She's still attached to her ex?? Insights appreciated!

[thecurtainfalls]

Hey guys, I could use some insight into my situation. Met this HB8.5 at school, started rapport early in the semester, and we started clicking instantly. We have tons of chemistry, as noted not just by each other, but also by pretty much everyone we're in classes with, including our professors. I have made a herculean effort as far as all the usual C+F, social proof, etc goes. I have been running very consistent, tight game on this girl every day for the last 4-ish months.

The twist is that for the last couple of semesters she's been dating this guy, and he's REALLY into her (probably because she's WAY too good for him), but she (coincidentally?) broke up with him in the last week or so. Over the last 3 weeks, this HB and I have been hanging out a bit as well, mostly to study but also occasionally just to hang. She calls me ALL THE TIME... it's been weeks since a day passed without at least an unprompted text from her. I never call her, and only selectively reply when she contacts me.

I thought I was either in great shape, or inextricably mired in the friend zone until I finally dropped the hammer and asked her in a fairly smooth, DJ way how long we should wait until her and I start going out as more than just friends. We then proceeded to have a conversation where she admitted that she has been considering dating me for a while now and is attracted to me/really likes me, etc. But she is really worried about her ex's role in all of this. She says that he was already having jealousy issues because of how well her and I get along, etc. She thinks it would crush him if we started dating.

I made sure not to bash him, because I know bashing the ex just gets the girl defensive, but I tried to make some good points as to why we'd work out together, and she seemed to agree with everything I was saying. This was last night. The conversation wound down without a real resolution, but as she was leaving, she said she would call me today because she wants to hang out tonight.

So, short story long.... what the f@ck do I do now? My friends are telling me to stay on the aggressive side of things and possibly even try to hook up with her tonight, but I want to make sure I handle this situation carefully because I do NOT want to botch this situation, this girl is way too hot.

Thanks for reading all this and if the more experienced DJs in particular have any insights at all I would be grateful to hear them.

Cheers!

 

[Last Man Standing]

Ok - do nothing!!! you already have her - no need to fight over her - give it time! But don't let her lead you - you must lead!

 

[Maximus Rex]

Her boyfriend is her problem and tell her to "square him away," before she comes f*cking with you. The means she goes and tells him it's over and she doesn't want to see him anymore and if necessary she'll file a restraining order and have him arrested. It's on her to handle this, if she doesn't handle it, don't mess with her because it will be more trouble than it's worth.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Agreed, but I guess I'm not sure how to say that without sounding like the impatient butthole that I am.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo thecurtainfalls,


I DO think it's wise to find out exactly what she means by the boyfriend having "jealousy issues". If he has jealousy issues and is prone to depression, then it's HIS problem.

But if he has "jealousy issues" and is prone to violence, then he could be YOUR problem. Do a little more probing in your usual ****y/funny way and see what answers she's willing to elaborate on. Your safety and HERS is important enough to delve into this matter a little further.

Now having said that, as far as how NOT to blow it with this girl, I say follow EXACTLY what LAST MAN STANDING has said. You CONTINUE to take the lead.

Relationships, whether it's a one nite stand, a short term affair, or a longterm commitment, all have ONE thing in common. They are all VEHICLES.

Why do I them vehicles? Because they must be DRIVEN. And anything that must be driven HAS to have someone willing and able to take the Driver's Seat. And that someone is YOU, my friend. lol

It's a natual, divinely instituted order of things. Women must be led. They draw their comfort and security from having good leadership. But in the absence of a DECISIVE man to lead them, most of them will rush in and take the Driver's Seat themselves. And I've found that even if they're able to take the relationship where want it to go, they will ALWAYS have resentment towards the man who didn't drive them there himself.

So, as a precaution, continue to be proactive. Notice that this girl is probably most at ease with you when she is not intellecualizing about being in your company. No. She's probably far more comfortable when she is just vibing off the feeling of being in your presence----when her critical mind is turned OFF and her femininity and her emotional rollercoaster is turned ON.

Capitalize on this. Continue to be the man. Invite her over. Watch a movie or something. Soften and deepen your voice and use plenty of eye contact to keep her mesmerized. Then touch her more and more as the night progresses. Then eventually make your confident sexual overture towards her.

Don't TALK about it, or acknowledge any of her turn-off rationalizations, just DO IT. Continue to be the magnetic man and she will definitely give in to a kiss, a passionate grope-out session, or even SEX. If her high interest in you is real, I'm betting this girl will follow WHEREVER you lead----as long as you make her feel comfortable about it.

Now, you KNOW I'm not talking about trying to get the girl DRUNK, or trying to take a RAPE charge here. lol But what I AM saying is whenever a woman is telling you to "STOP" while SHE'S taking off her OWN clothes and YOURS TOO----you know to go with her actions rather than her words.



Anyway, soldier. That's how I would proceed with this mission.




March on.

 

[Jay Jay]

Well

Victory Unlimited and Last Man Standing said it all, but being bored at work with nothing to do I'll say the same things in a different way.

Firstly, you'll learn that with hot chicks there is ALWAYS some other shmuck on the scene in the form of an ex or a AFC who's been LJF and hangs around at first (these types will try to use their "friendship" to undermine your relationship).

For many years I continually stuffed up by getting the ****s about these other guys. I didn't understand if a girl liked me why she gave these guys any attention.

That was a massive mistake.

By even acknowledging them you are giving them power, status and value while reducing your own.

If you start competing with these ****s for her attention you are in trouble. Big trouble. There is nothing a woman loves more than having two guys fighting over her.

Eventually I learned.

You must ignore these shmucks. Ignore em completely. They are nothing.

If your girl brings em up in a positive way say "cool." If she is sympathetic or feeling sorry for his poor bruised heart say "poor guy, maybe I should take him out and get him laid." if she brings him up in a negative way listen to her b#tch, don't make any negative comments and then once she has gotten his AFCness off her chest change the subject to something fun or do something fun. ( saying "poor bastard, I should take him out and get him laid," works in this situation as well).

If you just ignore him she will come to DESPISE him. Let her deal with his ****.

As long as you are being the man and making her happy she will take your side and any bull**** he throws at you to undermine you and your girl will enrage her.

As for your situation you did the wrong thing by talking about it. You gotta bust a move. Take control. Make her your woman.

It seems she dumped him for you. She will be feeling guilty for that. She's not gonna admit that. In fact its up to you to make her feel better by taking responsibility for your relationship going physical.

So in summary.

Ignore him.
Take her.

JJ

p.s. If there is a guy on the scene, you ignore him and your girl keeps pandering to his **** dump her and tell her why. NO ULTIMATUMS (ulimatums are the acts of the powerless).

"I dumped you coz there is a guy on the scene trying to undermine our relationship. You didn't back me up. Thats not good enough. bye bye." If she wants to be with you he's gone. If she doesn't come crawling back then you've saved yourself a world of pain.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Wow... those are some serious quality posts there guys, I really appreciate you guys taking the time to type all that. I'm also glad that you guys all seem to agree, and I must admit that what you're saying, especially about not over-intellectualizing the situation and just GOING for it now that I know she's at least somewhat interested... all that stuff seems spot-on to me.

Now the one thing I would disagree with Jay Jay about is making a mistake by talking about it. I usually never try to verbalize these things with a girl, believe me... I do have a good amount of experience in my life. But the reason that I felt I had no resort other than to talk about it is because we were already "friends" and hanging out a lot. So just asking her to go somewhere, just her and I, wouldn't have worked at all because she already has been doing that. And just making a move on her in the middle of one of the times we've hung out would have just been awkward because I wasn't even fully sure about the situation with her and her now-ex. I decided the best thing to do was just mention it in a calmly aggressive way, and it seemed to do the trick.

@Victory Unlimited: No worries dude, number one, he's the depressed type, not the violent type... I definitely know this for a fact. He's kind of wimpy. And not in the creepy-secret-gun-toting way.

Anyways... I got a LOT out of the replies in this thread. Thanks again and I will update the situation after I see her tomorrow.

Cheers!