps pushing saying he'll be a gentleman. Anyways, it ends off by her saying she'll see him next class.

Now i've been thinking about this and i figure the best way to go about this is to let her make a decision herself. I could understand her not wanting to say no because he is a nice guy (i've met him). But ofcourse i feel like he's trying something else. I figure I should go to lunch with both of them (play it cool and ask the guy if i can come along, kinda stump him) or should I tell him straight up that I know what he's trying to pull here (this could look bad on me when he tells her what i say to him). Or i could let it be and dump her ass the minute she gets back from the lunch (1 1/2 yrs down the drain? but i still really like this girl!)


Anyways, let me know what you guys think


Sayon

 

[Biphoria]

with a high IL and 1 and a half years to boot, don't worry. If something does happen, NEXT!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You're right not to do anything. Both letting your gf know you're jealous or tagging along would make you look AFC.

It would also show that you don't trust that she could take care of the situation. That could have long going repercussions.

Tagging along will let Mr. Nice Guy know that you think that he is a threat and will make HIM think that you don't trust your girlfriend.

Just give your gf a wink and tell her jokingly that those things will happen just so long as she flirts with every poor slob in the class. This will show her in a round about way that you trust her AND that you recognize that other guys find her attractive. Her ego will be boosted and you will look like a DJ.

 

[DJmonster]

When she mentions the pushy friend, I'd go c & f, and say something like, "You want me to break his legs?" (especially funny since the guy is so nice) or maybe tease her about having a stalker.

 

[penkitten]

well said francisco

 

[Sayon]

hey thanx for the reply guys,

ya, that's the way i've always played it. If a guy hit on her, i just let her handle it (she's a hottie, i'm a lucky man!). I never actually cared and i always joked about it. For some reason though it pisses me off that he's trying something knowing ME as her boyfriend....this guy deserves a smack.

btw, how should i take it if she says yes to him?? that would definately get me pissed.

Sayon

 

[Tkman]

How the **** is he a "nice guy" if he wants to go out with your girl and he already knows she has a BF and thats you ???

I see why you are upset over the situation. You got be careful now, you dont want to become or look like an AFC or some jealous loser. The ball is not in your court, the ball is in her court to make the decision if she wants to go out with him or not. If she does go out with him to lunch, just play it cool sit on couch, drink beer, and watch TV; like nothing happened . But if it happens again, then there is something wrong.

I still think she should say "NO" to him because his intentions is a realtionship with her. It's not like they are friends or buddies.

 

[Sayon]

my thoughts exactly, what if she says yes? i need some way of expressing myself to her without looking like a jealous freak or like a chump with all these emotions.

Sayon

 

[jbbrain]

why waste your time?

Whatver she decides to do, youre giving this thing way too much attention..look at it like this (a reply I made to another thread)

NO, you shoudlnt be worried!

Even id things are goign pretty damn bad with this relationship ( if i may say so myself) why put in all that jealousy and emotion that will drive both u and her crazy???

The key is....

Put things in Perspective.

Read that line again.

I know you say you like her, but are YOU GOING TO MARRY HER?

Imagine somthing for me.."What if she cheated on me with one of her guy friends?"

The ask yourself...what's the worst thing that can happen?

Sure, you might feel a little sad and emotional here and there bla bla bla. In the end, however, you should dump her and find somebody new. As you mentuioend before, you can get ANY girl in the world. Why should you EVER settle for less and compromise your SANITY in the process???

But, in order to do this, you MUST ASK YOURSELF if you have enough confidence and self respect to take the action you need to take. (And if the answer is no, your number 1 priority should be making sure you reach this level, it is the KEY)

If it's any advice at all. I would just dump the bird. Either that or get things straightened out with her right away. Tell her you don't like some things that she does and that you think she has a drinkling problem that is hurting the relationship. Tell her all this if you honestly think this relationship is actually worth saving..if not..

NEXT! Go out and have fun for God's sake and keep things in perspective! Life's too short to worry about such inconsequential things!

 

[Big Pappy]

If you know all of those details, then she is probably not wanting anything to do with this guy.
She's into you but she doesn't want to be mean to this nice guy. Lunch is sometimes used as a "tool" to get out with girls under the "dinner" radar.

Just trust her. Until she gives you a reason not to. As far as I can tell from what you've written, you don't have a thing to sweat.

 

[Gold Heart]

As you said, she has always found ways to blow guys off. Trust her on this one.

 

[iqqi]

this cat knows you and is trying to get with your girl? that is disrespect. i'd either check his ass, or start singing dream....

Give it your all girl, give it all ya got,
You can take a chance, and take your best shot,
Say what you want girl, do whatcha do,
He's never gonna, gonna make it with you..

Your pullin' petals of a flower tryin' to get your way,
Keep pullin' til its says what you wanna say,
Girl you can pick a field full of daisies,
But he'd still be my baby,

And I know you can hardly wait til i'm away from him,
Instinctively, I know what your thinkin',
You'll be givin' him an open invitation,
But my baby won't be taken in...

(nooo..)

You can pout your cherry lips,
Try to tempt him with a sweet kiss, (sweet kiss)
You can flut your pretty eyes,
He ain't got his hands tied..

No chains to unlock, so free to do what he wants,
He's into what he's got,
He loves me, he loves you not,
No matter what you do, he's never gonna be with you,
He's into what he's got,
He loves me, he loves you not...

...oh...sorry...

 

[Sayon]

lol, that's jokes man

thanx for the heads up guys...i knew i was sorta on the right track but these AFC thoughts started clouding my head...but now i'm in the clear...

now i'm gonna bang my girl nice and hard and tomorrow laugh, to myself ofcourse , at this chump cuz he's got no chance.

Sayon

 

[OpenMind]

sounds to me like you have a good girl there. dont overestimate her high interest though because women with high interest do not accept anything with other men for fear of losing the one they have...
i wouldn't let some afc get in the way of your relationship.. what i mean is, he will only cause you problems if you let him.. let her go to lunch with him.. the only real problem you could have here is if you get jealous and uptight.. you are a man, dont let it bother you. you will look much more attractive in her eyes if you dont let it bother you..
but i would definately go to lunch with a female at least one time after this and let her know. this will make her think twice about not blowing this guy or another off totally before accepting another lunch request.. she may get all jealous and if she does just tell her that you trusted her to go out with mr. afc, so why shouldn't she trust you to go to lunch with ms. afc?
this is about confidence and respect, when you respect yourself she will respect you.. she is testing you as a man by letting her know she has options... the minute you show her you have options as well.. its game over and her interest level in you will be sky high

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by Sayon
now i'm gonna bang my girl nice and hard and tomorrow laugh, to myself ofcourse , at this chump cuz he's got no chance.
Sayon

I think you're looking at the wrong way..

"Prepare for the worst but expect the best"

Dude, if you haven't realized, there is always a "chance". Maybe not with this "chump", but possibly with some other guy she perceives as the "better deal". Ignoring the possibiliy of a "chance" (usually reslting in you thinking your the center of her universe) will simply lead to heart break my friend, simply due to the fact that your perception of "no chance" is simply an illusion. You do NOT control her. You need to be more realistic, man.

Knowing this, just get over it. The main area of concern you have to be questioning is..

"If she does cheat/break up with me for another guy, will I continue to live with my head held high like the craziest mack there ever was??"

Jealousy has a way to manifest its ugly head through a person's fears. The one thing you can do about it is rationlize these fears and find out if they REALLY make SENSE in your life.

If the answer is yes, you're in the clear. If the answer is no, then this relationship is doomed for failure.

Check yaself.