Should hubby not ask wifey to do things she used to do with prior lovers?

[The Duke]

Then i guess you shoukd go become a monk because 90% of them have if they tell you or don't.

I concur. In fact I haven't experienced a girl in the past 10yrs that was an anal virgin and I've been thru 55 of them now. I also don't have girls tell me no. I think it has a lot to do with a man's perceived value and demeanor. I tend to get my way when it comes to life.

 

[highSpeed]

Lots of assuming going on in this thread. Let's go with what we all do know and look at it from a different perspective. The typical guy that comes to this site looking for help has been doing things for and to try woo the opposite sex for probably his whole life, because he thinks it will make her happy and she will want to be with him. They come here with zero frame, nor have ever even heard of the concept. We've all probably been that way at one point in our lives. Allot of us don't even know who we are or where we want to be in our early 20's, but some of the guys here are able to cultivate their standards and principles and literally become a new man. Are we saying women can't do this too?

More assuming. Assuming that a man can't be both.

that's not the point of my last post at all. the point is, if it's a one time thing and she doesn't want to do it anymore? That's one thing. If she's done it a bunch of times and now doesn't want to do it anymore? I think he deserves more of an explanation and potential negotiation than simply saying that's it and I won't do it anymore, end of story, period.

Since we don't know which one it is, we have to go with the facts. He wants to do something that at this point, she doesn't want to do. Where do you go from there? That's the real question. I think they should negotiate personally. Simply telling someone, that's it, you're not going to do that in the confines of a relationship is wrong to some degree. He's invested in the relationship to some degree and so is she. You can say, ok, walk away then but that is a waste of whatever he's invested in the relationship and vice versa. Does that one act or two things outweigh what she brings to the relationship? So expecting him to simply walk away if she doesn't do those one or two things in the relationship as a remedy is not right in my opinion. Expecting her to do something that is beneath her to stay in the relationship is wrong too. My only suggestion is, is there some way to negotiate so that both feel heard? If not, then walking away may be the only answer.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If she did it for the other guys cause of greater desire and wanting to please them . And now for the safe and loving husband she just don't wanna do it . That's a crock of shyt. It means she secured husband as a provider and sees him less than the men she gave all that too .

 

[sazc]

Not to mention, let's switch gender roles and topics for a second.

What if SHE was nagging HIM to give his passwords over to her so SHE could check his phone? Then you guys would be all about how you 'gotta put your woman in CHECK.'

let's take the topic down a notch, what of SHE was constantly nagging HIM about introducing her to his parents, and he wasn't comfortable with that? Again, she would be the villain and you guys would craft creative responses of how to get standards and boundaries and put HER in check, go NC, etc.

But when the shoe is in the other foot and it's SHE who is saying "yep, I did that but I didn't like it, and I don't plan on doing it again" it's all about how SHE is at fault?

Not to mention, the idea that some of you wild jump to this place that she was actually "taunting" him by disclosing her true sexual history, that she did it "by design" to fvck with him......

This is concerning. If you really believe that this would be the reason a woman would tell you her sexual history, and then withhold the same activities from you, to taunt you, that says a LOT about how the women you have dated have been completely sub par and you really need to learn to screen for better quality women.

From my perspective, she probably engaged in those activities BECAUSE she had lower self esteem before and was afraid to lose the guy. Now she's decided to raise her standards and honor herself. No shame there.

 

[sazc]

If she did it for the other guys cause of greater desire and wanting to please them . And now for the safe and loving husband she just don't wanna do it . That's a crock of shyt. It means she secured husband as a provider and sees him less than the men she gave all that too .

That's one of MANY possibilities, but not necessarily the actual truth, even tho you want to promote it as such

I thought you had more critical thinking skills?

 

[sazc]

that's not the point of my last post at all. the point is, if it's a one time thing and she doesn't want to do it anymore? That's one thing. If she's done it a bunch of times and now doesn't want to do it anymore? I think he deserves more of an explanation and potential negotiation than simply saying that's it and I won't do it anymore, end of story, period.

Since we don't know which one it is, we have to go with the facts. He wants to do something that at this point, she doesn't want to do. Where do you go from there? That's the real question. I think they should negotiate personally. Simply telling someone, that's it, you're not going to do that in the confines of a relationship is wrong to some degree. He's invested in the relationship to some degree and so is she. You can say, ok, walk away then but that is a waste of whatever he's invested in the relationship and vice versa. Does that one act or two things outweigh what she brings to the relationship? So expecting him to simply walk away if she doesn't do those one or two things in the relationship as a remedy is not right in my opinion. Expecting her to do something that is beneath her to stay in the relationship is wrong too. My only suggestion is, is there some way to negotiate so that both feel heard? If not, then walking away may be the only answer.

Does a female constantly nagging a man for what she wants work well?

His best bet is to do whatever he needs to go to make her feel emotionally safe with him and then ask for what he wants. Possibly even ask for it as a birthday/anniversary present.

Nagging her and emotionally blackmailing her is not going to work (does it ever?) And demonstrates how he is lacking as a partner.

 

[sazc]

He shouldn't have to guess what her motivations are

Of course not but you guys are running RAMPANT with all your ridiculous assumptions.

It's pretty safe to assume that she tried it and didn't like it and that's why she told him no.

Painting her as a past hoe who is purposefully taunting him and wants to withhold from him to be vengeful, and that this IS representative of all women, is irresponsible, especially to the more Junior readers.

 

[RangerMIke]

Who the hell wants someone that been freaky with others but not you?

I agree. But if this guy wanted these things as well then he should make it happen... Chicks are not going to get freaky on their own. They expect you, as the man, to go for what you want and lead. This chick's BF is acting like a little b!tch. He's whining about stuff this chick as done with other dudes, and doesn't want to do these things himself... if he did, he would be doing it if he acted like a man.

If he isn't into kinky stuff, and is bothered with his chick's past.... then he should dump her. If he want's kinky stuff and she won;t do it for him.... he should dump her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That's one of MANY possibilities, but not necessarily the actual truth, even tho you want to promote it as such

I thought you had more critical thinking skills?

I do. One of the possibility was she degraded herself trying to be "cool" . So hence she doesn't want to do that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I agree. But if this guy wanted these things as well then he should make it happen... Chicks are not going to get freaky on their own. They expect you, as the man, to go for what you want and lead. This chick's BF is acting like a little b!tch. He's whining about stuff this chick as done with other dudes, and doesn't want to do these things himself... if he did, he would be doing it if he acted like a man.

If he isn't into kinky stuff, and is bothered with his chick's past.... then he should dump her. If he want's kinky stuff and she won;t do it for him.... he should dump her.

And if he leads into this kinky act and she has a boundary for him.... Then what?

 

[RangerMIke]

And if he leads into this kinky act and she has a boundary for him.... Then what?

Dump her. You can't make chicks do what you want... you can only look for, and find, chicks that will.

 

[MatureDJ]

Not that it matters, but there's some context missing here or maybe my browser isn't loading the same article everyone else has read. I missed the details about anal sex, morning sex, her liking it and for how long. If we are just assuming, let's assume, that those "things" might have been FFM threesoms or MMF threesoms or pegging, pi$$ play or some other wild chit. What then?

I was presuming about anal sex. It could even be fellatio that she was referring to no longer being interested in. Who knows, she might even be refusing doggie style.

 

[MatureDJ]

A women who's having "fun" is looking for a different guy than a woman she wants to "settle down" with. It hurts when I hear it, but women have told me I am more of the type of guy to have fun with than settle down. Still stings. Not that I'd ever marry again. Once per lifetime.... Rather 86 myself that do that stupid sh!t again.

Yes, it is so bad that a woman would rather have sex with you instead of cuddling like with those men ...

 

[MatureDJ]

think they should negotiate personally.

Yes, men should get married so that they can negotiate what should be NON-NEGOTIABLE.

 

[dustmuffin]

Let me use a current plate for example. She told me in the beginning that she didn't suck ****. Well we were doing 69 and she latched onto my c ock and hasn't let go. She loves to suck my ****.

She also loves anal. I didn't ask her about it I just handcuffed her from behind in the doggie position and whispered in her ear that I was going to **** my (her) a SS. She loves that I take control and do what ever I want to her.

If I was a p ussy and asked for permission I am certain her ***** would dry up fast and I would only be getting missionary s ex once a month or I would be dumped.

 

[highSpeed]

Does a female constantly nagging a man for what she wants work well?

His best bet is to do whatever he needs to go to make her feel emotionally safe with him and then ask for what he wants. Possibly even ask for it as a birthday/anniversary present.

Nagging her and emotionally blackmailing her is not going to work (does it ever?) And demonstrates how he is lacking as a partner.

It's not about nagging, it's about negotiations. In a relationship, you can't always have your way and neither can she, it's give and take. To simply say no, without any intention of the potential for negotiating, is not a good tactic for continuing a solid relationship.

 

[highSpeed]

Yes, men should get married so that they can negotiate what should be NON-NEGOTIABLE.

couldn't agree more with the sarcasm but if you find yourself in this situation, negotiation is the only sensible tool you have. Didn't say anyone should like it but if you've partnered up with someone, kids, finances, property, you can't simply do what you want, even if it's the right and fair thing, the other person has a say-so.