Should be Rhetorical

[l2obot224]

First post here, thought I'd finally drop in.

Where to start... Was about mid June of this year, new town for just under a year. Got acquainted with my neighbor who is a single mom (lots of stories that have been shared as of this point). A month or so later she introduces me to her daughter, we end up talking heavily for a couple hours about random stuff, and she seems pretty cool and we can really talk about random **** freely.

Next day, I'm invited over for dinner with her and her mother, all goes real well. We have drinks and all... Night gets late, me and this girl end up walking around and drinking, having fun. Leads to some kino, progresses from there and she ends up wanting to ****. I decline, no rubbers. Allthough I am really drunk, it seems kind of weird... couldn't do it. Nonetheless, some foreplay outdoors - just short of ****ing.

Day after we hang out, go for some food. At night, same thing but at my place (no drinking) and we end up talking about sex in a casual way. Leads to kino and getting each other off. Day after that we end up ****ing. We get closer, she sticks around for the better part of a month (****ing like animals, crazy sex mind you...). Stays at my house overnight, (cuddling and all, even introduces me to her best friend on the phone etc). Ends up having to go back home which is out of town, but we stay in contact for about a month, she even includes me with her friends on phone calls etc while shes gone.

She makes plans with me to come back and visit her mother at the same time, ends up staying for a couple weeks (during this time I take them out for a belated birthday dinner which me and her mother had arranged before her daughter came back to visit). Again - tons of sex, really good too (She also spends the night the whole time she is visiting). We spend quite a bit of time together during her time here, and genuinely hang out as well as **** the sh... out of each other. Towards the end of the stay she ends up doing something that compromises my ability to trust her judgement at times, nothing related to sex or any of that - completely external.

We end up talking the same night while being really drunk, and she mentions a room mate / ex that shes going on a trip with afterwards. Next day we have a talk about all the **** tell her I just need to be able to trust her judgement not to do stupid **** at the wrong time, room-mate issue doesn't bother me (this guy sounds 100% AFC) as I tell her as long as this guy isn't committed mutually, I am totally game for some fun. But I lay the ground rule that if theres an actual relationship, she needs to stop ****ing around.

I'm told its all in the past, relationship came to a weird end, and is now really awkward. I could care less to hear it - im getting laid without commitment here. We end up having sex for the last couple nights after this talk, and she heads back home. Couple days later after were still in contact via text she sends me a message saying she "got" to go on this trip with her female friend, trying to be deceptive of this room mate thing.

I call her on the bull****, and tell her we already talked about the need for honesty ETC. She forgot she had mentioned this roomie guy (I know she isnt bull****ting about that, as its part of what compromised my trust that night). She apologizes in text, I go NC and she tries calling me a few times. 2-3 days later I finally answer and we end up talking. I tell her that if she is going to be deceptive, I want nothing to do with the bull**** and she can basically take a hike. She apologizes, thanks me for understanding and asks the relationship question "do you still want to be in a relationship with me?"

I tell her yes, but if this guys still in her mind I'm not up for it. She admits shes in a transition stage and needs to get over this guy. I told her to do what she feels she needs, but theres no contact with me while shes involved with this guy. I tell her we will maybe talk next time she is in town, but she kind of pushes for "it doesn't have to be that long, things wont be so awkward once i move out." Either way, conversation ends well and she basically agrees. Haven't talked to her for like a week, week and a half since.

Day before this transpired, she calls me up. Really excited and happy about her mother helping her find a new place to rent near university, and that I should come visit any time when shes moved in. I know its true because her mother talks to me on text as well. So basically, its stuck at this NC phase and theres no way in hell im going to initiate this girl if she doesn't know what the **** she wants. (Especially with some guy in the mix)

All sounds good, now down to the details which should make this pretty much a given "NEXT!!!!" for anyone. Although, this one confuses the **** out of me so I feel it is for my benefit and yours that I try to figure this one out.

This girl seems to meet quite a few symptoms of BPD...history of abuse, cutting history, some dissociative issues, was estranged from her dad for a bit but is now VERY close with him. She seems to flirt with other guys more than she should when we are out drinking, but it's hard to see if this is just the subconcious AFC testing to see if I'll **** up, but nothing so far as we had sex up to the last night she left.

My gut says NEXT this girl instantly... and I should. Too many ****ing issues, and if shes with another guy... no question lol. That's where it SHOULD be a rhetorical issue. I am not one to become emotionally attached to anything really. But... me being me, I am totally ****ing curious as to what this girl wants, and am compelled to find out for whatever reason. Thus, I am asking the opinions of those out there willing to share them.

My thoughts are on pretty much these motives.

#1, this girl is BPD and wants to **** me around for whatever sick domination issues she has going on towards men (she is nuts in bed... really)

#2, She really just finds me attractive compared to this AFC roomie, and needs her snatch tickled when she is bored (im not complaining there, i like to have fun too). But.. if this guy is mutual and a roomie paying for trips I want nothing to do with it... even the sex.

#3, she is actually interested and wanting to get more serious, remember I am pretty close to her mom as well. (would explain the moving out phone call, as well as sharing a lot of really personal things in BOTH of their lives).

Or last on my mind #4, things aren't going so good with this other guy so she feels the need to have some other guy chase her for whatever esteem issues may be present in her life.

So, what do you guys think? I know this girl is 99.9% not LTR material, plus she lives out of town. HOWEVER, I am seriously curious about these motives.... I could move on and give this girl no other thought if need be, but the only thing that REALLY confuses me is how close her mother seems to watch this relationship, and keep me in HER life as well.

Do you think this girl is actually wanting to get serious, and talking with her mother about it? If that's the case I need to play this one EXTREMELY carefully as I have the suspicions of BPD.

OR -- do you think this girl just wants to **** and have some fun while she is away from university and her room-mate.

Would love to hear what ya guys think.

-Robot

 

[ludis]

edit: AW flags all over the place. You're being played but you already know that.

Trust the gut. Detach. Regain inner balance and objective perspective. Be relentless.

 

[iamnobody]

My gut says NEXT this girl instantly

Go with your gut feeling as your best option. However, to satisfy your curiosity, you can throw another girl as competition in the mix yourself and see what happens.

She really just finds me attractive compared to this AFC roomie

if this would’ve been true, the roomie would be unexistant, instead of being an issue. If she fvcks him (from what you said she might as well be), she is attracted to him. Period. Never underestimate another dude, no matter how AFC he may seem to be.

she is actually interested and wanting to get more serious, remember I am pretty close to her mom as well.

if this is what she wants, she goes the wrong way about it. My guess would be it’s not what she wants. If she can swing between two guys feeding her attention, why should she quit doing it? It’s like asking a crack head if he wants a Pepsi instead of crack.
If she is BPD, she will try to fog the sh1t out of you, stay alert for the smoke screens will appear out of thin air.

 

[Maximus Rex]

First post here, thought I'd finally drop in.

Where to start... Was about mid June of this year, new town for just under a year. Got acquainted with my neighbor who is a single mom....
-Robot

Your main mistake...http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2063817#post2063817

15) Baby Damage

Child birth has a traumatic effect on the female form. Pregnancy leaves stretch marks, saggy breasts, and c-section scars. I've also heard that the nookie is even stretch out and it isn't the same anymore. Then there's the weight gain. Some chicks NEVER LOSE IT, or they never get their former hot shape back.

14) Babies Interrupt Nutbusting

I've had this happen to me. I was banging a chick and her kid interrupted my sex. Needless to say I was pissed. If some kid is going to interrupt the meanest head you've ever gotten, that kid should have your last name.

13) Scheduling and Logistical Problems

Chicks will use this as an excuse to get out of date with you or they may legitimately can't find a baby sitter. Either case it isn't your problem. By avoiding single mothers you effectively eliminate to excuse from ever being used.

12) Is He The One?

This is only a problem if your trying to pursue something other than a booty call. Wanting to spend time with you, but not wanting to bring strange men around her kids, you find yourself only seeing this chick after 10 or 11PM. You want to move forward, but she has to make sure your the "one." This could take months. It's bad enough these chicks are "interviewing," you to be a potential boyfriend, but these chicks are now gauging your parenting and fathering skills? AH, HELL NAW!!! F*CK YOU AND THAT!!! I suggest dealing only with chicks that are readily available to hang out.

11) Rent-A-Daddy

Realizing her mistake, realizing that kids (especially boys need fathers,) The chick gets desperate. Any and every guy has the potential to be "daddy."

10) Double Your Heart Break

Your with the chick then everything falls apart. You not only do you have to deal with losing the chick, but you've formed a bond with lil' Jimmy. You and Jimmy play HALO together, watch the A's toss the ball around, go to the zoo, and things dads do with sons or daughters. On top of maybe missing the chick, you miss the kid. The cold part about it is, you may miss the kid more than you the chick.

9) Unnecessary Expenditures

Contrary to that sh*t women spew about "not needing a man to spend money or take care of their kids," guess what's going to happen if relationship moves forward,YOUR GOING TO BE SPENDING YOUR HARD EARNED MONEY ON HER KID!!! Your six months to a year or year an half into a relationship with this chick. You mean to tell me NOT EVEN ONCE, your going pay this kid a video game, this month's issue of Batman, a cake for her birthday, some school clothes, or a Christmas present? Or course you will, especially if they father isn't around. Also early in the relationship, if your feeling the chick, if she can't get a sitter, either you or she will suggest bring the kid along. Suddenly those romantic evening you had planned for that fly little lounge get tossed for family outings at Chuck E. Cheese.

8) You Know What She Going To If She Gets Pregnant

There's a school of thought that says single mothers are easy to f*ck. The irony is that the same chicks that believe in premartial sex, when they get pregnant, suddenly have an epiphany, find Jesus, and won't have an abortion. Knowing this fact, do you really want to be this father of this woman's child?

7) Decision Making and Judgment Skills Are On Display

This chick got knocked up by somebody that she was "supposedly in love with." Not only is she a bad judge of character, she's GROSSLY irresponsible. The same guy that's an inattentive, insensate, abusive a$$hole now, is the same guy she thought the world of and had unprotected sex with.

6) You'll Never Be#1

When your trying to build a relationship with somebody, you should be the focus of the woman's life. It should be about you and her. If she has a kid, you'll NEVER BE #1!!! That's not a bad thing either, but it's something I don't want to deal with. Neither should you.

5) Resentful Little Bastards

I recently experienced this. Though it happen to me personally. This chick I'm messing with, her best friend is involved with a co-worker. Thing is baby girl just broke with her "baby's daddy," for good after eight tumultuous years.
The daughter though a bright and sweet little girl, is a f*cking brat. Even though her parents had a f*cked up relationship, (due to her father and his issues,) it was all she knew. Due to her age, (the little girl is eight,) all she want is her mom and dad to be together. Being upset, jealous, resentful, and wanting a return to normalcy, the little girl told her grandmother, (my bed buddy's friend's mother,) that her mom loved her new boyfriend more than her.

If your dealing with a single mother, not only do you have to win over the chick, you have to win over the kid(s), something that may or may not ever happen. When your dealing with a chick, you shouldn't have to worry about a third party trying to sabotage your relationship.

4) Reduction In The Number Of Children You Want To Have

We all have an idea of the number of kids we want to eventually have. If you get involved with a woman with children, you can significantly reduce the number of children that you planned on having. If a chick already has 1,2,3,4 kids, how many more do you expect her to have? Or what if she's one of those woman that have problem pregnancies and getting pregnancy effects her health or puts her life in jeopardy? Adoption is cool and I'm a big proponent of it, but there's something about having your on kid.

3) Your Not My Dad

You hook up with the chick. Eventually the issue of discipline is going to come up. Some kids being resentful or just being a bratty prick is going to eventually pull the "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! YOUR NOT MY DAD!!!" card. Personally, if I did date single mothers and some dumba$$ kid pulled that stunt on me, I would say, "Your right. I'm not your father. Since I have no authority over you and you refuse to listen to me, you need to pack your sh*t and go live with your dad." This would be a deal breaker for me. In addition some chicks or the dad would have problem with you disciplining their kid. I'm sorry, if some kid broke one of my G.I. Joes, I'm whooping his a$$.

2) Baby's Daddy

When your dealing with a chick and your getting know her, you shouldn't have to deal with kid's father. Some guys can't get over the fact that their ex has moved on. Before he was an inattentive jerk and didn't give a jolly goddamn about her. Now that you've entered into the picture, the dude wants to be the ideal boyfriend and a "father of the year," nominee." The guy stars stalking her and wants to fight you. Even if the chick and guy are on good terms, the guy feels as if he can always smash. He knows her. He knows what she wants to hear and what makes her happy. The next thing you know, your having this conversation. "I've decided to try and make it work with Jimmy's dad." Best way to avoid the situation is to avoid single moms.

1) Tag, Your It!!!!

This should be the BIGGEST deterrent to EVER dealing with a single mother. In some jurisdictions, I think California is one of them, if you start dealing with a chick with kids, move in with her and things go south. THE CHICK CAN SUE YOU FOR CHILD SUPPORT!!!! She can claim that the her and child have "become accustomed to you supporting the child." YOU COULD END UP POSSIBLY PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FOR A KID THAT ISN'T EVEN YOURS!!!! Imagine being extorted money because you were doing what you thought was the "right thing." The state doesn't give a rat's a$$ about the relationship being over or you being a "good guy." They just don't want the chick on welfare. So as far as your concerned, "TAG, YOUR IT!!!"

The only reason why one should EVEN CONSIDER single mom, it's because it's FOR SURE A$$ and she's the one doing the pursing. She's being the aggressor, she asked for the number, she's calling, she's setting up the date. Even then, she's just there until something better comes along. Instead of putting all the time and effort into M.I.L.F.s That effort would be better spent on G.I.L.F.s

 

[l2obot224]

Thanks for all the replies, pretty much just confirming whats running though my head but you know, curiosity.

Also just to clarify something, when I said "Got acquainted with my neighbor who is a single mom...." I didn't mean sexually with the mother. I was ****ing her daughter. Just thought id clear that up, as someone seemed to interpret it as me banging a single mom, not going to happen.