Should hubby not ask wifey to do things she used to do with prior lovers?

[MatureDJ]

I was reading this, and it got me perturbed:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/life...8e82ce-b9bb-11e3-9a05-c739f29ccb08_story.html

Dear Carolyn:

After multiple relationships not working out because both parties were dishonest in one way or another, I decided to use a new approach to my current relationship. I am 23, met my current boyfriend (also 23) online, and decided to be COMPLETELY HONEST.

This was meant to mostly cover my feelings, as I tended to hold things in unhealthily, but I let it fold over to all aspects, including the disclosure of my sexual history. I have now learned this was a mistake.

This man is all I’ve ever wanted in a partner, we live together, we’ve talked about getting engaged, and I’ve never had a better friend in the world. But he can’t get past what I’ve told him; he loves to throw things in my face, such as how I won’t try something with him in the bedroom that he knows I did with someone else.

How can I help him get past it? Expressing the frustration it causes me has had no effect on the way he acts or speaks about it.

So basically, wifey does not want to even do for her husband the stuff she did with her prior men? Is not hubby entitled to the best possible sexual performance wifey can do?

And of course, the columnist says that *he* needs to change!

Dirty Dirty Laundry

He is the one who has to get past it, and it doesn’t sound as if he’s trying. If he won’t try, then I don’t see any other answer than to break up.

I can’t speak for you, but “all I’ve ever wanted in a partner” is someone who accepts me as-is. You don’t have that — he’s punishing you for who you are. Are, were: Same diff, by the way

Maybe he’s just young and stupid and will eventually figure out that your life mileage is not about him, but how many cheap shots are you prepared to take from him — in the bedroom, at your most vulnerable — while you wait for him to grow up?

Unbelievable!

EDIT: Here is a comment:

Sorry, but the more I think about this one the more pissed off I get. The idea that she is somehow dangling these sex acts in front of him just buys into every "women's sexuality is there for the benefit of men" old attitude there was. What justification is there for him to be upset if he is not holding a "you did it for him so you can do it for me" attitude? This comes pretty close to "you can't rape a prostitute" territory, I'd say.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Why he didnt kick her out yet?

Not because she doesnt do that stuff with him but because she DOESNT WANT to do that stuff with him...its seems like she sees him as a teddy bear to whom have a relationship while lacking that animal drive that made her submit to her prior lovers.

We should make it clear to women that the more they demand from us compared to the othere before (committment, relationships ecc) the more they have to give us compared to those before.

I wouldnt even consider a relationship with a girl who got gangbanged or had someone break her ass and jizz inside it, I wouldnt feel her mine..even more if that breaker committed jack & sh1t with her.

Also we should tell those women that "forget the past" is out of the way...its up to them not to ruin themselves if they wanna have a decent man later.

 

[MatureDJ]

I wouldnt even consider a relationship with a girl who got gangbanged or had someone break her ass and jizz inside it, I wouldnt feel her mine..even more if that breaker committed jack & sh1t with her.

Also we should tell those women that "forget the past" is out of the way...its up to them not to ruin themselves if they wanna have a decent man later.

I am not a fan of anal, so I think I would find it difficult to continue with a woman who had done anal.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I kinda wonder why they feel the need to put on these ‘acts’ when it comes to something like marriage. Like what goes on in your mind to where you feel the need to treat your husband as less than other guys if he’s everything you want in a man, while you’ve given others more when they only wanted to use you essentially?

Yeah it’s upsetting. On a biological level, sex is the highest thing a woman can give to a man. It’s the number one hung she can do for him and we just feel this inside. So when we have to put in so much work to just barely be able to get what other men get seemingly for free, it really doesn’t make us feel good. We have to be married to you and only give us pity sex once in a blue moon? Whereas with those other dudes you you’ve had a one night stand with, you let them smash your ass and do it all to you and you’ll like it too. Shameful. You put your husband through more sexual hell when he cares about you more than those guys ever did. You’ve even given yourself away to those others so freely. Why should he have to work so hard for a lesser result? This is why a woman with a promiscuous past sucks. Because of the reasons I’ve just mentioned above. It feels akin to marrying a prostitute when we find things out like this.

 

[sazc]

The way I read it is that she most likely didn't want to do those things with her past lovers, but she suppressed her honest feelings in favor of him, and participated.

Now she has decided to be healthy, and completely honest, and not do things in the bedroom that she doesn't want to.

If she didn't want to participate in these acts in the past, and she's decided to honor her truth, why would he pressure her to do things that she found sexually uncomfortable?

That's a man who is being selfish, not a man who really cares about her feelings. If he feels that strongly that she needs to be more sexually adventurous then he should dump her due to incompatibility.

If he continues to press her to perform sexually in a manner that she is not comfortable, then she should dump him due to incompatibility.

Nobody is wrong here. If people would get TOTALLY HONEST about compatibility they would waste less time and not ake things personally.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I was reading this, and it got me perturbed:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/life...8e82ce-b9bb-11e3-9a05-c739f29ccb08_story.html


So basically, wifey does not want to even do for her husband the stuff she did with her prior men? Is not hubby entitled to the best possible sexual performance wifey can do?

And of course, the columnist says that *he* needs to change!




Unbelievable!

EDIT: Here is a comment:

Omfg . But we already knew this was societies viewpoint on sosuave.

 

[Spaz]

The man made an error. His mistake.

He should have tested her prior to marriage in all possible positions with every fantasy he has ever desired and she must enjoy every bit of it before marrying her.

 

[RangerMIke]

I don't think it's a good idea to talk about past lovers... not sure what she was thinking would happen, but IMO she shouldn't complain.

If she is with a guy that is hung up on her sexual past then she should just dump him... and if the dude can't stand the fact that his snowflake princess was freaky with other dudes... well then he should dump her.

Never try to make sh!t work if it won't work. Always remember... you can never un-say what has been said.

 

[Who Dares Win]

The way I read it is that she most likely didn't want to do those things with her past lovers, but she suppressed her honest feelings in favor of him, and participated.

Now she has decided to be healthy, and completely honest, and not do things in the bedroom that she doesn't want to.

If she didn't want to participate in these acts in the past, and she's decided to honor her truth, why would he pressure her to do things that she found sexually uncomfortable?

That's a man who is being selfish, not a man who really cares about her feelings. If he feels that strongly that she needs to be more sexually adventurous then he should dump her due to incompatibility.

If he continues to press her to perform sexually in a manner that she is not comfortable, then she should dump him due to incompatibility.

Nobody is wrong here. If people would get TOTALLY HONEST about compatibility they would waste less time and not ake things personally.

Nobody is wrong here but the man is selfish...then your solution is more communication...lol

Anyway thanks for your sincerity, the more I read women being "honest" the more Im sure uncommitted pump&dump on a soft mgtow frame is the best option.

 

[AJ84]

I don't think it's a good idea to talk about past lovers... not sure what she was thinking would happen, but IMO she shouldn't complain.

If she is with a guy that is hung up on her sexual past then she should just dump him... and if the dude can't stand the fact that his snowflake princess was freaky with other dudes... well then he should dump her.

Never try to make sh!t work if it won't work. Always remember... you can never un-say what has been said.

I agree. Sometimes it's not a good idea to bring up stuff from the past. Not everything has to be shared. My experience has been guys don't usually want to know her sexual history anyway and it doesn't seem from the article that he was asking for this info.
My money is on her not making that mistake again lol.

 

[lizardking82]

A girl is going to do nothing with me that she "likes". Whatever a girl likes is what her last boyfriend "taught" her or wanted her to do. When with me, she is going to do and explore the things I like.

Remember, your desires come first.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don't think it's a good idea to talk about past lovers... not sure what she was thinking would happen, but IMO she shouldn't complain.

If she is with a guy that is hung up on her sexual past then she should just dump him... and if the dude can't stand the fact that his snowflake princess was freaky with other dudes... well then he should dump her.

Never try to make sh!t work if it won't work. Always remember... you can never un-say what has been said.

Who the hell wants someone that been freaky with others but not you?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

A girl is going to do nothing with me that she "likes". Whatever a girl likes is what her last boyfriend "taught" her or wanted her to do. When with me, she is going to do and explore the things I like.

Remember, your desires come first.

A girl is going to do nothing with me that she "likes". Whatever a girl likes is what her last boyfriend "taught" her or wanted her to do. When with me, she is going to do and explore the things I like.

Remember, your desires come first.

This is how I am. She gonna have to learn how to please me. Some canned prelearned shyt won't cut it .

 

[highSpeed]

The way I read it is that she most likely didn't want to do those things with her past lovers, but she suppressed her honest feelings in favor of him, and participated.

Now she has decided to be healthy, and completely honest, and not do things in the bedroom that she doesn't want to.

If she didn't want to participate in these acts in the past, and she's decided to honor her truth, why would he pressure her to do things that she found sexually uncomfortable?

That's a man who is being selfish, not a man who really cares about her feelings. If he feels that strongly that she needs to be more sexually adventurous then he should dump her due to incompatibility.

If he continues to press her to perform sexually in a manner that she is not comfortable, then she should dump him due to incompatibility.

Nobody is wrong here. If people would get TOTALLY HONEST about compatibility they would waste less time and not ake things personally.

Then why be honest about it? Why tell him, "oh, I've done this, this and this", it's almost like a tease if he's interested in trying those things. Better to say, "oh, I've never done those things and never would" than to let him know you have and are now holding the line on trying those things with him. To me and to a lot of guys, that sounds an awful lot like she was interested enough in those other guys to do things, but not enough with him. If she really felt that way, perhaps this guy isn't going to work out for her and she should move on. If you leave that hanging out there, it's always going to be a point of friction in the relationship. He's always going to feel lesser that she would do those things with others and not him.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Then why be honest about it? Why tell him, "oh, I've done this, this and this", it's almost like a tease if he's interested in trying those things. Better to say, "oh, I've never done those things and never would" than to let him know you have and are now holding the line on trying those things with him. To me and to a lot of guys, that sounds an awful lot like she was interested enough in those other guys to do things, but not enough with him. If she really felt that way, perhaps this guy isn't going to work out for her and she should move on. If you leave that hanging out there, it's always going to be a point of friction in the relationship. He's always going to feel lesser that she would do those things with others and not him.

This is like the guy who wanted anal and oral from his wife for years. And get squashed his desire . While cleaning the attic he found a sex tape were he saw her enjoying both of those acts with others. That was the end of that.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Don't ask don't tell. Only thing that matters is what your wife is willing to do for you. You shouldn't be asking what she did with prior men.

 

[sazc]

Then why be honest about it? Why tell him, "oh, I've done this, this and this", it's almost like a tease if he's interested in trying those things. Better to say, "oh, I've never done those things and never would" than to let him know you have and are now holding the line on trying those things with him. To me and to a lot of guys, that sounds an awful lot like she was interested enough in those other guys to do things, but not enough with him. If she really felt that way, perhaps this guy isn't going to work out for her and she should move on. If you leave that hanging out there, it's always going to be a point of friction in the relationship. He's always going to feel lesser that she would do those things with others and not him.

No, it's never better to lie to your significant other.

 

[EyeBRollin]

No, it's never better to lie to your significant other.

Horrible advice. Lying is required in successful relationships. They are also better when both parties are smart enough not to ask questions they don't want to know the answer to.

 

[highSpeed]

No, it's never better to lie to your significant other.

sure, be honest but why get there in the first place if you're not willing to be adventurous in the sexual department in the first place. Does any female think that their man is happy is with straight missionary, once a month or once every other month and that's it? Do they not know that the guy probably wants to try all kinds of things? That's playing dumb, hoping to get a guy to catch feelings, stay and put up with an inferior relationship, enforced by the long arm of the law.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Horrible advice. Lying is required in successful relationships. They are also better when both parties are smart enough not to ask questions they don't want to know the answer to.

A relationship where she was a freak with others but not the husband is a fail.