First post here, thought I'd finally drop in.
Where to start... Was about mid June of this year, new town for just under a year. Got acquainted with my neighbor who is a single mom (lots of stories that have been shared as of this point). A month or so later she introduces me to her daughter, we end up talking heavily for a couple hours about random stuff, and she seems pretty cool and we can really talk about random **** freely.
Next day, I'm invited over for dinner with her and her mother, all goes real well. We have drinks and all... Night gets late, me and this girl end up walking around and drinking, having fun. Leads to some kino, progresses from there and she ends up wanting to ****. I decline, no rubbers. Allthough I am really drunk, it seems kind of weird... couldn't do it. Nonetheless, some foreplay outdoors - just short of ****ing.
Day after we hang out, go for some food. At night, same thing but at my place (no drinking) and we end up talking about sex in a casual way. Leads to kino and getting each other off. Day after that we end up ****ing. We get closer, she sticks around for the better part of a month (****ing like animals, crazy sex mind you...). Stays at my house overnight, (cuddling and all, even introduces me to her best friend on the phone etc). Ends up having to go back home which is out of town, but we stay in contact for about a month, she even includes me with her friends on phone calls etc while shes gone.
She makes plans with me to come back and visit her mother at the same time, ends up staying for a couple weeks (during this time I take them out for a belated birthday dinner which me and her mother had arranged before her daughter came back to visit). Again - tons of sex, really good too (She also spends the night the whole time she is visiting). We spend quite a bit of time together during her time here, and genuinely hang out as well as **** the sh... out of each other. Towards the end of the stay she ends up doing something that compromises my ability to trust her judgement at times, nothing related to sex or any of that - completely external.
We end up talking the same night while being really drunk, and she mentions a room mate / ex that shes going on a trip with afterwards. Next day we have a talk about all the **** tell her I just need to be able to trust her judgement not to do stupid **** at the wrong time, room-mate issue doesn't bother me (this guy sounds 100% AFC) as I tell her as long as this guy isn't committed mutually, I am totally game for some fun. But I lay the ground rule that if theres an actual relationship, she needs to stop ****ing around.
I'm told its all in the past, relationship came to a weird end, and is now really awkward. I could care less to hear it - im getting laid without commitment here. We end up having sex for the last couple nights after this talk, and she heads back home. Couple days later after were still in contact via text she sends me a message saying she "got" to go on this trip with her female friend, trying to be deceptive of this room mate thing.
I call her on the bull****, and tell her we already talked about the need for honesty ETC. She forgot she had mentioned this roomie guy (I know she isnt bull****ting about that, as its part of what compromised my trust that night). She apologizes in text, I go NC and she tries calling me a few times. 2-3 days later I finally answer and we end up talking. I tell her that if she is going to be deceptive, I want nothing to do with the bull**** and she can basically take a hike. She apologizes, thanks me for understanding and asks the relationship question "do you still want to be in a relationship with me?"
I tell her yes, but if this guys still in her mind I'm not up for it. She admits shes in a transition stage and needs to get over this guy. I told her to do what she feels she needs, but theres no contact with me while shes involved with this guy. I tell her we will maybe talk next time she is in town, but she kind of pushes for "it doesn't have to be that long, things wont be so awkward once i move out." Either way, conversation ends well and she basically agrees. Haven't talked to her for like a week, week and a half since.
Day before this transpired, she calls me up. Really excited and happy about her mother helping her find a new place to rent near university, and that I should come visit any time when shes moved in. I know its true because her mother talks to me on text as well. So basically, its stuck at this NC phase and theres no way in hell im going to initiate this girl if she doesn't know what the **** she wants. (Especially with some guy in the mix)
All sounds good, now down to the details which should make this pretty much a given "NEXT!!!!" for anyone. Although, this one confuses the **** out of me so I feel it is for my benefit and yours that I try to figure this one out.
This girl seems to meet quite a few symptoms of BPD...history of abuse, cutting history, some dissociative issues, was estranged from her dad for a bit but is now VERY close with him. She seems to flirt with other guys more than she should when we are out drinking, but it's hard to see if this is just the subconcious AFC testing to see if I'll **** up, but nothing so far as we had sex up to the last night she left.
My gut says NEXT this girl instantly... and I should. Too many ****ing issues, and if shes with another guy... no question lol. That's where it SHOULD be a rhetorical issue. I am not one to become emotionally attached to anything really. But... me being me, I am totally ****ing curious as to what this girl wants, and am compelled to find out for whatever reason. Thus, I am asking the opinions of those out there willing to share them.
My thoughts are on pretty much these motives.
#1, this girl is BPD and wants to **** me around for whatever sick domination issues she has going on towards men (she is nuts in bed... really)
#2, She really just finds me attractive compared to this AFC roomie, and needs her snatch tickled when she is bored (im not complaining there, i like to have fun too). But.. if this guy is mutual and a roomie paying for trips I want nothing to do with it... even the sex.
#3, she is actually interested and wanting to get more serious, remember I am pretty close to her mom as well. (would explain the moving out phone call, as well as sharing a lot of really personal things in BOTH of their lives).
Or last on my mind #4, things aren't going so good with this other guy so she feels the need to have some other guy chase her for whatever esteem issues may be present in her life.
So, what do you guys think? I know this girl is 99.9% not LTR material, plus she lives out of town. HOWEVER, I am seriously curious about these motives.... I could move on and give this girl no other thought if need be, but the only thing that REALLY confuses me is how close her mother seems to watch this relationship, and keep me in HER life as well.
Do you think this girl is actually wanting to get serious, and talking with her mother about it? If that's the case I need to play this one EXTREMELY carefully as I have the suspicions of BPD.
OR -- do you think this girl just wants to **** and have some fun while she is away from university and her room-mate.
Would love to hear what ya guys think.
-Robot
Where to start... Was about mid June of this year, new town for just under a year. Got acquainted with my neighbor who is a single mom (lots of stories that have been shared as of this point). A month or so later she introduces me to her daughter, we end up talking heavily for a couple hours about random stuff, and she seems pretty cool and we can really talk about random **** freely.
Next day, I'm invited over for dinner with her and her mother, all goes real well. We have drinks and all... Night gets late, me and this girl end up walking around and drinking, having fun. Leads to some kino, progresses from there and she ends up wanting to ****. I decline, no rubbers. Allthough I am really drunk, it seems kind of weird... couldn't do it. Nonetheless, some foreplay outdoors - just short of ****ing.
Day after we hang out, go for some food. At night, same thing but at my place (no drinking) and we end up talking about sex in a casual way. Leads to kino and getting each other off. Day after that we end up ****ing. We get closer, she sticks around for the better part of a month (****ing like animals, crazy sex mind you...). Stays at my house overnight, (cuddling and all, even introduces me to her best friend on the phone etc). Ends up having to go back home which is out of town, but we stay in contact for about a month, she even includes me with her friends on phone calls etc while shes gone.
She makes plans with me to come back and visit her mother at the same time, ends up staying for a couple weeks (during this time I take them out for a belated birthday dinner which me and her mother had arranged before her daughter came back to visit). Again - tons of sex, really good too (She also spends the night the whole time she is visiting). We spend quite a bit of time together during her time here, and genuinely hang out as well as **** the sh... out of each other. Towards the end of the stay she ends up doing something that compromises my ability to trust her judgement at times, nothing related to sex or any of that - completely external.
We end up talking the same night while being really drunk, and she mentions a room mate / ex that shes going on a trip with afterwards. Next day we have a talk about all the **** tell her I just need to be able to trust her judgement not to do stupid **** at the wrong time, room-mate issue doesn't bother me (this guy sounds 100% AFC) as I tell her as long as this guy isn't committed mutually, I am totally game for some fun. But I lay the ground rule that if theres an actual relationship, she needs to stop ****ing around.
I'm told its all in the past, relationship came to a weird end, and is now really awkward. I could care less to hear it - im getting laid without commitment here. We end up having sex for the last couple nights after this talk, and she heads back home. Couple days later after were still in contact via text she sends me a message saying she "got" to go on this trip with her female friend, trying to be deceptive of this room mate thing.
I call her on the bull****, and tell her we already talked about the need for honesty ETC. She forgot she had mentioned this roomie guy (I know she isnt bull****ting about that, as its part of what compromised my trust that night). She apologizes in text, I go NC and she tries calling me a few times. 2-3 days later I finally answer and we end up talking. I tell her that if she is going to be deceptive, I want nothing to do with the bull**** and she can basically take a hike. She apologizes, thanks me for understanding and asks the relationship question "do you still want to be in a relationship with me?"
I tell her yes, but if this guys still in her mind I'm not up for it. She admits shes in a transition stage and needs to get over this guy. I told her to do what she feels she needs, but theres no contact with me while shes involved with this guy. I tell her we will maybe talk next time she is in town, but she kind of pushes for "it doesn't have to be that long, things wont be so awkward once i move out." Either way, conversation ends well and she basically agrees. Haven't talked to her for like a week, week and a half since.
Day before this transpired, she calls me up. Really excited and happy about her mother helping her find a new place to rent near university, and that I should come visit any time when shes moved in. I know its true because her mother talks to me on text as well. So basically, its stuck at this NC phase and theres no way in hell im going to initiate this girl if she doesn't know what the **** she wants. (Especially with some guy in the mix)
All sounds good, now down to the details which should make this pretty much a given "NEXT!!!!" for anyone. Although, this one confuses the **** out of me so I feel it is for my benefit and yours that I try to figure this one out.
This girl seems to meet quite a few symptoms of BPD...history of abuse, cutting history, some dissociative issues, was estranged from her dad for a bit but is now VERY close with him. She seems to flirt with other guys more than she should when we are out drinking, but it's hard to see if this is just the subconcious AFC testing to see if I'll **** up, but nothing so far as we had sex up to the last night she left.
My gut says NEXT this girl instantly... and I should. Too many ****ing issues, and if shes with another guy... no question lol. That's where it SHOULD be a rhetorical issue. I am not one to become emotionally attached to anything really. But... me being me, I am totally ****ing curious as to what this girl wants, and am compelled to find out for whatever reason. Thus, I am asking the opinions of those out there willing to share them.
My thoughts are on pretty much these motives.
#1, this girl is BPD and wants to **** me around for whatever sick domination issues she has going on towards men (she is nuts in bed... really)
#2, She really just finds me attractive compared to this AFC roomie, and needs her snatch tickled when she is bored (im not complaining there, i like to have fun too). But.. if this guy is mutual and a roomie paying for trips I want nothing to do with it... even the sex.
#3, she is actually interested and wanting to get more serious, remember I am pretty close to her mom as well. (would explain the moving out phone call, as well as sharing a lot of really personal things in BOTH of their lives).
Or last on my mind #4, things aren't going so good with this other guy so she feels the need to have some other guy chase her for whatever esteem issues may be present in her life.
So, what do you guys think? I know this girl is 99.9% not LTR material, plus she lives out of town. HOWEVER, I am seriously curious about these motives.... I could move on and give this girl no other thought if need be, but the only thing that REALLY confuses me is how close her mother seems to watch this relationship, and keep me in HER life as well.
Do you think this girl is actually wanting to get serious, and talking with her mother about it? If that's the case I need to play this one EXTREMELY carefully as I have the suspicions of BPD.
OR -- do you think this girl just wants to **** and have some fun while she is away from university and her room-mate.
Would love to hear what ya guys think.
-Robot