Should I be concerned? *help needed*

[Finch]

I've been going out with a wonderful girl for about 4 months now. We've hit it off and she' completely fallen for me. Head over heels. I've recently fallen for her and maybe that's why I'm slightly concerned. I find myself not worrying about giving her attention and just enjoying my time with her. I say what I want, regardless of what it can be perceived as (I'm talking about Nice Guy stuff here fellas). While this probably isn't the best thing, she hasn't given me any reason to seriously worry. Besides, it's a temporary thing. She's shown me that she cares for me by going extremely out of her way to please me. I'll give you guys some examples in a second.

I recently just returned from a two week trip in China. While I was there I texted her about every day (I'm talking about one text of hey beautiful how you doing.. blah blah blah), and called her 3 times. I think it was good for our relationship in some ways because it showed how much she really did think about me and care for me. I'm a skeptical guy and sometimes I have trouble understanding or seeing how much a person truly does care for me. With that said I return back to the US and she meets me at the airport. The moment I see her she runs up to me with kisses and hugs. Great. She tells me about how much she has missed me, loves me, and is so happy that I'm back. The next night she takes me out on a date she's been planning for quite some time. She fixes me some dinner (she doesn't cook very often, so I was impressed) and to top it off she throws me this picnic. She had every little detail planned from champagne (actually it was sparkling cider.. now that I think about it.. haha), the food, desert, etc. It was great. That's just one example of caring things she has done for me.

While I've been gone she's been talking to my good friend a lot online. They just casually have conversations about me. My friend tells me about how much she enjoyed talking about me because she missed me so much. My friend told her that I was slightly anxious about leaving because I was worried about leaving her. She tells him that there was more of a chance that I would find a girl out there and marry her and live there then there was for her to leave me. But c'mon guys, we all know words mean little when it comes to girls. Actions speak everything. So that leads me to my question..

While I'm on the date she's being called a ton. I wasn't concerned and I didn't pressure her to tell me who was calling her, because I didn't really care. Only when the person was persistent enough to text her on and on did I ask. Apparently she went to a show (concert) and met the band members (some good lookin guys). So apparently they got her number and have been talking to her. How much she talks to them and how interested in them she is.. I don't know. I didn't ask. This doesn't really suprise me. My girl is beautiful (a strong 8) and receives plenty of attention from guys. But should I be worried? I mean with everything said I think maybe there might be a slight cause for concern considering my pattern of affection. I consider my affection acceptable being away from this girl for 2 weeks in a foreign country, but I can't help but worry.

Now I find myself worrying about every little detail. From her leaving earlier than normal to go home, to her attention she has given other guy friends, etc. I HATE it. It's wrong and I know it. Guys help me.. don't let me turn into an AFC and have things ruined over nothing.

 

[JohnJones]

Has she raised a formal or de facto exclusivity arrangement with you?

 

[Finch]

lol, it's not a contract or anything.. but yes we're exclusive. We've been exclusive for months now.

 

[frivolousz21]

id say thats garbage!

im serious that is garbage....


i mean unless im just too old school...she shouldnt be getting some bands numbers?

unless its pink floyd...I dont see why she did and now they call her.

FYCK that.

any women in love with you..would have fun at the show and go on her way when its over!

 

[whistler]

She could be in love with you, or she coud be feeling guilty. Sounds more like the first to me.

 

[NewMan]

Het actions are telling us she's into you.

She's young I suspect and nieve on the ways of guys. These guys want to get into her pants of course - she probably think they are just friendly......

On the plus side, she is not hiding it from you. She is not taking their calls when she is with you.

My gut would tell me she will find out the truth - and then figure out these guys just want to bang her.

 

[Qmanchoo]

It could be so many things…NewMan’s suggestion being a very good possibility.

If it was me I’d just initiate a conversation about it and work it through. Letting it eat at you is the worst thing you can do. If she cares enough, which it sounds like she does, she’ll work it out with you if you confront her and stand your ground.

Very calmly…and remaining calm…“So who is this new guy trying to get into your pants and why are you letting him call you so much?”

But that’s just what I’d do since it fits my personality.

Any issue that really bothers you that you do not confront her about is slack that you're handing off to her and as a result letting your boundaries slip and giving control to her. Bad habit for her attraction to you as a man and the health of your relationship. It will build resentment and frustration within you over time.

Never avoid a fight/argument/discussion about something important or that irritates you because you want the relationship to run smooth. It has the opposite effect in the long term. I’m absolutely positive other guys who have been in a few 6mo + relationships can back me up on this.

Also, keep in mind the only reason you’re feeling this way is because you’re attached a little now. That’s fine. But just make sure your attachment doesn’t equate to letting control and boundaries slip or irritating things slide.

When is the last time a woman let you slide on something that irritated her? Lol!

 

[Finch]

Qmanchoo, man I think that's great advice. I know what you're talking about regarding confronting your partner about things like this. The thing is that I'm just concerned about confronting her with this because it's a sensitive issue. It might blow up in my face. It could be totally nothing and blow up in my face with her thinking I have no trust in her and considering me a jealous boyfriend. I would HATE that because that isn't the case at all.. so I've let it lie low. If it happens again I will definitely say something, but only if there are further problems.

I hope you guys are right. It seems like for the most part you guys believe that she just handed out her number out of being friendly. That's one thing that I have omitted.. she's very friendly to people and doesn't want to hurt people's feelings and sometimes I think very naive. So it doesn't surprise me that she gave out her number.

The fact is guys, I don't even know the situation well enough. I don't know how they got her number, why they have her number, or if that night was just a fluke and that was the first time they've called her. So I'm gonna lie low on this until it comes up again I guess.

Any more comments are welcome. I appreciate the help here guys. I really do.

 

[ARK]

Originally posted by Finch
I hope you guys are right. It seems like for the most part you guys believe that she just handed out her number out of being friendly. That's one thing that I have omitted.. she's very friendly to people and doesn't want to hurt people's feelings and sometimes I think very naive. So it doesn't surprise me that she gave out her number.

*cough* HORSE**** *cough*

Friendly or not, you don't give out your phone number to a group of guys. If she is that in love with you her answer should have been, "I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend." Its obvious what those band members are after and it sure isnt a get together for a game of tic-tac-toe!!

 

[gts007]

This is just one possibility to think about:
Based on my own experience you could easily get shafted here. Of course I have a bias because that's what happened to me a few months after I met the girl of my dreams. She led me on hardcore, gave me all this false hope, I got attached, it was pure paradise, and then it all came crashing down. And yes, there was another male involved.
It could seem like she "doesn't want to hurt your feelings" but that could easily be because she is still sorta in that 'infatuation' stage with you. If or when that stage ends, sh1t may start hitting the fan. To play it safe I would drop the "I care alot about you" facade ASAP to minimize any chances of her getting bored with you. It's a healthy practice anyway to focus on other things or people in life and get your mind off of her.
Just think of it like this: I was the guy in a band and several girls (including the one of my dreams) screwed me over for turning nice on them.

So don't let this end up like it happened with me! The absolute worse case scenario here is that she's already fvcking at least 1 of those dudes, showing them a side of her you'll never see, and then using you for her 'emotional balance'. Play it very cool and take that preventative measure by finding another girl to chat up and go on casual dates with. No ones saying to get serious with someone else right away, just have a backup plan to call it even if the situation turns sour. Even if it somehow doesn't turn sour, you're still calling it even by doing this!

 

[jprjrjr]

One little thing everybody seems to be missing; if these band members were "just friends" why was the dude so persistent in calling her, and finally texting her? Does that sound like the actions of a "friend"?