She's single, but says she's too busy to date.

[VladPatton]

Isn't the whole point of this forum to learn how to date women who aren't initially interested in you?

Why even learn this stuff if you are going to give up the second a woman doesn't immediately fall in love with you?

You can get pissed at these responses all you want. Tell you what; go out and prove us wrong. Shower her with flowers, pursue her hard, and don't take no for an answer, and then come back and tell us how you did, and shame us all for giving you bad advice. Experiment. You don't have to believe us. Hey, we can all be chumps! The only way to figure it out is by watching a few romantic flicks like Hitch or Sex and The City, and really going for it, buckaroo!

Good luck and tell us how you do.

 

[Anargyros]

I don't believe in the anti-dump's formula "you don't build a relationship, you buy one".

Everyone here seems to think that a non interested girl is like a cancer stage 4, there's just nothing you can do and you should resignate

I'm not one of the experienced guys, but I've been reading this forum for a while and it's definitely not the place where you'd look for a "what to do if she shows no interest" because everyone will tell you to NEXT her.

I don't think anyone could say you have absolutely no chance with her. I don't think anyone knows what women wants, but experienced guys have an idea of what works and what doesn't. (Being too clingy / show too much interest is a way of pushing her away - but it works for SOME beta chumps so nothing is absolute).

From a rational perspective, it's not good decision making if you invest in something that you know you'll hardly make any profit from. So what everyone is telling you is rational. Except some guys have feelings, something that many people here fail to understand.

The good news is that if you asked how you amplify your 2% of chances to get her to 20%, I think the process would be pretty much the same as forgetting about her. Stop giving her attention, WORK ON YOURSELF, build some muscle, make yourself more interesting, dress better, be mysterious... maybe somewhere deep in you you'll be doing it for the girl. Everyone here will say do it for yourself, and it would be ideal - however, I think it's fine if you start working on YOURSELF for HER. Use her as a source of motivation. Call it inspiration.

That way, you'll improve your chances with her (it's HARD though) AND on the right track to forget her in case you don't make it.

BUT you should be looking forward other girls too. Making her the only one (oneitis) is a deadly mistake and if you go down that way of feeling you'll not only kill your chances but also damage yourself.

 

[GS750]

Good post Anargyros. It is possible for you to increase her interest. Do the opposite of everything you've been doing or what you're inclined to do. Maybe then, and only then, will you possibly increase her interest. But part of that equation is going out and pursuing other girls and forgetting about her for a while. First things first; delete her number from your phone. Don't call, text, email, FB, tweet, snapchat, instagram, smoke signal...nothing. She's off to you, so you are off to her. That's step 1.

 

[jimmy18]

OP, you don't have to fvck every girl, nor should you want to; that's just your ego talking.

If she doesn’t feel attraction, there’s nothing you can do about it.
If she does feel attraction, there’s nothing she can do about it.

If the girl is into you, you can pretty much say whatever you want as long as you don't threaten her or in any way insinuate that she's a wh*re. If she isn't into you, then there's nothing you can say to change her mind anyway, so move on.

A woman is not a project!

 

[The411]

I'm starting to get close to a girl I met in a college dance class.

1) Ok. So you've already met her/ know her.

She knows that I'm interested in her, and I may have come on a bit too strong at the start.

2) So she already knows you're interested in her.

This girl always maintains a packed schedule and just says she doesn't have time for a boyfriend or to date. I don't think she's feeding me a line simply because if she wanted a boyfriend she'd have one, no question.

3) She tells you she always maintains a packed schedule and just doesn't have time for a boyfriend or to date. And you just said you believe her because if she wanted one she could have one no question.

Does it HAVE to be you she chooses?

I've been trying to get her to go out dancing with me, but she's always had something come up. We went out one time but that was a while ago and we arrived separately and she brought friends.

4) You've asked her out dancing a few times, she declined or didn't answer and the ONE time you met her out a while ago she brought her friends with her.

The most recent time I tried to invite her to go dancing I sent her a text if she was going to go that night and she ignored it.

5) She ignored your invitation again. So that's what? At least three times you've asked her now? After she knows you're interested like you've said and as you previously stated you've been trying to get her out and she hasn't responded or shown up but ONE time she did was with her friends.

Thinking that she was a lost cause I sent her another text on Tuesday asking when she's going to get lunch on campus. By 12 I still hadn't received a reply so I ate lunch. On my way to my 12:30 class, I got a text from her "Now!" So she's not ignoring me, and was open to meeting up on campus.

6) She responds "Now" after you ate, but was open to meeting up on campus. Did you meet her? Or did something "come up" on her end?

She has said that she's open to hanging out with me.

7) Saying it and doing it are two different things. So far she's all saying, ignoring, no doing. What's that like four times?

Wednesday I danced and had fun with her as normal. When class was over I was looking forward to the 10 minute or so walk to the parking garage where we then split up but before I could get to her, another guy approached her and they started talking. She grabs her backpack from the floor, turns around to look at me, and then she walks out with him. I follow them till my exit and from what I hear it's almost sounds like she was telling him directions to some place.

I have a feeling that she's chosen him over me, but I could just be overreacting.

So this girl who you believe is not looking to date, or have a boyfriend is too busy but you have a "feeling" she may be choosing some other dude. Why have that "feeling" if you "believe" her telling you she's not looking to date or have a boyfriend? Could it be because she's just doing talking and no progress to your desired goal by not showing up four or more times, but ONE time with her friends? As in her actions may be speaking louder than her WORDS?

I'm not sure how I should proceed with this girl.

You say you're inexperienced with girls. Do you keep asking friends to come out places and they don't show up and you keep on asking them and don't take the hint? You don't need experience with chicks to get a clue when someone either doesn't want to go, doesn't want to go with you, or has better things to do. You don't keep asking them anymore.

Keep things friendly and cool. Never let them see you sweat. Don't chase this chick and become her girlfriend or lapdog.

You've asked her out enough times already. She knows you're interested like you've said. You are doing the asking. She is just talking. You are providing her with "I feel pretty and wanted attention". She is providing you with talking and no shows.

Have some self respect. If she comes around. Don't ask her out again. Let HER come to you and ask YOU to go out. You've already asked enough. The ball is in her court since she knows you're interested. Let her decide. In the meantime don't wait around like a lost puppy. Move on. Whether she decides to date someone else or stay on her own.

 

[Dadude548]

Nope. The whole point of this forum is to learn how to not waste time on girls who aren't initially interested in you.

Go to the top of this forum and click the New DJ Bible. Follow the link to the bible. Scroll to the bottom and read the Anti-Dump series of posts.

Dadude, what we preach here is not tricking girls into being interested in you, but rather developing yourself into the type of man who women will be naturally interested in. Once you've achieved that, you'll stop trying to qualify yourself to women. Instead, you will be so confident that you will be looking to see if women qualify for you. And you will look back on this post of yours and shudder at how many times you texted this girl who wasn't interested in you (thus driving her further away). And you will shake your head and laugh, if not cringe, and maybe not even recognize your old self.

I hope you stick around long enough to see through that transportation.

Unfortunately what you say sounds like a fantasy. Yes I would love to be that guy that women go after. But it looks very far away.

I'm slowly improving myself, though I don't know how much longer and how much more I have to do until I become the man I want to be, and that woman want to be with.

I've been single a long time, and it really sucks to see yet another cool girl slip through my fingers.

 

[Dadude548]

I don't believe in the anti-dump's formula "you don't build a relationship, you buy one".

Everyone here seems to think that a non interested girl is like a cancer stage 4, there's just nothing you can do and you should resignate

I'm not one of the experienced guys, but I've been reading this forum for a while and it's definitely not the place where you'd look for a "what to do if she shows no interest" because everyone will tell you to NEXT her.

I don't think anyone could say you have absolutely no chance with her. I don't think anyone knows what women wants, but experienced guys have an idea of what works and what doesn't. (Being too clingy / show too much interest is a way of pushing her away - but it works for SOME beta chumps so nothing is absolute).

From a rational perspective, it's not good decision making if you invest in something that you know you'll hardly make any profit from. So what everyone is telling you is rational. Except some guys have feelings, something that many people here fail to understand.

The good news is that if you asked how you amplify your 2% of chances to get her to 20%, I think the process would be pretty much the same as forgetting about her. Stop giving her attention, WORK ON YOURSELF, build some muscle, make yourself more interesting, dress better, be mysterious... maybe somewhere deep in you you'll be doing it for the girl. Everyone here will say do it for yourself, and it would be ideal - however, I think it's fine if you start working on YOURSELF for HER. Use her as a source of motivation. Call it inspiration.

That way, you'll improve your chances with her (it's HARD though) AND on the right track to forget her in case you don't make it.

BUT you should be looking forward other girls too. Making her the only one (oneitis) is a deadly mistake and if you go down that way of feeling you'll not only kill your chances but also damage yourself.

Good post Anargyros. It is possible for you to increase her interest. Do the opposite of everything you've been doing or what you're inclined to do. Maybe then, and only then, will you possibly increase her interest. But part of that equation is going out and pursuing other girls and forgetting about her for a while. First things first; delete her number from your phone. Don't call, text, email, FB, tweet, snapchat, instagram, smoke signal...nothing. She's off to you, so you are off to her. That's step 1.

What's funny is that with her I am pretty much doing the opposite of everything I normally do. This is the first time I've let a woman know I'm interested in her so soon after meeting her. Usually I stay the friend for months hiding my feelings till they all explode out of me and she runs for the hills. For her, I've been going out of my way to show interest because most of the time women simply don't have a clue since I'm very subtle. Though I wonder if I've gone a little too far with her.

Still it's frustrating that the most common response to this thread has been telling me to give up. If I did that with every girl I ever liked, I would simply be alone forever.

BTW, I am pursuing other girls. Oddly enough when she didn't reply to my text on time I ended up having lunch with a new girl I just met in a different dance class. I just kind of stumbled into that and we made plans to go out dancing on Monday. I don't know if those plans are solid and I'm going to have to text her soon to see if she's still interested. There is also another girl I'm talking to but I don't know if I can get close to her. I'm going to try and get her number on Monday.

 

[Anargyros]

BTW, I am pursuing other girls. Oddly enough when she didn't reply to my text on time I ended up having lunch with a new girl I just met in a different dance class. I just kind of stumbled into that and we made plans to go out dancing on Monday. I don't know if those plans are solid and I'm going to have to text her soon to see if she's still interested. There is also another girl I'm talking to but I don't know if I can get close to her. I'm going to try and get her number on Monday.

This is golden. You don't want to end up on your bed depressed over one girl.

I think the secret key lies between showing TOO MUCH interest and showing NO interest at all. Many experienced guys would go for showing little to no interest, but they've got game, looks, maybe money... and we should accept that we aren't ultimate alpha males. I think that showing interest right away is a much better plan than getting into the friend zone with hopes of her suddenly realizing she loves you (this is really beta - I've learned the hard way). But you may be showing too much interest. There's a side of ourselves that say "If she knows how truly and immensely interested I am, then she will give me a chance"... well, sadly it doesn't seem to work that way.
I think that if you don't want to give up, you should work on making yourself more attractive. A possible attractive trait would be to show her that you're willing to walk away like a man if she rejects you (which she is doing). My suggestion (again, I'm not one of the experienced ones) is to "act" as if you were getting over her, working on yourself, dating other chicks. You played the game and lost. Want to play again?. Gain some XP first. The alpha thing to do is to forget this girl. The beta is to insist and show her clinginess and desperation, buying her flowers and writing her a love letter. Do something in between, get some distance, play aloof, but instead of giving up completely - remind her of your existence now and then. And by "now and then" I mean weeks, months. She is not giving you a clean NO which makes me think she is an attention digger - so be careful. If you disappear, there's a chance that she'll write to you just because she needs her attention fix. Play it cool, don't make the mistake of showing a massive amount of interest just because she sent a message saying "hey, what's up?"...

However, if you gonna do this but secretly thinking of her all the time, I tell you this even being the proud-to-have-beta-traits I am: forget about her. It's NOT worth it if it'll make you suffer. You're playing with fire here

I think the "she is interested or she is not" mentality is stupid. But if there's an art of seducing a non-interested girl out there, seems to be unknown for most of us.

 

[jimmy18]

I think that if you don't want to give up, you should work on making yourself more attractive. A possible attractive trait would be to show her that you're willing to walk away like a man if she rejects you (which she is doing). My suggestion (again, I'm not one of the experienced ones) is to "act" as if you were getting over her, working on yourself, dating other chicks. You played the game and lost. Want to play again?. Gain some XP first. The alpha thing to do is to forget this girl. The beta is to insist and show her clinginess and desperation, buying her flowers and writing her a love letter. Do something in between, get some distance, play aloof, but instead of giving up completely - remind her of your existence now and then. And by "now and then" I mean weeks, months. She is not giving you a clean NO which makes me think she is an attention digger - so be careful. If you disappear, there's a chance that she'll write to you just because she needs her attention fix. Play it cool, don't make the mistake of showing a massive amount of interest just because she sent a message saying "hey, what's up?"...

That sounds like a good plan in theory, but unfortunately women aren't logical.

They run on emotions, and alas the OP did not stir any emotions in this particular girl, who accordingly has zero interest (but likes the attention) as evidenced by her text non-response and saying "she doesn't have time for a boyfriend or to date".

Hence, the OP should walk away (permanently).

Some guys have to learn the hard way though...

 

[Poop1337]

Read game material. Make approaches. Get some plates spinning. And stop having oneitus or caring why or if this girl is rejecting you. If it were me I'd either ask her out again or forget her no thought or care beyond that.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

Nope. The whole point of this forum is to learn how to not waste time on girls who aren't initially interested in you.

I don't think that's the whole point, just part of it. The real, root problem this forum attempts to solve is how to get better women more frequently. Weeding out low-interest girls is part of that, and making yourself more interesting in the first place is another one. I place more importance on the second one, personally, because the more interesting you are, the less weeding out you have to do in the first place; but even those with the best game will sometimes (no, often) find women whose interest is low and will always remain low, so the weeding out is important too.

Although, I will admit that a man who implements Anti-Dump's ideals becomes more attractive by virtue of having a prize and abundance mentality. Internalising the you-are-the-prize mentality is probably the very first inner game concept the budding DJ or PUA should learn, along with the abundance mindset.